im going to reply to everyone else's posts in the following, even though i havnt quoted them.
Originally Posted by - Qatada -
Even if it is at her own expense? a husband would understand why a wife would disagree with him if it were at her own expense and where she was getting the "bad end" of the stick.
That’s what this thread is about. that if a wife isn't too keen on certain ideas he may have and so naturally she will build "walls" around her, be intimidating, scary, not very easy to approach, flat out disagree etc, which will cause her husband to be cautious about certain issues to the extent that he can’t talk to her about them.
Yes that...how would it make him feel that he cant talk to her about everything he wanted to. would that bother the husband that he can’t talk to her? would it frustrate him more that she disagreed with him or
would it bother him more that he cant seem to talk to her (as talking to her would be something he feels he needs to do...he needs to know that he can talk to his wife without being scared, etc).
Remember the hadith about Allah's Messenger when he came back after the first revelation of Iqra'! And he was scared, so Khadija said that Allah will never betray you because you care for the weak and orphans and needy. This reassured him and made him feel calm and relaxed. This is something which a man friend cannot achieve. Only a woman can achieve that.
(Slightly off topic here) so what’s wrong if it goes the other way then? why do so many brothers put an emphasis on their wives caring for them when 1) they don’t seem to understand and acknowledge that it's also important that it goes the other way around (and the argument about supporting her financially is something different). 2) Despite the fact that many men are happy to acknowledge that women are emotional/crooked/deficient, for some strange reason, they dont really care to attend to this. You would think one who is emotional/crooked/deficit would need abit of emotional support and what not, no?
Are we really considered to be that demanding and seen as such a burden?
Also remember the hadith about a husband or wife being allowed to lie to please a husband/wife. This is done to strengthen their marriage. So you might not like something, but you might say you like it to make your marriage stronger. There can be moments when you tell how you feel about things, but say it in a positive way without putting your husband down.
What if it something he mentions does something that you dont like which is sensitive to you and you can’t control your emotion...so in this case your emotion overpowers you...generally with some people their emotion at times can be overwhelming/compelling that they can’t avoid acting on it. some people are like this...once they get frustrated, they need to get it out. it just has to come out.
; Husbands love a wife who is supporting, not someone who is like a competitor to him.
[otherwise he feels he's married to a man.]
1. When you say supporting, does that mean/imply that he doesn't/shouldn't support her? not financially (which is one way he may feel is sufficient for supporting her), but in the way she needs, such as emotionally.
And respect is another thing I hear alot as well. i don’t get. It’s almost as if respect (and support) towards the wife isn’t necessary...or even the other way i.e that males don’t need care.
Im not sure that I understand what you are implying?
2. what's wrong with being competitive (other than the reason you mentioned). What if she competes with him in jest? What if it’s her way of showing affection towards him?
Are there certain things that he would feel that she is competing with him? What type of things would a husband feel like his wife is competing with him in? I hear that alot of brothers don’t want their wives work because he would feel that he isn't really fulfilling his role as a provider, would that be the only thing he would feel his wife is competing with him.
I know this because i'm married, but also because there is alot of studies to show that; Man wants a wife who Respects him, and a Woman wants a man who Cares for her.
Again, I’m not sure that i understand what you are implying here. Are you meaning to say that women don’t want/need respect? Or are you implying that they do, but perhaps in a different way to what would apply to the husband.
p.s it’s good that married people are replying because alot of un-married people seem to have this airy fairy idea of marriage which I don’t really believe that marriage is. So keep the realistic replies coming.
maybe some sister input would be beneficial as well.