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Amoeba
10-05-2010, 10:00 AM
Asalam alaykum,

As a new muslim revert (or convert if you want to be technical) I am now finding a lot of things I do wrong that I used to take for granted and now suddenly I'm learning that they're wrong.

There's some things that I kinda knew already were wrong, but I didn't think they were that big a deal. Take alcohol for example, half a bottle of wine every few months, no biggie right? But at the same time I don't really miss it either and I did find it awfully dehydrating and somewhat self-degrading, so it was easy to quit.

Swearing, another thing that I did on rare occasions, felt bad for and did not miss. Easy to let go of.

These were small minor things in my life that didn't make much of a difference when I stipped doing them, because I didn't do them much anyway.

Wasting food is harder, I just need to convince my grandma to stop buying so much. I don't eat a lot either, which makes it a bit tricky because stuff goes off before I get around to eating it, and I find myself over-eating to try to finish it all. I can't find anyone else who wants it either.

However, there were things I did/do a lot that I have learned to be wrong (that I may have had an inkling were wrong anyway but did not provoke a conscious response) that were/are very big parts of my life. Some without me even realizing it.

1) Interaction with non-mahram males. I considered them my brothers, sure, in a figurative sense. Definitely non-romantic, at least from my perspective. I obviously can't say for sure what they were thinking but I don't think it was anything romantic or sexual. One of my weekly classes involves physical contact. The teacher does a good job of keeping contact limited and if possible pairing males with males and females with females. But most times there are more males there so occasionally I get paired with a male. There was one occasion where I got paired with this one particular guy and I have no idea what happened but I just didn't want to work with him. No offence intended to the guy but working with him made me feel creeped out. If I ask if I can be paired with females only I don't think there would be much of a problem, but would the lack of mahram males and the presence of non-mahram males make it impermissible for me to attend? We are all told to wear loose clothes so there is no requirement for me or anyone else to be dressed inappropriately, but I'm not sure if that makes it okay.

2) Drawing animals. I know I have posted about this before, but it's getting the better of me now, I really liked drawing animals. I was doing okay for a while, but now I'm finding myself with all these ideas and having to suppress them and it's really difficult for me to not express these ideas on paper when I have any access to them. Alhamdulilah I haven't given in yet (except in a dream, not real life). I'm not asking for any advice here, actually I'm just having a whinge about it, because it's eating away at me.

3) There is a third very bad thing, but I won't directly say what it is. It does take up a portion of my life and I think it's the hardest thing to quit. No it's not cigarettes. I'm not sure how anybody can help with this but if you think you have any general advice I'd like to try it.
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Amoeba
10-06-2010, 07:05 AM
Originally Posted by Amoeba
1) Interaction with non-mahram males. I considered them my brothers, sure, in a figurative sense. Definitely non-romantic, at least from my perspective. I obviously can't say for sure what they were thinking but I don't think it was anything romantic or sexual. One of my weekly classes involves physical contact. The teacher does a good job of keeping contact limited and if possible pairing males with males and females with females. But most times there are more males there so occasionally I get paired with a male. There was one occasion where I got paired with this one particular guy and I have no idea what happened but I just didn't want to work with him. No offence intended to the guy but working with him made me feel creeped out. If I ask if I can be paired with females only I don't think there would be much of a problem, but would the lack of mahram males and the presence of non-mahram males make it impermissible for me to attend? We are all told to wear loose clothes so there is no requirement for me or anyone else to be dressed inappropriately, but I'm not sure if that makes it okay.
An answer to this one would be especially appreciated soon because my next tai chi class is this Saturday and the teacher is going on about me having the potential for competition... But I need to know if it's permissible for me to train and compete with non-mahram males if there are no free females present, and if there are non-mahram males present even when I am training with females.

Additional info: I have done a lot of searching and there are no women's only tai chi classes within reach that are affordable for me, and no women teachers for that matter. Tai chi is also the only martial art (teacher likes to focus on self-defence side of tai chi) that I have been able to grow accustomed to. I've tried others but was never able to settle in.
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-06-2010, 01:23 PM
inshallah, i'll reply in full later, but couldn't you get a male relative (eg brother) to join and be your partner?
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Amoeba
10-06-2010, 03:00 PM
I would have done that except I don't have any adult male blood or legal relatives in this city, only child male relatives. The rest all live either the other side of the Earth in Australia or they live two hours away in Aberdeen. Good suggestion though, thanks.

Got an email back, instructor has no problems with me training with females only.
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Yanal
10-07-2010, 03:43 AM
Asalam alaykum,
:wa:

As a new muslim revert (or convert if you want to be technical) I am now finding a lot of things I do wrong that I used to take for granted and now suddenly I'm learning that they're wrong.
Praise be to Allaah for guiding you to Islam. May Allaah continue to guide you and ease your path along the way with the obstacles you face,ameen.
There's some things that I kinda knew already were wrong, but I didn't think they were that big a deal. Take alcohol for example, half a bottle of wine every few months, no biggie right? But at the same time I don't really miss it either and I did find it awfully dehydrating and somewhat self-degrading, so it was easy to quit.
Alhumdulilah.
Swearing, another thing that I did on rare occasions, felt bad for and did not miss. Easy to let go of.
Alhumdulilah.
These were small minor things in my life that didn't make much of a difference when I stipped doing them, because I didn't do them much anyway.
Every small sin counts against us so thank Allaah that you have stopped and repent, insha'Allaah you will be forgiven.

Wasting food is harder, I just need to convince my grandma to stop buying so much. I don't eat a lot either, which makes it a bit tricky because stuff goes off before I get around to eating it, and I find myself over-eating to try to finish it all. I can't find anyone else who wants it either.
You can just come out and tell your grandmother what and why she shouldn't buy too much food,insha'Allaah she will understand.

However, there were things I did/do a lot that I have learned to be wrong (that I may have had an inkling were wrong anyway but did not provoke a conscious response) that were/are very big parts of my life. Some without me even realizing it.
Once again,alhumdulilah,thank Allaah that you are realizing the mistakes that you did.

1) Interaction with non-mahram males. I considered them my brothers, sure, in a figurative sense. Definitely non-romantic, at least from my perspective. I obviously can't say for sure what they were thinking but I don't think it was anything romantic or sexual. One of my weekly classes involves physical contact. The teacher does a good job of keeping contact limited and if possible pairing males with males and females with females. But most times there are more males there so occasionally I get paired with a male. There was one occasion where I got paired with this one particular guy and I have no idea what happened but I just didn't want to work with him. No offence intended to the guy but working with him made me feel creeped out. If I ask if I can be paired with females only I don't think there would be much of a problem, but would the lack of mahram males and the presence of non-mahram males make it impermissible for me to attend? We are all told to wear loose clothes so there is no requirement for me or anyone else to be dressed inappropriately, but I'm not sure if that makes it okay.
Check this out,insha'Allaah: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...D=13571&CATE=1


2) Drawing animals. I know I have posted about this before, but it's getting the better of me now, I really liked drawing animals. I was doing okay for a while, but now I'm finding myself with all these ideas and having to suppress them and it's really difficult for me to not express these ideas on paper when I have any access to them. Alhamdulilah I haven't given in yet (except in a dream, not real life). I'm not asking for any advice here, actually I'm just having a whinge about it, because it's eating away at me.
Insha'Allaah check this out: http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/39806/drawing

3) There is a third very bad thing, but I won't directly say what it is. It does take up a portion of my life and I think it's the hardest thing to quit. No it's not cigarettes. I'm not sure how anybody can help with this but if you think you have any general advice I'd like to try it.
I won't try to guess if you do not wish to tell but I won't be able to help you on this unfortunately. May Allaah ease your path and forgive us all Muslims for our sins and grant us Heaven on the Day of Judgement,ameen,

:wa:
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Ummu Sufyaan
10-07-2010, 05:30 AM
wa alaykum us-Salaam
a sister once here mentioned that she had to give up her art and took up photography instead and found that she was better at a photography and found it to be more enjoyable.

here's her post: http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...t1161027...the whole thread maybe beneficial to you aswell =)

Sometimes we never really know that we enjoy or are good at something until we have experienced it so we just need to let ourselves think outside the square and explore other things.

There is a third very bad thing, but I won't directly say what it is. It does take up a portion of my life and I think it's the hardest thing to quit. No it's not cigarettes. I'm not sure how anybody can help with this but if you think you have any general advice I'd like to try it.
You have to implement/let go of something according to your level of capability. you know yourself and weaknesses and strengths and you have to go by that.

Of course if it is haram, then you should quit it cold turkey. the best way to do this, is not concentrate on actually giving up that thing primarily, but increase your love for Allah and get closer to Him and this doesn't require much effort at all.

There are a few ways you can get closer to Allah such as getting yourself informed about paradise (this will make you love it and thus strive for it) and hell (this will make you despise it and strive away from it).

When you read about paradise, etc don't just skim over the words, really contemplate over it and what it is. Allow your very pores to feel it and your very eyes to see it. Read as if it is right in front of you.

Once you increase your knowledge/faith in the above 2, then you find that you naturally incline towards giving up that bad thing or implementing that good deed. The more you love Allah, the more you love what Allah loves as well.

As people who struggle with our iman, sometimes it’s just a matter of getting back in touch with that the faith side of things, as opposed to merely trying to give up that forbidden thing....i feel this is the foundation of all things ---> what’s in our hearts, and our actions are just the fruit of whatever is in our heart...so yes, trying to refine and rectify our faith is really all we need.

You don’t see a fruit tree or plant growing healthy unless it is planted well and given the right nutrients...once that happens it will bear fruits.
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