seek refuge in Allah from the shaytan and his whispers. Do it with total devotion and if you persevere you'll see results inshaAllah. Our level of connection with Allah tends to fluctuate over time. No person is always going to be fully perfect and never sin. We are not angels. We have to try to stand back up again after falling down. This cycle will continue till our deaths.
Sometimes while listening to Muslim "scholors" I find myself disagreeing with many things they say, I consider myself a somewhat open minded Muslim, I don't mean open minded as in having a girlfriend and drinking (Even though I can easily do those things, the only thing stopping me is Islam) but open minded as in I don't think taking photographs is wrong, I don't see a problem with celebrating your birthday in a halal way, I don't see whats wrong with music as long as its not about sex/drugs and whatnot, I just need to know if I'm right.
You are judging Islam to be incorrect based on certain rulings
which you personally cannot see the reason for. I don't think this is a rational approach to take.
You should first determine truth of the Prophethood of Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihe Waslam and the existence of Allah (which, going by when you say you need Allah, you have already done). If you have this determination, then your not being able to understand certain rulings become irrelevant and you rationally have no reason to object to them.
i. If we believe Allah is real
ii. If we believe Prophet Muhammad SAW was Allah's Prophet and Messenger
iii. Then this means we have no option but to submit to the rulings that were brought to us
We can't look at the commands and think 'that can't be right' and from this go on to conclude that Islam itself is not real. That's not a rational approach because we already believe in the Prophethood.
At the end of the day, like brother Salahudeen mentioned, it's a matter of submitting and appreciating our deficiencies after we have gained the initial belief
. If we can verify that it indeed is from the law of Allah that lying, for example, is forbidden, we have no basis to refuse it.
Likewise with music, photography, birthdays etc. If we can prove it is something from the sharia, then we have no valid reason to refuse.
There are certain things which from Quran and Sunnah are unambigiously declared haram/halal (e.g. theft, fornication, murder). On other issues that have not been explicitly mentioned in Quran, we look to the primary sources - the Quran, the ahadith, the companions, the salaf (those nearest to the time of the Prophet Sallalahu Alaihe Wassalam) and infer from them what the ruling should be. This is the job of the learned, the scholars.
Photography, celebrating birthdays, music. These are contentious issues. Most scholars would hold all to be impermissible whilst there are others who would argue they are permissible.
We are told to leave that which is doubtful in Islam. So for the individual who wishes to have a strong relationship with Allah, he would strive to avoid the above things.
Once again bro, the important thing is, once you have accepted the truth of Islam, it is not logical to assume it false based on anything of the commands/rulings which you personally don't agree with.
If your parents were to tell you 'no playstation tonight' and you didn't think that was reasonable, you can't conclude from this that these people are not your real parents or that your parents don't exist in the first place. Kinda like that.