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Hope eternal
12-08-2010, 05:05 PM
Hello, I hope you can help. I have a Muslim male friend in his mid twenties who has lived in London (from Bangladesh) for five years and who has been talking to a non muslim western girl (american) for a couple of years on the internet. This girl has fallen in love with him and he is considering getting married to her although he has no feelings for her and there are things about her he doesn't like (although he is fond of her). She has said she will convert to Islam for him if he agrees to marry her. When he spoke to me about it he was thinking about the reward he would get from Allah because he would have been responsible for a convert to Islam and that was making him consider marriage to this girl. He just thinks maybe he will grow to love her in time in his own way if they do get married. He thinks she is compliant (which she is at the moment via email) and that is another reason to marry her. I am very concerned for a couple of reasons. Firstly she wouldn't be converting with Niyyah, she has no interest in religion, she only has interest in him so it wouldn't be a true conversion. Also I read somewhere that you shouldn't convert to Islam for marriage, it's compelling someone. My friend has already said he will only marry a Muslim girl so that is the reason she wants to convert. So would he get his reward?

She did visit him for six days and they spent some time together. I asked him if he saw her as marriage material and he wasn't convinced but now he is thinking about it just because she is in love with him and she will convert.

Secondly, she might be complaint from thousands of miles away but at the end of the day she is a western girl and he will be expecting certain behaviours and attitudes from her which I don't think will last. He won't talk to anyone in authority about it or any of his friends as he likes to keep such things to himself, I am the only person he has discussed this with and he thinks I am being biased by being negative about it.

Advice please!!
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Cabdullahi
12-08-2010, 05:25 PM
she loves him and shes fond of him thats all nice but what he must do is deliver the message to her about islam and ask her to see if it makes sense to her without her judgement being clouded by love....even though it will be very difficult.

the other option could be to pull the plug on her zoop! one time and then at the comfort of your country just seek a nice bengali sister....lots of em in white chapel
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Hope eternal
12-08-2010, 05:35 PM
Thanks
He has been making her do islamic online courses which she has been duitifully doing but she still insists she is going to change her religion 'for him'. I've told him to find a nice Bengali girl in London but he doesn't go out much, has no family here as such and keeps himself to himself. I keep telling him that you don't know what the future holds and he actually might meet someone more suited to him. He knows they're not really suited but he likes the idea of her loving him so much. I am dubious of this as they have only met in real life for a few days. This might work back home where backgrounds are similar etc but their backgrounds are radically different and I'm not convinced long term it will work. (esp as he has no feelings for her)
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Dagless
12-08-2010, 06:05 PM
If he doesn't love her and she isn't converting for herself then it's not much of a decision. Forget about it, in fact why is he pursuing this? Why meet her and lead her on further? Plenty of fish in the sea. I suppose this is the danger of being a young innocent Muslim - one girl shows interest and you think she's the only one. Tell him he will find a Muslim girl who loves him, and who he will love back insha'Allah. Don't force something for the sake of it, it may not be good in the long run.
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Hope eternal
12-08-2010, 06:09 PM
This is what I tell him. I have to be honest, I am not a Muslim, I know a lot about Islam as I am interested in it but I think that is why he won't listen to me. I posted on here to get some peer/Muslim advice. Thank you for your replies, I would appreciate as much advice as possible. especially if it can be backed up with a surah or two!!
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cat eyes
12-08-2010, 08:16 PM
:wa:and what if she is rejected by this guy is she also going to reject islam also?

your friend is not really a wise character is he. he is not responsible for reverting her to islam all hes job is to give the message then its up to her to search the truth herself.

Its Allah that guides. humans are not responsible for this. also he should fear Allah by making her more emotionally attached to him, the more and more pressure she has to give a false testimony of faith and the girl wont be responsible for this sin.

He might end up with one bad deed rather then a reward for this girl.

he should do istikhara and break off all contact especially if he feels nothing for her no point in leading the poor girl on false hope.

what reward does he expect to achieve here?
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Rafeeq
12-11-2010, 05:12 AM
Salam U Elikum

Your friend should give her links and address of nearest islamic center, ask her to learn Islam if she really like this deen (religion).

I understand, love can make one to do any thing. At the same time, he should try to understand, if she will remain muslim if she could not marry him. He shall take her to Bangladesh to let her understand their culture and people who she might have to live with. He may tell her after marriage he will return to his home country to live permenently. I do believe she will come to conclusion knowing all this stuff.
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