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Need guidance
Walaikum Asalam,
I must say that I spent the last 3 prays weeping with joy and sorrow from the words and wisdom you have shared with me. It is a shame my knowledge on Islam is so basic as is everyone around me that instead of telling me what I am and preparing me for the world, I was thrown out and cast as a sinner. It took 7 years before my family asked me back and for the last 1.5yrs we fought regarding everything including Islam.
My tears today brother Humza is that I no longer feel like shaitans child, nor do I feel like a freak. I cried cause the answer I was looking for all my life laid in the Haddith which you introduced me to do... May Allah forgive me for not knowing and acting in sin all these years.
If Mukhannath's back in the day of the prophet held respect, why has it changed over the years? .
You have given me a new lease on life, a purpose to live and for that I am truely grateful.
With regards to this man, he is mearly still a boy of almost 19yrs of age... Maybe this is my biggest test in life is to leave the one I have been searching for my entire life for the happiness of Allah.
He has told his mother and brother about me who I went and lived with and met for a month, they were very sweet and caring towards my needs and happiness and have advised that I am permitted to live with him provided we do not sin. His mother went to the extreme of covering me and protecting me when sinful police and certain men were near by.
Living with him brother Humza is not going to be so easy as he lives on the other side of the world, bringing him here to Australia will be a enormous task which could take years and could be next to impossible.
I have constantly asked him about him wanting children and finding a wife and to forget about me, but he has assured me that he is not interested in anyone else and that he has no desires to have children.. should he want children he will adopt. Believe me, being 11years older than him I have been burnt by the tales of lies men spin in order to get what they want, however somehow with him it seem different as mostly we speak about islam.
Are we not permitted to live with each other even if we promise to become brothers and have a brotherly love, and also go to haj as brothers?
I guess my fears of growing old alone is part of my punishment for the sinful life I have lead.
During my prayers tonight I told Allah that if this is what he wants than this what he shall have.. I ready to accept my punishment and end all ties should Allah want this, the answer will yet to be revealed to me inshallah soon enough.
Before meeting this guy, I told myself, I will come back to Australia with a soulmate or a best friend, for it was he who brought me to Islam when no one else could.
Thank you Humza truely for being honest with me and opening my eyes. It is times like this that ones views on human beings is restored.
May I ask another question which has nothing to do with this.. I own a small dog, approx 4-5kgs who I have had for nearly 7-8 years along with a cat which I know is not haram to have.
I have been told many different views with dog and islam and would like your opionion on the matter.
Currently my dog stays mostly in my bedroom, the garage or out in the back yard. We do not let her run around the house, firstly as it is my parents home and 2ndly I have started praying and know that much that a dog should be that close to you when praying.
I have been told I need to get rid of her, but how can I get rid of an innocent animal who has been with me for all her life and who is so small that she can not fend for herself.
I read an article once that they said you are permitted to have a dog provided you keep the dog clean and that it is the nose of that is what is dirty.... So your views on this matter would also be very grately appreciated.
Asalaamu Alaikum, you should thank Allah abundantly for he has lead you here to find the answers you have been looking for. In life we will come across many people who lack knowledge and understanding of certain matters and will therefore be ignorant out of fear of that which they do not understand.
It is Almighty Allah's decision to make you the way you are and this alone should be enough to make you content and happy with the way Allah has made you. Allah never makes mistakes and anyone who says he does is out of the fold of Islam.
Scholars of Islam need to break this taboo of discussing this topic and should make it well known to people because any parent may be faced with the issues your parents faced but if they have the necessery knowledge then they can be much more supportive and be able to handle these issues much better. Unfortunatley because these situations are not well documented or well known then people are ignorant about them and do not know how to deal with them. So it is knowledge that will bring clarity to this matter so that parents can deal with these situations in a much better way being supportive and helpful instead of the opposite.
However your parents and family treated you forgive them in your heart and continue to be the best towards them. Understand that they knew not and never have bitterness or resentment in your heart for how they treated you as i am sure they also went through a lot of torture as well as confusion and this led them to be in fear and fear led them to react the way they did towards you. They love you more than anything but just don't know how to handle this situation. Always make dua for them and give your love to them. Give them information about your situation in relation to Islam so that they may better understand. Continue to be patient with them and in the end everything will work out well inshallah.
Now that you know the truth you must never let other peoples ignorance get to you but you should put your hopes, faith, reliance and trust in Allah for he created you the way you are and as long as you do everything to please him and abstain from doing anything to displease or anger him then that is all that should matter to you.
In regards to the young man then it is clear that he is very young and naive. He has fallen for you but is clearly not thinking straight. We all want someone to love and cherish us but this is not the right way to go about it and it is this desire to find a life partner that causes so much pain for so many people. If he is saying what he is now then surely later on when he matures and starts to think straight he will definatley change his mind especially because he will want to start a family of his own.
Regardless of how he will feel for you in the future it is still not permissable in anyway for you to stay in touch with him let alone for you to live with him. No Islamic scholar will ever say to you that it is permissable and in the eyes of Allah how can two people who are not married live with each other let alone people of the same sex living with each other as a couple.
Your going to have to wake up from the dream world that you and him have created for yourselves. It is this dream world that so many couples create and when the bubble finally bursts and reality hits that is when the extreme pain sets in. These dreams will remain dreams and as Muslims we must live in reality because the reality is that we can die at ANY moment and therefore we must prepare for our final destination which is the hereafter.
You cannot live with someone you are attracted towards. That is like me living with a women i am not married to saying that i will live with her and treat her like she is my sister but shaythan will still alwys be third party and it is not permissable for a non married couple to be alone with each other and be in contact. Therefore it is not permissable for you to be alone with a non mahram male or female. There needs to be others there present whenever you are alone with a non mahram male or female. It is not a punishment to be without a partner for you can adopt and do many good works in your life for the pleasure of Allah.
How long is our life? You are 30 now and the average life is 70 so let us say if you did make it to 70 that is 40 years you have left. If you devote those 40 years to Allah then you have ETERNITY of bliss and you can forever spend your eternity with a partner in Paradise and have whatever you want to your hearts content. This world is temporary and we may die at any moment so let us not devote ourselves to this temporary life but let us focus on the hereafter which is our final and eternal destination.
You will have to make sacrifices in order to be on the right path and these are sacrifices many of us have to make. We sacrifice this life for the next because this life is temporary and the next life is eternity. Therefore it is logical to concentrate on the long term rather than the short. These sacrifices for the pleasure of Allah will be rewarded abundantley on the day of judgement inshallah.
The path towards Paradise is never an easy one because it is surrounded by hardships, trials and tests but if you focus on doing everything to please Allah and putting your faith, trust, reliance and hopes in him then who can ever deter you from the right path?
It is this reliance and trust in Allah that will help you get over any issue, hardship, problem and trial. It is your faith and patience that will get you through ANY difficulty in life. You have faced many problems and have now realised your purpose and solution to your issues.
Therefore Allah has listened to your prayers and now you know what you have to do and it is upto you to make the right choices and act upon the advice. Allah will judge you on the choices you made in this life so make the right choices which will please Allah and not choices that will anger or displease him.
In regards to your dog then it is not permissable to keep a dog except as a guard dog for protection of property and for hunting. The saliva of the dog is unclean.
Sahih Muslim. Hadith 551. Narrated byAbdullah Ibn Mughaffal: .....When the dog licks the utensil, wash it seven times, and rub it with earth the eighth time.
Sahih Al-Bukhari 3:515. Narrated Abu Huraira: I heard Allah's Apostle (saw) saying; "Angels (of Mercy) do not enter a house wherein there is a dog or a picture of a living creature (a human being or an animal)."
Keping a dog in your home is stopping angels from entering the house. Pictures as in portraits or photographs of animate objects on the walls.
Losing good deeds by keeping dogs:
Muslim, in his Saheeh, Tirmithi and an-Nissaai narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah, may peace and blessings be upon him, said, "Whoever keeps a dog, other than the dogs for hunting, securing agricultural land or livestock, indeed two qeerat (a weight of about .195g) are taken away from his rewards everyday."
[Saheeh al Jamie]
Keeping dogs inside the house without any necessity merely as pets was forbidden by the Prophet (Sallallahu Alahyi Wasallim). When we observe how lavishly the well-to-do treat their dogs while despising their relatives, and how much attention they give their dogs while neglecting their neighbors, we realize the wisdom of this prohibition. Moreover, the presence of a dog makes the household utensils unhygienic due to their licking of them. The Prophet (Sallallahu Alahyi Wasallim) said, "If a dog licks a plate (or pot), clean it seven times, of which one time should be with sand (or earth)."
(Reported by al-Bukhari.)
Some scholars are of the opinion that the reason for prohibiting the keeping of dogs may be because they bark at visitors, scare away the needy who come to ask for charity, and chase and try to bite passers-by.
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alahyi Wasallim) said, Jibril came to me and said, 'I came to you yesterday but what stopped me from entering was that there was a statue at the door, a curtain with figures on it in the house, and a dog inside the house. So order that the head of the statue be broken off so that it resembles the trunk of tree, that the curtain be cut and made into two pillows to recline on, and that the dog be taken out.'
(Reported by AbDaoud, al-Nisai, al-Tirmidhi, and by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih.)
We must not do anything to comprimise our deen for the purpose of our life is to worship Allah so we must NOT let anything deter us from that or get in our way and keeping a dog is contrary to Islamic teachings and certainly gets in the way of worship as well as the fact that one has to constantly clean themselves of the saliva of the dog as well as dog hairs being all over the place. On top of that the life of a dog is comparitively short to ours so it is inevitable that if we keep a dog it will most likely die in our lifetime and this will cause immense pain.
Obviously you will have gained a very strong bond with the dog over the perioud of time that you have had it and it will be difficult to let go of but this is just one of the sacrifices you will have to make in order to go towards the right path in order to please Allah. We as Muslims sacrifice this life for the next and suppress our desires for the plasure of Allah for we can have whatever we desire for eternity in Jannah whilst those that indulged themselves in this world and sacrificed the hereafter for this world and rejected the laws of Allah will have no portion of the hereafter.
And Allah knows best in all matters