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anonymous
10-09-2010, 07:56 PM
Salam alaikum

I'll try to keep this simple.

I've been married for a few years but my husband does not live with me and our child nor does he support us.

He has been abusive in this time, he has lied to me and he has asked for money from me. We are not of the same nationality.

For almost 2 years I have been trying to obtain an Islamic divorce without any success. The civil divorce is starting to gather momentum though. My husband refuses to divorce me and does not cooperate with anyone who tries to help me.

I live in an area hostile to Islam, I have no money, my career can not take off here because of hijab and I am struggling to accept my situation as a lone parent. I have no muslim contacts here.

I feel angry that my religion has me in this predicament where I cannot be freed without the consent of this husband.

So as I see things now I will either be tempted into zina or kufr. It has become intolerable to be expected to live like this alone and without support of any kind.

What on earth do I do now? Will a legal divorce suffice?
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Snowflake
10-09-2010, 09:56 PM
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu Sister,



Please remember that Allah does not burden any soul but to its capacity. (Verse 2:286)

Islam does give you permission to seek divorce by means of khula. This is when a woman asks the husband to divorce her in return for payment. That can be the mahr he gave you, or something else you wish to offer him. If he agrees then he must pronounce divorce. If he isn’t willing to divorce you then you may take the matter to the shariah council.

http://www.islamic-sharia.org/divorce-khula/


You can move out of the area you are living in. There are several way to go about this.
a) Go on the council housing list
b) Apply with private housing association
c) Find private accommodation in area of your choice
d) Live temporarily with relative/friends until above needs are met
e) Move to mother & baby hostel who will find accommodation for you

However, if there is any chance of a reconciliation provided your husband is willing to listen to the advice of a knowledgeable person then please use that opportunity to save your marriage.You shouldn’t convince yourself that these circumstances will lead you to committing zina/kufr. The shaytaan loves making the mind weak with fanciful thoughts and excuses to go with it. Observe salah and make as much dikhr as possible. Please read the Quran with translation sis. Fulfil the obligations Allah set for His servants and no doubt Allah will help you.


(And to Allah (alone) all who are in the heavens and the earth fall in prostration, willingly or unwillingly, and so do their shadows in the mornings and in the afternoons.) (13:15)












~ Allah the All-Mighty has said:

فَاذْكُرُونِي أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُوا لِي وَلَا تَكْفُرُونِ". البقرة

"Therefore remember Me. I will remember you. Be grateful to Me and never show Me ingratitude" - Al-Baqarah 2:152



~ and....

وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتِ أَعَدَّ اللهُ لَهُمْ مَغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا". الأحزاب

"And the men and women who remember Allah frequently, Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and great reward." - Al-Ahzab 33:35



~ Allah said:

وَاذْكُرْ رَبَّكَ فِي نَفْسِكَ تَضَرُّعًا وَخِيفَةً وَدُونَ الْجَهْرِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ بِالْغُدُوِّ وَالْآصَالِ وَلَا تَكُنْ مِنَ الْغَافِلِينَ". الأعراف

"And remember your Lord by your tongue and within yourself, humbly and in awe, without loudness, by words in the morning and in the afternoon, and be not among those who are neglectful." - Al-Araf 7:205



~ Allah subhana wa ta 'ala says in Hadith Qudsi:- I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed. (It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).





Remember death often. It reminds us of the purpose of life and helps put problems into perspective.

Allah subhana wa ta a'ala says: "And I have not created the Jin and man but that they worship Me" Holy Quran 51:57 Worship is not only praying salah, fasting, making Hajj and so on. It means serving Him as His slave by submitting to His will which includes doing good deeds for His pleasure and reward, and avoiding bad ones for His pleasure and fear of His punishments, relying on Him alone and seeking only His help.


Allah's promise is True. Remember Him and He will remember you.


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Ummu Sufyaan
10-10-2010, 01:07 AM
I feel angry that my religion has me in this predicament where I cannot be freed without the consent of this husband.
well hold on a minute

your husband who has some degree of responsibility for this situation
your environment which is hostile to Muslims
no-one helping you to get an Islamic divorce

For your information for some of the things you have mentioned, khula is permitted

If he deprives of her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things, then she has the right to ask for khula’.
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/1859/khula

the only thing that you should be angry at for putting your through this predicament are all the above, not Islam. Islam has given you your rights.

go and find yourself a decent scholar.
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anonymous
10-10-2010, 08:39 AM
Thank you for replies, AmaturRahman your post was so encouraging regarding my imaan.

I know about khula. It still requires a signature from the husband which he won't provide. It also requires a large fee which I can't afford.

So I'm trapped. My husband knows it and he is happy to make me suffer.
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Snowflake
10-10-2010, 10:10 AM
Originally Posted by anonymous
Thank you for replies, AmaturRahman your post was so encouraging regarding my imaan.

I know about khula. It still requires a signature from the husband which he won't provide. It also requires a large fee which I can't afford.

So I'm trapped. My husband knows it and he is happy to make me suffer.
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu


Alhamdulillah sis. I agree it isn't fair that the woman has to pay to seek divorce through islamic courts. If you wait until Monday, inshaAllah I will call someone for advice on your behalf.









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Snowflake
10-11-2010, 08:24 PM
Assalamu alaykum Sis,

Please write to this address giving details of your situation, your husband's name and contact details. If you prefer to speak to someone on the phone, the best time to call would be 11am. Let me know how you get on inshaAllah.


Darul Uloom
Islamic High School & College
521-527 Coventry Road
Small Heath
Birmingham
West Midlands
B10 0LL


Tel: (0121) 772 6408










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anonymous
10-11-2010, 10:09 PM
Jazakallah khayran sister, thank you so much
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Snowflake
10-11-2010, 10:48 PM
Wa iyyaki. Any time inshaAllah sis. May Allah remove your difficulties and set your affairs in order. Ameen :)









"Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has faith, truly, to him will we give a new life, a life that is good and pure, and we will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions." Surah 16:97 al Nahl (The Bees).


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