Originally Posted by anonymous
Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayran for sharing your isues with us. My brother no doubt you are in a very difficult position. You are her brother so obviously you feel protective of her and don't want her getting herself into haraam like many of our brothers and sisters out there.
The problem is that if you are too harsh then she may rebel and get worse and be more undercover in the sins that she does and if you are too light on her then she may take advantage of that and also continue to do haraam and get worse.
Therefore you should try and strike a balance between being too harsh and too gentle. You should talk to her using wisdom and tact and remind her of our purpose in life. You should also remind her of death and the hereafter and the fact that we can die at any second and then what will she do when she faces Allah on the day of judgement. Giver her examples of those who have perished in a bad way because of their sins and tell her of the punishment of the grave and the terrible torture of the day of judgement and even worse torture of the fire of Hell.
Also brother get her to listen to some good lectures on our purpose in life, death and the hereafter and Hell. Get some pious or wise girls in your family or relatives to talk to her too. Continue to make dua for her always for Allah to guide her and keep her away from haraam.
In the Sunnah, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”.
Al-Nawawi narrated that there was consensus that it is obligatory to forbid evil. End quote.
The hadeeth “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand… ”, which was narrated by Muslim (49) from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri, enjoins parents to take charge of their sons and daughters and prevent them from committing evil actions, and to change them with their hands (by taking action), because they have authority over them, as the ruler has authority over the people.
So after reading this it is clear that your parents have authority over your sister and in your case a major issue is that your parents do not know the full extent of what she gets upto and i have to tell you brother that your parents have every right to know the truth about what your sister is getting upto.
What you should do is to speak to your sister and tell her that she has put you in a very comprimising position and that she is leaving you with no other choice but to tell your parents. If this does not change her ways then you must tell you parents the truth immediatley. If you have already threatened her with this then you MUST tell your parents straight away.
Let us put ourselves in the position of your parents. If we were parents and our daughter was getting upto no good and our son hid what our daughter was really getting upto then how would we feel as parents knowing that all that time we were not even aware of what our daughter is getting upto?
If your parents are unaware then it is your duty as the man of the house to inform your parents particularly the father. For example may Allah forbid if the daughter ended up doing something really bad like get caught having relations with another man or even getting pregnant or something terrible like that then how will the parents feel knowing that all that time everything their daughter was getting upto was hidden from them?
Therefore you should tell your sister that you will give her one more chance to change and if she does'nt then she will leave you with no more choice than to tell your parents. Or if you have already threatened her with telling your parents then you MUST tell your parents as soon as possible and tell them the truth about what they are getting upto.
Brother this is quite urgent as your sister may eventually get into relationships with men and get very hurt and even used and abused as is the case with many of our sisters in today's societies.
According to Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Muslim (2/23), Imam Nawawi even states that the daughter should be confined to her room if she is getting out of hand in committing major sins. Therefore it is clear that the Islamic position is that every reasonable measure should be taken by the family to ensure that the daughter does not continue going astray and if that means to stop her from going out then so be it.
Your sister is clearly very young and naive and she does not know what she is getting herself into and she will get very hurt indeed. I know you being her brother this must hurt you a lot and that is why you must prevent this from happening as best you can but at the same time you must also refrain from being too harsh with her and strike a balance between harshness and gentleness and at the same time tell her that you will give her just one more chance to change her ways before you tell her parents. Again if you have already threatened her with this and she still has not changed then you must tell your parents immediatley.
You should also continue to investigate what she gets upto as this is your right but do not accuse her of anything without solid proof and evidence.
My brother you can always share anything you like with us inshallah and our duas are with you may Allah guide your sister and help you and your family in this situation.
And Allah knows best in all matters