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highway4
01-15-2011, 03:51 AM
assalamu alaikum,
A good friend of mine has an issue ...
she has a son that just turn 3, but is currently living in a house with a lot a conditions most of them which she disagrees with..She lives with her inlaws... one is very sick person the rest are single...Her toddler throws tantrums alot too and is a hyperactive, naughty and cheeky but friendly child. She feels for him and it too makes her cry because the situation in the house kinda dont suit a child living in it... she feels she has to tell him no for unnessary reasons or the other ppl in the house do...she gets complaints his always dirting the leather couch and he cant bring his toys downstairs because it will scratch furniture... so basically its in one room which her and partner the toddler and a baby have too share... theres a small space to play but a kid cant play in one room all day... he loves to come downstairs and play and interact but he always get told to stay upstairs and watch the kids programs on the tv in the same room because his noisy or runs around too much...I think she is becoming quite depressed... She tells me that she wants to ignore her son when he does his tantrums but cant because his noisy and the one thats sick cant stand the noise... Do you have any advice or suggestions? she has raise 2 kids now but feels she cant to her best or the way she feels is right...She doesnt feel she has much people talk too... only one she has told is myself...

thankyou for your time
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highway4
01-21-2011, 06:36 AM
Has anyone please have any advice or suggestions?
I didn't know my post got put up...thought it wouldnt be accepted...
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tigerkhan
01-21-2011, 01:10 PM
i know she is in difficult situation. i cant suggest what she should do but if i say of mine, i am v.cleared that insh i will not keep/ grow my children in combine family system.
Reply

Ramadhan
01-21-2011, 04:02 PM
I am sorry I cannot really offer any useful advice, but I am really feeling for her and her son.
However, if it is possible for her and her husband to get their own place, no matter how simple because it seems current situation is not working for everyone.
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Hamza Asadullah
01-22-2011, 01:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by highway4
assalamu alaikum,
A good friend of mine has an issue ...
she has a son that just turn 3, but is currently living in a house with a lot a conditions most of them which she disagrees with..She lives with her inlaws... one is very sick person the rest are single...Her toddler throws tantrums alot too and is a hyperactive, naughty and cheeky but friendly child. She feels for him and it too makes her cry because the situation in the house kinda dont suit a child living in it... she feels she has to tell him no for unnessary reasons or the other ppl in the house do...she gets complaints his always dirting the leather couch and he cant bring his toys downstairs because it will scratch furniture... so basically its in one room which her and partner the toddler and a baby have too share... theres a small space to play but a kid cant play in one room all day... he loves to come downstairs and play and interact but he always get told to stay upstairs and watch the kids programs on the tv in the same room because his noisy or runs around too much...I think she is becoming quite depressed... She tells me that she wants to ignore her son when he does his tantrums but cant because his noisy and the one thats sick cant stand the noise... Do you have any advice or suggestions? she has raise 2 kids now but feels she cant to her best or the way she feels is right...She doesnt feel she has much people talk too... only one she has told is myself...

thankyou for your time
Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayran for your question sister. May i ask what is stopping you and your husband from getting your own place? It is incumbant looking at your situation living with your inlaws, that you and your husband and child get a place of your own so that you can raise the child how you want and the child will not be restricted in the ways you described.

Also constantly giving into your child's demands although may seem natural to you as a mother maybe feeding your childs bad behaviour and hyperactivity. You should never give in to anything your child demands or react badly when your child behaves in an appropriate manner as that will just feul your childs outbursts.

When your child has an outburst then you must lower yourself to its level kneeling on the floor and look at its eyes directly and ion a firm manner not by shouting say "You must NOT behave in such a way again and if you do then you will be put on the naughty step or naughty corner (Wherever you want to place the child if it misbehaves)".

The "naughty step" system does work if implemented correctly. If your child behaves in an innappropriate manner again after you have told it not to do so then do not shout as that will feul your childs bad behaviour but instead you should pick your child up and place it in an area like a step on the stairs or in one of the rooms in a corner wherever you feel is best to place the child to sit there for a while to contemplate over its bad behaviour. Once you have placed the child there then it is inevitable that it will get up and refuse to sit there. Therefore you must keep picking your child up and keep placing it in that allocated area until the child eventually gives up and sits there. Do not shout and scream or lose your temper just keep a straight face and act as if your not bothered and keep placing the child in the same place until it gives up and sits there. It will cry but let it. Then after 5 or 10 minutes or so go to the child and say "Are you ready to apologise"? if the child says no then go away and come back again a little while later and ask the same. The child will eventually want to apologise and then give your child a hug when it does so. Everytime it misbehaves then you can use this system but you must do it correctly and not lose your temper or start shouting etc. Both you and your husband must do it properly. It does work as i have seen it successfully work for countless children with similar problems to what you described.

If the method is done correctly then it should work inshallah but i still think you should consider going to a child behaviour expert for proffessional advice. I also think it is crucial for you and your husband to move out as soon as is possible to your own place like a one or two bedroom flat.

Here is more advice on parenting and the naughty step technique:

http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-...ghty-Step.aspx

Do not let your child or anyone else deter you from the worship of Allah. Allocate time in your day for dhikr, recitation of Qur'an or listening to Qur'an as it can be a great stress reliever. Also read knowledge about Islam and take time out to visit close friends and attend beneficial Islamic talks, halaqqas for sisters etc.

It is important to take out some time for yourself as stress is not good and will make you more frustrated at home and may make you snap easily. So take a bit of time out sometimes to relax and have some quite time to yourself by meditating and contemplating over the greatness of Allah and ponder over his creations.

Ask of Allah always in dua and share your feelings with him. Strive to be closer to him and do everything to please him and refrain from anything that displeases him. Allah listens to all prayers and will grant you what is best for you inshallah even though you may not think it is at the time.

The children are a trial for you so be patient and follow good advice that you are given and rely and trust in Allah. Do not lose hope and do not let shaythan bring you down in anyway. Please read the following thread:

How we can get through hardships and trials in our lives.

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...our-lives.html


Here is some information with regards to the Islamic perspective on disciplining children:


Explaining a Hadith on Disciplining Children


http://seekersguidance.org/ans-blog/...ning-children/


These articles wil help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday so you can get closer to Allah inshallah:


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html (10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith))

30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...eir-lives.html (30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!)

Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...vy-scales.html (Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!)

My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html (My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!)

10 steps to getting closer to Allah

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ser-allah.html (10 steps to getting closer to Allah)

Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!)

VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)

How much we will regret the precious seconds we wasted in this world!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ted-world.html


Wasting Time is worse than Death!

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...han-death.html


The Effects of Good deeds will remain forever!!!

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...n-forever.html

Want to see the REAL appearance of Almighty Allah everyday?

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...-everyday.html


Here are some very beneficial lectures to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:


AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc


Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ

Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc

Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg



If you need any help or advice then please do not hesitate to ask. Please also mention us in your dua's.


And Allah knows best in all matters
Reply

highway4
01-23-2011, 12:15 AM
Assalamu alaikum,

THANKYou all for you advices makes me feel someone else does care...

She has repeatedly told him that she wants a seperate dwelling to her husband but doesn't seem to want to compromise...He told her that she should be patient because she is very sick (she has gone through quite a lot) and she has the right to say these things...she isnt exactly in a normal state because of meds and operations...that she needs to appreciate what she has...

She didnt say he was wrong but overall disagrees because she says there is a limitation to everything and doesnt want to burden on everyone else..most of all wants her children to grow up in a healthy & positive enviroment....thats their right...she thinks everyone would become appriciate everything more if they moved out...

She is very aware about the childs outburst and demands but what can she do...she cant let him scream, from left or right someone else comes and intervines and says something...there is a complaint...she feels if she doesnt tell the child off then everyone in the house will tell her to control him or how bad he is or she dont tell him off or they say our mum is sick she cant stand it ...It hurts so much but she keeps it all inside...Thats why she told me about it because i think she cant controll her anger much longer because its been a while... she starting to give the impression shes angry with them...she doesnt want to cause anything bad in relations...

There is a lot of negativity...

The child cant come downstairs without been told not to touch the window or the table because it will need to be cleaned again...she told me the other day that she(mother of the child) never tells her child to stop touching the table (made with a glass top) and she never cleans it...i dont think they relise it doesn't matter how many times you clean anything it will get dirty especially with kids...He gets told off for the smallest thing and no one else in the house shows him to do things they prefer instead they tell him nonono....

They make him look like the worse child...compaired to other kids and they dont relise it but they make her feel like a bad mother too with there choice of words...

She has become very depressed and paranoid...she feels all her judgements and based on what others want rather whats best for them because she feels pressure to do so...

Her owns parents dont come to the house because of these reasons..

When they gets upset everyone elses blames that its because of her child...or the mum spoils him too much when is misbehaving...

humza81 you sound like the child health nurse.... r u one brother?

I will tell her to try this naughty chair again... problem been he get told off the smallest things even opening the cupboard because it makes a bang noise when she shuts it or sometimes he doesnt and they just see him open it and he gets told off for opening it...the sick one doesnt like it.

Her judgement is that she thinks that the childs behaviour that he has developed is because he is told he is consistedly told that he is bad or wrong or something on those lines. he cant do anything right or is deprived of doing things he should be deprived of...

Her dreams is her own dwelling...then she feels that she can be a better person, a better mother and a better wife...

Maybe it has to do with the finances because they are paying food bills and porportion of the house...maybe her husband doesnt want to leave his mother because he wants to look like that one of the sons that will stay and care for her...he hasnt been that supported of her when she had the children in the first place... she went into depression and he didnt seem to really GET it if you know what i mean...She cant get a clear understanding as to why they cant get there own place....
Does anyone have any shariah ruling on the womens right of obtaining a place of her own?

Her husband doesnt let her leave the house without himself going with her and the kids...
I think im her only friend...when she reverted her friends didnt support her decisions...although she does know some people but they are the husbands family friends...she cant talk to them...:nervous:

Her in laws are nice people...dont get me wrong but are not really reflecting on any of their behaviour...

She has become very snappy...very moody...
I know Allah swt has blessed her with a lot of patience...:statisfie
Thankyou for all your advice...It is a difficult issue...anything more you want to add would be greatly appreciated...
Thanks for all the links...too...

P>S> This is my first thread LOL!:statisfie
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-23-2011, 03:13 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by highway4
Assalamu alaikum,

THANKYou all for you advices makes me feel someone else does care...

She has repeatedly told him that she wants a seperate dwelling to her husband but doesn't seem to want to compromise...He told her that she should be patient because she is very sick (she has gone through quite a lot) and she has the right to say these things...she isnt exactly in a normal state because of meds and operations...that she needs to appreciate what she has...

She didnt say he was wrong but overall disagrees because she says there is a limitation to everything and doesnt want to burden on everyone else..most of all wants her children to grow up in a healthy & positive enviroment....thats their right...she thinks everyone would become appriciate everything more if they moved out...

She is very aware about the childs outburst and demands but what can she do...she cant let him scream, from left or right someone else comes and intervines and says something...there is a complaint...she feels if she doesnt tell the child off then everyone in the house will tell her to control him or how bad he is or she dont tell him off or they say our mum is sick she cant stand it ...It hurts so much but she keeps it all inside...Thats why she told me about it because i think she cant controll her anger much longer because its been a while... she starting to give the impression shes angry with them...she doesnt want to cause anything bad in relations...

There is a lot of negativity...

The child cant come downstairs without been told not to touch the window or the table because it will need to be cleaned again...she told me the other day that she(mother of the child) never tells her child to stop touching the table (made with a glass top) and she never cleans it...i dont think they relise it doesn't matter how many times you clean anything it will get dirty especially with kids...He gets told off for the smallest thing and no one else in the house shows him to do things they prefer instead they tell him nonono....

They make him look like the worse child...compaired to other kids and they dont relise it but they make her feel like a bad mother too with there choice of words...

She has become very depressed and paranoid...she feels all her judgements and based on what others want rather whats best for them because she feels pressure to do so...

Her owns parents dont come to the house because of these reasons..

When they gets upset everyone elses blames that its because of her child...or the mum spoils him too much when is misbehaving...

humza81 you sound like the child health nurse.... r u one brother?

I will tell her to try this naughty chair again... problem been he get told off the smallest things even opening the cupboard because it makes a bang noise when she shuts it or sometimes he doesnt and they just see him open it and he gets told off for opening it...the sick one doesnt like it.

Her judgement is that she thinks that the childs behaviour that he has developed is because he is told he is consistedly told that he is bad or wrong or something on those lines. he cant do anything right or is deprived of doing things he should be deprived of...

Her dreams is her own dwelling...then she feels that she can be a better person, a better mother and a better wife...

Maybe it has to do with the finances because they are paying food bills and porportion of the house...maybe her husband doesnt want to leave his mother because he wants to look like that one of the sons that will stay and care for her...he hasnt been that supported of her when she had the children in the first place... she went into depression and he didnt seem to really GET it if you know what i mean...She cant get a clear understanding as to why they cant get there own place....
Does anyone have any shariah ruling on the womens right of obtaining a place of her own?

Her husband doesnt let her leave the house without himself going with her and the kids...
I think im her only friend...when she reverted her friends didnt support her decisions...although she does know some people but they are the husbands family friends...she cant talk to them...:nervous:

Her in laws are nice people...dont get me wrong but are not really reflecting on any of their behaviour...

She has become very snappy...very moody...
I know Allah swt has blessed her with a lot of patience...:statisfie
Thankyou for all your advice...It is a difficult issue...anything more you want to add would be greatly appreciated...
Thanks for all the links...too...

P>S> This is my first thread LOL!:statisfie
Asalaamu Alaikum, no my sister i am not a child health nurse but i have watched a lot of programmes about dealing with child behaviour and also from knowledge and experience of the world.

The best thing that any of us can advise you regarding the womens situation is that she have a very serious talk with her husband telling her that she cannot take it anymore and the fact that she is living with inlaws in such a cramped space where the child cannot move around freely is adding to her stress.

Her husband is not blind and he should be able to establish that this situation is stressing his wife out and that they should certasinly move out where they can have their own space and private life within the confines of their own home rather than having to live in someone elses house and live under their rules and not have any proper space of their own in order to bring up their child properly. This stress is going to also affect the child in a detrimental way. She should really stress to her husband that she cannot tolerate this anymore and for the sake of her health and the well being of the child they should move out as soon as is possible.

Consider this fatwa which you should also hand over the the women concerned so she can show it to her husband:

In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

The Shariah has given certain rights to the husband, just as it has give rights to the wife. Many times, failure to give the spouses their rights results in conflict and eventually breakdown of Marriage.

These rights, at times, may not go down to well with certain people and cultures. However, it is necessary for us to educate those Muslims who have been affected by cultural customs and traditions, and inform them of the injunctions of Shariah.

The benefit of learning and educating the masses about the rules and injunctions of Shariah with regards to social affairs is that each party will appreciate what the other has to offer. Subsequently, this will lead to respect, love and harmony.

For example, it is not necessary upon the wife to cook for or serve her parents in-law. Now, many people believe that it is the duty of the wife to look after not only the household affairs but all the family members including the nephew, niece, etc... If she is negligent in any way, then she is rebuked.

However, if the in-laws did not regard this as an incumbent duty of the wife, and she on her own accord took care of the household work, then this work will surely be appreciated. She will also in turn do her best to give something back in return for this appreciation.
Therefore, it is our duty that we teach the masses and inform them of the injunctions of Shariah with regards to social affairs. This may be a Jihad, and one will no doubt face much opposition from culturally oriented individuals, but the rewards by Allah will be immense Insha Allah.

Question: The Wife’s Right to an Independent ‘Shariah House’

Coming to your question, In the Hanafi school, the wife has a right to live (and demand to live) separately. It is the duty and responsibility of the husband to provide her with shelter (suknah). This shelter must, if she demands so, be free from the interference of any of the husband’s family. The responsibility of the husband will be fulfilled if the wife is provided with a separate area within the house, and where she is able to keep her belongings and where none of the husband’s family members are able to enter.

Imam al-Haskafi states in Durr al-Mukhtar:
“It is necessary for the husband to provide the wife with a shelter (home) that is free from his and her family members…. taking into consideration both their economic standings. A separate quarter within the house that has a lock, separate bathroom and kitchen will be [minimally] sufficient.”
The great Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) comments on this by saying:

“The reason behind al-Haskafi’s statement “Free from his family members” is that at times it may be harmful for her to share the house with other people, as her belongings may not be safe. Also, she will not able to enjoy her husband’s company in the presence of other people”.

Regarding al-Haskafi’s statement “Separate bathroom and kitchen”, this may defer from one family to another. Poor people who normally share these things with other families may find it difficult to provide a house with a separate bathroom and cooking area. Therefore, for them it will be sufficient to provide a separate quarter that has a lock” (Radd al-Muhtar 3/559-600).

Imam al-Kasani states in his Bada’i al-Sana’i:
“It is necessary to provide the wife with shelter as Allah Most High Says: “Let the women live in the same stile as you live, according to your means. And annoy them not, so as to restrict them” (al-Talaq, 6).
So what about the other family members?

If the husband desired her to live with his other wife or his family members, such as: his mum, sister, daughter from another wife or relatives, and she refused, then it will incumbent upon him to provide her with a separate living quarter. The reason for this is that she may be harmed in co-sharing, and her refusal is a sign of harm. Also, the spouses need to fulfill their mutual sexual needs whenever the need arises, which may be difficult with others around.

If the husband provided her with a separate quarter in a large home, which has a separate lock, then she will not have right to demand for a total separate house” (Kasani, Bada’i al-Sana’i, Vol.4, P.23).

In Conclusion

In conclusion, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide the wife with shelter. If she demands it to be separate from the husbands family, then the husband will be obliged to provide a living quarter which is free from the interference of others and that it has a separate lock. As far as the bathroom and cooking area is concerned, this should also be separate if they are not from a poor family background (as Ibn Abidin mentions in length in his super commentary), or else the responsibility will be discharged by providing the above.

And Allah knows best

Sheikh Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari, UK

Source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...ID=273&CATE=87
Reply

Dagless
01-23-2011, 03:27 AM
The kid is in a bad situation, it's a sad world where people care more about couches and tables than happiness. Can't the mother start taking him out more? Nursery? Maybe her family or friends house? Somewhere educational? I know going out all the time is not the answer but it may help balance things out more.
Reply

highway4
01-24-2011, 02:53 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Dagless
The kid is in a bad situation, it's a sad world where people care more about couches and tables than happiness. Can't the mother start taking him out more? Nursery? Maybe her family or friends house? Somewhere educational? I know going out all the time is not the answer but it may help balance things out more.
Salam alaikum,
I am sure that she would take him out more if she had permission to take the child...The kid gets taken with the father sometimes when he can usually when he is in a position where bringing him is suitable...Her parents work so its like once a week or in two weeks she can only visit them... Everyones so busy in this part of the world... when she and her husband go out with the kids she uses that time to do the groceries or other necessities... the kid might start preschool next year but doesn't change the home situation... She would want the toddler to feel that home is best then a habit of out and about...if you what im saying... When they start school thats it...it takes so much of their time... she has a baby as well...

I think the fact that loving world possetions in xpense to children especially when they are family adds on to her fustrations..
Her mother in law bought the furniture herself and i can understand that she wants it maintained but she knew kids are living in the house and she has grand children as well that come over sometimes...
A house should be a home not just the pleasure of display...

But like i said her mum in law has health issues, to me she is at a stage where she is past that time in her life to tolerate kids...and does have the right to focus on herself because she needs to look after herself as well...
If they do move out there is a high chance she might feel a bit lonely but honestly she doesnt seem to like to stay in the house too long anyway she easily bored and becomes easily depressed...
she has kids herself with seperate dwellings who do live locally so she goes there too ...

Her mother in law wants them to move...she says it when she fustrated...or when things dont go according to what she expects it too...

Her husband is the one been stubbon and i dont know why?I dont think he acknowledges her rights as a wife and a mother....Its really is sad...

format_quote Originally Posted by Hamza81
Asalaamu Alaikum, no my sister i am not a child health nurse but i have watched a lot of programmes about dealing with child behaviour and also from knowledge and experience of the world. The best thing that any of us can advise you regarding the womens situation is that she have a very serious talk with her husband telling her that she cannot take it anymore and the fact that she is living with inlaws in such a cramped space where the child cannot move around freely is adding to her stress. Her husband is not blind and he should be able to establish that this situation is stressing his wife out and that they should certasinly move out where they can have their own space and private life within the confines of their own home rather than having to live in someone elses house and live under their rules and not have any proper space of their own in order to bring up their child properly. This stress is going to also affect the child in a detrimental way. She should really stress to her husband that she cannot tolerate this anymore and for the sake of her health and the well being of the child they should move out as soon as is possible.

I will advise her to talk to her husband again...I dont think he quite understands what she is emotionally going through..regardless of what she says...she has tryed telling him before but doesnt go down very well...he is very busy with work too...again this too fustrates her because his not home enough to see what its like to be in her position or to be a mother and dealing with this...

She told me that she is happy with what she has got, others are in a lower position but she cant disregard the kids rights and hers because she is struggling to look after the kids when she is struggling with everything herself...and ...is concerned for their future ...
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-24-2011, 03:15 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by highway4
Salam alaikum,
I am sure that she would take him out more if she had permission to take the child...The kid gets taken with the father sometimes when he can usually when he is in a position where bringing him is suitable...Her parents work so its like once a week or in two weeks she can only visit them... Everyones so busy in this part of the world... when she and her husband go out with the kids she uses that time to do the groceries or other necessities... the kid might start preschool next year but doesn't change the home situation... She would want the toddler to feel that home is best then a habit of out and about...if you what im saying... When they start school thats it...it takes so much of their time... she has a baby as well...

I think the fact that loving world possetions in xpense to children especially when they are family adds on to her fustrations..
Her mother in law bought the furniture herself and i can understand that she wants it maintained but she knew kids are living in the house and she has grand children as well that come over sometimes...
A house should be a home not just the pleasure of display...

But like i said her mum in law has health issues, to me she is at a stage where she is past that time in her life to tolerate kids...and does have the right to focus on herself because she needs to look after herself as well...
If they do move out there is a high chance she might feel a bit lonely but honestly she doesnt seem to like to stay in the house too long anyway she easily bored and becomes easily depressed...
she has kids herself with seperate dwellings who do live locally so she goes there too ...

Her mother in law wants them to move...she says it when she fustrated...or when things dont go according to what she expects it too...

Her husband is the one been stubbon and i dont know why?I dont think he acknowledges her rights as a wife and a mother....Its really is sad...




I will advise her to talk to her husband again...I dont think he quite understands what she is emotionally going through..regardless of what she says...she has tryed telling him before but doesnt go down very well...he is very busy with work too...again this too fustrates her because his not home enough to see what its like to be in her position or to be a mother and dealing with this...

She told me that she is happy with what she has got, others are in a lower position but she cant disregard the kids rights and hers because she is struggling to look after the kids when she is struggling with everything herself...and ...is concerned for their future ...
Asalaamu Alaikum, she really needs to get it through to her husband that he must not be neglectful of the situation her and her kids are in. She needs to make it out to him that he must act urgently otherwise the impact on her health and the upbringing of the children will be affected negatively. He must be made aware of this but she should not shout or argue with him but just be firm and try to make him understand and not let it pass like with her previous attempts. She should also continue to ask of Allah and trust and rely on him and she should continue to treat her inlaws in the best manner possible.

I pray whatever happens for her and her family happens for the best. Ameen
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highway4
01-24-2011, 03:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Hamza81
Asalaamu Alaikum, she really needs to get it through to her husband that he must not be neglectful of the situation her and her kids are in. She needs to make it out to him that he must act urgently otherwise the impact on her health and the upbringing of the children will be affected negatively. He must be made aware of this but she should not shout or argue with him but just be firm and try to make him understand and not let it pass like with her previous attempts. She should also continue to ask of Allah and trust and rely on him and she should continue to treat her inlaws in the best manner possible.

I pray whatever happens for her and her family happens for the best. Ameen
Thankyou brother for your advice and support and May Allah swt reward you for your efforts...Ameen!
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