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qstions
04-19-2011, 07:26 PM
Salaam,

I have searched many Islamic forums, and not found any helpful advice and have found myself posting in this forum.

I'm a 27 year old male, who has been diagnosed with impotence because of medications I have taken to cure an illness.
My family are not aware of my predicament and I now find myself in a situation where I am under heavy pressure to get married via an arrangement.

I don't know how I can resolve this situation and I am not sure what options I have available to me.
I am worried for the future of myself and also my potential partner and the marriage if I follow through the route and I can't even imagine how I would explain this to them or my family if it came down to it.

Would appreciate some advice.

Thank you.
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- Qatada -
04-20-2011, 10:42 AM
:salamext:


I know it would be hard, but it would be best for you to somehow tell your parents that you can't get married right now (and maybe indirectly i.e. through a doctor tell your father). It is better for you before any marriage takes place and more harm results. Because then it will be harder to turn back.

If you stop it before anything happens - it is better for; you, your family, the girl, and her family.


Also, your family cannot blame you - but it is due to the medicine you had to take. So again, it is not your fault for this.


Ask Allah to help you.
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Woodrow
04-20-2011, 12:01 PM
Do not rule out the possibility of marriage. You just may be the answer to the duas of a young lady with a similar problem. However to avoid any future problem it is best your parents, at least your father be aware of this. Your doctor may be the appropriate one to explain it to your father.

Once this is no longer your own hidden secret, resolutions can be discussed.
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CosmicPathos
04-22-2011, 05:58 AM
By impotence do you mean low sperm quality or no sexual desires at all? If you still have sexual desires, you should still get married. But do tell the girl before marriage that she should not expect any kids. If shes ok with that, fine and fulfill away your desires in a halal way. Otherwise, restrain.
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Hamza Asadullah
04-24-2011, 05:36 AM
Originally Posted by qstions
Salaam,

I have searched many Islamic forums, and not found any helpful advice and have found myself posting in this forum.

I'm a 27 year old male, who has been diagnosed with impotence because of medications I have taken to cure an illness.
My family are not aware of my predicament and I now find myself in a situation where I am under heavy pressure to get married via an arrangement.

I don't know how I can resolve this situation and I am not sure what options I have available to me.
I am worried for the future of myself and also my potential partner and the marriage if I follow through the route and I can't even imagine how I would explain this to them or my family if it came down to it.

Would appreciate some advice.

Thank you.
Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for having the courage to share such a sensative issue with us. These are the steps you should take:

1. Firstly put off marriage for the meanwhile until you have resolved this matter because it may have serious implications during marriage especially if it affects your ability to have sexual relations.

2. Consult with your doctor to refer you to an impotence specialist so that you can discuss possible treatments for your condition or at least how you can work around your condition as much as possible.

3. Also try herbal remedies for impotence but consult with your specialist first before starting any herbal treatment especially if you are already taking drugs.

5. If parents continue to apply pressure on you then you should seriously consider telling them about your condition. Although it is something very personal to you it maybe that you would have a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders once you share your issue with your parents and you may find their support very helpful in alleviating a lot of the stress and pressure that you are currently going through.

You could share your issue with the parent you are closest to and feel most comfortable in sharing your issue with. You may be worrying over nothing and when you finally tell them you will think "Why did i ever hesitate in the first place", because you will find their help and support crucial.

6. If this condition does not get better then no matter what you do you must tell any potential about the implications of such a condition as they have a right to know and a wife has a right to divorce on grounds that her husband cannot perform sexually. So you must never marry without telling the potential about the condition if it is not cured by then.

My brother do not feel any less of a man or ashamed about your condition because it is not your fauly but it is due to drugs you had to take for a condition you had/have. You must not feel hopeless or ever give up because that is what your sworn enemy shaythan wants. He knows you are being tested and therefore gain immense rewards if you are patient for the pleasure of Allah.

So my brother know that this is a blessing in disguise and as long as you be patient and accept the decree of Allah and never question him then you will recieve unimaginable rewards. Continue to ask of Allah and beg of him especially during Tahajjud times. NEVER lose hope but put your trust, faith, reliance and hopes in Allah and know that he will do what is best for you as long as you remain patient for his pleasure because he knows what is best for you and is testing you.

The following are some herbal remedies you can try after consulting with your physician first:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/ar...impotence.html

http://www.healthcentral.com/erectil...15_12-145.html

http://www.impotence-guide.com/alter...reatments.html

http://www.free-herbal-medicines.com...impotence.html


Please also refer to the following thread:

Solutions Of How To Get Through Hardships, Stresses and Problems in life!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303665


The following articles will help you to Maximise the amount of good deeds you do everyday:



How much we will regret the precious seconds we wasted in this world!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134301414

10 Steps to Increasing our Iman(Faith)



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134290404


30 ways the youth should spend everyday of their lives!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134294987



Easy Dhikr which is light on the tongue but heavy on the scales!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134292456


My Daily Ibadah (worship) check!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134289943


10 steps to getting closer to Allah



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134292389


Forty Very Easy, Quick & Rewarding Good Deeds for all of us to do Everyday!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134290401


VERY Rewarding Nafl Salaahs we can Pray Everyday!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134290405


Have You Ever Tasted Jannah?


http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303419


From a Smile to sudden DEATH!!!

http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134305107


Wasting Time is worse than Death!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303410




The Effects of Good deeds will remain forever!!!



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303409


Want to see the REAL appearance of Almighty Allah everyday?



http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303154


12 Ways We Can Maximise Our Worship Each Day


http://www.islamicboard.com/showthread.php?t=134303740



Here are some very beneficial lectures to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:





AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc





Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ



Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA



HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM



Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU



Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U



Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc



Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE



Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo



How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg





If you need any help, advice or anything at all then please do not hesitate to ask.


And Allah knows best in all matters
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