format_quote Originally Posted by
_masumah
Jazakumullahu khayran,
is there anymore advice regarding on what i should do? its been a few months since i posted here but the situation has become worse. she curses me alot more under her breath that my youngest sis hears and asks about it and so many other things and we dont have a good relationship at all. I can honestly say that i really really reaaaaallyy dislike her, even just looking at her makes me feel angry. if you were here right now and you were able to hear the conversation shes having right now it would make you sick to your stomach. dispite all of this i am still really scared that Allah will ask me why i turned my back on my sister? i still feel as tho im breaking ties. I know the sahaba (Ra) left all of their family for Islam and followed islam completely and so on but thats not seen as breaing ties, obviously im not doing it to the same level but does it at all apply with me?
please help your sister in distress
assalamualaikum
Asalaamu Alaikum, my sister the reason why she acts differently to you is because she has a different relationship with you than with others like your brother for example. She feels she can get away with behaving how she wants towards you than with others. You were close to her at one time before she started going to High school and was badly influenced by the wrong crowd. You need to establish that you are her elder sister and so deserve proper respect.
This is also a test for you my sister as we are tested in so many ways in life and our family is one of the biggest tests. Therefore treat this like a test and know that Allah only tests those he wants closer to him and those he wants good for. It maybe that everytime you deal with her in a good way in response to her bad behaviour then you will be rewarded if it is for the pleasure of Allah. Do it for the pleasure of Allah and you will get so much more in return than you can ever imagine.
Here are some tips for you in terms of how to deal with your sister:
1. Try to distance yourself from your sister for a while and only talk to her when it is very necessery. Ignore anything she has to say bad about you. Don't be nasty to her or say anything in response to her abuse. She is only behaving this way towards you to get the bad reaction you always give her. It may sound evil but she is not evil it is just a phase she is going through but when she matures then she will snap out of this behaviour inshallah.
2. If you don't give her any reaction to her bad behaviour or abuse then she will start to realise that it is not affecting you and will eventually stop behaving in such a way. You will have to be patient for a while but as long as you keep doing this then slowly you will notice the respect coming back. You need to give her the impression that you don't care how she behaves towards you or how abusive she is it doesn't affect you. You need to give her this impression by ignoring her abuse and bad behaviour and not acknowledging it or reacting to it in anyway. This may take a while but be patient and you will see good results eventually inshallah. Your patience is for Allah and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward of patience of Paradise.
3. When you do start to notice her respecting you more then do not go back to how you were before with her. Still maintain that distance and act like her older sister not her equal. Advise her and be there for her if she lets you and opens up to you. Give her dawah in a beautiful manner using wisdom and tact. Send her weekly reminders in texts, e mails etc. Do all of this this gradually but as soon as she starts getting back to her old ways towards you then back off again and repat the same steps.
4. When you do notice that she is sad and if you feel that she has changed towards you then you can mention to her that you are there for her anytime she needs you if she ever wants help, advice or a shoulder to cry on. After saying this then leave the room and let her think.
5. Concentrate on your own life as nothing should ever deter you from striving to worship, please and get closer to Allah. He is your goal and he is what you should desire the most to be with in the hereafter. Do not waste your youth but spend it in the worship of Allah doing everything in your day to please him and refraining from anything to displease him. So increase your worship of Allah and ask of him to help you through these trials and hardships.
6. Try to have Islamic lectures and Islamic channels on the TV so family can watch it together. Try to read even half a page to family of a beneficial Islamic book.
7. Take down any pictures of animate objects in the house and Play the Qur'an in your room. It doesn't have to be on so loud but it can also be playing quitely especially Surah Baqarah at least once a week to rid the house of the evil effects of jinn and shaythan.
8. Be patient for your patience is for the pleasure of Allah ONLY so he will reward you. It is not between you and her but you and Allah. Whenever he becomes the way she does towards you then imagine Allah watching and waiting for you to be patient and when you be patient then imagine him happy with you because he would be happy with you if you reacted in such a way in those situations.
9. Ask of Allah in every dua to help your family and to soften your sisters heart so that she gives you proper respect and for her heart to be unsealed and for her to be guided towards the straight path as he is the ONLY one who can guide any person.
10. Most of all put your faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah and be patient for his pleasure. Just imagine in your mind the huge rewards and how pleased Allah would be every time you be patient in such situations.
Shaythan will try to make you think that there is no way out of this and this is because he wants us to give in and lose hope. But we must realise that if we continuously strive and keep turning towards Allah and be patient then the final victory WILL be ours! We will taste the sweetness of victory but in order to taste this victory we need to fight and strive through the tests and trials that life throws at us!
If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humblenes then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable. On the day of judgement once we see the reward of being patient through great trials turning towards Allah in humility then we would want Allah to have tested us even more so that we could have wreaped the rewards of being patient and turning towards Allah through trials and hardships. It is only on the day of judgement will we truly realise how much we have missed out on and how much more we wished we were tested by Allah so that our ranks were even higher.
Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world."
(Al-Tirmidhi #1570)
So remember: Victory, relief and ease comes with patience through distress and hardship
Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Know that victory comes with patience, relief with distress and ease with hardship.”
(Reported by Ahmad)
Therefore let us realise that the bigger trials and hardships we go through in this life then the more rewards we will gain in the hereafter as long as we are patient and are constantly turning towards Allah.
In the hereafter when we see the rewards of going through trials and hardships then we will all wish that we wen through the WORST trials possible for the longest amount of time!
Finally: " Do not detest the misfortunes that befall you, for what you detest may be the cause of your salvation and what you like may be the cause of your ruin."
Al-Hasan Al-Basree
If you need anymore help, advice with anything at all then please do not hesitate to ask.
I wish you the best for this life and the next. Ameen
These articles wil help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday inshallah:
10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html (10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith))
30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...eir-lives.html (30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!)
Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...vy-scales.html (Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!)
My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html (My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!)
10 steps to getting closer to Allah
http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ser-allah.html (10 steps to getting closer to Allah)
Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!)
VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!
http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)
Wasting Time is worse than Death!
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...han-death.html
The Effects of Good deeds will remain forever!!!
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...n-forever.html
Want to see the REAL appearance of Almighty Allah everyday?
http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...-everyday.html
Here are some very beneficial lectures to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:
AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc
Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ
Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA
HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc
Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE
Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo
How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg
If you need any help, advice or anything at all then please do not hesitate to ask. Please also mention me in your duas.
And Allah knows best in all matters