Native American Humor

[Woodrow]

A friend of ours from the Sisseton-Whapeton Reservation has these bumper stickers. I found them on line and copied them to share:

For this last one you need to know a little about Gen. Custer and the Battle of the Little Big Horn where the Sioux destroyed the US 7th Cavalry. Also that Sioux is pronounced SUE

[LavaDog]

Lol I used to have the my heroes have always killed cowboys one on my old truck.

[Woodrow]

:sl: Akhi or as I would say in Lakotah--Hau Koda

Lol I used to have the my heroes have always killed cowboys one on my old truck.

I had you in mind when I posted those. I believe we have one more NA member on IB. There is another one I am looking for, it reads "Yes,You can trust the Government---Ask any Indian"

[LavaDog]

I remember seeing one that had the trail of tears as the background but I can't find a picture of it online.

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[Woodrow]

I remember seeing one that had the trail of tears as the background but I can't find a picture of it online.

My second wife's Grandmother was a "Trail of Tears" Survivor. but my wife was born in North Carolina and belonged to the eastern Band. For a while we did live in Oklahoma, near Tahlquah and did meet many of her cousins from her grandmother's side.

The Cherokee in Oklahoma had amazing Humor. I am trying to recall some of the Cherokee bumper stickers.

[LavaDog]

My second wife's Grandmother was a "Trail of Tears" Survivor

Wow, did she still have resentment toward the US? Supposedly one of my ancesters was in the battle of bear river.

The Cherokee in Oklahoma had amazing Humor. I am trying to recall some of the Cherokee bumper stickers

Im in the shoshone tribe. We had a bumper sticker that had Sacagawea on it and said we helped map this country and all we got was these lousy reservations.

[Woodrow]

Wow, did she still have resentment toward the US? Supposedly one of my ancesters was in the battle of bear river.




Im in the shoshone tribe. We had a bumper sticker that had Sacagawea on it and said we helped map this country and all we got was these lousy reservations.

My wife's Cousins did have considerable resentment towards the US. Currently I live among the Lakotah, My present wife is Cheyenne but for one reason or another we have always found ourselves among the Lakotah. Perhaps because we both support AIM and have high regards for Russel Means. The Lakotah have a sense of humor that is difficult to understand at times.

Their humor tends to be word. but it is quite funny:

A terribly overweight Oglala went to IHS to be put on a diet.

The Doc said, "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the Oglala returned two weeks later, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
The Oglala said, " yeah, but I tell you, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from tha' skipping."

[Woodrow]

More Lakotah Jokes

Three Oglala's in a Bar...

Three Oglala's were in a bar and spotted a Sicangu.
They decided to have fun with the Sicangu guy. One of the Oglalas walked over to the Sicangu, patted him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your Spotted Tail was gay."
"Oh really?...Hmm...didn't know that," said the Sicangu.
Puzzled, the Oglala walked back to his buddies. "I told him Spotted Tail was gay, and he didn't even care."
The Second Oglala said, "You just don't know how to piss him off...watch and learn!" So the 2nd Oglala walked up to the Sicangu, slapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your Spotted Tail was a transvestite!!"
"Oh really?... hmmph, didn't know that," said the Sicangu, nonchalantly.
Shocked beyond belief, the 2nd Oglala went back to his buddies.
"You're right. He must be really drunk!" said the Oglala.
The 3rd Oglala walked over to the Sicangu, hit him on the shoulder and said, "I hear Spotted Tail was an Oglala!!"
Without turning around, the Sicangu replied, "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
Submitted by a Sicangu/Oglala, Rosebud SD. May 2000

Once Upon a Time in Rosebud...

Once Upon a time, in Rosebud, a beautiful independent, self-assured Sicangu woman, happened upon a frog as she was contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her tipi. The frog happened into the Sicangu's lap and said: "I was once a handsome Oglala, until an Iktomi cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the wonderful, young Oglala that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your tipi with my Mother, where you can prepare meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy to do so."
That Night, dining on frog and onion soup and fry bread, she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't think so!!"

[LavaDog]

Three Oglala's in a Bar...

Lol favorite one

Once Upon a Time in Rosebud...

Lol

I remember this one from when I was a kid

A man was walking home one day when he was stopped by three men on the road. They told him they were going to rob him, but if he gave them his gold they would let him go. The man yelled NO! One of the robbers became angry and said give us your gold now or we will beat you half to death. Still the man yelled NO! So the robbers beath the man half to death. Then they searched his pants pockets and only found three pieces of gold. The robbers were confused and asked the man why he would take such a beating for only three pieces of gold. The man smiled and sighed then said thats all you wanted? I thought you were after the bag of gold I have in my shirt pocket.

[Woodrow]

Indian Message To The Moon

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

[LavaDog]

Indian Message To The Moon

Lol I wish we had a sense of humor like that here.

[Woodrow]

From a Native American Forum:

Here are the top 10 things american indian people say to white folks.


10. How much white are you?

09. I'm part white myself, you know.

08. I learned all your people's ways in the Boy Scouts.

07. My great-great-grandmother was a full-blooded white American Princess.

06. Funny, you don't look white.

05. Where's your powdered wig and knickers?

04. Do you live in a covered wagon?

03. What's the meaning behind the square dance?

02. What's your feeling about Las Vegas casinos? Do they really help your people, or are they just a short-term fix?

01. Hey, can I take your picture?

[yas2010]

Salaam

Uncle Woodrow Loving the bumper stickers. :)

Has had me in fits of giggles.

[Woodrow]

Two Chippewas boarded a flight out of Denver. One sat in the window seat; and the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a Lakota got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Chippewas. The Lakota kicked off his moccasins, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Chippewa in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a Coke." "No problem" said the Lakota, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you!" While he was gone, one of the Chippewas picked up the Lakota's moccasin and spit in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other Chippewa said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Lakota said "Not a problem" and while he was gone the other Chippewa picked up the other moccasin and spit in it. The Lakota returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the flight. As the plane was landing, the Lakota slipped his feet into his moccasins and knew immediately what had happened. "My brothers, how long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our tribes? This Hatred? This animosity? This spitting in moccasins and peeing in Cokes?"





A Kiowa guy went to Chinatown in San Francisco. While there he found a bronze rat in one of the shops. "How much do you want for the rat" he asked the shopkeeper "$3 for the rat and $1000 for the story that goes with it" said the shopkeeper. Just give me the rat" said the Kiowa and he then left the shop with his unusual find. As he walked down the street he noticed a couple of rats following him. Then as he walked further and further more and more rats started chasing him down the street. By the time he got to the bay, there were thousands of rats chasing him, so he climbed up a pole and threw the bronze rat into the water. To his amazement, all the rats jumped into the water. The Kiowa then returned to the shop. "Ahh" said the shopkeeper "Now you would like to hear the story?" "No, NO" said the Kiowa, "I just came back to see if you had any bronze white men!"

[yas2010]

Two Chippewas boarded a flight out of Denver. One sat in the window seat; and the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a Lakota got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Chippewas. The Lakota kicked off his moccasins, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Chippewa in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a Coke." "No problem" said the Lakota, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you!" While he was gone, one of the Chippewas picked up the Lakota's moccasin and spit in it. When he returned with the Coke, the other Chippewa said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Lakota said "Not a problem" and while he was gone the other Chippewa picked up the other moccasin and spit in it. The Lakota returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the flight. As the plane was landing, the Lakota slipped his feet into his moccasins and knew immediately what had happened. "My brothers, how long must this go on?" he asked. "This fighting between our tribes? This Hatred? This animosity? This spitting in moccasins and peeing in Cokes?"

LOL :)


But seriously Uncle Woodrow why was there so much animosity amongst the native american tribes? Sorry if its a dumb question

[Woodrow]

LOL :)


But seriously Uncle Woodrow why was there so much animosity amongst the native american tribes? Sorry if its a dumb question

There was animosity among tribes, usually over hunting or fishing areas, Actual war was very rare and in most tribal wars no blood was shed and there was no killing. The Plains tribes conducted a form of war called "Counting Coup" each warrior had a stick called a coup stick. The war would last one day and the warriors would attempt to touch the warriors with their sticks and keep count of the numbers touched (Coup). At the end of the day each warrior reported the number of coup he had collected. the tribe that collected the greatest number of coup won the war. Lies were unknown to the plains tribes and the tribal languages did not even have a word for lie. Each warrior was taken at his word.

The Sioux are actually a group of tribes composed mostly of Lakotah, Nakotah and Dakotah each tribe composed of clans. The Sioux and the Chippewa occupied land surrounding the Northern and Western edges of lake superior. There had always been some bloodless warfare between them But about 300 years ago the Chippewa signed a peace treaty with the advancing whites. The Sioux did not want this and hostilities broke out. Resulting in an entire Chippewa clan being killed. When open war broke out between the white-man and the Sioux the Chippewa sided with the whites. Resulting in very strong hostilities between the 2 nations. All of the Sioux were captured and placed on Fort Thomson in south Dakota which was a prison camp. From there they were split up and isolated from each other on the reservations in North Dakota and South Dakota The hostilities between the Chippewa and Sioux have long ceased. today it is more like competitive rivalry.. there is no actual animosity, but some resentment. The Sioux have never surrendered to the white man and see the Chippewa as selling out their heritage by surrendering.

[Woodrow]

COLD WINTER!
The Blackfeet asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the nearest phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man replied, "its going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again and asks "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Blackfeet are collecting wood like crazy!"


2 Lakota guys and a dude from New York are on a hunting trip. On the first day, one Lakota goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The guy from New York is blown away. "How did you get your deer so fast?!" "Easy" says the Lakota guy, "I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and got my deer."
The next day the 2nd Lakota guy goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The guy from New York is blown away again, just flabbergasted. "How did you get YOUR deer so fast?!" "It's simple" says the Lakota guy, "I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and there was the deer."
On the third day, the New York guy goes out. He doesn't return, and when darkness begins to fall, the two Lakota guys go looking for him. They found him lying at the base of a hill, bloodied up, clothes torn, and bones broken. "What happened to you?" they asked. "I did just what you told me to do, I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and the blasted train ran me over."

Did you know that vegetarian is an American Indian word? Translated it means "Can't hunt"!

Native American trades
An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, "What are you going to do with the money?"

"Take jewelry to city and sell it," said the old man.

"What have you got for collateral?" queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

"Don't know of collateral."

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?"

"Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup."

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?"

"Yes, I have a horse."

"How old is it?"

"I don't know; it has no teeth."

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here's the money to pay loan," he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"

"Put it in my pocket."

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank?" he asked.

"I don't know of deposit."

"Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it."

The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, "What you got for collateral?"

[LavaDog]

09. I'm part white myself, you know.

Lol man I should start using that, seems like everyone and their brother is part native american now days.

[yas2010]

There was animosity among tribes, usually over hunting or fishing areas, Actual war was very rare and in most tribal wars no blood was shed and there was no killing. The Plains tribes conducted a form of war called "Counting Coup" each warrior had a stick called a coup stick. The war would last one day and the warriors would attempt to touch the warriors with their sticks and keep count of the numbers touched (Coup). At the end of the day each warrior reported the number of coup he had collected. the tribe that collected the greatest number of coup won the war. Lies were unknown to the plains tribes and the tribal languages did not even have a word for lie. Each warrior was taken at his word.

The Sioux are actually a group of tribes composed mostly of Lakotah, Nakotah and Dakotah each tribe composed of clans. The Sioux and the Chippewa occupied land surrounding the Northern and Western edges of lake superior. There had always been some bloodless warfare between them But about 300 years ago the Chippewa signed a peace treaty with the advancing whites. The Sioux did not want this and hostilities broke out. Resulting in an entire Chippewa clan being killed. When open war broke out between the white-man and the Sioux the Chippewa sided with the whites. Resulting in very strong hostilities between the 2 nations. All of the Sioux were captured and placed on Fort Thomson in south Dakota which was a prison camp. From there they were split up and isolated from each other on the reservations in North Dakota and South Dakota The hostilities between the Chippewa and Sioux have long ceased. today it is more like competitive rivalry.. there is no actual animosity, but some resentment. The Sioux have never surrendered to the white man and see the Chippewa as selling out their heritage by surrendering.

Thank you for taking the time to share this. :)

The native american have always fascinated me but also have the samurai warriors of imperial Japan.

[Woodrow]

Lol man I should start using that, seems like everyone and their brother is part native american now days.

There are a lot of Twinkies around these days. It seems to have become popular. Even though I have no claim of being NA, by virtue of my NA wife I have much exposure to the red road. I know that I can walk the red road as a guest, but I will never fully feel it. To those who desire to play at being NA, let them live on Pine Ridge for a year.

[Woodrow]

What do you hear?

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket." His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!" "No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket." "That's crazy," said the friend. The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. "That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have super-human ears!" "No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for." "But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise." "Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you." He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs. "See what I mean?" asked the Native American. "It all depends on what's important to you."

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Native#ixzz1KU7NILiK

[Woodrow]

An Apache guy, who had spent his whole life in the desert, goes to visit a friend who had moved to town. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
BAM!!, he's hit by the train and tossed to the side of the tracks. It was only a glancing blow, so he was lucky enough to live through it with a few broken bones and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teapot whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teapot into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the noise, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the Apache guy, "Why'd you bust up my teapot?" The desert man replies, "Shii' kiis', (my friend) you gotta kill these things when they're small."

[Woodrow]

For this one you need to understand what the BIA is. The BIA is the Bureau of Indian Affairs and pokes it's nose into every aspect of a Native American's life, in particular those who live on a Reservation.

This is what the BCA would be if the picture was reversed, be certain to read the very last sentence

The Bureau of Caucasian Affairs

United Native Americans (UNA) are proud to announce that it has bought the state of California from the Caucasians and is throwing it open to Native settlement. UNA bought California from three winos found wandering in San Francisco. UNA determined that the winos were the spokesmen for the Caucasians people of California. These winos promptly signed the treaty, which was written in Sioux, and sold California for three cases of wine, one bottle of gin, and four cases of beer.
Lehman L. Brightman, the Commissioner of Caucasians Affairs, has announced the following new policies: The Indians hereby give the Caucasians four large reservations of ten acres each at the following locations: Death Valley, The Utah Salt Flats, The Badlands of South Dakota,
and the Yukon in Alaska. These reservations shall belong to the Caucasians "for as long as the sun shines or the grass grows" (or until the Indians want it back.)
All land on the reservations, of course, will be held in trust for the Caucasians by the Bureau of Caucasian Affairs, and any Caucasians who wants to use his land in any way must secure permission from Commissioner Brightman.
Of course, Caucasians will be allowed to sell trades and handicrafts at stands by the highway. Each Caucasian will be provided annually with one blanket, one pair of tennis shoes, a supply of Spam, and a copy of The Life of Crazy Horse.
If you are competent enough, you will be able to be a BCA reservation superintendent. Applicants must have less than one year of education, must not speak English, must have an authoritarian personality, proof of dishonesty, and a certificate of incompetence. No Caucasians need apply.
Commissioner Brightman also announced the founding of four boarding schools, to which Caucasians youngsters will be sent at the age of six (6). "We want to take those kids far away from the backward culture of their parents," he said. The schools will be located on Alcatraz Island; the Florida Everglades; Point Barrow, Alaska; and Hong Kong. All courses will be taught in Indian languages, and there will be demerits for anyone caught speaking English. All students arriving at the school will immediately be given IQ tests to determine their understanding of Indian Language and hunting skills.
Hospitals will be established for the reservations as follows:
Caucasians at Death Valley may go to the Bangor, Maine Hospital; those at the Utah Salt Flats may go to Juneau, Alaska Hospital; those at the Yukon may go to the Miami Beach Hospital; and those at the Badlands may go to the Hospital in Honolulu, Hawaii. Each hospital will have a staff of two part-time doctors and a part-time chiropractor who have all passed first aid tests. And each hospital will be equipped with a scalpel, a jack knife, a saw, a modern tourniquet, and a large bottle of aspirin.
In honor of the whites, many cities, street cars, and products will be given traditional Caucasian names.
A famous Native movie director has even announced that in his upcoming film, Custer's Last Stand, he will use many actual Caucasians to play the parts of soldiers, speaking real English, although, of course, the part of Custer will be played by noted Native actor Wes Studi.
Certain barbaric Caucasian customs will, of course, not be allowed. Caucasians will not be allowed to practice their heathen religions, and will be required to attend Native ceremonies. Missionaries will be sent from each Nation to convert the Caucasians on the reservations. Caucasian churches will either be made into amusement parks or museums or will be torn down and the bricks and ornaments sold as souvenirs and curiosities.
Caucasian cemetaries will be deconstructed and all artifacts will be housed in museums. Skeletal remains of Anglos will be put on display and their skulls will be studied, measured, scrutinized, and analyzed so that Native people can determine just what is wrong with Caucasian people. Caucasians cemetery land will be distributed among people wishing to build roller skating rinks and stop-and-rob stores.
There will be two separate but distinct legal and judicial systems: one for Natives and one for Caucasians, but Natives will hold all the judicial seats, legislative seats, and will staff all police and fire departments. Caucasians can become police officers and fire fighters on their designated reservations but can only act in minor roles. Legal and judicial authority comes directly from the Bureau of Caucasian Affairs.
Several holidays will be developed to honor Anglo people's contributions to society. To further honor them corporations and schools will be encouraged to develop pagents, festivals, sporting events, and for-profit items that can carry the images and names of the Caucasian people.
Educational books (history, archeology, paleotenology, astronomy, medicine, music, literature, art, etc.) will reflect the many contributions of Caucasian people on pages 1, 2, and part of page 3 of every book. The rest of the pages will focus strictly on Native history and contribution.

While this is humorous, note that it is a mirror of Native/Anglo culture in the past years, and still is this way in many purviews......Think on it while you laugh

[LavaDog]

To those who desire to play at being NA, let them live on Pine Ridge for a year

Some of us drove there just to see how bad it is. Man thats the most depressing place I have ever been. Its like even the color is drained from the world and everything is just bleak and hopeless. Plus I never seen so many stray dogs.

you gotta kill these things when they're small."

Lol awesome

United Native Americans (UNA) are proud to announce that it has bought the state of California from the Caucasians and is throwing it open to Native settlement.

Indian casinos man, we're taking this country back one nickle at a time.

While this is humorous, note that it is a mirror of Native/Anglo culture in the past years, and still is this way in many purviews......Think on it while you laugh

Yeah it seems like every day some cell phone company wants to "improve our land and people" and asks to build about 50 cell phone towers all over the rez.

[Woodrow]

Some of us drove there just to see how bad it is. Man thats the most depressing place I have ever been. Its like even the color is drained from the world and everything is just bleak and hopeless. Plus I never seen so many stray dogs.





Lol awesome





Indian casinos man, we're taking this country back one nickle at a time.





Yeah it seems like every day some cell phone company wants to "improve our land and people" and asks to build about 50 cell phone towers all over the rez.

I have some Friends on Pine Ridge and get their as often as I can. There are now about 8-10 Muslim revert families there. The people on Pine ridge are fantastic. I usually go to Friends out in the small isolated communities like Potato Creek.

I am always amazed at how they hold onto their sense of Humor in spite of the poverty and especially the hardships of winter.

[sister herb]

While this is humorous, note that it is a mirror of Native/Anglo culture in the past years, and still is this way in many purviews......Think on it while you laugh

I didn´t laugh but thinking how similar all this sounds like situation today in occupied Palestine... imsad Sorry if my comment was out of topic.

[Woodrow]

I didn´t laugh but thinking how similar all this sounds like situation today in occupied Palestine... imsad Sorry if my comment was out of topic.

The story of the Palestinians and of Native Americans is very similar.

The only difference between Gaza and Pine Ridge is that on Pine Ridge the Genocide is almost complete. In Gaza the area is 139 sq mi (360 square kilometers) and a population of 1,53,1000. In Pine Ridge the area is 3,469 sq mi (8,984 km2) and an estimated population of 40,000 but it may be as low as 15,521 which is the number counted in the last census.

Native American humor is often the result of hardship and sadness. It spite of all that has happened, they meet it with laughter. When deeply hurt a Native American turns his pain into humor and Laughs.

[LavaDog]

There are now about 8-10 Muslim revert families there.

Wow, thats suprising. I am the only muslim I know of here.

I didn´t laugh but thinking how similar all this sounds like situation today in occupied Palestine... Sorry if my comment was out of topic.

Lol at least with us now days the whites love us and our culture. I could glue some rocks to a stick and call it native american folk art and someone would pay 30 dollars for it. Palestines occupier has made it clear its gunning for complete ethnic cleansing.

[Woodrow]

Wow, thats suprising. I am the only muslim I know of here.

The Oglala on pine ridge are very receptive to Islam. I have found that the traditional religion is very similar to Islam. I am absolutly convinced that at one time they had been Muslim and possibly still were until the Missionaries forced Christianity on them. Most of the Oglalal christians are so only in name but at home still follow the traditional religion. Their description of Wanka Tankan is almost identical to our description of Allaah(swt). The traditional culture is also similar to Islam including the traditional laws which very strongly resemble sharia also their dress code for both men and women is very Islamic in appearance. There is also seperation of genders and a man is forbidden to look directly at women or speak to them in a frivolous manner.

Lol at least with us now days the whites love us and our culture. I could glue some rocks to a stick and call it native american folk art and someone would pay 30 dollars for it. Palestines occupier has made it clear its gunning for complete ethnic cleansing.

My Sioux friends on Standing Rock do just that and laugh their heads off at the junk they can sell to tourists. Traditionally the Sioux will never sell any of their craft work but will gladly give it to a friend.

I agree about Palestine

[sherz_umr]

love ths post.. :D
D Jokes are different 4m wot iv usualy heard..cheers to d grl who dint kiss d frog..LOL!

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam

some jokes are funny , some makes me sad but keep them coming :)

[LavaDog]

The Oglala on pine ridge are very receptive to Islam

Cool. To be honest I never tried to see what people here thought of Islam. But its the same here when it comes to christianity.

My Sioux friends on Standing Rock do just that and laugh their heads off at the junk they can sell to tourists.

Lol Maybe it was not right but when I was a kid I would make dream catchers with crow feathers tied to them. Then I would go outside the then "bingo hall" and sell them for a rather large amount of money to tourists. To make them more incline to buy I would wear old clothes that were a little to small and would literally roll around in the dirt. But I stopped that after I got older and went to pine ridge.

[Woodrow]

Iktome is a common character in Sioux humorous stories and legends. He can take on the appearance of a spider and is often portrayed as a trickster or clown. Iktome is the Lakotah word for spider. Spiders seem to have a special place in Lakotah culture. Coyote is also common in Lakotah stories, he is usually shown as having a sneaky or devious personality.


Iktome, Coyote and the Rock
A White River Sioux Legend

Coyote was walking with his friend Iktome.

Along their path stood Iya, the rock. This was not just ant rock; it was special. It had those spidery lines of green moss all over it, the kind that tell a story. Iya had power.

Coyote said: "Why, this is a nice-looking rock. I think it has power."

Coyote took off the thick blanket he was wearing and put it on the rock.

"Here, Iya, take this as a present. Take this blanket, friend rock, to keep you from freezing. You must feel cold."

"Wow, a giveaway!" said Iktome. "You sure are in a giving mood today, friend."

"Ah, it's nothing. I'm always giving things away. Iya looks real nice in my blanket."

"His blanket, now." said Iktome.

The two friends went on. Pretty soon a cold rain started. The rain turned to hail. The hail turned to slush. Coyote and Iktome took refuge in a cave, which was cold and wet.

Iktome was all right; he had his thick buffalo robe. Coyote had only his shirt, and he was shivering. He was freezing. His teeth were chattering.

"Kola, friend of mine," Coyote said to Iktome, "go back and get me my fine blanket. I need it, and that rock has no use for it. He's been getting along without a blanket for ages. Hurry; I'm freezing!"

Iktome went back to Iya, saying: "Can I have that blanket back, please?"

The rock said: "No, I like it. What is given is given."

Iktome returned and told Coyote: "He won't give it back." "That no-good, ungrateful rock!" said Coyote. "Has he paid for the blanket? Has he worked for it? I'll go get it myself."

"Friend," said Iktome, "Tunka, Iya, the rock - there's a lot of power there! Maybe you should let him keep it."

"Are you crazy? This is an expensive blanket of many colors and great thickness. I'll go talk to him."

Coyote went back and told Iya: "Hey, rock! What's the meaning of this? What do you need a blanket for? Let me have it back right now!"

"No," said the rock, "what is given is given."

"You're a bad rock! Don't you care that I'm freezing to death? That I'll catch a cold?"

Coyote jerked the blanket away from Iya and put it on. "So there; that's the end of it."

"By no means the end," said the rock.

Coyote went back to the cave. The rain and hail stopped and the sun came out again, so Coyote and Iktome sat before the cave, sunning themselves, eating pemmican, fry-bread and wojapi, berry soup. After eating, they took out their pipes and had a smoke.

All of a sudden Iktome said: "What's that noise?"

"What noise? I don't hear anything."

"A crashing, a rumble far off."

"Yes, friend, I hear it now."

"Friend Coyote, its getting stronger and nearer, like thunder or an earthquake."

"It is rather strong and loud. I wonder what it can be."

"I have a pretty good idea, friend," said Iktome.

Then they saw the great rock. It was Iya, rolling, thundering, crashing upon them.

"Friend, let's run for it!" cried Iktome; "Iya means to kill us!"

The two ran as fast as they could while the rock rolled after them, coming closer and closer. "Friend, let's swim the river. The rock is so heavy, he sure can't swim!" cried Iktome.

So they swam the river, but Iya, the great rock, also swam over the river as if he had been made of wood.

"Friend, into the timber, among the big trees," cried Coyote. "That big rock surely can't get through this thick forest."

They ran among the trees, but the huge Iya came rolling along after them, shivering and splintering the big pines to pieces, left and right.

The two came out onto the flats. "Oh! Oh!" cried Iktome, Spider Man. "Friend Coyote, this is really not my quarrel. I just remembered, I have pressing business to attend to. So long!"

Iktome rolled himself into a tiny ball and became a spider. He disappeared into a mouse-hole.

Coyote ran on and on, the big rock thundering close at his heels. Then Iya, the big rock, rolled right over Coyote, flattening him out altogether.

Iya took the blanket and rolled back to his own place, saying: "So there!"

A wasichu rancher riding along saw Coyote lying there all flattened out. "What a nice rug!" said the rancher, picking Coyote up, and he took the rug home.

The rancher put Coyote right in front of his fireplace. Whenever Coyote is killed, he can make himself come to life again, but it took him the whole night to puff himself up into his usual shape. In the morning the rancher's wife told her husband: "I just saw your rug running away."

Friends, hear this: Always be generous in heart. If you have something to give, give it forever.

- Told by Jenny Leading Cloud in White River, Rosebud Indian Reservation, South Dakota, 1967.

[sister herb]

Wow what a teaching story.

[yas2010]

A lovely story. Must convey the virtue to my children. :)

[Woodrow]

One thing to know is that until Tecumseh invented an alphabet for Tsalagi, there was no know written language among the Native Americans. The story teller was one of the most respected and valued member of each tribe. So the story tellers told everytrpe of story from Religious beliefs to humor. But, most stories do have a moral associated with them.

I have noticed that among all the tribes the animals all share the same charateristics, for example coyote is always shown as sly and devious. In the Navajo language coyote is Ma'ii it is also the word often used to mean chaos. I must caution that many Navajo stories contain parts that may be seen as unsuitable for children. But, keep in mind the purpose was not only to be humorous but also to teach morality.

From the Navajo:

“Coyote and Strawberries”
told by George Wasson
(1) Coyote was going down South Slough off Coos Bay, and he was
going along when a hail storm came up.
(2) Big hailstones came down and started hitting him, pelting his
body, and he was jumping around, saying, “Oh, that hurts! Oh! Oh!” And
he had to get out of the hail storm, so over on the side of the trail there he
found this big tree. I think it was a cedar tree.
(3) It had been burned, maybe even hit by lightning (which would make it
a taboo tree to mess with), but anyway this big cedar tree that had a hole down in
the bottom of it, a cavity had been burned to the bottom and partly hollow down
there. So he rushed over, and he got down inside there, and he huddled up to get
out of the hail storm. But it didn’t quite protect him, so he used his magical
powers, his tamanawis, and he commanded the tree to grow shut around him.
(4) So he said, “Tree, grow shut. Grow shut around me.” And the tree did
that. But he left a little hole he could see through, little hole he could look
through, and he was looking through that hole and he could see outside, and he
felt really proud of himself, saying how smart he was, how good he was. He had
commanded that tree to grow shut.
(5) Well the hail storm passed by, and Coyote was sitting in there, and he
decided, “Well I guess it’s time to get out of here now,” so he used his power
again, his tamanawis, and he said, “Grow open.”
(6) Nothing happened.
(7) Then Coyote says again, “GROW OPEN!”
(8) Still nothing happened. He thought, “Well, I’m not doing something
right here,” so he commanded the tree, “Grow open.” And nothing happened, and
on the fourth time, he still said, “Grow open.” Nothing happened at all, and there
was Coyote stuck inside of the tree. He must have been too proud of himself
because his power wouldn’t work, the tree wouldn’t grow open.
(9) So he was looking out that little hole, and pretty soon he saw one of
the Woodpecker Girls flying by, and he looked through the hole, and he called out
through the hole, “Oh Miss Woodpecker!”
(10) She looked around, and she said, “Where’s that coming from?”
(11) And he says, “Come over here, over here to this hole.” And she flies
over the tree, and she looks in there. And he says, “Yes, in here. Peck this hole
bigger so I can get out.”
(12) Well, she starts working away. She starts pecking on the hole, and
she pecks on it and pecks on it, and it gets bigger and bigger.
(13) As the hole gets bigger, Coyote can see a little more of her, and he
looks out and says, “She’s pretty nice looking.”
(14) He reaches out there, and he thinks, “I’m just going to stroke her on
the tail feathers.” And he reaches out and just starts to touch her on the tail
feathers, and he grabs her, and she jumps back and says, “What are you doing?”
He says, “Oh, oh, I didn’t mean to do anything.” He’d grabbed her by the tail
feathers, grabbed her by the tail. “Oh, oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do
anything. I won’t do that.” And she starts work and says, “Okay. I’ll work
some more.”
(15) She had started to fly away, and he said, “Oh, I won’t do that again.”
And so she starts working away, pecking away, and the hole gets bigger, and
she’s inside pecking away, getting it bigger, working away.
(16) And he looks up. By that time he can see the front of her, and he
says, “She has nice beautiful round breasts.” He said, “Oh, she’s got her head up
in the air, she won’t even notice me. I’ll just reach up and just kind of, I’ll just
kind of stroke and just touch them a little bit.”
(17) And he gets so excited, he grabs her, and she jumps back and flies
away, says, “No more. I’m not going to help you.”
(18) Well, you might know, there’s a little woodpecker down the coast
that has two marks on it: white marks across its tail and across its breast also.
That’s probably where they came from, Old Coyote messing with her when she
was trying to peck the hole bigger.
(19) So anyway, she flew away and left Coyote inside the tree, the hollow
tree, and he’s trying to figure out what he’s going to do to get out.
(20) Then he has a bright idea: “Aha.” So he reaches up behind his braid,
behind his ear, in his braid, and he pulls out his clamshell knife, and he takes his
clamshell knife, and he starts cutting himself up in little pieces.
(21) Reaches down to his foot, and he cuts out a piece and he pokes that
out through the hole. Then he cuts off another piece and he pokes that out
through the hole, and he just goes like mad. He starts cuttin’ himself a little piece,
poke, cut off a piece, poke it through the hole, cut off another piece, poke it
through the hole. Working up his legs, all the way up his body, he cuts himself all
up in little pieces, pokes ’em out through the hole, and then he’s going to put
himself together when he gets outside.
(22) But while he’s doing this, he’s cutting out his intestines, his guts, and
he throws ’em out through the hole, but while he’s doing this, here comes Bluejay
flying along. Bluejay flies along and looks down and says, “What’s all that?”
Looking around, down the bottom of that tree, all that interesting stuff, coming
out of that hole over there, falling on the ground. Nobody’s around any place.
(23) Bluejay swoops down and grabs a string of intestines and flies away.
(24) Well Coyote gets all finished, gets all poked out through the hole,
gets outside, puts himself all back together [narrator pats hands against various
parts of his body, as if assembling himself]—back here, back there, everything
back into place. He doesn’t notice that Bluejay has flown away with part of his
intestines. And he just thinks he’s just fine, so he’s all put back together, and he
goes on his way.
(25) Walking on down, and he goes on down South Slough and
comes upon where Coos Head is now, and he gets up on there, and here are
strawberries all over. And Coyote says, “Oooh. Oh, look at that, nice
strawberries.” (Well, you can tell that this is an unusual year because here’s
a hail storm when the strawberries are ripe out on the bluff out there, so
unusual things are happening). And here’s Coyote, “Oh, I love
strawberries!” And he reaches down and starts picking strawberries. And
he picks a strawberry and he eats it, and he picks another one and he eats it
and says, “Oh, these are so good.” He just keeps eating strawberries,
picking and eating, picking and eating. (Well, you know right away he’s
doing something wrong here because you’re not supposed to pick
strawberries and eat them yourself. You’re supposed to take them back home to
share with other people. So here’s Coyote doing the wrong thing again. Picking
and eating, picking and eating. )
(26) But he just can’t get full. He just can’t—he tries eating faster. So he
picks faster and eats faster, picks faster, pick and pick, and he just goes as fast as
he can. But he can’t get full at all.
(27) When eventually he looks around behind him, he sees a whole string
of strawberries lying on the ground, and they come right up to his rectum because
that’s when he discovers that Bluejay flew away with the lower end of his
intestines and flew away with his rectum. And he’s just got a straight line right
through, and the strawberries just go right in one end and out the other.
(28) And Coyote’s looking, and he says, “I’ve got to stop that.” So he got
an idea. He said, “I’m going to have to plug it up.” (Aunt Mary always said his
“bunghole,” “plug up his bunghole.”) And so Coyote figured what’s he going to
do.
(29) So he looks around there and says, “This’ll do.” And he walks over,
and here’s this old rotten log, and he kicks on one of the knots sticking out of this
old rotten log, knots sticking up, everything’s rotted away. These knots are out
there, and he kicks one off, and he grabs that, and he says, “Oh, I’ll take that.”
And he takes it, and he shoves it up in his bunghole and jumps—“Ouch!” And he
throws it down, “Oh, that hurts! That’s rough, that hurts.” And he says, “That
won’t do. I want something that’s more smooth.”
(30) And he looks over, and here’s a rock down there. He says, “Well,
I’ll try that.” So he picks up this rock, and he takes it, and he starts to shove it up,
and, “Oh, that’s cold.” And it’s too big and it falls right back out. “No, that
won’t do it. I’ve got to have some way to plug it up so I can keep strawberries
inside of me.”
(31) So he’s thinking about it, and he looks down the trail there, and here’s
a wild carrot, a wild carrot growing down there. And he says, “Ah, that’s just the
right thing.” You know it’s just about so long, and it’s tapered, and it’s nice, soft
and pliable, and that’s just what he wants so he reaches down and picks it and
very carefully turns it and pulls it out of the ground. Yes, that’s just right.
(32) He breaks off the stem and throws it away. But he’s thinking, “You
know, I ought to have something to make sure it stays in better.” And right over
on the side a little ways there’s this great big fir tree that’s been hit by lightning,
and it’s dripping pitch, pitch falling down there. So he takes this carrot—(Well,
you know something’s wrong here also, ’cause he shouldn’t mess around with a
tree that’s been hit by lightning). But here’s this tree hit by lightning, and Coyote
goes over and takes this carrot and rolls it around and around in the pitch, gets it
all pitched up, and then he takes it and very carefully slides it up into his bunghole
and pushes it up and takes some more pitch and packs it in place.
(33) Oh, he gets it all nice and glued up there and pats it real tight, and it’s
all sealed up. And he’s really happy with himself.
just as fast as he can go, eating and eating, more and more and more and
more—eating strawberries until he gets so full he can hardly walk. His belly’s
just puffed way out, and by this time he’s worked himself way down to the edge
of the bluff.
(35) And he looks over there, and he can see a fire out there. He’d worked
way out toward Bastendorf Beach. And he gets off out there, and he looks way
out there, and he goes closer and closer, and he gets up on the edge of the dunes,
and he looks out, and there are people out there with this fire on the beach. And
he’s thinking, “Oh, someone’s cooking something.”
(36) Well, you know, Coyote’s such a glutton he’s always ready to eat
something more. And he calls out, “Hallooo.” And the people look up.
(37) And it’s the Seagull Boys out there, and they say, “Oh, hello mother’s
brother.” And he says, “What are you doing?” And they say, “We’re playing
‘Jump over the Fire.’” He says, “Oh, well I’m very good at that.” “Well, come
over and show us.”
(38) So Coyote goes over there, and he goes along and he runs over by the
fire. He’s disappointed it’s not food, but he comes down there, going to show off,
and he runs up—here his belly’s so big he can hardly walk—runs up there and he
takes a little jump over the fire.
(39) And they say, “Oh, well that was very good, but you really ought to
jump over here where the flames are. That’s where the contest is. Jump over the
fire.”
(40) “Oh, well, I can do that too.” So Coyote circles back around, and he
goes over, and he takes another run at it. He takes a run, and he jumps over, and
he just barely gets over the fire, and he drags his tail right through the flames, and
his tail suddenly explodes into fire.
(41) And he looks back there, and oh, his tail is burning, and flames
shooting up. And he starts batting at the flames, batting at his tail, and he’s
running in circles, and it gets too hot, and suddenly the pitch melts, and POP!—
out goes the carrot.
(42) And Coyote’s running in circles. Strawberries start spewing out.
He’s running in circles, batting at his tail, strawberries spewing out, and they’re
flying all over the Seagull Boys, just spewing out, covering everybody,
strawberries everywhere. And the Seagull Boys are mad. They grab rocks and
they start throwing rocks and sticks at Coyote.
(43) And he runs and heads for the ocean as hard as he can go, runs and
jumps out into the ocean, going to put his tail out. And he jumps out there, and
what happens, but he jumps right out into the waves, and out in the waves is a big
whale. And he jumps—right as the whale is coming up, he jumps right into the
whale’s mouth, and the whale swallows him.
(44) He goes clear down inside the whale’s stomach. And everything’s all
quiet down in there. Coyote’s down inside the whale’s stomach. The tail is not
burning any more; it’s gone out.
(45) Coyote’s feeling his way around: “How’d this happen? Where
am I?” And he’s wandering around in there, and BUMP, suddenly he hits his
head on something. He reaches up, and there’s the whale’s heart,
Coyote bumps right into it. And he says, “Aha.” And he has an idea, so he takes
his clamshell knife again, and he says, I’ll get out of here.”
(46) So he takes his clamshell knife and reaches up and cuts off the
whale’s heart. And the whale dies.
(47) There’s Coyote, inside the whale, out in the ocean. The whale dies,
and it floats up to the surface, and there’s Coyote, standing up inside the whale,
with his arms out, holding on. He can tell they’re out in the big swells because
the whale’s going back and forth, real slow-like with the great big swells out
there. Back and forth, back and forth.
(48) And pretty soon it gets a little rougher. They’re going a little faster,
and he can tell they’re coming into the breakers on shore, and it gets faster and
rolls some more, and the breakers are tossing him around, and he gets tossed
around.
(49) Pretty soon there’s a bump, and rolls over, and then everything’s still.
Aha, he knows then that they’ve washed up on the beach because the whale came
ashore and washed up on the beach, and so Coyote is going to get out of there.
(50) Once again he takes his clamshell knife, and he starts cutting between
the ribs, through about this much blubber, about a foot thick or more of blubber.
Coyote starts cutting, and he starts cutting, and cutting between the whale’s ribs,
trying to get a place to get out of there.
(51) Well, that whale washed ashore right at Sunset Bay. (And that’s a
very famous place where whales come ashore because there’s another old story
about a woman who went out in the ocean and married the sea otters, and she had
them send a whale ashore every year [as a present to her people]. So whales are
very important to the people.) And they had been watching it. Now, they didn’t
know Coyote was inside it. The whale comes ashore and washes in at Sunset
Bay, and all the people are watching. They’ve all come down. All the people
come down. This great gift from the ocean. And they’re coming down to Sunset
Bay, and the whale is on shore. And they’re all waiting for the ceremonious
occasion to cut up the whale and share it with everybody.
(52) And just as they all arrive, here comes Coyote. He cuts his way,
finally cuts through between the ribs, last strike just as the people arrive, and here
comes Coyote, squeezing out between the ribs, and he’s just covered with oil and
whale blubber, just covered like Crisco all over him, just really tight. His hair is
all matted down, and he’s real skinny, sliding out, and his tail’s all burned off.
Coyote’s just squeezing his way out between the ribs, and everybody’s mad.
(53) Well, the Seagull Boys are there too, and they haven’t forgotten the
strawberries yet at all.
(54) All the people are mad because Coyote’s contaminated the whole
thing, this great gift from the ocean for all the people. Coyote’s contaminated it.
(55) Everybody starts throwing rocks. Seagull Boys throwing rocks.
Everybody throwing rocks at Coyote
(56) He can’t see anything because of all this blubber in his eyes, and it’s
all blurry. But he can hear. Down south he knows where Big Creek is; he can
hear it running in down there, and he takes off running as hard as he can down the
beach.
(57) And all the people throwing rocks at him, and he runs and runs and
goes way down the beach. And he goes way up to Big Creek, and he starts
running up Big Creek, and he hears the Salmon Girls going up Big Creek, and
they’re out there paddling, paddling in the water. And he gets ahead of the people
real fast, and he runs up and he says, “Oh Salmon Girls, oh come over here.”
(58) All the people are still trying to catch up with him. He says, “Oh
you’re so pretty. Come here, let me scratch your sides.” And he reaches down
and he’s scratching their sides for them. He says, “Oh, you’re so lovely. I could
scratch better if you get up here in my lap.” And so they let him. They get up in
his lap, and Coyote’s taking both hands and scratching both sides.
(59) Well, he’s probably got other things on his mind, too, but he hears the
people coming too soon. They’re right on his tail.
(60) And he’s scratching both sides so casually, rubbing their sides, and he
gets right up to their heads, and he grabs their eyes, pulls their eyes out of their
heads.
(61) He takes his own eyes out, which are all blurry and greasy, and he
sticks them in the salmon’s head.
(62) Because at that time salmon had bright shiny eyes, and Coyote had
greasy eyes, and now he traded with them, so salmon now always have greasy
eyes, and Coyote’s got the bright shiny ones.
(63) And that’s the end of that part of the story, as they told it.

[LavaDog]

I have noticed that among all the tribes the animals all share the same charateristics, for example coyote is always shown as sly and devious.

Yeah its the same for us. I was never told many stories but I remember we have one called the trickster is tricked or something where the coyote is tricked by a wolf.

[S.Belle]

Jazakallah Khair for posting such wonderful stories they deserve an entirely different thread

this is a really wonderful one as well

The Quill-Work girl and her seven brothers

Hundreds of years ago there was a girl who was very good at quill work, so good that she was the best among all the tribes everywhere. Her designs were radiant with color, and she could decorate anything clothing, pouches, quivers, even tipi's.
One day this girl sat down in her parents' lodge and began to make a man's outfit of white buckskin -- war shirt, leggings, moccasins, gauntlets, everything. It took her weeks to embroider them with exquisite quill work and fringes of buffalo hair marvelous to look at. Though her mother said nothing, she wondered. The girl had no brothers, nor was a young man courting her, so why was she making a man's outfit?
As if life wasn't strange enough, no sooner had she finished the first outfit than she began working on a second, then on a third. She worked all year until she had made and decorated seven complete sets of men's clothes, the last a very small one. The mother just watched and kept wondering. At last after the girl had finished the seventh outfit, she spoke to her mother. "Someplace, many days' walk from here, lives seven brothers," she said. "Someday all the world will admire them. Since I am an only child, I want to take them for my brothers, and these clothes are for them."
"It is well, my daughter," her mother said. "I will go with you."
"This is too far for you to walk," said the girl.
"Then I will go part of the way," said her mother.
They loaded their strongest dogs with the seven bundles and set off toward the north. "You seem to know the way," said the mother.
"Yes, I don't know why, but I do," answered the daughter.
"And you seem to know all about these seven young men and what makes them stand out from ordinary humans."
"I know about them," said the girl, "though I don't know how."
Thus they walked, the girl seeming sure of herself. At last the mother said, "This is as far as I can go." They divided the dogs, the girl keeping two for her journey, and took leave of each other. Then the mother headed south back to her village and her husband, while her daughter continued walking into the north.
At last the daughter came to a lone, painted, and very large tipi which stood near a wide stream. The stream was shallow and she waded across it, calling: "It is I, the young-girl-looking-for-brothers, bringing gifts."
At that a small boy about ten years old came out of the tipi. "I am the youngest of seven brothers," he told the girl. "The others are out hunting buffalo, but they'll come back after a while. I have been expecting you. But you'll be a surprise to my brothers, because they don't have my special gifts of `No Touch'."
"What is the gift of no touch?" asked the girl.
"Sometime you'll find out. Well, come into the tipi."
The girl gave the boy the smallest outfit, which fitted him perfectly and delighted him with its beautiful quill work.
"I shall take you all for my brothers," the girl told him.
"And I am glad to have you for a sister," answered the boy.
The girl took all the other bundles off her two dogs' backs and told them to go back to her parents, and at once the dogs began trotting south.
Inside the tipi were seven beds of willow sticks and sage. The girl unpacked her bundles and put a war shirt, a pair of leggings, a pair of moccasins, and a pair of gauntlets upon each of the older brothers' beds. Then she gathered wood and built a fire. From her packs she took dried meat, choke cherries, and kidney fat, and cooked a meal for eight.
Toward evening just as the meal was ready, the six older brothers appeared laden with buffalo meat. The little boy ran outside the lodge and capered, kicking his heels and jumping up and down, showing off his quilled buckskin outfit.
"Where did you get these fine clothes?" the brothers asked.
"We have a new sister," said the child. "She's waiting inside, and she has clothes for you too. She does the most wonderful quill work in the world. And she's beautiful herself!"
The brothers greeted the girl joyfully. They were struck with wonder at the white buckskin outfits she had brought as gifts for them. They were as glad to have a sister to care for as she was to have brothers to cook and make clothes for. Thus they lived happily.
One day after the older brothers had gone out to hunt, a light-colored buffalo- calf appeared at the tipi and scratched and knocked with his hoof against the entrance flap. The boy came out and asked it what it wanted.
"I am sent by the buffalo nation," said the calf. "We have heard of your beautiful sister, and we want her for our own."
"You can't have her," answered the boy. "Go away."
"Oh well, then somebody bigger than I will come," said the calf and ran off jumping and kicking its heels.
The next day when the boy and the sister were alone again, a young heifer arrived, lowing and snorting, rattling the entrance flap of the tipi.
Once more the child came out to ask what she wanted.
"I am sent by the buffalo nation," said the heifer. "We want your beautiful sister for ourselves."
"You can't have her," said the boy. "Go away!"
"Then somebody bigger than I will come," said the heifer, galloping off like the calf before her.
On the third day a large buffalo cow, grunting loudly, appeared at the lodge. The boy came out and asked, "Big buffalo cow, what do you want?"
"I am sent by the buffalo nation," said the cow. "I have come to take your beautiful sister. We want her."
"You can't have her," said the boy. "Go away!"
"Somebody very big will come after me," said the buffalo cow, "and he won't come alone. He'll kill you if you don't give him your sister." With these words the cow trotted off.
On the fourth day the older brothers stayed home to protect the girl. The earth began to tremble a little, then to rock and heave. At last appeared the most gigantic buffalo bull in the world, much larger than any you see now. Behind him came the whole buffalo nation, making the earth shudder. Pawing the ground, the huge bull snorted and bellowed like thunder. The six older brothers, peering out through the entrance hole, were very much afraid, but the little boy stepped boldly outside. "Big, oversized buffalo bull, what do you want from us?" he asked.
"I want your sister," said the giant buffalo bull. "If you won't give her to me, I'll kill you all."
The boy called for his sister and older brothers to come out. Terrified, they did so.
"I'll take her now," growled the huge bull.
"No," said the boy, "she doesn't want to be taken. You can't have her. Go away!"
"In that case I'll kill you now," roared the giant bull. "I'm coming!"
"Quick, brother, use your special medicine!" the six older brothers cried to the youngest.
"I am using it," said he. "Now all of you, catch hold of the branches of this tree. Hurry!" He pointed to a tree growing by the tipi. The girl and the six brothers jumped up into its branches. The boy took his bow and swiftly shot an arrow into the tree's trunk, then clasped the trunk tightly himself. At once the tree started to grow, shooting up into the sky in no time at all. It all happened much, much quicker than it can be told.
The brothers and the girl were lifted up in the tree branches, out of reach of the buffalo. They watched the herd of angry animals grunting and snorting, milling around the tree far below.
"I'll chop the tree down with my horns!" roared the giant buffalo. He charged the tree, which shook like a willow and swayed back and forth. Trying not to fall off, the girl and the brothers clutched the branches. The big bull had gouged a large piece of wood from the trunk.
The little boy said, "I'd better use one more arrow." He shot another arrow high into the treetop, and again the tree grew, shooting up another thousand feet or so, while the seven brothers and the girl rose with it.
The giant buffalo bull made his second charge. Again his horns stabbed into the tree and splintered wood far and wide. The gash in the trunk had become larger.
The boy said, "I must shoot another arrow." He did, hitting the treetop again, and quick as a flash the tree rose another thousand feet.
A third time the bull charged, rocking the tree, making it sway from side to side so that the brothers and the girl almost tumbled out of their branches. They cried to the boy to save them. The child shot a fourth arrow into the tree, which rose again so that the seven young men and the girl disappeared into the clouds. The gash in the tree trunk had become dangerously large.
"When that bull charges again, he will shatter this tree," said the girl. "Little brother, help us!"
Just as the bull charged for the fourth time, the child loosed a single arrow he had left, and the tree rose above the clouds.
"Quick, step out right on the clouds. Hurry!" cried the little boy. "Don't be afraid!"
The bull's head hit the tree trunk with a fearful impact. His horns cut the trunk in two, but just as the tree slowly began to topple, the seven brothers and the girl stepped off it's branches and into the sky.
There the eight of them stood. "Little brother, what will become of us now? We can never return to earth; we're up too high. What shall we do?"
"Don't grieve," said the little boy, "I'll turn us into stars."
At once the seven brothers and the girl were bathed in radiant light. They formed themselves into what the white men call the Big Dipper. You can see them there now. The brightest star is the beautiful girl, who is filling the sky with glimmering quill work, and the star twinkling at the very end of the Dipper's handle is the little boy. Can you see him?

[Woodrow]

This is from the Algonquin Nation, but I do not know which tribe.



Ableegumooch, the Lazy Rabbit

Native American Lore

In the Old Time, as you know, Ableegumooch was Glooscap's forest guide and helped wayfarers lost in the forest. However, as time went on, Indians and animals learned to find their own way through the trees and did not need the rabbit's services so often. Ableegumooch grew fat and lazy. If there was something easy and pleasant to do, he did it. If the thing were difficult or tiring, he did not. Now that is no way to keep a wigwam stocked with food. Often, poor old Noogumee, his grandmother, with whom he lived, had to hunt for food herself, or they would have gone hungry. And no matter how much she scolded him, Ableegumooch refused to mend his ways.

Glooscap, far away in his lodge on Blomidon, saw that the rabbit was becoming a thoroughly useless creature. He must be warned against the dangers of laziness. So, wasting no time, Glooscap descended from his lodge to the beach in three huge strides, launched his canoe, and paddled across the Bay of Fundy to the shore near the rabbit's home.

It was a fine bright morning, the air cool and tasting of salt, as it always does in the Maritime Provinces. And presently along hopped the rabbit, singing with fine spirit:

It's a lovely day to do

Nothing, nothing

All the day through!

He paid no attention to the tasty leaves and berries he might have been gathering for dinner. He was much more interested in watching other people work. There was Miko the Squirrel scampering up the big maple tree, his cheeks bulged out with nuts, pausing only long enough to scold Ableegumooch for coming too near his storehouse. There was Mechipchamooech the Bumble Bee, busy at the golden rod, gathering honey for his hive. And there was Teetees the Blue Jay, flying worms to his family in the big pine. It was all so interesting that Ableegumooch stopped beside a stately fir tree to enjoy the scene. Suddenly behind him, he heard a voice.

"Ableegumooch, be careful!"

The rabbit jumped and whirled about, but there was nobody there. The voice spoke again, from somewhere over his head.

"Take care, Ableegumooch, or your lazy ways will bring you pain and sorrow."

The rabbit looked up and saw the fir tree shake like a leaf in a storm, yet not a breath of wind stirred. Frightened out of his wits, he ran--and he never stopped running until he was safe at home, where he told his grandmother what had happened.

"Glooscap has given you a warning," said his grand mother. "Be sure to obey him, grandson, or you will be sorry."

The rabbit's legs were still trembling from fright and exertion, and he promised at once that he would take care to mend his lazy ways in future. And indeed, for a while, he went busily about his hunting and kept the wigwam well stocked with food. But, when autumn came, he grew lazy again and went back to his old careless ways.

It's a lovely day to do

Nothing, nothing

All the day through!

So sang Ableegumooch as he sauntered through the glory of autumn trees. Noogumee begged and scolded and pleaded, but he continued to spend more time visiting his neighbours than gathering food. One day, when winter had come to the land, he came to the wigwam of Keoonik the Otter. Keoonik politely asked him to dine, and the rabbit promptly accepted. Keoonik turned to his elderly house keeper and addressed her in the usual Indian fashion:

"Noogumee, prepare the meal."

Then he took some fishhooks and went off, the rabbit hopping along behind, curious to see what he was going to do. Keoonik sat on the snowy bank of the river and slid down an icy path into the water. In a moment, he reappeared with a string of eels which he carried to his grandmother, and she promptly cooked them for dinner.

"Gracious!" thought Ableegumooch. "If that isn't an easy way to get a living. I can do that as well as Keoonik," and he invited the otter to be his guest at dinner on the following day. Then he hurried home.

"Come," he said to his grandmother, "we are going to move our lodge down to the river." And in spite of all she could say, he insisted on moving it. Noogumee reminded him that the wigwam was empty of food, and he ought to be out hunting, but Ableegumooch paid no attention. He was busy making a slide like Keoonik's. The weather was cold, so all he had to do was pour water down the snowy bank, where it soon froze, and there was his fishing slide. Early next day, the guest arrived. When it was time for dinner, Ableegumooch said to his grandmother:

"Noogumee, prepare the meal."

"There is nothing to prepare," said she, sadly.

"Oh, I will see to that," said the rabbit with a confident laugh, and he took his place at the top of the slide to go fishing. When he tried to push off, however, he found it was not so easy. His coat was rough and bulky and dry, not smooth and slippery like the otter's. He had to wriggle and push with his heels until at last he slid down and plunged into the water. The cold took his breath quite away, and he suddenly remembered he was unable to swim. Struggling and squealing, he thought no more of fishing, for he was in great danger of drowning.

"What on earth is the matter with him?" Keoonik asked the grandmother.

"I suppose he has seen someone else do that," sighed Noogumee, "and he thinks he can do it too."

Keoonik helped the freezing, half-drowned rabbit out of the water and, since there was nothing to eat, went home hungry and disgusted.

But do you think that cold bath cured Ableegumooch? Not at all. The very next day, as he ran idly through the forest, he came to the lodge of some female woodpeckers. He was delighted when these Antawaas invited him to dinner.

He watched eagerly to see how they found food.

One of the woodpeckers took a dish, went up the side of an old beech tree and quickly dug out a plentiful supply of food, which was cooked and placed before the rabbit.

"My, oh my!" thought Ableegumooch. "How easily some people get a living. What is to prevent me from getting mine in that fashion?" And he told the Antawaas they must come and dine with him.

On the day following, they appeared at the rabbit's lodge and Ableegumooch said to his grandmother importantly:

"Noogumee, prepare the meal."

"You foolish rabbit," said she, "there is nothing to prepare."

"Make the fire," said the rabbit grandly, "and I shall see to the rest."

He took the stone point from an eel spear and fastened it on his head in imitation of a woodpecker's bill, then climbed a tree and began knocking his head against it. Soon his head was bruised and bleeding, and he lost his hold and fell to the earth with a tremendous crash. The Antawaas could not keep from laughing.

"Pray what was he doing up there?"

"I suppose he has seen someone else do that," said Noogumee, shaking her head, "and thinks he can do it too." And she advised them to go home, as there would be no food for them there that day.

Now, sore as he was, you would certainly think the rabbit had learned his lesson. Yet, a day or two later, he was idling in the woods as usual when he came upon Mooin the Bear, who invited him to dinner. He was greatly impressed at the way in which the bear got his meal. Mooin merely took a sharp knife and cut small pieces off the soles of his feet. These he placed in a kettle on the fire, and in a short while they enjoyed a delicious meal.

"This must be the easiest way of all to get a dinner," marvelled Ableegumooch, and he invited Mooin to dine with him next day. Now what the rabbit did not know was that the bears preserve food on their feet. They press ripe blueberries with their paws and, after the cakes have dried upon them, cut bits off to eat. The silly rabbit thought Mooin had actually cut pieces off his paws!

At the appointed time, Ableegumooch ordered his grand mother to prepare the meal, and when she said there was nothing to prepare, he told her to put the kettle on and he would do the rest. Then he took a stone knife and began to cut at his feet as he had seen Mooin do. But oh dear me, it hurt. It hurt dreadfully! With tears streaming down his cheeks, he hacked and hacked, first at one foot and then at the other. Mooin the Bear was greatly astonished.

"What on earth is the fellow trying to do?" he asked.

Noogumee shook her head dismally.

"It is the same old thing. He has seen someone else do this."

"Well!" said Mooin crossly, "It is most insulting to be asked to dinner and get nothing to eat. The trouble with that fellow is-- he's lazy!" and he went home in a huff.

Then at last, Ableegumooch, nursing his sore feet, remembered what Glooscap had said. All at once, he saw how silly he had been.

"Oh dear!" he said. "My own ways of getting food are hard, but others' are harder. I shall stick to my own in the future," and he did.

From then on, the wigwam of Ableegumooch and his grandmother was always well stored with food, winter and summer, and though he still sings, his song has changed:

It's a wiser thing to be

Busy, busy

Constantly!

[Ramadhan]

I am enjoying these native american humour. They remind me of all those little hiawatha and winnettou comics I read when I was little.

[LavaDog]

This is one of ours, took me a while to find it.

Wolf Tricks the Trickster

Wouldn't it be great if everybody could live forever? There would be no disease, no accidents. Life would just be sunny days and fun all the time. Native American mythology has lots of stories about a time when there was no death in the world. One community, the Shoshoni people, believe that this happy time was all because of one animal: the Wolf.
The Shoshoni people saw the Wolf as a creator god and they respected him greatly. Long ago, Wolf, and many other animals, walked and talked like man.. Coyote could talk, too, but the Shoshoni people kept far away from him because he was a Trickster, somebody who is always up to no good and out to double-cross you.
Coyote resented Wolf because he was respected by the Shoshoni. Being a devious Trickster, Coyote decided it was time to teach Wolf a lesson. He would make the Shoshoni people dislike Wolf, and he had the perfect plan. Or so he thought.
One day, Wolf and Coyote were discussing the people of the land. Wolf claimed that if somebody were to die, he could bring them back to life by shooting an arrow under them. Coyote had heard this boast before and decided to put his plan into action.
Wearing his most innocent smile he told Wolf that if he brought everyone back to life, there would soon be no room left on Earth. Once people die, said Coyote, they should remain dead. If Wolf takes my advice, thought Coyote, then the Shoshoni people would hate Wolf, once and for all.
Wolf was getting tired of Coyote constantly questioning his wisdom and knew he was up to no good, but he didn't say anything. He just nodded wisely and decided it was time to teach Coyote a lesson.
A few days after their conversation, Coyote came running to Wolf. Coyote's fur was ruffled and his eyes were wide with panic. Wolf already knew what was wrong: Coyote's son had been bitten by Rattlesnake and no animal can survive the snake's powerful venom. Coyote pleaded with Wolf to bring his son back to life by shooting an arrow under him, as he claimed he could do.
Wolf reminded Coyote of his own remark that people should remain dead. He was no longer going to bring people back to life, as Coyote had suggested. The Shoshoni people say that was the day Death came to the land and that, as a punishment for his mischievous ways, Coyote's son was the first to die.
No one else was ever raised from the dead by Wolf again, and the people came to know sadness when someone dies. Despite Coyote's efforts, however, the Shoshoni didn't hate Wolf. Instead, they admired his strength, wisdom and power, and they still do today.

[S.Belle]

Grandmother Spider steals the Sun

A Cherokee Legend

Now, when Earth was brand new, there was much confusion, for there was darkness everywhere. All of Earth's Peoples kept bumping into each other, and were often hurt. They all cried out for light, that they might see.
Fox said that he knew of some people on the other side of the world who had plenty light. He said that it was nice and warm, but those people were too greedy to share it with anyone else. Possum said that he would steal Sun. "I have a beautiful, bushy tail," he said. "I can hide the Sun in all of that fur. Let me try."
So Possum went to the other side of the world and found the Sun. It was hanging up in a Tree and lighting up everything. Possum took a piece of the Sun and hid it in the fur of his tail. But Sun was so hot that it burned all of Possum's tail hairs off. To this day, Possum has a bare tail. The people discovered Possum and took the piece of the Sun back.
Buzzard said, "I will take the Sun myself. I will put it on my head, so that I can see where I am going with it." So he tried to take the Sun too. He flew to the other side of the world, and dived down to snare the Sun in his claws. But it was so hot that it burned all of Buzzard's feathers off of his head. To this day, Buzzard's head is bald and ugly. The people discovered Buzzard, and took the Sun back.
Then Grandmother Spider said, "Let me try." First, she made a very thick clay pot, big enough to put the Sun in. Then, she spun a web which reached all the way to the other side of the world. She was so small and quiet that these people did not notice her at all. When she was ready, she quickly snatched up the Sun in her big clay pot, and hurried back home along her web. Now her side of the world had light, and warmth. Everyone rejoiced at Grandmother Spider's gift.
Spider Woman brought the Sun to the Principal People, the Cherokee, but also the gift of fire. She also taught them to make pottery.