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Samiun
01-12-2011, 10:47 AM
:sl:, what is the correct way of showing love to the opposite sex? Since we Muslims can't date each other, is marriage the only solution? I have no problems with that and I think that's a good idea but I've always thought that we should learn from each other first before getting married to have a good, happy and Inshallah blessed family.
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- Qatada -
01-12-2011, 11:23 AM
:salamext:


The real deal is that you ask people who know her, and if you think you match - propose to her dad for her hand in marriage. Then once you get married, you get to know each other proper.

There's no point exploring the persons personality deeply before marriage, because then they only show their best side. So have fun by getting married and then see how it goes from then onwards.
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Samiun
01-12-2011, 11:40 AM
:sl:, but what if the person doesn't want to talk about her bad attitude since that would backbiting?

What about the people who know her? How do we know if they're trust worthy or what not? What if they only want our money? Should we dress like a beggar before meeting them?
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- Qatada -
01-12-2011, 11:52 AM
Originally Posted by Nbeel
:sl:, but what if the person doesn't want to talk about her bad attitude since that would backbiting?

Gheebah (backbiting) means saying something about one’s Muslim brother that he dislikes, such as criticizing him and running him down and the like. But there are some situations mentioned by the scholars in which a Muslim may talk about his brother if that serves an interest. These [include];
.. asking about a person in cases of marriage, business or neighbourhood.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/106417


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syed_z
01-12-2011, 08:58 PM
Asalaam O Alaikum brother Nbeel...

Holy Prophet (saw) permitted for the one who wanted to get married ....

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: When one of you asked a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so. (Abu Daud)

So Prophet (saw) gave the option to like the one, 1st before you marry so that would make your marriage successful. However it is haraam to be with her alone, because Scholars say that Prophet (saw) said "When a man and a woman are alone, the third among them is a devil.". So im sure you would understand where are the limits before marriage.

Since it is not allowed to be alone with a non mahram woman, then how would a person get to know the other before marriage ? I heard a lecture of Dr. Zakir Naik and he called it Islamic dating. How is that ? That say for instance you would like to know the girl, for that you would have to meet her, but since your not allowed to be with her alone, you may tell her to let her mother or father to be there with you both. This might sound awkward but its necessary to prevent your heart from having any wrong desires or she should have any wrong desires. So with one of her parents, being present then you can speak to her and after a meeting or two, you may get an idea if you would be happy with the person or no.

And whether a person will be good for you or not...just follow the Quran...

Allah (swt) says in Surah Nur Ayat Verse #26

"(In the nature of things) corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men, for corrupt women - just as good women are for good men, and good men for good women..."


Be a good man and InshA Allah Allah will bless you with a good woman. :)

Salaam..
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LauraS
01-12-2011, 11:48 PM
Originally Posted by - Qatada -
:]]
There's no point exploring the persons personality deeply before marriage, because then they only show their best side. So have fun by getting married and then see how it goes from then onwards.
I think that's a bad idea, what if you decide you really can't live with the person? You can't decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, without really knowing them.
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GuestFellow
01-13-2011, 12:02 AM
Originally Posted by LauraS
I think that's a bad idea, what if you decide you really can't live with the person? You can't decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, without really knowing them.
It sometimes works and sometimes it doesn't. I've seen many couples that get married but did not have much contact and their marriage flourished. On the other hand, I've seen marriage like these fail.

The same can be said for couples who date and get married. Some are successful while others end up in court. :/

The purpose of these this type of marriage (where the couple hardly know each other) is the marriage starts as a friendship and it develops. It works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't.
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Perseveranze
01-13-2011, 12:55 AM
Originally Posted by LauraS
I think that's a bad idea, what if you decide you really can't live with the person? You can't decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, without really knowing them.
Peace,

If it was how I think your thinking it should be, it wouldn't be too different to dating and people would take advantage of that. The Prophet(pbuh) never encouraged blind marraiges, you should be able to see the person before marrying them, in some instances people get a chance to talk (I think it's in the presence of family not sure) but you get the rough idea.

You get your opportunities to know what your getting into, at the same time you trust your close one's that know the person of the opposite sex and feel they are also right for them.
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Darth Ultor
01-13-2011, 01:12 AM
Why do you need that father's permission? I thought that it's allowed for a woman to choose who she marries, as long s she's with a male guardian in the meetings.
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Ummu Sufyaan
01-13-2011, 01:16 AM
i think getting to know someone before marriage isn't the best idea because it doesn't really leave any mystery to the person. imagine getting to know them, then moving in with them...because you already know them, there's nothing really that interesting about them.

you dont really need to know someone that much to consider them as an acceptable spouse. i think there are key things which show on a person that can identify what sort of person they are, such as thier looks...in other words sometimes you can just look at someone to know that they are your type of person (this also includes when befriending someone aswell).

imo, there are just a few basic things you need to know about them.
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Zafran
01-13-2011, 01:18 AM
Originally Posted by Boaz
Why do you need that father's permission? I thought that it's allowed for a woman to choose who she marries, as long s she's with a male guardian in the meetings.

she doesnt need her fathers permission but its best if the fathers OK with it - I mean nobody wants to get marriad without the fathers approval.

By the way are you Orthodox Jewish?
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Tyrion
01-13-2011, 01:57 AM
Idunno, I think in a lot of cases it benefits both parties if the two people get to know each other first... I think there are ways for this to happen in an acceptable way, within Islamic guidelines. Two people could maybe get together and really build a friendship as they get to know each other... Their intentions could be for marriage, and they don't have to be alone when they meet...
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Darth Ultor
01-13-2011, 01:58 AM
Nope. I am just more observant than I was before.
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Samiun
01-13-2011, 09:17 AM
:sl: Jzkhallahkhairaa thanks for all the replies. To tell you the truth, I meet certain girls in school and turn away if I see them even though if she's a Muslim. I feel that I'm wrong because whenever I try to look into her eyes there's just something that tells me that she hates me. I feel sad, really, that I cannot communicate with girls without having anxiety and I really fear in the future I wouldn't have a good relationship with my future-wife(Inshallah). The only ones that talks to me real seriously are few sisters on this board and my mahrams, I wouldn't dare go close to my cousins, well sometimes...
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GuestFellow
01-13-2011, 12:18 PM
Originally Posted by Nbeel
:sl: Jzkhallahkhairaa thanks for all the replies. To tell you the truth, I meet certain girls in school and turn away if I see them even though if she's a Muslim. I feel that I'm wrong because whenever I try to look into her eyes there's just something that tells me that she hates me. I feel sad, really, that I cannot communicate with girls without having anxiety and I really fear in the future I wouldn't have a good relationship with my future-wife(Inshallah). The only ones that talks to me real seriously are few sisters on this board and my mahrams, I wouldn't dare go close to my cousins, well sometimes...
:sl:

Pass your exams, get your driving license, get a job and then worry about marriage. Yes, don't mix with girls.
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LauraS
01-13-2011, 12:19 PM
^^I'm sure they don't all hate you, you're just shy. :)
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noor grant
07-25-2017, 08:31 PM
salaam
Orthodox christians have doing this process for years. Its official called 'courting' the girl and you just date with a chaperone. Simple easy and no fitna
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