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anonymous
05-06-2011, 11:30 PM
Salaam, I was in a Pre marital relationship and yes we committed zina. I know it was wrong and have repented to Allah. Since then I have praying five times and doing more good deeds. My imaan ha strenthended. We however have now broken up and I miss him so much. Isitkhara came out positive when someone did it on his behalf when we were together. I just don't get y we have broken up. I know the reasons behind it but feel like my life is over because of it. I wanted to know if the person we marry IS Pre determined by Allah. I want to marry this man but seems like he is long gone. If Allah wills will he come back to me? Has Allah decided our partners? When I marry has Allah decided that?
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Hamza Asadullah
05-09-2011, 09:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
Salaam, I was in a Pre marital relationship and yes we committed zina. I know it was wrong and have repented to Allah. Since then I have praying five times and doing more good deeds. My imaan ha strenthended. We however have now broken up and I miss him so much. Isitkhara came out positive when someone did it on his behalf when we were together. I just don't get y we have broken up. I know the reasons behind it but feel like my life is over because of it. I wanted to know if the person we marry IS Pre determined by Allah. I want to marry this man but seems like he is long gone. If Allah wills will he come back to me? Has Allah decided our partners? When I marry has Allah decided that?
Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, My sister you know that have done a very big error in getting into a relationship because you and i both know that a relationship is NOT a guarantee for marriage. We should never give our love, affection and our all to a relationship partner but ONLY to our marriage partner. Unfortunatley in life we all have to learn from our errors and mistakes and this is what you are going to have to do.

Whatever has happened has happened now and you cannot turn back time. We all want to go back and do things differently but life is such that we make mistakes and we learn from them. We learn from our failures NOT our successes. If we all succeeded in life then how will we ever become better people? How will we ever grow as individuals if we never made mistakes. You need to think of this relationship as a mistake that you have made because it was just that.

You should ONLY have ever fallen for your marriage partner and falling for a guy outside of marriage is a grave sin and you only have yourself to blame so i cannot sugar coat this for you. Many go through what you are going through and it is all because they chose to get into relationships outside of marriage.

You need to think to yourself that if you followed Islam and obeyed Allah none of this would have happened so therefore see this as a big error that you have made in your life in that you fell for someone outside of marriage and because of that error you have got hurt because of it. Look at it as you tried your best but that it was just not meant to be in your destiny to be with such a person because whatever is decreed for us will happen and the fact that you tried evrything but it did not go through proves that it was just not meant to be.

As humans we all think that we know what is best for us in life. A person falls into a relationship, they create false hopes and dreams together imagining and talking about a life together forever and having babies etc. But this is just a bubble and a world that the couple create with each other which usually ends up being just a dream and the bubble bursts when reality hits. We as humans think we know what is best for us but the fact is we don't! ONLY Allah knows what is best so therefore we must do EVERYTHING to please him and refrain from EVERYTHING that displeases him and causes his wrath and anger!

We need to accept that because something is not meant for us that maybe it is because it is not best for us. I have heard of SO many stories of couples who were together in a relationship long before marriage and when they got married things just went so wrong and they ended up either miserable or divorced. This is because such marriage started off in a haraam way so they have NO peace or blessings in them. If we want the help of Allah and if we want Allah to put peace and blessings into whatever we do in life then we MUST do things in the right way in order to please him otherwise we will end up being miserable and unhappy. So maybe if you did marry him then reality would have hit you and you would have ended up having a terribley miserable marriage which would have ended bitterly in divorce. If children are involved then it is all the more nastier.

So i think you should thank Allah that he has done what is best for you even though it is difficult because you have been with him for so long but you must accept that Allah knows best and maybe Allah saved you from a potentially miserable life! Whatever is not meant for us then it is always the case that Allah has soemthing better in store for us.

I do know of MANY who have had relationships and break ups before marriage and after they got married they realised that they were only living in a dream world with that person and that in reality they are so thank ful to Allah that Allah found them the best partner. The love before marriage and after marriage is very different. Once you are married inshallah you will realise what true love is. You will also realise that you were only ever living in a dream world and that you have now woken up.

Here is what you can do to get over what has happened:

1. Accept what has happened and accept that it has happened because you disobeyed Allah and decided to have a relationship outside of marriage even though you knew it was wrong. Accept that you were in the wrong but that you have fallen into error and that you have learnt from this mistake and have become a MUCH better and wiser person out of this. Accept that we learn from our failures and NOT our successes!

2. Once you have accepted that it was your own fault and that you could easily have decided not to get into it then you must also accept that you did try your best but whatever will happen in your life will happen if it is decreed. It is clear that it was not decreed so it did not happen. Therefore accept that whatever Allah decrees is the best for you whether you like it or not because we as humans know not what is best for us. Maybe Allah saved you from a life of misery.

3. Once you have accepted that this was the consequances of your own choices that you made and that it was not in your decree to be with him and that whatever is decreed in our lives is the best for us then you must try to move forward with your life because death will not wait for anyone and wasting more time and more of your precious seconds that you have left will ONLY be of detriment to you because we ONLY have one chance which is our life and our once chance can end at ANY second. If you continuously waste more time on something which was never decreed for you then surely you will regret it forever if not in this life then definatley the next!

4. Make the necessery mental changes in having a fresh new start to your life and you can do this by firstly changing your number/s. Change your e mail address/es. Get rid of any social networks that you are on. Get rid of any pictures of him or present of gifts that he gave to you or anything that reminds you of him. Inernalise that you want to make a fresh start with your life and that you want to move on and progress. realise that death is near and that you cannot waste anymore time on that which was not meant for you. Accept that Allah has something better in store for you!

5. Time is the best healer. Once you have taken all these steps then let time heal your heart. The way you think will affect the speed of your recovery. You need to get your heart to accept the above 4 steps and once you have then recovery will be quicker.

6. You need to focus your mind on the purpose of your life. Allah did not create you to follow your own desires in life but he created you for one purpose and ONLY one purpose and that is to worship him. This should be your new focus in life which is to please Allah and you should strive to do EVERYTHING you can to get closer to him and to please him. You should also realise that Allah ONLY wants what is best for you and he took you out of this because he has something better in store for you!

Hope my advice has helped in some way. Know that Allah is wanting you to be close to him so will you not take a small step towards Allah that he may take a huge step towards you? Desire to be closer to Allah and to do EVERYTHING to please him. Continue to repent for what you have done and ask of Allah to help you through this hard time. Always share how you feel with Allah for your heart will feel MUCH better in doing so. Strive to be closer to Allah in established all of your fard obligations to him.

Also do much nafils and recite the Qur'an along with its meanings to understand what Allah is telling us in the Qur'an. Learn as much about Islam as possible and most of all ALWAYS busy yourself with the remembrance of Allah in glorifying and praising him as well as pondering and contemplating over his creations. The more you remember Allah the quicker your heart will heal!

Join a local sisters Islamic circle and involve yourself with Islamic events, activities and be with good and pious sisters. Serve your parents as much as possible for they ONLY want the best for you and serving ones parents is of the BEST of ALL deeds. NEVER even raise your voice to your parents for they have been given the highest status by Allah, The way we treat our parents is how our parents will treat us. Therefore treat your parents the best and if shaythan tries to create enmity in your heart that seek refuge with Allah for shaythan is your eternal enemy and only wants you to be destroyed. He wants you to waste your time and life over the past and does NOT want you to move on. He wants to prevent you from progressing in life and in your deen. He does not want you to go towards Allah so will you not reject your sworn enemy?

Therefore my sister let now be the start of a whole new chapter in your life where you can progress and move forward gradually. There is no time to waste my sister and there will be times where you will find it hard but with Allah you will find peace and contentment but with shaythan all you will find is misery and discontent. Therefore if you want to get healed then go towards Allah and strive to please him and make him the happiest. Ask of him to help you through this and in every aspect of your life. Repent to him always and ask of him to heal your heart. If you put your FULL faith, trust, reliance and hopes in Allah then you will find this is enough for you and your heart will heal and be replaced with the love for Allah and his messenger.

I pray that Allah heals your heart and makes you of his close servants. I pray he finds you the best partner that will lead you towards success in this life and the next and i pray he helps you through this and every aspect of your life. Please also remember me in your dua's.


Here are some very beneficial lectures which you and your siblings should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:

AMAZING short speech -"The Goodly Life"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fugf1DcNyc



Remembrance: ask Allah for his forgiveness

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EK9r3rMzQ


Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA


HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U

Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc


Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE

Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo

How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg



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anonymous
05-10-2011, 10:44 PM
Jazakallah For your advice brother hamza, very informative. I am happy you replied as seeing from other posts you give great knowledgeable advice based on Quran and sunnah.

I prayed to Allah a while back bring a decent religious man into my life and Allah brought him. We also performed isitkhara back then and it was positive, but I followed the wrong path and wanted to get to know him for a bit more and we fell into the trap of shaitaan. I have repented and also been to allahs house and repented and made my dua there so whatever is meant to happen at the will of Allah will. I trust Allah that whatever the outcome maybe good or bad, whether we marry or not, that it is always for the best as Allah knows best.

Jazakallah
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Hamza Asadullah
05-10-2011, 11:11 PM
Asalaamu alaikum. Then surely Allah has someone MUCH better in store for you so you should actually thank him for doing what is best for you in this situation just so that he can give you MUCH better later on.

So my sister have hope and trust in Allah that as long as you go about marriage in the right way that he will find the best partner for you. When you are happily married and you look back at this you will be so happy that Allah took him out of your life because it was the best for you.

So continue to always repent for your sins past and present and thank Allah as much as you can for Allah loves those who sincerely repent to him and are thankful to him.

Time is so short and death is so near so do EVERYTHING to please him and get closer to him and refrain from anything which displeases or angers him and you will live a life of peace and satisfaction in your heart even if you are going through trials and hardships because you would ALWAYS trust in Allah and put your faith and reliance in him.

Please also mention me in your dua. May Allah give you the best of this world and the next. Ameen

And Allah knows best in all matters
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anonymous
05-12-2011, 05:59 PM
How do you know he's not the one?
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Hamza Asadullah
05-12-2011, 06:16 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by anonymous
How do you know he's not the one?
Asalaamu Alaikum, sister I do not know whether he is the one for you or not but what I do know is that you must put your FULL trust and reliance in Allah and know that he will do what is best for you in this matter. If he does end up marrying you then it would have been for the best but if he does not end up marrying you then know that Allah has better in store for you. Just because you ended up having a relationship with him then it does not mean that he is best for you in regards to marriage or that he is actually meant for you in the first place.

You must not be in touch with him at all and cut off all contact with him and if by going about things in the right manner does not produce any positive results then know that he was not meant for you. You must not rely on the fact that you will marry him but you must trust in Allah and accept his decree.

If you know you have made grave errors and sinned in getting into a relationship with him before marriage then you must also accept the fact that you may or may not end up marrying him. So you must establish as soon as possible through the family and your mahram whether or not you will end up marrying him or not and then from there if things do not go your way then pursue looking for a marriage partner using the right means and pray unto Allah and Allah will do whatever is best for you in this matter.

And Allah knows best in all matters
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