Brother in law

[Lonely Gal]

I cant seem to post this without my details so please dont judge me... Im scared to be around my brother in law, about ten years ago when he married my sister and came from pakistan he stayed in my family home, due to lack of space he slept in my room during the day and i slept there at night. He made me do things which i werent comfortsble with but bein young from a sheltered lifestyle i didnt know what to do or say, i started sayin no and things stopped. He moved out with my sis and for years i didnt talk to him unless i had to infront parents etc... And over time i questioned myself over the past and thought maybe im imagin things, if i was asleep on the sofa, i would wake up from sense someone is watchin me an then he'd be standing there. Im married to his brother, yes its a dawati shaadi as i come from a very traditionl family.. Anyways i moved in with my bro law and sis since i got married, didnt really c bro in law and cos it'd soo long i'd not really spoken to him i'd not given it a second thought... It has always been a part of me which only 2 close friends know about but recently my sis had to go pak in emergency, leavin her son with me. So this left me my nephew an bro law in the house, my nephew stayed at his cuz house and that left me and him, he came into my room and started talkin to me and threw in the convo he wants to sleep on the same bed as me... This scared me soo much i jus praye he went away, he evem tried to get in bed but i raised my voice and said no, he wouldnt go away and sat for over an hour, as he left he kissed my cheek and went to other room but then came back sayin he left his phone but kisse my cheek again and said maybe this is the reason i had to cime back, as soon as he went i cried sooo much, even upset now. My nephew was away for a few days and every night he'd come into my room and call me, i pretended to sleep eventhough i hardly slept through fear and he'd say are u ok and say o didnt realise ur sleeping etc, maybe id find it normal the first day but not every day.. I couldnt go to mums as she'd ask wats wrong and i cant tell anyone, what am i meant to say?? Even now he txt me to say call me when your free, i rang but no answer, then i went to bed and he call me and says come to my room need to have a word, i said no angrily lukily my nephew was at home otherwise id be really scared. He then said fine and hung up, 5 mins later he rang and goes i jus wanted to say im going to be out of town tom and back late so look after kids, and im thinking u could have told me on phone , he didnt have to ask me to go to him. He tried to make chit chat but i gave one word replies and theb ended convo... Im sooo scared of him and worry there nay be a point we may be alone, i cant tell anyone as it'll affect and mess up sooo many peoples lives. Im due to move out soon inshAllah but still cant get this oyt my system, i dont no why im writing this, just need to get it out as i feel trapped imsad

[Cabdullahi]

you are lucky because nothing catastrophic has happened yet....if i was you i would grab my bags and get the flip out of there...in fact i would run out bare footed

expose and exterminate the dude! or be exploited and then live a life full of sadness and regret

[S.Belle]

^ agreed 100%

and dont allow yourself to become a victim bc some person is acting crazy
you're not the one with the prob he is and getting away from him/ exploiting him will solve it inshallah

[tigerkhan]

i hate this culturalism and traditionalism. ur BIL is non-mahram to u. if u want ALLAH SWT will be pleased with u, u should make parda/hijaab from him.... also i am not sure but i think its Kabira Sin if u dont do hijab/parda from him. so u may think u want to pleased Allah SWT or ur family...? there is no obedience of parents or anyone else in haram things. try to make ur family understand about this issue, let them know what is ruling in islam about BIL.

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[Alpha Dude]

I think you'll have to take action at some point. Threaten to expose him and be angry and have a harsh voice when you talk to him always. Do you have a husband? Son? Brother? Anyone who can stand up for you? It would be a good idea to get them round.

Make sure you lock your room and never ever do anything that that places you in his room or him in your room alone with you. May Allah protect you, ameen.

[gladTidings]

O my dear sis you need to get out of there. That is so so wrong. You should never have been left with him. You need to go and live with your mother immediately and stay there until you have your own home with your own husband. Where is you husband anyway? He is supposed to be protecting you! Dont be afraid to talk to someone in your family about it ok?

take care my love x

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
cant he not look after his own son? is your nephew old enough to look after him? cant you talk to someone like your parents or something so that they can threaten him?

get out of thier sis.

[Lonely Gal]

NePhew is only 8 and his dad dont giv him the time a father should in my eyes. I feel i have alot more duty and responsibilty to him, i cant tell anyone, my parents are under soo much upset and stress from factors, this would break them. Cant tell sis as it'd affect their manage and kids lives, cant tell hubby cos thats his brother :(

[Alpha Dude]

Where's your husband?

You went to stay over at your brother in law's place to look after nephew because the boy's mother is away. Is that correct?

[S.Belle]

NePhew is only 8 and his dad dont giv him the time a father should in my eyes. I feel i have alot more duty and responsibilty to him, i cant tell anyone, my parents are under soo much upset and stress from factors, this would break them. Cant tell sis as it'd affect their manage and kids lives, cant tell hubby cos thats his brother :(

but isnt u staying in the house with him alone haram?
logically it seems that u should be staying with you parents and if he (ur bro in law) wants someone to watch his kid than tell him to drop your nephew at your parents house for u to watch.

Its good you care about your families lives but being the sacrificial lamb in this case is going to cause you more trouble.
You need to tell your husband bc what if something bad happens (inshallah nothing bad will happen) and ur bro in law takes advantage of the situation and once he has uses it to his advantage to blackmail you then u will be stuck in a situation that could have easily been resolved by you just telling your husband.

You have not done anything wrong you would just be telling the truth if your parents split then it was their decision to do so. If you sis and bro in law split it was also their decision to do so and your sis will find a good pious bro to marry. Your husband at least needs to know yes it is his bro but you are his wife and he is suppose to protect and help you but how can he do his job if you are not allowing him or someone else to help you resolve this issue.
Im not criticizing you dear sis im worried for you bc u need to move somewhere new and tell someone so that it can end.

[Maryan0]

Where's your husband?

Just echoing this. Where is your husband?

Things like this have a way of coming out regardless. I suggest you expose him because the longer you wait the more power he has to turn this around on you when it does come out. It's understandable for you not to want to break up a family or cause your parents stress but I think you have to think in the longterm. How will your sister or your parents feel knowing that you were hiding this from them? hiding this now will just end up badly later on.
Salam

[Lonely Gal]

He is in pak as family member ill, i live there cos thats where me n hubby moved to when we got married

[Maryan0]

Well sis I encourage you to either be firm with him and tell him to stop or tell someone who will make him.
Salam

[cat eyes]

i think you should tell your husband. i dont know why on earth u would not want to tell anyone about this disgusting behaviour from a non mehram. this post just disgusts me. how can anybody do this.

[Ansariyah]

Dear sista u mentioned this happened 10 years ago, ru still in the same situation after all these years? I understand ur planning to move out soon, pls do this as soon as u can. This man can harm u, dont ever allow urself to be in a situation where its just u and him. If he comes onto u again, make sure u are strong n defend urself. InshaAllah Allah will help u against this coward.

Isnt there no one that u can tell this? imsad

[IbnAbdulHakim]

tell your husband



YOU are not the reason the relationships are at risk, that sick excuse for a human is

[Hamza Asadullah]

I cant seem to post this without my details so please dont judge me... Im scared to be around my brother in law, about ten years ago when he married my sister and came from pakistan he stayed in my family home, due to lack of space he slept in my room during the day and i slept there at night. He made me do things which i werent comfortsble with but bein young from a sheltered lifestyle i didnt know what to do or say, i started sayin no and things stopped. He moved out with my sis and for years i didnt talk to him unless i had to infront parents etc... And over time i questioned myself over the past and thought maybe im imagin things, if i was asleep on the sofa, i would wake up from sense someone is watchin me an then he'd be standing there. Im married to his brother, yes its a dawati shaadi as i come from a very traditionl family.. Anyways i moved in with my bro law and sis since i got married, didnt really c bro in law and cos it'd soo long i'd not really spoken to him i'd not given it a second thought... It has always been a part of me which only 2 close friends know about but recently my sis had to go pak in emergency, leavin her son with me. So this left me my nephew an bro law in the house, my nephew stayed at his cuz house and that left me and him, he came into my room and started talkin to me and threw in the convo he wants to sleep on the same bed as me... This scared me soo much i jus praye he went away, he evem tried to get in bed but i raised my voice and said no, he wouldnt go away and sat for over an hour, as he left he kissed my cheek and went to other room but then came back sayin he left his phone but kisse my cheek again and said maybe this is the reason i had to cime back, as soon as he went i cried sooo much, even upset now. My nephew was away for a few days and every night he'd come into my room and call me, i pretended to sleep eventhough i hardly slept through fear and he'd say are u ok and say o didnt realise ur sleeping etc, maybe id find it normal the first day but not every day.. I couldnt go to mums as she'd ask wats wrong and i cant tell anyone, what am i meant to say?? Even now he txt me to say call me when your free, i rang but no answer, then i went to bed and he call me and says come to my room need to have a word, i said no angrily lukily my nephew was at home otherwise id be really scared. He then said fine and hung up, 5 mins later he rang and goes i jus wanted to say im going to be out of town tom and back late so look after kids, and im thinking u could have told me on phone , he didnt have to ask me to go to him. He tried to make chit chat but i gave one word replies and theb ended convo... Im sooo scared of him and worry there nay be a point we may be alone, i cant tell anyone as it'll affect and mess up sooo many peoples lives. Im due to move out soon inshAllah but still cant get this oyt my system, i dont no why im writing this, just need to get it out as i feel trapped imsad

Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayran for sharing this with us. My dear sister surely you have taken such a soft stance with regards to this situation. You must be firm in this matter and not tolerate such terrible behaviour towards you. He is clearly taking advantage of your soft nature and will continue to do so until you put a stop to this. You should not think about the consequances of what will happen in your family but you should think about what is best for you and your family which is that they must know the truth.

My sister you cannot live alone with a non mahram and you must not hesitate to move in with your mother and tell your family the truth. Does your sister not deserve to know the truth about what kind of man your brother in law is? Do you think he will stop being like this? he will continue with such behaviour if not with you then with someone else.

So you must expose him and put a stop to this. You cannot live in fear like this and not say anything when him being your sisters husband is taking such advantage of you when he is married and has a child. Your sister and family deserve to know the truth so you must be firm now and do what is right and that is to tell your family immediatley. Otherwise you will let him continue his evil behaviour and get away with it. Go to your mothers house and tell them straight away dear sister do not let this continue.

Imagine if he is exposed somehow in the future and your family finds out that you knew all along. How would they react towards you? Would your husband not be so angry and hurt that knew all along yet did not tell him that he was taking advantage of you in such a way all that time behind his back? Would your sister not ask you why did you not tell her that her husband was like this? Would she not be distraught that you kept it from her all this time when she had every right to know the truth about her husband? Surely she would be ripped apart knowing you knew all that time and never told anyone. What would your family say if they were to find out what you had hidden all these years?

Therefore you must not let it get to that stage and you must put an end to this now as this cannot be hidden any longer. We are here for you sister so please do the right thing.

And Allah knows best in all matters

[Ummu Sufyaan]

NePhew is only 8 and his dad dont giv him the time a father should in my eyes. I feel i have alot more duty and responsibilty to him, i cant tell anyone, my parents are under soo much upset and stress from factors, this would break them. Cant tell sis as it'd affect their manage and kids lives, cant tell hubby cos thats his brother :(

i think you should still tell them, because they would want to know. i think they would be upset if that that happened to their daughter/child.

[Lonely Gal]

U may find it disgustin but im goin through this and its not simple as just tellinv someone. If someone has nog been in anothers situation, then we never know what its really like

[Lonely Gal]

How do i tell them, how do i begin to explain??

[S.Belle]

How do i tell them, how do i begin to explain??

Just calm down and tell them but if you cant bare to say the words or u are too nervous then write them down in a letter.
Either read the letter that you have written to your family or write one to each (parents, sister, husband) and sit with them seperately as they read.
Tell them everything that you have told us and how it makes you feel when he does those things and how u want it to stop....just simply pour your heart out in the letter and be 100% honest. You can do it sis :) and everything will turn out for the best Inshallah *BIG HUG*

[IbnAbdulHakim]

How do i tell them, how do i begin to explain??

seeing as its quite huge, first before even talking to my partner i would offer 2 rakaat and ask for Allahs help.



then after sending peace and blessings upon ar-rasool sallallahi alaihi wasallaam recite as much dua asking for Allahs help and protection.



Then i would sit with my partner explaining that what im about to talk about i wish i never ever ever had to say but... i hav no choice and take it from there

[tigerkhan]

How do i tell them, how do i begin to explain??

i am not in this favor. bcz i am always of this mind, "log chehra dakh kar dhrapar marty han...hum ko asy sorat hi nhe banani chahey ka koi humari tarf ungli bi utha sakay".....
pheli gghalti tum nay ya ki kay u had stayed with him alone. so ab jo ho gya so h gay. it cant be returned now, the lesson to learn is nw be careful in future. do came out of this hole of culturism and traditionalism and learn what islam is telling about and try to follow it.

[Hamza Asadullah]

How do i tell them, how do i begin to explain??

Asalaamu Alaikum, My sister you should first tell someone within your family who you feel most comfortable with and will help and support you through this. You must not hide these serious matters from your husband.

Obviously this is a very big thing which is going to be exposed to your family but they deserve to know and you should not just think about how hard it is going to be for you to come out with this but you should think to yourself "My husband and sister have a right to know about this so i cannot hide it from them any longer".

Your husband has a right to know if another man is trying it on with his wife and your sister deserves to know what kind of a man she is married to and your family also deserves to know what kind of a son in law they have.

The longer you delay it the worst This situation will get. You should never want to hide such a thing as your family deserve to know the truth about him.

So firstly tell the person who you feel most comfortable with and they can help you expose it to the rest of the family or you can write a letter as the sister has stated whichever way you feel most comfortable. But you must not delay this any longer and you should never stay in a house with any non mahram again as it is not permissable to do so. You should not be ashamed going to your mothers house as this is far better than being alone in a house with a non mahram.

Ask of Allah to make things easy for you and for justice to be done inshallah.

And Allah knows best in all matters