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jimbo123
10-30-2010, 09:49 AM
When you have a marriage interview with a prospective spouse, what kind of questions would you ask him or her to find out about their religion? The only thing I can think of is "Do you pray 5 times a day?". Of course Salaat is important so this is a no-brainer.

I want to marry someone who follows the Islam code as much as possible - so no dealing with Riba, dress modestly, keep intimate relations with spouse, seek knowledge etc. Basically somebody religious who can help me stay religious and inshallah go to heaven.

At the same time I want us to enjoy life within the boundaries of Islam. Picnics, BBQs, swimming together, travelling the world etc.

Back to the main theme of this topic. What kind of questions would you ask a prospective marriage partner to find out about their religion?
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CosmicPathos
10-30-2010, 11:15 AM
I think those are important questions.

Also keep in mind that people who do all of the above might still be quite shallow and not humble and arrogant aka the religion has not penetrated their throats. Such people have shallow and immature worldviews etc. So what I am trying to say is that you should ask religious questions as well as those which will elicit responses highlighting the thought process, ideas, worldviews, mindset of the person you want to marry.
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Woodrow
10-30-2010, 11:21 AM
:sl:

These are almost impossible to find answers to, by asking the person questions. As the unpious and dishonest will also answer with the answers you desire to hear.

Observation and opinion of those near her are the better choice. Find out how those close to her find her to be and try to find what type of people she has friendships with. Better yet find out what type of people dislike her. A pious person is not loved by all and will be hated by the evil doers. If she is loved by all people she may be weak, if she is loved by the good and hated by the evil, you have found a very pious choice.
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CosmicPathos
10-30-2010, 11:48 AM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
:sl:

These are almost impossible to find answers to, by asking the person questions. As the unpious and dishonest will also answer with the answers you desire to hear.

Observation and opinion of those near her are the better choice. Find out how those close to her find her to be and try to find what type of people she has friendships with. Better yet find out what type of people dislike her. A pious person is not loved by all and will be hated by the evil doers. If she is loved by all people she may be weak, if she is loved by the good and hated by the evil, you have found a very pious choice.
wsalam,

very precious advice. I forgot that part. I'd certainly make sure that I try to ask the friends, co-workers etc about the person I want to marry. What's hard is though that people find it weird if you ask them questions about some third person. So you have to find a way to subtly ask these questions and give it some time .... inshAllah khayr.
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jimbo123
10-30-2010, 12:03 PM
I would definitely try to find out from people that know her if I get the chance. But there must be some benefits of meeting the woman in question other than finding out whether you'll be attracted to each other.
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Woodrow
10-30-2010, 12:33 PM
Originally Posted by jimbo123
I would definitely try to find out from people that know her if I get the chance. But there must be some benefits of meeting the woman in question other than finding out whether you'll be attracted to each other.
Yes there are benefits but the reality is you will most likely only find if there is Mutual Attraction. Once that is established do the fine tuning at later halal meetings and be a conversationalist, not a questioner. Speak of things you enjoy doing and how you wish to follow your Deen. Listen carefully to her replies and evaluate if they are compatible with what you seek.

For example: "Let me tell you about the wonderful experience I had after Jummah last Friday. A brother gave me a CD with Said Ghamdi Reciting the Noble Qur'an. Driving home I played it and did not want to get out of the car until after it finished. what a great conclusion for Jummah that was."

If she suddenly says "What's a Jummah Bro." run for the door and don't look back.
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CosmicPathos
10-30-2010, 12:38 PM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
Yes there are benefits but the reality is you will most likely only find if there is Mutual Attraction. Once that is established do the fine tuning at later halal meetings and be a conversationalist, not a questioner. Speak of things you enjoy doing and how you wish to follow your Deen. Listen carefully to her replies and evaluate if they are compatible with what you seek.

For example: "Let me tell you about the wonderful experience I had after Jummah last Friday. A brother gave me a CD with Said Ghamdi Reciting the Noble Qur'an. Driving home I played it and did not want to get out of the car until after it finished. what a great conclusion for Jummah that was."

If she suddenly says "What's a Jummah Bro." run for the door and don't look back.
lol (10charac)
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Woodrow
10-30-2010, 12:54 PM
:sl:

Try to keep things in the form of conversation. do not come across as this being like an employment interview. Use stories of things you have recently enjoyed and look for her reactions. Let her feel free to discuss what she likes to do. Limit any questions to what she indicates interest in. You can learn much by letting a person speak freely and listening very closely to what they say.
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jimbo123
10-30-2010, 01:08 PM
Originally Posted by Woodrow
If she suddenly says "What's a Jummah Bro." run for the door and don't look back.
LOL!

Try to keep things in the form of conversation. do not come across as this being like an employment interview. Use stories of things you have recently enjoyed and look for her reactions. Let her feel free to discuss what she likes to do. Limit any questions to what she indicates interest in. You can learn much by letting a person speak freely and listening very closely to what they say.
I went to a surprise marriage interview with my cousin brother (for him) when I was 18. This was in Bangladesh. None of us knew about it until we got there and we were really angry after that.

Anyway, during the interview I did a lot of the talking for him because he was more shy than me! After a while I ran out of things to say and we were both just staring into mid-air. The girls were really polite but I can't really blame them for giggling at us! In the end they didn't marry for geographical reasons but I remember the girl being really impressed when my cousin said that he prays Fajr at the masjid - which he did.
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serena77
10-30-2010, 01:49 PM
Salaam
I'm not muslim.... but i know what your asking i think because ( if i were to revert.... and then IF i were to get married.. I'd want to know what you do... )
parents/family seems so important in Islam... that i would casually ask about them... ( yea my parents are great i love being w/ them and love to help them out when i am able to - good answer ) or..... ( my parents drive me crazy i can't stand to spend time with them and i hate when they ask me to do anything for them or go anywhere w/ them because its such a waste. ) prolly extreme answers on both sides..... but hopefully you will understand what i mean.

you said something about the "fun" things also...
instead of grilling her on hobbies... or vacationing ... ask her what parts of the world has she seen.. what parts did she like if she has. what she'd like to learn if she hasn't.... tell her (example only) that you love to walk on the warm sand at a beach at sunset.... just a thought.... the more relaxed and less interviewish you can sound... the better .... remember... it might help to put some of yourself in what your trying to find out too.

Just some thoughts...
May Allah *swt* bless you on finding whats right for you
Serena
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Cabdullahi
11-03-2010, 01:19 PM
its bloody harder than the hardest job interview in the world...... especially if you are an introvert but want to get married to fulfill have ur deen :(
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Muhaba
11-03-2010, 04:02 PM
Originally Posted by jimbo123
When you have a marriage interview with a prospective spouse, what kind of questions would you ask him or her to find out about their religion? The only thing I can think of is "Do you pray 5 times a day?". Of course Salaat is important so this is a no-brainer.

I want to marry someone who follows the Islam code as much as possible - so no dealing with Riba, dress modestly, keep intimate relations with spouse, seek knowledge etc. Basically somebody religious who can help me stay religious and inshallah go to heaven.

At the same time I want us to enjoy life within the boundaries of Islam. Picnics, BBQs, swimming together, travelling the world etc.

Back to the main theme of this topic. What kind of questions would you ask a prospective marriage partner to find out about their religion?
Just don't ask any wierd questions. I remember once a guy that my old landlady introduced to me asked me what i wanted out of the marriage and i didn't know what to say to that. It seemed like the answer was obvious. Was this a normal marriage interview question? I ended up not marrying him. he was weird and it turned out he only wanted to marry me so i could get him a visa to the United States. Alhamdullillah Allah saved me from him.

in a marriage interview, just be normal. remember that both parties are in the same boat. make a list of what you want to say and then talk about that stuff. Speak your mind. I hate people who can't say what's on their mind. I'm not sure why. maybe they are afraid the person might reject them or something. Do istikhara and then leave the rest to Allah. If it's meant to be, no matter what anyone does, it will happen. if not, then no matter how hard you try, it won't happen.
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