JzkAllah for your replies.
format_quote Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyan
-that girl that is bugging you, just ignore her. seriously, just literally ignore her. you have done what you need to do, now just ignore her. as-long as you keep giving her indications that you are interested, she is going to keep coming back. so just completely ignore. if you aren't giving indications, then what she is doing is bordering on stalking :hmm:
do you grow a beard? well, if you dont, do that as-well. im sure it will scare her off and if it doesn't, then she's insane.
I've started growing my beard recently. Alhumdililah.
I am going to take your advice and completely ignore her inshAllah.
But I just don't get how telling her to stop talking to me, and that I don't want anything to do with her (and she keeps following along) is giving her any indications. I've been so blunt about it.
format_quote Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyan
-marriage...if you can provide for her, you are old enough and mature enough for marriage, get married.
as long as she isnt in danger in anyway or your circumstances aren't going to affect her in anyway, go for it. but i must emphasize, if it leaves her in any dangers, then yes, you should think twice or at-least pray istikhara.
To be honest, I am thinking twice and your advice backs up why.
No one deserves to be brought into something like this, at all. I have to face it alone, at least for now and it's very scary for me. But I couldn't expect anyone to come into my life at this time, it'd be selfish for me, regardless of how ready I am in other ways.
I feel like I would be endangering her, by her being connected to me if that person I mentioned does show up. I'm also scared that this person who is bordering stalking me will cause problems between me and my wife. It would bring a lot of questions about my past to her mind, and she may assume I did something to attract this girl, or that I've done anything with her.
I'm really feeling as though my life is such a mess right now, and I've lost a lot of potential for a family in the future. :( I'll need to be honest that I've been through this time, I'm scared someone would judge me or reassess how good I'd be as the head of a family.
This has been whirling in my head all day. Argh!
Alhumdililah. I know it's all a test.
I'm just scared I'm either failing or need real help.
format_quote Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyan
-you know those tears that you speak of that you cant control and just pour without you realizing and for no app rent reason?-thats the time and the best key to make dua. so utilize it and pray from the bottom of your heart for Allah to help you. by Allah, when all doors are closed, know that there is always one opened. always.
JzkAllah for your lovely advice.
format_quote Originally Posted by muhaba
contact the police regarding this person as stalking can get dangerous. if she's harmless, hopefully a warning from police will stop her. Stop worrying about your character being defamed. if you haven't done anything wrong or don't want to do anything wrong, then Allah will protect you from that. Also, read Ayatulkursi at least 3 times morning and and evening to protect yourself from hard.
JzkAllah.
I needed to hear someone else to tell me to go to the police. I was scared they would think I'm going crazy. I know some workmates would vouch for me when I say she's always hanging around too.
format_quote Originally Posted by muhaba
you shouldn't be living alone. maybe if you could live close to other family members or even muslim brothers, you wouldn't be so scared. fear is our worst enemy and is the cause of your anxiety and you need to figure out how to fix the situation. Once you feel safe, you will no longer get these sort of breakdowns.
I'm not living alone normally. I'm living with my family.
My parents are not here at the moment, though (they go away a lot) and this was the worst possible time for this.
The other family member and I are the only ones home.
I know I need to find somewhere I feel safe inshAllah. Right now its not at home too.
format_quote Originally Posted by pearl
Im just thinking, maybe...marriage will give you that emotional stability that you need and fulfil you in other ways. I dont know, but I dont think your problems are something you can prioritise in terms of trying to resolve them. We just dont have that sort of control over the problems that we face. However, we do have control over how we deal with these problems and really that is where our deen can take these problems away from us. Allah swt will take care of us if we take care in fulfilling our duty towards him, wholeheartedly. So, if an opportunity for marriage does arise I dont think you should completely put it off because of the problems you are facing.
JzkAllah for your advice.
I now think I should have left the marriage part out of my post. There are bigger problems right now and as I said before, no one deserves to be pulled into a situation of vulnerability with someone who can't even keep their head together and emotions at bay. I'm just worried for how long this will continue. I can't stay single forever. InshAllah this is something that can come later. I need to figure the rest of my life out first, and find myself in safety, and feeling at ease.
Secondly, if you dont feel safe where you are currently living, is there no possibility to move?
I generally do feel safe. At the moment, though, I don't.
I want to run away, but there's a lot of commitment and family things here.
I mentioned an elderly relative. I'm taking care of a sibling as well at the moment.
I'd have to find a new job, even though I love my current one.
It's something to think about, though. As it really could help me emotionally, and with safety.