Is this shirk? Please respond! :(

[Aishath]

Asalaamu alaykum,

First off, thank you for taking the time to read this. May Allah (swt) bless all of you.

Secondly, I would also like to point out that I do suffer from a lot of waswas. I was talking on msn to a friend of mine and said something and had a thought of shirk that there is more than one god subhanAllah. The thing is, I am getting a bit better at identifying waswas. However, this thought, I actually do think I thought it on purpose. Not because I believed in it, because I honestly don't. But because I once saw something where someone said I swore to all my gods or something along those lines and I once vaguely recall reading about a waswas someone got, perhaps not on these forums.

Anyway, I just remembered these things and thought this thought on purpose but I did not believe in it one bit at all! Insha Allah, I have repented. However, when I first came on these forums, I would feel really really bad when I get thoughts of kufr etc and when I repent, I would be crying and panicking a lot. Insha Allah, I don't panic as much as I did back then and I am so grateful for that. However, I keep worrying that I am just brushing off too many things as waswas. I did repent and I genuinely meant it when I say I do not believe this thing that I thought on purpose. However, I keep feeling like I did commit shirk and even when I was repenting, I kept feeling like I haven't made a ghusl or really come back into Islam and therefore my deeds would not be accepted. These feelings were not as bad as they have sometimes been in the past so I am feeling calmer about it, BUT it is still at the back of my mind. :exhausted

Also, I am in the middle of my kaffarah fasting now and I feel like shirk would have affected all of that too.

Even though I thought this on purpose, since I did not believe in it at all, does this mean I might not have committed shirk?

May Allah bless you for your time. Ameen.