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View Full Version : Not really an islamic topic but I need advice about sensitive relative



Amoeba
12-21-2010, 09:08 AM
I live with my grandmother and she likes to use a lot of products like hairspray, deodorant and perfume.

Problem with that is that these products are very strong and it affects my health. I tried raising this issue with my grandma in a sensitive way but it was no good - she got really upset. Now, whenever she sprays stuff I have to fake like I'm not affected by it when I really am. It keeps her quiet but it makes me feel sick to swallow down all that gunge. If I dare cough I'll have consequences to face so I have to swallow the mucous instead. If I get a headache and my grandma's all like "oh I wonder what could have caused it" and getting all worried because when I get a headache it can turn into a migraine, I have to lie and say I don't know what causes it when I do know - it's her products. It always coincides with when she uses a lot of them. She uses them every day, but some days she uses more stuff than others.

I am now worried about my health because I have noticed a general and unexplained decline in my physical health in all aspects. My grandma seems completely unaffected by her products, however, and assumes I should be too otherwise I am just faking. So for a long time now I have faked that I am unaffected by it so that she wouldn't shout at me.

I feel like I really need to raise this issue again though and I don't know how to go about it. Can anybody offer any advice as to how I can be sensitive about it to her enough so that she might listen and believe me?
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Hamza Asadullah
12-21-2010, 08:22 PM
Originally Posted by Amoeba
I live with my grandmother and she likes to use a lot of products like hairspray, deodorant and perfume.

Problem with that is that these products are very strong and it affects my health. I tried raising this issue with my grandma in a sensitive way but it was no good - she got really upset. Now, whenever she sprays stuff I have to fake like I'm not affected by it when I really am. It keeps her quiet but it makes me feel sick to swallow down all that gunge. If I dare cough I'll have consequences to face so I have to swallow the mucous instead. If I get a headache and my grandma's all like "oh I wonder what could have caused it" and getting all worried because when I get a headache it can turn into a migraine, I have to lie and say I don't know what causes it when I do know - it's her products. It always coincides with when she uses a lot of them. She uses them every day, but some days she uses more stuff than others.

I am now worried about my health because I have noticed a general and unexplained decline in my physical health in all aspects. My grandma seems completely unaffected by her products, however, and assumes I should be too otherwise I am just faking. So for a long time now I have faked that I am unaffected by it so that she wouldn't shout at me.

I feel like I really need to raise this issue again though and I don't know how to go about it. Can anybody offer any advice as to how I can be sensitive about it to her enough so that she might listen and believe me?
Asalaamu Alaikum, i think if something really bad does end up happening to you due to your Grandmothers hair products then she will never forgive herself so i think that you need to sit her down and in a really nice manner using a low tone and in a loving way tell her that her spraying these products is really starting to effect your health and just to kindly request her to spray it in the bathroom instead away from the living area. If you tell her in a loving and kind manner then she will be fine with it but you should not hesitate to tell her esepcially if her continuing to spray these products will be detrimental to your health.

There is no shame in telling her kindly to spray it in the bathroom instead. She may feel bad at first because of the fact that she sprayed these products in front of you for so long but she would be much more hurt if something did happen to your health as a direct result of her spraying these products. So she really does need to be told immediatley.
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Rafeeq
12-22-2010, 10:07 AM
:sl:

Agreed with Akhee Hamza81. (You must thank him for not posting a litrature over here :p)

With full of respect in your body language, if you will speak with her in a gentle way and let her know you are getting affacted by those sprays. She will defenately adopt 2nd option as indicated by brother Hamza81.
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Ummu Sufyaan
12-22-2010, 11:35 AM
:sl:
couldn't you just open a window or atleast ensure that you have some type of ventilation around you. i think it has something to do with the chemical in the products which causes the spraying to occur, (propane i think its called)...i think thats what maybe causing you to feel sick...so yes, try opening a window, etc.
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Rafeeq
12-22-2010, 12:22 PM
Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan
try opening a window
Yeah, it is also a very nice advice. Poor me :( could not think such a simple solution.
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Amoeba
12-22-2010, 01:03 PM
Thanks everyone for your advice. Unfortunately I have tried the careful and considerate approach to speaking with her calmly about it, I honestly don't know how to approach her any nicelier than I already have. Does anybody have any suggestions for this? To be honest I can understand how she feels defensive, I even told her I don't mean to cause offence nor am I even asking her to stop using them, just maybe confine them to her own space.

In the summer time it was okay to leave the window open, but right now it's about -6 outside and it's been between -2 and -11 for the past few days. We've been having problems keeping the flat at a bareable temperature even with all the windows closed.
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