Advice needed

[anonymous]

Asalamulakum I hope brothers an sisters will be able to guide me in a sticky situation in which i do not know what to do. I recently found my husband to be engaged in homosexual activities where he had slept with men. Needless to say i could not marry him. The problem is that he says he wants to be a better Muslim and put all these activities behind him. Are there any help groups for Muslim men who are in this situation and are there any mosques or imams i can direct him to who deal with this sort of situation.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam.

does he realize his mistakes...i mean is this something of the past that he has repented for and changed his mistakes? or is this something he does till this day, whilst he is still engaged to you. if its the former, you can choose to forgive him since he has changed and realizes his mistakes, as opposed to the the latter where he doesn't realize his mistakes and that might not be too good on for you in the future.

secondly, i suggest you advise the brother to fear Allah whether you marry him or not.

[anonymous]

Asalamulakum he continued his activities whilst he was engaged when something came to light he denied it and swore on Allah swt that he was not gay. We believed him but then we got concrete proof of his activities and he had continued during our engagement. its just that he called recently asking for forgiveness and saying he needed help and how what he did was in the past. I have advised him to cutoff contact with his past and pray to Allah swt for guidance.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-Salaam

its just that he called recently asking for forgiveness and saying he needed help and how what he did was in the past.

ok, did he call after he was found out or before. becuase if it were before then maybe he is genuine cos i people only say things like they want to change only after they have been found out.

what do you feel? do you think he can change? are you interested in him still? have you prayed istikhara?

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[anonymous]

Asalamulakum there is no way we will ever get married as there is too much history. He didn't want my family to tell his family what he did but my family felt they had to. It's only after he has found out that none if his sins have been concealed and now everything is in the open he had to pick what path Ye takes. The oath of Islam or one which leads him away from it. as he asked for my help I want to help him for the sake of Allah swt and nothing else. in what way can I best help him?

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asalaamu Alaikum, My sister it is not permissable for you to help a non mahram man for he is nothing to you but a stranger. It is also not your responsibility to help another non mahram man. What you must do is give him the following links:

http://www.al-jannah.co.uk/home.htm

Tell him to E mail the following organisation as they specialise in helping and supporting Muslims who are going through what he is going through with regards to attraction to the same sex.

Al_Tawbah@yahoo.com


After you have forwarded these links to him then leave it at that and cut off all contact with him. Have a fresh start with your life and change your numbers and e mail addresses for this will also help you internalise the changes. You are only sinning as long as you remain in touch with him. You cannot change him or anyone else but give him that link and make one final dua for him and leave the rest to Allah.

It is best you move on with your life and look for a good pious partner. Thank Allah he exposed him otherwise your life may have been ruined by such a man. Learn from this and know that Allah has in store for you a much better man as long as you go about finding a partner in the right way. If we do everything to please Allah then he will do what is best for us.

If there is any other help or advice you need then please do not hesitate to ask as we are here for you.

I pray Allah finds you the best of partners. Ameen

And Allah knows best in all matters

[anonymous]

^JazakAllah Khair. I think what you have said is best course of action I should follow (and thank you for reminding me he is not meharam to me). May Allah swt guide him to the right path.