format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
You'd think so, you really would but there is such a thing as a bottomless pit! Even Joseph was out of prison by now, and Job was a man granted a long life to start over and known blessings for his patience for the hereafter. I don't get any do overs and my previous steps weren't in sin but hardship and I have no guarantee that my deeds as I perceive them good won't be thrown back in my face for all the ill thoughts I have of God now . I can't breathe anymore from the hell of it. I don't want to get out of bed. I am only human, I am drowning and those around me relish seeing me drown for so long I am lost at sea just floating, no rafts no buoys nothing comes from me, except me alone with more storms as many storms as I can stand just short of death but not relieving me with death. I just watch the world go around me and I can't dock anywhere. I swim in vain to the left to the right, at night there is darkness and the morning a scorching sun. That is all there with sweeping tempest in between and those are my only options, that is my only life and the only one I have known and the only one I'll ever know!
Don't drown yourself in misery just because of a misunderstanding that Allah is all punishing; this is the view held in the old testament of the Bible. You're a Muslim, you should have hope a in God that the Jews and Christians do not have. Have hope that Allah will accept your good deeds and will not throw them back at you, just as you fear His punishment. People have done much worse than you and were forgiven; the sahaba (r) were once all idol worshippers but Allah made them the best of creation after His Prophets.
Your fear and hope in Allah should be like the two wings of a bird, if either one of the two is imbalanced the bird cannot fly. If you have excessive fear of Allah whether it's injustice or whatever, you will despair. If you have too much hope then you will become heedless. If these two states are balanced, you will achieve a balance in your faith in Islam and Allah.
It's not your circumstances that are imprisoning you in the vaults of misery, it's you're understanding that you are hopeless of pretty much everything in life, it's what's holding you back. No one wants to see you down but depression causes you to lose parts of yourself such as metabolism, courage and even a sense of humour, causing every little comment people make or an incident to be taken personally, as though the world is falling down on you.
Pull yourself out of this mindset and be in positive state of mind, otherwise your own perception of life will be your own downfall.