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samie
12-13-2010, 07:39 PM
Salam,

I wanted to share a personal matter with you - hoping that your advice will help me and perhaps make things better for me and my family.

My brother is a year older than me and for the past several years he's been drifting away from us. It started towards the end of High School when he started to behave with an attitude and showing disrespect to our parents.I won't go into all the details but as you know this society has a way of forging teenagers beliefs and attitudes through its ideology and peers influence. His behavior is getting out of control. He's now 22 and all I can say with time he's just getting worse. He doesn't respond when my parents speak to him and shows an attitude as if he's something - when in reality he's nothing. My parents have given him everything and pay everything for him. My father never liked his attitude because it frustrates him as he work really hard in another country for our sake and when he comes over the weekend they just both clash. My mother tries to play the mediator because she wants people to be happy and the house to be peaceful. However, things are just getting out of control now and even when my mom wants to slap him she doesn't because she's the type of person who despite everything will always respond with love.

There's not much I can do - it's not like he speaks to me much either and I don't have the power to change much. I just don't want this family to fall apart or my brother to be kicked out of the house. I want all of us to live together and be happy, is that too much to ask? Sometimes when I think about everything it feels like my heart is going to burst open or I might have a heart attack... I can't even begin to imagine what my parents may be going through.

My parents are very nice people - they never talk bad about anyone, nor do they have any ill intentions. They are sincere and all help the people in need. They both read their prayers and practice the religion well. I read my prayers as well and pray to Allah (SAW) but sometimes I wonder if my prayers will be heard because its not like he got any better over the years...

All I want is for my family to stay united...I really do... What can I do?
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Rafeeq
12-18-2010, 10:00 AM
Elikum Salam Samie,

I really feel sorry hearing bad attitude of your brother. I understand he really needs consultation and counselling. You can play an important role. Just try to win his friendship and try to learn what he does and where he spends his time. Patience is required all the way long.

It might be a resistive behaviour when every body is telling him wrong and his friends are considering him right. This is the age when teenagers think they are superman.

Do not ever think, your prayers are not heard. All the prayers are heard and granted, few in this world and other in hereinafter.

May Allah ease your difficulties and heal your pains.
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tigerkhan
12-21-2010, 05:17 AM
sister... what i assumed from ur lines, maybe ur brother has some conflicts on aspects of life with ur parents. i mean diffrence of thinking, difference of priorities etc.
e.g when i was in this age, i want to go on business side bcz i dont want a limited stipend every month in the form of salary. but my parent didnot support me. similarly there are many issues i was not agreed with them. so as result i was much disapponited with them bcz they never support me what i want. but yes to be honest what i am today is just bcz of them, bcz they pay for my study and all other expenses. i think since He is young and potential, so MAYBE that is a issue.
anyway its never posible 2 persons have exactly same opoinon in all matters of life. so the solution is COMMITMENT TO RELIGION...as i told u about myself, although my parents always disappoint me, but due to religion i tried my best to obey and respect them. so i think one ur parents also need to be like friend to ur bro, so that He can share and discuss his vision and pbms, 2ndly if ur parent had give him true vision of relegion, maybe his attitide was bit compromising. u know salat and other ebadaat are easy but for deal with ppl, it needs much strong eman.
Allah SWT helps u and ur family and make all pbm easy for u.
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Muhaba
12-21-2010, 07:05 AM
do dua for him. if possible, give him some islamic books or audio/video lectures or have him listen to/wathc these. learning more about islam might help. sometimes preaching /advising doesn't work but islamic books/lectures do.
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