Urgent advice needed

[anonymous]

Do the mentally ill still go to hell if they commit suicide?

i was deemed with board-line personality disorder some years ago and although i don't believe that was the correct diagnosis i doubt many would disagree there is something wrong. I do suffer from paranoia, morbid delusions, OCD, and general fantasies of death.

I have tried to kill myself more times then i can count i hate my life. i have been through everything from parent rape, to friend of family rape to gang rape. i had a husband who after a year of marriage told me he prefers men. i bore a child that is probably a result of the gang rape and then had to give up because i didn't have the money to support him. which quite honestly drove me a little crazy.

i had another son not long after and to be honest i cant bear to look at him. he lives with his father because all i can think about how he is not my first.

i got married... we are together 3 years now. but after 3 years of being treated like i was always cheating, always doing something wrong when everyday was spent together or on the computer with each other and lunches and dinners and breakfasts. i am really not happy anymore. i talked with my husband and he says he'll change but i dont know if i can forgive and forget. i have been dragged down every horrible road you would not wish upon an enemy my tolerance is much shorter then most peoples.

last Thursday i got drunk and slit my wrists. unfortunately i was unable to cut deep enough to do any real damage, and too chicken to shoot myself. (yes i have a gun and i have ammo too)

this is not the first failed attempt. i have tried unsuccessfully since before i can remember.

i just feel so alone. i am always alone. i have no one. i sit alone in a house every day all day and stare at the walls until they drive me crazy. i feel like a prisoner. even when i do go out ppl can tell something is not right because they never never talk to me. i have no contact with the outside world. i have tried talking with other sisters and in my drunken stuper made one cry for help from one sister who never bothered... she just wrote back talk to you later.

im so misrible and i cant stand myself. somedays i just feel like ripping out all the mirrors maybe it would be better if i never had to look at myself. i cant help to think that no one would care if i were gone. and my only wish in the world was that i was more brave. i think the main reason i didnt shoot myself the other night is because i dont think anyone would find me. no one calls. no one comes over. no one knows i exist. all i do is take up air and space.

i would at least like to be found to be buried....

[Woodrow]

Do the mentally ill still go to hell if they commit suicide?

i was deemed with board-line personality disorder some years ago and although i don't believe that was the correct diagnosis i doubt many would disagree there is something wrong. I do suffer from paranoia, morbid delusions, OCD, and general fantasies of death.

I have tried to kill myself more times then i can count i hate my life. i have been through everything from parent rape, to friend of family rape to gang rape. i had a husband who after a year of marriage told me he prefers men. i bore a child that is probably a result of the gang rape and then had to give up because i didn't have the money to support him. which quite honestly drove me a little crazy.

i had another son not long after and to be honest i cant bear to look at him. he lives with his father because all i can think about how he is not my first.

i got married... we are together 3 years now. but after 3 years of being treated like i was always cheating, always doing something wrong when everyday was spent together or on the computer with each other and lunches and dinners and breakfasts. i am really not happy anymore. i talked with my husband and he says he'll change but i dont know if i can forgive and forget. i have been dragged down every horrible road you would not wish upon an enemy my tolerance is much shorter then most peoples.

last Thursday i got drunk and slit my wrists. unfortunately i was unable to cut deep enough to do any real damage, and too chicken to shoot myself. (yes i have a gun and i have ammo too)

this is not the first failed attempt. i have tried unsuccessfully since before i can remember.

i just feel so alone. i am always alone. i have no one. i sit alone in a house every day all day and stare at the walls until they drive me crazy. i feel like a prisoner. even when i do go out ppl can tell something is not right because they never never talk to me. i have no contact with the outside world. i have tried talking with other sisters and in my drunken stuper made one cry for help from one sister who never bothered... she just wrote back talk to you later.

im so misrible and i cant stand myself. somedays i just feel like ripping out all the mirrors maybe it would be better if i never had to look at myself. i cant help to think that no one would care if i were gone. and my only wish in the world was that i was more brave. i think the main reason i didnt shoot myself the other night is because i dont think anyone would find me. no one calls. no one comes over. no one knows i exist. all i do is take up air and space.

i would at least like to be found to be buried....

Some things in your story shine out very sharply.

1. You are aware suicide is wrong

2. You know that hellfire is the punishment for taking your own life.


I do not see how a plea of insanity would be an acceptable defense for you as you do know right from wrong and suicide would be a deliberate act on your part.


Now, let us address your main issue. Extreme depression and possibly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You are quite ill and do need professional help. You are not crazy, you have a very serious medical condition and it can be treated. Get yourself to a doctor as soon as possible. This is as serious as a heart attack.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl: sis. may Allah make things easy for you :wub:

please dont kill yourself because though you may not realize it, you are very valuable.

Alhamdulillah that you dont hate yourself so much that you didnt post and therefore prevent yourself from getting some help...=)

imo (and its only an opinion, as im not a psychologist or anything) this type of behavior is due to some childhood disturbance and some type of mistreatment one has received....the reason i say this, is because when people mistreat you, it somehow sends messages to your subconscious that you aren't a good person and consequently this is how you also begin to view yourself and act upon-unfortunately. people mistreating you, unconsciously compels you to label you self as a bad person, who is a loser, and so this is what you consequently you act upon. Of-course you know that you aren't that, so you dont need to worry what silly people have to say.

i think its best that you sort out as best as you can, or at-least know how to work your way around what has triggered these problems, because it seems as if your opinion about yourself is due to these traumatic experiences-this isn't uncommon. so once you try to move on or at-least learn how to work around these issues, then getting out of this cruel cycle of self hate shouldn't be too difficult.. So yes, the important point is to figure out and try work around what triggered this mindset of self hate, hopelessness, etc. i know it wont be easy, but its important because the same old stuff is going to keep on cropping up and repeat itself over and over and over and over and over and over (ok ummu sufyaan, shut up it aint funny anymore :exhausted :P) causing you alot of hurt =(


is there no-one, absolutely no-one that you can confine in, say a relative? using the help and (moral) support of someone is helpful in these sort of situations, because alot of the tim,e people who have these types of problems, they can loose hope easily. so its important that you have someone their supporting you and encouraging you to keep on going so that you can change and stop becoming a victim of this vicious and nasty circle.

i feel perhaps your moods, etc maybe due to you loosing your children? do you feel sad and feel that you want/need to see them? how do you view yourself as a mother?

i think also loneliness maybe affecting your moods aswell. i really hope that you find the friends that you need...people can be so cruel :heated:


why do you just sit at home all day? can you not at-least go for a walk around the block everyday? what about enroll yourself in a short course, such as pottery or something to get your mind working. getting your mind working is such a confidence boost because it enables you to be productive and therefore achieve something.


constant Ibadah (worship) also helps greatly in these situations. have you tired just honestly and truthfully told allah about your worries and complained to Him? have you asked Allah to help you in regards to your situation? make dua from the bottom of your heart...this helps helps alot. also, do you pray your 5?

may Allah heal you and help you through this difficult time and may He guide your heart.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

*bump...i hope you stuck around to update sis :) how are you?