Assalamu alaykum,
My dearest sister, I’m deeply sorry for what you went through. But please, try not to let your pain and frustration get you down, mainly with feeling misunderstood by your mother. As a mother, I will tell you that, mothers, however angry/upset they become with their children, the feeling doesn’t last long – although we sometimes don’t let on that soon. That is so as to make the child really think how their actions affect us.
We expect so much from our mothers. We want them to be these perfect beings who MUST understand us, and MUST be able to handle any situation thrown at them without crumbling and showing any signs of human weakness. But that’s where we go wrong. In all our expectations we forget they are only human being with strengths, weaknesses, hopes and fears like us. So inshaAllah don’t mind, or take to heart the fact that you feel let down by your mum. She is and always will be the person who will be there for you through thick and thin, whatever the case.
No matter what our age, level of education, or experiences, some people just find it hard to say how they are feeling or thinking. I tell you, I am a mother. I’m a mature woman. Not a young girl. Yet there are times I feel like a lost child who needs a mother herself. I am sure others mums, including yours must have moments of vulnerability, where they need to feel cared for too. Your mum hasn't had the joy of a happy marriage, so she too is carrying some pain inside her.
You were honest enough to admit that you had been neglectful of your studies. It takes a strong person to admit their faults. If you possess this sort of strength masha Allah, then I don’t see why you won’t be able turn your mind away from the abuse you suffered and focus on the present and future insha Allah. No matter how much support you get from others, with Allah’s help only you can overcome your weaknesses and make your situation better inshaAllah. Nothing happens without the will of Allah, but Allah has given you a degree of control over your life situations, so your efforts are vital if you want to succeed. Efforts must also include making dua to Allah for all your needs.
Lastly, during painful times, increase remembrance of Allah in reciting al Quran, glorifying and praising Allah by words of glorification dear to Him, and making dua to Him for all your needs. Allah can turn hear whichever way He wills. Pray to Allah to mellow your mum’s heart toward you.
The Prophet (saw)used to supplicate to Allah with the words, “O Allaah! The Turner of the hearts, turn our heart towards Your obedience.” [Saheeh Muslim vol.4, p.1397, no.6418]
Patience:
“Oh you who believe! Seek help with patience, perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere." (al Quran 2:153)
Dhikr:
Allah Most High says, "Truly, it is by the Remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest." [Qur'an, 13.28].
Allah's Messenger (SAW) said: The most beloved words to Allah are four:
Subhaanallaah, Walhamdu lillaah, Wa laa 'ilaaha 'illallaah and Wallaahu 'Akbar.
See more tasbeehat here:
http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/130.html
Allah says, "And your Lord says, 'Call on Me: and I will answer you,'"
(Quran: 40:60)
and He says, "Call on your Lord humbly and secretly. He does not love those who overstep the limits."
(Quran 7:55)
He says, "If My slaves ask you about Me, I am near. I answer the call of the caller when he calls on Me,"
(Quran 2:186)
and the Almighty says, "He Who responds to the oppressed when they call on Him and removes their distress."
(Quran 27:62)
It is not Allah Who turns away from us – But we turn away from Him
Hadith Qudsi 15:
On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Allah the Almighty said:
I am as My servant thinks I am (1). I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.
It was related by al-Buhkari (also by Muslim, at-Tirmidhi and Ibn-Majah).