Salaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh
I come from a family of practicing Muslims Hamdu Allah, and recently discovered that my younger brother led astray and mixed with people of whom enjoy a homosexual lifestyle.
For a number of years I discovered that he has been socialising with such crowds, and through many attempts by each of my family members he refuses to leave such people.
The strange thing, is that he prays five times daily, fasts, has been to Umrah and Hajj many times throughout the years, during the time he has been involved with such groups.
He had been denying the fact that he has ever been with another man physically, however a few days ago, my worst fears became too real.
I discovered him stranded in the city, smelling of Alcohol, acting very drunk, it was in this state, I found out that evening he was physically involved with a gay man. He says that it was a one off, but after further questioning, he confessed that this type of relationship he has had for many years.
The challenge I face is that he is surrounded my so called 'Muslims' who claim to be gay and encourage this kind of behavior. He also has friends that are non Muslim that support him, and have made him believe that its OK to be gay, and its something he is born with. He has seen counselors from groups that support both gay and lesbian relationships.
My parents are mentally and physically week, they wont be able to handle such a situation, they are aware that there is something wrong, because his behaviour has over the years he has become very rude. He shows very little respect to them.
The situation gets worse, only a few months ago, he got married to a girl from another country, it was his choice, and had every chance to change his mind. It definately was not one of those situations where he was forced to do, my parents and family have given him support and choice to decide whom he wishes to marry. As this girl is abroad, they had contact through email and phone prior to the wedding for months, getting to know each other, they got engaged, and then approx 6 months later, got married. He is now in this country, and is waiting for the process of her visa/citizenship to be granted.
so the dilemma i am in is very complicated, not only does this issue affect himself, it affect his family, and now a poor innocent girl from the other side of the world, who is so happy and excited to be with her husband.
As a son to my parents, I need to protect them, protect their health. As an older brother I need to guide my brother back to the right path.
A few months ago, my brother had me arrested, for harassment, as he believed I was getting involved in his life. Because of his rude behavior towards my parents, I got involved, and tried to make him see sense. There was no aggression, or violence from my part. He just didn't like me getting involved in his 'business'. The police dropped the charges immediately, as there was no grounds. As hurtful as it was, embarrassing and shameful that my own brother could do such a thing, I still forgave him and have tried to do all I can to save my brother. However it is the people who he associates himself with that are putting these ideas in his mind, telling him to get the police involved, convincing him that we are 'backwards' and that his choice of lifestyle is ok and his actions are warranted.
After the most recent incident where I found him drunk, and he confessed his actions, I confiscated his phone, instructed that he leaves the place where he currently works, as he tells me, many of the people that work their encourage his actions and lifestyle. he has done this, and by having his phone I am discovering the world my brother has been living in, the vile messages and calls he has recieved. it sickens me, the things i have discovered.
I cant believe that this has happened, and now that i know the truth about him, i admit the signs were there for a number of years, and blame myself for not doing something sooner. It is that, as I said, he prays 5 times daily, on time, he dresses islamically, attends talks and classes on a weekly basis, has been for Umrah and Hajj in recent years, so with these actions I cant believe that this person would do such things.
I need help, I really do, honestly my concern right now are my parents, their health is seriously deteriorating, only through stress. I believe he needs counseling, and have tried to sought out an appropriate counselor, but i find it hard, as I have discovered that there are counselors who specialise in gay and lesbian situations, but their aim is to help the person deal with this lifestyle and help them deal with family (i.e. encourage this type of relationship) other councellors I have spoken to, are very judgmental and instead of trying to work with my brother to understand and get to the roots of his issue, the simply condemn his actions and quote verses of the Quran and use fear tactics. I agree that what he is doing is wrong, but I know my brother, if you act in this way with him, he will refute this and become more distant. I need a counsellor to patiently work with him and identify his issues and work on them.
Through my research, I haven't been able find such a service, I strongly believe the reason why he is like this is purely because of the association he keeps, you are a product of your own environment, and unfortunately in todays society, its accepted to be gay, and is celebrated and glorified, so its a huge challenge to make him see sense.
Also, he is not young, he is almost 30, so its not like he doen't know what he is doing, some part of me wants to throw him out and disown him, but that is the anger in me. My parents have advised me this is the wrong solution, as by doing so, he will fall further into this society, seek the comfort and sympathy from such people. Leading him to create further sin, as his brother, I dont want this for him, and also, as his brother I will be questioned on what I did to protect him, as will my parents on the day of Judgement.
We are not a typically family stuck in tradition, and only care about what others think and say. We fear Allah, and try to do all we can to do our best to please Allah.
So brothers and sisters, I need help, I need advice, if there is anything you can suggest, or know of a counselling sevice that would help it would be much appreciated. I also ask humbly, if you can remember us in your Duas.
May Allah gives us all patience, strength and help us in our pursiuit to please Allah.
Salam alaikum wa rahmatu Allah wa barakatuh