Can't stop feeling bad

[anonymous]

Hi
First let me say am not a member here, but I need help my friend let me use her laptop and told me about this forum.
Am going to start by saying I was so religious, did everything Allah told me to do, always tried doing my best to be a better muslim. But time went and my imaan was getting low until I nearly completely lost it. I even stopped praying then I met this guy in work who seemed so good. He told me he prayed etc and that’s what got me interested in him. Bit bit he got me to like him, he played around with me he was 23 while I was so much younger than him. I ended up loving him but he got me to start going out with him. I believed every word he said to me. I was completely blind, this boy used me totally, he knew I’ve never been with any boy before because I was a good muslimia, when I was with him I started praying again and things seem alright. I knew he would come and tell my parents if we could marry when were ready. I believed him. I was too blind to see his real face. He started touching me, kissing mewhile I didn’t want to but he pushed me to do it but we didn’t commit zina. And I thank Allah everyday for that.
This was going on until some people find out. And I ended up telling my parents but I never said I dated him all I said was that I talked to him and about the picture that he took of me and him while I wasn’t looking. I didn’t know about the picture only when he sent it to me. Its been a long time now and its over. He lost his work because he was too scared to face my family cos my dad was planning to go and knock him out. We worked together that’s how we met in an multi-cultural centre where ther was muslims n people from different places. Some people there might know about this and it just makes me feel bad.
Now I can’t move on, I hate this man but I can’t help it by thinking am a bad person. I know I am, and I wish time would go backwards so I could change everything. I don’t know who to blame but I was too blind. Everytime I think about it I hate myself. And I can’t help thinking what he’s thinking and whether he’s go around saying things about me in a bad way.

[جوري]

:sl:

is the pic he took of you a bad pic? is he using it to blackmail you?
I am actually glad you told your parents with what it would cost them of hurt and you a tremendous fear but it shows great maturity and willingness to admit to mistake and take responsibility.
I think you really have two options and I'd opt for the latter..
1- you can spend your life hating this guy, regretting the past, dwelling in a thousand scenarios of how to rectify this situation and move on without blemish and I remember once a hadith I'd read that stated more or less (if I knew then what I know now I'd have opted for the greater good)
2- you can try to learn from your mistake, appreciate that this mistake made you grow wiser, of more mature a character as you went so far to tell your parents and you clearly regret what became..

I'd opt for option two simply because life can't go backward and because the bad things that happen help develop our character.. I don't think you'd encounter a person on Islamic board or outside of it who didn't have a tragedy or several. .. we're created in a state of toil and hardship.. life isn't paradisaical.. it is just life and life happens to us because we're living it..

I have spent a year after ten miserable ones regretting and questioning where I went wrong, questioning God, I a not a fornicator, I didn't waste time in frivolous pursuits, why is every aspect of my life falling apart and then was reminded of how lucky I am to just be alive, how life is the exception and so long as there is life it you have a chance to improve, change direction, grow wiser....

so aside from keeping you in my du3a, I sincerely hope you'll continue this mature trend you started and just close the chapter on this guy.. if you decide to do something in your mind, you've indeed the will from God to do just that.. close the book and start a new one and write fresh things in it..

may Allah swt ease your affairs..

:w:

[Ummu Sufyaan]

:sl:
advise to sisters: if a guy is interested in you, he goes to your father/wali. that's what real men do. if he doesn't go to your father, then he aint a man and shouldn't even be looked at. sorry to sound like a moo -moo but its true :D doesnt make sense for a guy not to protect a girl, and instead exploit her. yes, the girl is responsible as-well, but this is an advise for sisters (i just have to clarify before it turns into an out of control argument).

anyway sister, its good that you regret what happened....im not too sure if there is a cure for guilt. maybe only gratefulness for realizing your sin....i dont know.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Hi
First let me say am not a member here, but I need help my friend let me use her laptop and told me about this forum.
Am going to start by saying I was so religious, did everything Allah told me to do, always tried doing my best to be a better muslim. But time went and my imaan was getting low until I nearly completely lost it. I even stopped praying then I met this guy in work who seemed so good. He told me he prayed etc and that’s what got me interested in him. Bit bit he got me to like him, he played around with me he was 23 while I was so much younger than him. I ended up loving him but he got me to start going out with him. I believed every word he said to me. I was completely blind, this boy used me totally, he knew I’ve never been with any boy before because I was a good muslimia, when I was with him I started praying again and things seem alright. I knew he would come and tell my parents if we could marry when were ready. I believed him. I was too blind to see his real face. He started touching me, kissing mewhile I didn’t want to but he pushed me to do it but we didn’t commit zina. And I thank Allah everyday for that.
This was going on until some people find out. And I ended up telling my parents but I never said I dated him all I said was that I talked to him and about the picture that he took of me and him while I wasn’t looking. I didn’t know about the picture only when he sent it to me. Its been a long time now and its over. He lost his work because he was too scared to face my family cos my dad was planning to go and knock him out. We worked together that’s how we met in an multi-cultural centre where ther was muslims n people from different places. Some people there might know about this and it just makes me feel bad.
Now I can’t move on, I hate this man but I can’t help it by thinking am a bad person. I know I am, and I wish time would go backwards so I could change everything. I don’t know who to blame but I was too blind. Everytime I think about it I hate myself. And I can’t help thinking what he’s thinking and whether he’s go around saying things about me in a bad way.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, My sister clearly you have already acknowledged that you have made grave errors and mistakes in the past by being with such a man in the first place. There is no doubt you were naive and lost but you must accept now that whatever has happened has happened and you cannot turn back time and go back and do things better or differently for this is not how life works.

I am sure most of us want to go back and do things differently but life is such that we make mistakes and we learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never made mistakes. You need to think of this relationship as a mistake that you have made because it was just that.

The past has made you who you are today in your present. You have now clearly learnt that such relationships are only the cause of pain and anguish and many a times are full of false hopes and dreams. You have also learnt that there is no such thing as relationship before marriage and a relationship can only be pure and true after marriage. I am also sure you have now learnt that you should only go about marriage in the right way from the beginning and not let shaythan be the third person in your conversations and contact before marriage. Therefore you have learnt a LOT because of this experience and you should take good from what you have learnt and apply it in your life.

You really need to make the necessery mental changes in having a fresh new start to your life and you can do this by firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/es. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him or present of gifts that he gave to you or anything that reminds you of him. Internalise that you want to make a fresh start with your life and that you want to move on and progress. Realise that death is near and that you cannot waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept that Allah has something better in store for you!

You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. This should be your new focus in life which is to please Allah and you should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him.

You should make dua to Allah that he does not bring back the past in your life again and for him to help you move on with your life. If some aspects of the past does come back then just think to yourself: "The past has made me who i am today and it will not affect my present and my future and that i cannot waste a second more on the past because my life is short and i need to prepare for my eternity".

My sister Know that Allah is wanting you to be close to him so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? Desire to be closer to Allah and to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent for what you have done and ask of Allah to help you through this hard time. Always share how you feel with Allah for your heart will feel MUCH better in doing so. Strive to be closer to Allah in established all of your fard obligations to him.

Also do much nafils and recite the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Learn as much about Islam as possible and most of all ALWAYS busy yourself with the remembrance of Allah in glorifying and praising him as well as pondering and contemplating over his creations. The more you remember Allah the quicker your heart will heal!

Join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve yourself with Islamic events, activities and be with good and pious sisters. Serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?

Therefore my sister let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste my sister and there will be times where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent. Internalise that you will NOT let your past affect you because you are a better person today because of your past. You do not need to remember your past or anything that you did because you are who you are today and that is a much better person for it.

NO one is free from making mistakes in their life so accept you have made mistakes and learn from it and take whatever good that came from it and do things in the best and right way now and the future.

So my sister go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.

I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your dua's.


Here are some very beneficial lectures which you and your siblings should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:

AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc



Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ


Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA


HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc


Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg