help me lift my spirits

[anonymous]

I have trouble speaking up. I dont know why, but anything important i need to tell someone, i seem to make some type of excuse to escape not talking to them or asking them. I feel it maybe the relationship that i have with that person or that i may get my request turned down. I suppose i just want to avoid getting hurt so i get scared of asking. How do i overcome this? It sounds easy, but it can be quite daunting to speak up.

another thing is that becuase of certain things that have happened to me in the last few weeks, i feel extremely hurt by the actions of certain people. really hurt and upset to the point where i dont feel any pain anymore. This is affecting my iman because i dont see my duas coming into reality. I know deep down this is the wrong attitude to have, and i know deep down i believe this isn’t true, but for some reason, it seems to be hampering my iman and making me hopeless of dua. its making me not ask sincerely and making feel a little helpless. My heart is really breaking for what has happened. I feel that my family have betrayed me. I feel that my issue has been swept under the carpet and no one really cares for it :( i just hate this. im so embarrassed to say this but for the last 2 weeks all i have been doing is crying. Not 2/24, but the emotion is still there and i feel hurt by the way i have been treated and the double standards. every time i think about it, it stirs emotion. I feel infuriation towards some members of my family. even if i do speak up, id proably be seen as jealous or whiny and my opinion probably wouldn't ven be taken into consideration (i've generally learnt over the years thats its just better to shut up imsad )

There are some other (non-related) issues im having as well and i think i need some kind of help for them ones even under anonymous im still too embarrassed to ask about and to be honest i doubt anyone would even get it.

My iman is another problem that i feel will get polluted by certain topics some people bring up (not on this forum necessarily) and since they have an Islamic basis, i fear eventually it will make me resentful towards that particular aspect of islam. How do i be strong in my faith and not let anything pollute my iman? How do i not worry about peoples certain opinions and not let them affect my iman? its so silly, but i suppose its my emotion that clouding my judgment.

[Woodrow]

:sl:

Shyness is often the result of low self esteem. Sadly the shy person very often seems to be arrogant and aloof by those who do not understand.

The solution comes through truly knowing that all Muslims are equal and not one of us is any better than any of our Brothers and Sisters. We all stand and prostrate together in the Masjid.

But shyness when properly contolled can become a gift when we use it to prevent us from becoming conceited.

Modesty and humbleness are great virtues. But they need to be because they are what we desire, not because of shyness.


Look about at your brothers and sisters and make frequent Du'as for them Remember through your Du'as you have ability to help all people. Use this ability to discover you, your self have tremendous value to all of the Ummah.

[Muhaba]

Try to talk as much as you can. if you can't start a conversation, then join an existing one. force yourself to say something and evertually you'll improve. talking is also a skill and needs practice.

if you need to say something important, then just do it. force yourself to do it. there's nothing to be afraid. the person won't bite your head off if you do. if you mess up in talking, remind yourself that this is a skill and you are practicing and eventually you'll get good at it. & before you know it, you'll be talking like anyone else!

i myself can talk alot but only if theres a reason to say something. if not, then i mostly remain silent. i was always a quiet person, more of a loner when i was a child. so even now, i don't talk just for the sake of talking and some people ask my why i don't talk so much. i tried to change this, but eventually i learned that this is my nature and can't be changed and i should be happy about it as talking uselessly is discouraged in Islam. Still i do try to talk more now since i want to fit in with everyone else. but i don't want to do something that's not islamic. i've been reading in islamic economics books that people wouldn't even tell the obvious good qualities of an item they were selling because too much talking shouldn't be done.

[Hamza Asadullah]

I have trouble speaking up. I dont know why, but anything important i need to tell someone, i seem to make some type of excuse to escape not talking to them or asking them. I feel it maybe the relationship that i have with that person or that i may get my request turned down. I suppose i just want to avoid getting hurt so i get scared of asking. How do i overcome this? It sounds easy, but it can be quite daunting to speak up.

another thing is that becuase of certain things that have happened to me in the last few weeks, i feel extremely hurt by the actions of certain people. really hurt and upset to the point where i dont feel any pain anymore. This is affecting my iman because i dont see my duas coming into reality. I know deep down this is the wrong attitude to have, and i know deep down i believe this isn’t true, but for some reason, it seems to be hampering my iman and making me hopeless of dua. its making me not ask sincerely and making feel a little helpless. My heart is really breaking for what has happened. I feel that my family have betrayed me. I feel that my issue has been swept under the carpet and no one really cares for it :( i just hate this. im so embarrassed to say this but for the last 2 weeks all i have been doing is crying. Not 2/24, but the emotion is still there and i feel hurt by the way i have been treated and the double standards. every time i think about it, it stirs emotion. I feel infuriation towards some members of my family. even if i do speak up, id proably be seen as jealous or whiny and my opinion probably wouldn't ven be taken into consideration (i've generally learnt over the years thats its just better to shut up imsad )

There are some other (non-related) issues im having as well and i think i need some kind of help for them ones even under anonymous im still too embarrassed to ask about and to be honest i doubt anyone would even get it.

My iman is another problem that i feel will get polluted by certain topics some people bring up (not on this forum necessarily) and since they have an Islamic basis, i fear eventually it will make me resentful towards that particular aspect of islam. How do i be strong in my faith and not let anything pollute my iman? How do i not worry about peoples certain opinions and not let them affect my iman? its so silly, but i suppose its my emotion that clouding my judgment.

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallah for sharing your issues with us. Firstly it is a good thing to speak less not a bad thing. It is the tongue that will cause many of our brothers and sisters to perish in the fire so speaking less is better than speaking more as the more one talks the more likely it is that one may say something to hurt someone or say something sinful. Therefore speaking less is better than speaking more. It is also said that if one has nothing good to say then it is better to say nothing at all.

Secondly you should do everything to please Allah so you should make a firm intention in your heart to ONLY speak out if it will do good to yourself and others. So if for example there is an injustice about to happen or is happening then you should certainly speak out if it is required for you to speak out as you would ONLY be doing so for the pleasure of Allah. So if you keep in your mind that you will ONLY speak out if it is required of you to stop an injustice happening to yourself or another person then you should do so but when you do speak out then use wisdom and tact and not your anger. So by making this firm intention in your heart that you will ONLY speak out for the pleasure of Allah then you will be more likely to speak out when it is necessery.

In regards to the situation with your family i cannot make a comment on that because you have not given sufficient details. If you can give more details on this then we can try and advise you but if you do not wish to then it is upto you but we cannot comment on this without knowing more.

This also goes for the third issue. I have an idea of what you are on about but need a bit more detail on this question to.

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[anonymous]

This also goes for the third issue. I have an idea of what you are on about but need a bit more detail on this question to.

i'll leave that for now :-[ but i have other issues regarding my iman.

1. my prayers. it feels heartbreaking sometimes when i think back at how i used to be pious and strict with my prayers. now i delay them imsad. there are some days where i delay them late, and i feel bad for a few days, but then something goes haywire again. i just want to snap out of this. even with my non-obligatory prayers i dont perform anymore, expect witr :(
im not sure what went wrong, but i suspect it has something to do with some type of whispering from the shaytaan i experienced a few years ago until it made me reach a point where it made me feel lazy in prayers. i feel they are such a struggle sometimes and i fight as much as i can not to have that feeling. i just cant seem to get rid of the wiswaas :(. its good now compared to a few years ago, but the problem is, is that its become like second nature where i dont know actually realize that it is affecting me. but i none-the-less know that its still there.
i want to be a good Muslim and i want to reach higher levels with my iman than where i am now, but i also think to myself how am i ever gna reach my aspirations when i cant even perform prayer properly. good Muslims sin, but they dont neglect their prayers, do they?

i know ur going to tell me that i should fear allah, etc. i know this, but for some odd reason i cant seem to implement it. i really do know how to fix my problem up, im just not sure why i cant put it into practice. thats what need help with more. what makes my lapse again after feeling bad. it like i sense there is something wrong i just dont seem to have the iman to change it.

other aspects of my iman is my quran recitation. i like to think that i can read atleast 1 page a day, (i used to read like 6 pages a day) but for some reason, i cant seem to discipline myself in that either. i have the time, im not sure why im lazy though.


2. my parents. i feel really ungrateful (which i am). i dont know what happens to me sometimes, but i dont feel like i have the energy/committed to look after my parents. i just feel like giving up and really looking at it (becuase i feel like this towards other aspects of my life aswell), i feel it has something to do with the commitment and energy i dont have. i feel extremely guilty and maybe its just shytaan whispering to me, but this is how i feel unfortunately. i dislike it and pray to Allah that allah helps me to look after my parents. if i were normal person i wouldn't have to resort to such dua. but unfortunate, this is the state im in. i dont feel like im a good daughter, or perhaps iam and dont really realize it...perhaps the fact hat i feel bad for these feelings means that there is something still there. ugh! who am i kidding :heated:

i just want to repsct them and love and care for them, even if they do wrong me. i guess i just want to do so for the sake of Allah and to avoid major sinning. i figured even if i did turn my back on them (god forbid) and even if it is difficult then maybe my piety and love and fear of allah will pull me through. and thats what i feel i need to work on. is it a bad thing to love your parents out of love for allah as opposed to your noraml parent/child love :-[ is it a bad thing that your iman has sunken so low that you cant seem to be motivated to care for them as they did for you so you have resorted to loving them through the love of allah.

sometimes my mum says hurtful things and it makes me feel sour towards her. i think she's just really sick of me. she doesnt even get that angry with me anymore, so i suppose she's just given up on me :( i dont feel like she really cares for me.
i wrote her a letter on eid and told her to be patient with me as it isnt easy to change. she believes it is and doesn't understand how difficult it is for me to become a better person :(
sometimes i blame myself for this as i reflect on the daughter i've been sometimes i reflect on how she acts towards me and what she says and figure that it isn't my fault. maybe we just dont understand one another.

even if she has wronged me, it isnt an excuse to do injustice to her so how do i fear Allah in regards to her. how do i get over myself and stop being so arrogant.

another thing aswell kinda related is u know how they say that however u treat ur parents then ur kids r gna do teh same to you? well, can dua avert this? cos she thinks she has hurt her own mum and i dont want to her hurt in return and i wouldnt want that for my siblings either. this is what scares me the most :( is there some way my mum can atone for her sins towards her mum :( i see her sometimes and the guilt she has :(. if you repent, do your kids treat you well? or is the damage already done?

[tango92]

i guess turning around and saying fear Allah isnt really helpful. if you can go back to basics of imaan, ie ponder questions like "who created the universe?, why is the universe the way it is?" this will help bring you to ihsaan and much stronger imaan.

also try not to read the quran with a view to how much your reading rather than the quality of what your reading. remember the words are such that they could never be emulated by the best arab poets. even if you dont understand arabic yourself, even the construction of sounds in the quran is striking. and such that they still hold heavy meaning is miraculous.

problems will come and go in the dunya, but if our imaan is on point we just turn anround and say "to Allah we belong and to him is our return"

guidance comes from Allah swt, pray to him to guide you as much as you can. sometimes it may feel like no matter what you do you cant come close to Allah, but it is also true that we dont do what we think is right. only what Allah tells us is right, when your imaan increases you need to understand the promises and guidances of Allah properly. know that it is from Allah, therefore it MUST be true.

something must change in your heart. even a small speck of goodness in you may turn to be a means for your guidance