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Nizam1
01-23-2011, 12:35 AM
As some of you may already know from reading some of my other posts, my wife and I, along with our four children have reverted to Islam. My sons are 15, 13, 10 and 6. My eldest two sons chose to revert, whereas the younger two, because of their age, are now being raised as Muslims and did not make the choice themselves. That said, neither of the youngest two have voiced any real opposition to Islam or the changes in our lives anyway. I thought I'd just make that clear.

My question concerns the wearing of topees (I think that is the correct spelling?). My eldest two boys (through choice) and my youngest son (due to us telling him) wear a topi to school, around the house, when out with friends, and of course during prayer. However, my 10 year old son refuses to wear one at all except during prayer when he knows he must. I know it is optional to wear one at other times, but I think it sets a good example (that's my opinion, I know some may disagree, which is fine).

Naturally, I do not want to force him as that may produce resentment. So, I'd like to ask what people here think I should do? Any advice is welcome.

Thanks for taking the time to help me.
Reply

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Hamza Asadullah
01-23-2011, 04:07 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nizam1
As some of you may already know from reading some of my other posts, my wife and I, along with our four children have reverted to Islam. My sons are 15, 13, 10 and 6. My eldest two sons chose to revert, whereas the younger two, because of their age, are now being raised as Muslims and did not make the choice themselves. That said, neither of the youngest two have voiced any real opposition to Islam or the changes in our lives anyway. I thought I'd just make that clear.

My question concerns the wearing of topees (I think that is the correct spelling?). My eldest two boys (through choice) and my youngest son (due to us telling him) wear a topi to school, around the house, when out with friends, and of course during prayer. However, my 10 year old son refuses to wear one at all except during prayer when he knows he must. I know it is optional to wear one at other times, but I think it sets a good example (that's my opinion, I know some may disagree, which is fine).

Naturally, I do not want to force him as that may produce resentment. So, I'd like to ask what people here think I should do? Any advice is welcome.

Thanks for taking the time to help me.
Asalaamu Alaikum, Mashallah congratulations my brother that is so beautiful that you and your whole family has reverted. Thank Allah abundantley.

My brother it is a wonderful thing that you want your children to wear the topi in order for them to be indentified as Muslims wherever they go. But since this is such a big change for the family it is more difficult for some to adjust to change than others. Therefore you should continue to encourage your family and children in a gentle manner using wisdom and tact.

The following are 10 tips for you:

1. Take your wife and children to Islamic talks and lectures as much as is possible. If not then you can get Islamic lectures off of the internet or DVD or even on Islamic channels on Sky which you can watch together even if for a short while everyday.

2. Everyday even if its for a short while get a good and reliable book like "Riyad us Saaliheen" by Imam Nawawi (RA) and read a page or on a particular topic each day even for 15- 20 mins. Doing something small often is better than doing something big sometimes.

3. Take your children to the Masjid for Fard prayers as much as is possible. If the Masjid is too far then at least take them as much as you can. If not you can pray at home with you leading your family in Jamaat (Congregation). For this you should do Adhaan at home so your family would know it is prayer time so they can make wudu and pray with you.

4. Establish firm rules for praying Salaah especially with children as the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) encouraged parents to be firm on children by the time they are 7 to pray their Salaah. So talk about the importance of Salaah to your family quite often.

5. Try to get your children to attend Qur'an classes so that they may learn to recite Qur'an., The younger they are the easier it will be for them to learn. Encourage them to do hifdh (Memorize Qur'an) as it is easier at an earlier age and is a great blessing in this world and the hereafter.

6. Encourage your children to learn about Islam. Like pick a topic to talk about once weekly like on weekends. Talk about it and then test your children on it by devising a simple test on papaer and then mark it and reward them at the end.

7. Play fun games with your children where they can have fun and learn about Islam at the same time. Be innovative!

8. Talk to your children as much as possible about the life of the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and about stories and examples from his life, his character, mercy and what an amazing human being he really was.

9. Once your children have developed an awe and love for him then make them want to follow his example as much as possible. Make them realise that he is our role model to follow in life and not these fake celebrities and rap stars on the media.

Encourage your children to follow the examples and Sunnah's of our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) as much as is possible. Encourage them to have deep love for our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and to want to emulate him in every aspect of his life. This will be a good way to encourage your 10 year old to follow the examples, dress and behaviour of our Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) so that he may eventually wear the topi out of his own accord.

10. Also make much dua for your family and children as Allah certainly listens to the dua of the father for his children. But remember you can only do your best as a parent and however your children turn out in the future you must never them get in the way of you worshipping and pleasing your creator.

May Allah give you and your wife and children the best of this world and the hereafter. Ameen

Hope these tips helped. Thought i would also include a fatwa about the legal status of wearing a topi in Islam:

In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Wearing a hat (Qalansuwa in Arabic) is the Sunnah of our blessed Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), Sahaba (Allah be pleased with them all) and the great scholars and pious predecessors of this Ummah.

There are many evidences which support this. Just to mention a few:

1) Abdullah Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) used to wear a white hat (Recorded by Tabrani).

2) Hasan al-Basri (Allah be pleased with him) says: “The people (Sahaba-Allah be pleased with them all) used to perform Sajdah (prostration) upon their turbans and hats (Sahih al-Bukhari, 1/151).

3) Rukanah (Allah be pleased with him) says, I heard the Messenger of Allah (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) say: “The difference between us and the polytheists is, wearing the turban over the hat” (Sunan Abu Dawud, 4075 & Sunan Tirmizi, 3919).

4) In the ‘Musannaf’ of Ibn Abi Shaybah, the wearing of a hat is reported from Ali ibn al-Husain, Abdullah ibn Zubair, Dahhak and Abu Musa (Allah be pleased with them all).

It is clear from the above that wearing a hat is a Sunnah. It has been the practise of the Ummah throughout history, and has become one of the symbols of Islam.

The great Hanafi jurist, Mullah Ali al-Qari (Allah have mercy on him) states that the wearing of the hat has become one of the salient symbols of Islam. (Mirqat al-Masabih, vol.8 pg.246).

Due to the above, the scholars mention that even though, not wearing a hat can not be classed as unlawful (haram), as it is a Sunnah, but due to the fact that it has become one of the signs of Islam, it is generally undesirable to keep the head exposed. One should try to keep the head covered whenever reasonably possible.

And Allah knows best

Sheikh Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam

Darul Iftaa

Leicester, UK

Source: http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/topi.htm


Here are some free Islamic resources for kids

http://www.ad-duha.org/freezone/index.html

Islamic Books for children:

http://www.ad-duha.org/html/book_store.html

http://www.iqra.org/index/items.asp?Cc=CHIL&Bc=

Bringing up Children In Islam: (http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/...?idproduct=167)

Ideal Mother: (http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/...?idproduct=571)

The Ideal Father: (http://www.azharacademy.com/scripts/...idproduct=1427)

A wonderful E book for New Muslims and children:

Islam: Beliefs and teachings

http://www.islamicbulletin.org/free_...m_children.pdf

I have also provided various links of Islamic resources for you:

1. Essential Islamic Knowledge Author: By Qadi Thanaullah Panipati

ISBN: 1-872531-34-2 Islamic Foundation – Lecister:

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...products_id=37

OR

The Absolute Essentials of Islam (9780972835848) by Shaikh Faraz Rabbani
Used for new Muslims in the Sunnipath Online course

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...roducts_id=684

One of the two books listed in red above is a must for new Muslims before any other book.
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3. The Compendium Of Knowledge And Wisdom by Ibn Rajab Hanbali (RAH), Commentery of Imam Nawawis 40+ hadith, Turath Publishing:

http://www.onlineislamicstore.com/b9411.html

4. Ash Shifa (Muhammad: Messenger of Allah) by Qadi 'Iyad, translated by Aisha Bewley

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...products_id=76

and

Muhammad His Life based on the Earliest Sources by Martin Lings

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...roducts_id=280

5.Manners In Islam (Al-Adabal-Mufrad) (11-HAD0017) by Imam Bukhari (RAH)

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...roducts_id=556

6.Hisnul Muslim: Fortress of the Muslim

Compiled and referenced by: Sa'eed Ibn Wahf Al-Qahtaani.

Pocket size Dua book for all occasions. Contains the basic duas that every Muslim should know.

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...oducts_id=1154

Other additonal books one may like to refer to are as follows in order to develop ones understanding of deen:

1. Aqaid at Tahawhiyaa - The Creed Of Imam Al-Tahawi,

Translated by Shaikh Hamza Yusuf, Zaytuna Institute

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...oducts_id=1821

2. Prayers For Forgiveness by Hasan Al Basri (PB)(9780972835817)

Small Classical compilation of supplication, translated by Mufti Abdur Rahman Ibn Yusuf

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...roducts_id=762

3. Differences of Imams

Codification of fiqh in simple terms and its relation to the hadith.

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...roducts_id=517

4. Bidah & The Salaf's Worship

authored by Maulana Abu al-Hasanat Abd al-Hayy Lucknawi (RH) and edited by
Shaikh Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddah (RH)

http://kitaabun.com/shopping3/produc...roducts_id=397
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If you are in London and want to learn more, Try this institute and attend part time studies

http://www.ebrahimcollege.org.uk
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In absence of qualified scholars to learn from, try the online base courses

The online courses are designed for the New Muslim in mind.

In the absence of a suitable venue, learned teacher or facility to utilise the following internet based learning method which combines traditional methodolgy with modern technology can be used:

http://seekersguidance.org/
http://www.shariahprogram.ca/
http://blog.sunnipath.com/2008/01/27...r-new-muslims/

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Try the following links for future Q&A if you have no access to a qualified scholar:

1.www.daruliftaa.com
2.http://seekersguidance.org
3.www.sunnipath.com
4.www.askimam.org


These articles wil help you to maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday so you can get closer to Allah inshallah:


10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...man-faith.html (10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith))

30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...eir-lives.html (30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!)

Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...vy-scales.html (Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!)

My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...hip-check.html (My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!)

10 steps to getting closer to Allah

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ser-allah.html (10 steps to getting closer to Allah)

Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!)

VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!

http://www.islamicboard.com/worship-...-everyday.html (VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!)

How much we will regret the precious seconds we wasted in this world!

http://www.islamicboard.com/manners-...ted-world.html


Wasting Time is worse than Death!

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...han-death.html


The Effects of Good deeds will remain forever!!!

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...n-forever.html

Want to see the REAL appearance of Almighty Allah everyday?

http://www.islamicboard.com/general/...-everyday.html

Here are some very beneficial lectures to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:


AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc


Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ

Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA

HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc

Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg


If you need further advice or any help at all then please do not hesitate to ask. Please also mention me in your dua's.

And Allah knows best in all matters
Reply

Dagless
01-23-2011, 05:30 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nizam1
My question concerns the wearing of topees (I think that is the correct spelling?). My eldest two boys (through choice) and my youngest son (due to us telling him) wear a topi to school, around the house, when out with friends, and of course during prayer. However, my 10 year old son refuses to wear one at all except during prayer when he knows he must. I know it is optional to wear one at other times, but I think it sets a good example (that's my opinion, I know some may disagree, which is fine).

Naturally, I do not want to force him as that may produce resentment. So, I'd like to ask what people here think I should do? Any advice is welcome.

Thanks for taking the time to help me.
If he doesn't want to wear it why don't you just leave him be? He may change his mind in time after seeing you and his brothers wear it. Trying to force him is almost like you're making something a fard when it is not a fard (not even during prayer).
Reply

Nizam1
01-24-2011, 01:43 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Hamza81
Asalaamu Alaikum, Mashallah congratulations my brother that is so beautiful that you and your whole family has reverted. Thank Allah abundantley.

My brother it is a wonderful thing that you want your children to wear the topi in order for them to be indentified as Muslims wherever they go. But since this is such a big change for the family it is more difficult for some to adjust to change than others. Therefore you should continue to encourage your family and children in a gentle manner using wisdom and tact.
Thank you.

I think it is very important for them to establish their identity as Muslims. I think this especially true as they don't visually conform to the stereotype of a Muslim; being white with blue eyes. Wearing a topi on the other hand, unmistakably identifies them as Muslims to Muslims and non-Muslims alike. For the eldest two boys, it has proven a huge plus at school as other Muslim boys have been more closely associating with them. At school alone, they have made many more friends by wearing a topi as a symbol of their identity. Without it, who would be able to tell them apart from a non-Muslim?

For my three boys who do wear topees, I have specified that they should wear a white one to school (for consistency mainly, and because it tends to match best with the uniform). Outside of school they are free to wear whatever colour they choose; but it tends to be black at the moment. As far as I know, there aren't any "negative" colours that are not allowed (or advised) to be worn by Islam.

Thank you for the ten tips. We have implemented most of those things in some form or another. The boys all pray salaah 5 times a day when at home, which I lead, and while they are at school they are required to attend prayers while there (we opted them into this). Little by little things are coming together. I should also probably mention that the boys have been circumcised; the eldest two at their own request. I cannot fault their behaviour, but then again, they have always been very good children. I am truly blessed.

It will take me a while to get through the resources, but I shall get there!
Reply

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Nizam1
01-24-2011, 01:46 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Dagless
If he doesn't want to wear it why don't you just leave him be? He may change his mind in time after seeing you and his brothers wear it. Trying to force him is almost like you're making something a fard when it is not a fard (not even during prayer).
I am not forcing him. I specified I wasn't going to force him in my post. I was asking what I could do to encourage him. You have misinterpreted what I have written I think.
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
01-24-2011, 02:53 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nizam1
Thank you.

I think it is very important for them to establish their identity as Muslims. I think this especially true as they don't visually conform to the stereotype of a Muslim; being white with blue eyes. Wearing a topi on the other hand, unmistakably identifies them as Muslims to Muslims and non-Muslims alike. For the eldest two boys, it has proven a huge plus at school as other Muslim boys have been more closely associating with them. At school alone, they have made many more friends by wearing a topi as a symbol of their identity. Without it, who would be able to tell them apart from a non-Muslim?

For my three boys who do wear topees, I have specified that they should wear a white one to school (for consistency mainly, and because it tends to match best with the uniform). Outside of school they are free to wear whatever colour they choose; but it tends to be black at the moment. As far as I know, there aren't any "negative" colours that are not allowed (or advised) to be worn by Islam.

Thank you for the ten tips. We have implemented most of those things in some form or another. The boys all pray salaah 5 times a day when at home, which I lead, and while they are at school they are required to attend prayers while there (we opted them into this). Little by little things are coming together. I should also probably mention that the boys have been circumcised; the eldest two at their own request. I cannot fault their behaviour, but then again, they have always been very good children. I am truly blessed.

It will take me a while to get through the resources, but I shall get there!
Asalaamu Alaikum, Alhamdulillah Allah has blessed you with wonderful children. Always keep a look out for the company they keep as they are growing up particularly around the time of puberty. It is incumbant that ones children keep the right company. Always make dua Allah keeps them on the right path inshallah.

The only colours that are discouraged for Muslim men to wear are very bright and feminine colours such a red, pink and bright yellow. If you need anymore help, advice or anything else then please do not hesitate to ask. Please Also mention me in your dua's. Ma'asalaam
Reply

Nizam1
02-23-2011, 01:35 AM
Just to update this, my 10 year old son is now wearing a topi as we've asked. We managed to persuade him to wear a black one to school a fortnight ago, and as luck would have it, his teacher complimented him upon it. Since then he's been wearing one all the time. Seems it did the trick!
Reply

tigerkhan
02-23-2011, 03:35 AM
mashallah it nice.
also if u dont mind, try to strength their eman and character along with islamic outlook.
ALLAH SWT help and bless u in every aspect. ameeeen
Reply

Hamza Asadullah
03-01-2011, 01:00 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Nizam1
Just to update this, my 10 year old son is now wearing a topi as we've asked. We managed to persuade him to wear a black one to school a fortnight ago, and as luck would have it, his teacher complimented him upon it. Since then he's been wearing one all the time. Seems it did the trick!
Asalaamu Alaikum, Mashallah thats wonderful. This is a very important age for children so it is the best time to permeate Islamic values and morals inside of their hearts so that those values and morales can remain ingrained in their hearts for the rest of their lives. If you need anymore help or advice on any matter then we are here for you inshallah.


Hope these links will help:


Calling Our Children to Islam

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...ldren-to-Islam

Teaching your Child about Islam

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...ld-about-Islam

Teaching children good manners

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...n-good-manners

How to Raise Righteous Children

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...teous-Children

Strengthening Mother Daughter Relationships

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...-Relationships

10 Things To Hand Down To Your Daughter

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...-Your-Daughter

Is Your Home an Islamic Home?

http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/show...n-Islamic-Home


May Allah give you and your family the best of this world and the next. Ameen
Reply

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