format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
Salaam alaikum brothers.
So that is the question for a brother, 28 yrs old not married and having difficulties getting married. and iv been trying to stay away from girls to safeguard my faith
but its been so many years im avoiding girls, one in particular who is trying to sleep with me and trying to seduce me, i remember once i cried fearing i might commit zina.
its become so difficult for me at time to curbe and disregard my sexual desires.................
how can i have patience when i feel im so weak now......
Asalaamu Alaikum, There is no doubt that women are the biggest fitnah for men:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke the truth when he said, “I am not leaving behind any fitnah (trial, temptation) more harmful to men than women.”
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4706).
He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “This world is sweet and dazzling, and Allaah has you put in charge of it to see how you will do and what you will do, so beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (temptation, trial) that befell the Children of Israel was concerning women.”
(Reported by Muslim, 4925).
You must NOT be in touch with this women in anyway. Avoid her wherever possible and if she makes any advances then be strict and firm with her that you are not interested and that you will not tolerate anymore of her advances.
You must continue to make every effort and explore every halal avenue possible in order to look for a partner. Beg of Allah in dua especially during Tahajjud time and ask of him to help you with this. Do the following to help you find a marriage partner:
1. Pray 2 rakat salaatul Hajaat:
The hadith regarding it: Abullah ibn Abi Awfa (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Whoever has a need with Allah, or with any human being, then let them perform ritual ablutions well and then pray two rakats. After that, let them praise Allah and send blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace).
After this, let them say,
لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ الْحَلِيمُ الْكَرِيمُ
سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِين
أَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ وَالْغَنِيمَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ بِرٍّ وَالسَّلامَةَ مِنْ كُلّإِثْمٍ
لا تَدَعْ لِي ذَنْبًا إِلا غَفَرْتَهُ وَلا هَمًّا إِلا فَرَّجْتَهُ وَلا حَاجَةً هِيَ لَكَ رِضًا إِلا قَضَيْتَهَا يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ
There there no god but Allah the Clement and Wise.
There is no god but Allah the High and Mighty.
Glory be to Allah, Lord of the Tremendous Throne.
All praise is to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
I ask you (O Allah) everything that leads to your mercy, and your tremendous forgiveness, enrichment in all good, and freedom from all sin.
Do not leave a sin of mine (O Allah), except that you forgive it, nor any concern except that you create for it an opening, nor any need in which there is your good pleasure except that you fulfill it, O Most Merciful!”
[Related by Tirmidhi and Ibn Maja)
Here is the dua after praying 2 rakat salaatul hajaat:
http://www.central-mosque.com/Dua/11...0of%20need.htm
2. Give as much Sadaqa as possible for the pleasure of Allah
3. Make much strong dua to Allah particularly in the latter portuion of the night after praying Tahajjud prayer. Cry to Allah if you can for Allah tends the slave who cries and weeps faster than a mother tends its baby.
4. Leave major sins for this gets in the way of duas being accepted.
5. Thank Allah as much as possible for how happy would Allah be with his slave who is thankful to him even though they may be going through difficult trials.
6. Make dua as much as possible in the following situations where dua is more likely to be accepted:
- After every fardh salaat and before going to bed, and after making wudhu(after the wudhu dua), while raining, while azzan is in progress(time when the muezzin pauses during the azaan), after azaan, between azaan and iqmah, when the cock crows, in a religious gathering, while travelling to masjid or on the way to meet a sick person etc
There is also an hour on Jumma where duas are definatley accepted so do as much dua as possible during Jumma.
7. Do plenty of durood before and after dua.
Increase the avenues you are currently exploring in order to find a suitable marriage partner like:
9. Ask around for those who have contacts for marriage because in most areas where there are Muslims there are usually 8omen who have contacts which they pass on to people and if it gets to marriage then you just pay them a small fee.
9. Goto proper Islamic marriage events where the girls are accompanied by their mahrams
10. Join some Muslim marriage sites where a mahram is involved like purematrimony.com
11. Ask around your local area in al of your local masjids. You can phone them and they will be more than willing to put you in ouch with the right person who sets up local marriages.
12. Ask close friends or relatives.
13.
Recite the following:
Rabbi innee limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeer
136x's everyday
[My lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me]
Source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.a...D=1908&CATE=10
14. a) Be in the state of Tahaarah (Wudhu)
b) Praise and glorify Allah
c) Have faith that Allah Ta'ala is All-Hearing and your Du'aas will be
accepted.
d)Read durood shareef upto 500 times a day. (Read the Duroode-Ibrahimi, which we read in Salaah, at least 500 times a day, the great Hadhrat Sheikh Zakariyya has written this in his letters).
Source: http://www.islam.tc/cgi-bin/askimam/...=8597&act=view
So my Brother NEVER give up hope because whatever is best will happen for you because with hardship comes ease. There are so many of us who are going through different kinds of hardships and trials but we should realise that if we are patient then we will be compansated in the hereafter. But you must have full beleif that your dua will be accepted and do NOT let your enemy shaythahn make you lose hope.
Also my Brother go about marriage in the right way as in get to know the girl through her mahram or in front of family if need be but not alone because that is when feelings will be created for it is best to go about marriage in the way that is permissable for Allah will put blessings in it otherwise shaythan will be third party.
Also consider the following article:
Saving yourself from Temptation of Women
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him),
“I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740]
Praise be to Allaah.
. Allaah says :
“Such is the Paradise which We shall give as an inheritance to those of Our slaves who have been Al-Muttaqoon (the pious)”[Maryam 19:63]
“But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts. Verily, Paradise will be his abode” [al-Naazi’aat 79:40-41]
And He says concerning the people of Hell :
“Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have given up As-Salaat and have followed lusts. So they will be thrown in Hell” [Maryam 19:59]
And He says:
“That shall be their recompense, Hell; because they disbelieved and took My Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and My Messengers by way of jest and mockery”[al-Kahf 18:106]
“Then for him who transgressed all bounds, (in disbelief, oppression and evil deeds of disobedience to Allaah). And preferred the life of this world (by following his evil desires and lusts),Verily, his abode will be Hell-fire” [al-Naazi’aat 79:37-39]
So the Muslim must strive to worship Allaah and keep away from that which angers Allaah, for Allaah will not cause the reward the one who does good to be lost:
“As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69 – interpretation of the meaning]
One of the fitnahs (temptations) with which we are tested is the fitnah of women, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.”
There follow some of the methods by which we can avoid this temptation. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight.
~*~
10 WAYS TO BE A WINNER:
1 – Faith in Allaah.
Faith in Allaah and fear of Allaah provide a safety valve and protect a person against committing haraam actions and following his own whims and desires.
If the believer becomes aware that Allaah is always watching and if he ponders the meanings of His names and attributes, such as the All-Knowing, the All-Hearing, the All-Seeing, the Watchful, the Reckoner, the Preserver, the All-Encompassing, that will generate fear of Him in secret and in public, and will put a stop to disobedience towards Allaah, and will reduce the strength of desire that leads many people to commit haraam actions.
2 – Lowering the gaze and avoiding looking at haraam things
The gaze can generate bad thoughts in the heart, which then lead to ideas and then to desires, then to will and resolve, and then inevitably to doing haraam things. Think about the meaning of this verse which makes a connection between the first steps towards haraam and the end result. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do” [al-Noor 24:30]
Ibn Katheer said: “This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves, to lower their gaze and avoid looking at that which is forbidden to them so that they only look at that which they are permitted to look at. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something haraam, he should turn his gaze away from it quickly”.
3 – Warding off evil thoughts
Bad thoughts pose a danger to the heart… If a person dwells on them and does not push them away, they will develop into an idea, then into will and resolve, then this will inevitably lead to haraam actions. Be-ware of dwelling on passing thoughts; rather what you must do is to ward them off and crowd them out with good thoughts.
The treatment, then, is to ward off these passing thoughts and keep yourself busy with beneficial thoughts.
4 – Marriage
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, and whoever cannot, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065.
5 – Fasting for those who cannot afford to get married.
Because of the hadeeth quoted above, in which it says,
“…and whoever cannot, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065.
Al-Qurtubi said:
The less a person eats, the weaker his desire becomes, and the weaker his desire is, the less sins he commits.
6 – Keeping away from bad companions.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“A man will follow the way of his close friends, so let each one of you look at who he takes as a close friend.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 8433; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 4046.
7 – Keeping away from places of temptation.
It is obvious that we are living in a society that is filled with temptation – media of all types, magazines, flirting in the marketplaces, satellite TV, the internet, etc… So you have to flee from all of these in order to keep your religious commitment sound.
8 – Do not make your houses graves.
Make your house a reminder of obedience, not of sin. If a room is con-nected to sin for example, that will make a person commit sin repeatedly, because every time he enters that room he will remember the sin and may be provoked to commit the sin again. So he should make his room and his house a reminder of obedience to Allaah, so when he enters he sees the Mus-haf which he reads, and he remembers praying qiyaam al-layl ( during the night ) for Allaah, and the regular Sunnah prayers that he offers in this room. Doing a lot of acts of worship in your house will make a connection in your mind be-tween the house and doing good deeds, so you will do more and will think less of sin, and the calls of desire will grow less.
9 – Trying to make the most of your time in worshipping and obeying Allaah.
Time is one of the great blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon His slaves, but there are many who are not making the most of it. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Two blessings which many people do not make the most of: good health and spare time.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6412.
10 – Remembering the blessings of the Hereafter.
Particularly appropriate in this context is remembering al-hoor al-‘iyn and their attributes, whom Allaah has prepared for those who are patient and steadfast in avoiding sin. This can help the Muslim to look at these transient haraam pleasures which only lead to regret and loss.
May Allah help us to avoid temptation, both obvious and hidden. Ameen
And Allah knows best in all matters