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AishaRayann
04-29-2011, 04:35 PM
As salam alaikum,

So, I met a man on facebook a few years ago. We've known each other for 4 yrs online.He asked me to marry him 3 yrs into it..I said yes.A few months later I told him I couldnt take the distance any longer I was going to look for someone closer to home. I did meet someone. Nothing about him was Islamically right as far as his actions..I ended up being used and broken hearted after I found out all he wanted was a green card..after all the i love yous and crap..that he was an illegal immigrant from Afghanistan he tells me after the fact months later after being in relationship with him. So I go back online I feel horrible that I left the one I loved for stupid reasons...by then he was engauge with another woman.Then, one day he tells me engaunment with her is off...so I've been talking to him since like Dec 2010 again..I look at his profile on facebook..says hes engangement to this other woman. I was enraged..call him some bad Arabic name and a liar and a cheat..but he swears thats old..that he cant take it off blah blah...I swear he's lying..But I love him so much..just about too much to let him go.I don't know what to do :*(

All my friends in Islam tell me to leave him..go do things proper marriage in Islam with Wali..my problem is I have a Mahram (my brother) but no one else in my family is Muslim. I'm revert to Islam..I thought about letting my best friends Husband by my Wali..since his wife know me so well...but im scared it might interfere with our friendship..I dunno :/

I'm going to be 26 in june..I feel if I don't marry soon no one will want me because I will be too old.
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ghost
05-08-2011, 08:14 PM
sup,

Marriage is of course, 50% of one's deen. It is something which is a great accomplishment.

Regarding women, apart from their physical looks and 'attributes' shall we say, there's nothing else about them which I like. Their high pitch voice annoys me, the way they use said voice (to talk etc) annoys me, the way they act annoys me, just about everything about them annoys me, I really could go on and on.

I'm attracted to women no doubt, I think that they are beautiful creatures however that's where it ends for me.

So tell me, apart from sex, what other benefits are there to marriage?

Also this isn't a joke threat, this is a serious question. Also my apologies to anyone I offend by writing this thread, this is just the way I feel.
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Woodrow
05-08-2011, 10:31 PM
the benefits of marriage are many. I have over time lost 2 wives to death and am now married to my third. I do find it difficult to explain the benefits of marriage, but do know I missed them deeply with the loss of each wife.

The benefits at my current age are:

Companionship
the value of a female opinion when I am making decisions
The warmth that only a woman can bring into a home
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Hamza Asadullah
05-09-2011, 05:34 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ghost
sup,

Marriage is of course, 50% of one's deen. It is something which is a great accomplishment.

Regarding women, apart from their physical looks and 'attributes' shall we say, there's nothing else about them which I like. Their high pitch voice annoys me, the way they use said voice (to talk etc) annoys me, the way they act annoys me, just about everything about them annoys me, I really could go on and on.

I'm attracted to women no doubt, I think that they are beautiful creatures however that's where it ends for me.

So tell me, apart from sex, what other benefits are there to marriage?

Also this isn't a joke threat, this is a serious question. Also my apologies to anyone I offend by writing this thread, this is just the way I feel.
Asalaamu Alaikum, You definatley could have worded your post better as some may find your wording quite offensive. You can still be honest but yet be tactful in your approach without offending anyone so please work on this.

In regards to the benefits of marriage in Islam then there are many but the following are the main Benefits of Marriage in 3 seperate articles:

1. The importance of marriage in Islam.

The reasons for the immense importance held by marriage in the life of the Muslims are summarised in the following points:

It is obedience to the command of Allah, who says in the Quran: “Marry those among you who are unmarried and your slaves and slave girls who are righteous. If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour.” (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)

• It is following the guidance of our beloved Prophet [peace be upon him] and the Messengers of Allah since Allah Almighty said in His description of the Messengers: “We sent Messengers before you and gave them wives and children too” (Surah ar Ra’d: Ayah 38). An aspect of Allah’s love for the human race lies in enabling them to have children perpetuate the human species. The child is the goal of both the legal contract and the physical pleasure it sanctions. However, there is no pleasure in the life of the Muslim which does not entail subsequent responsibility as shown in this case by the upbringing of children.

• It gives repose and delight to the soul since sitting with, looking at, and playing with one’s spouse allows the heart to relax and strengthens it for worship. Without this the soul would grow wearied and turn away from the truth. The Almighty says: “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves so that you might find repose with them. And He has placed between you affection and mercy. In that there are certainly signs for people who reflect.” (Surah ar Rum: Ayah 22).

• It fortifies the heart against Shaytan by satisfying sexual desire and therefore averting the dangers of unbridled sexual appetite. It is like an impregnable fortress which protects the Muslims from fortification and so saves them from falling into abyss which plunges people into the lower levels of Hellfire in this world before the Next. There is no more effective way of dealing with sexual energy.

• It provides an arena for combating and disciplining the lower self through taking care of the family and looking after their needs, putting up with their faults and failings, and striving to bring them up well and guide them to the right path. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said: “What a man spends on his family is sadaqa.” He said, “A man is rewarded for the mouthful he gives to his wife.”

Truly man should be amazed at the wisdom of the way his lord deals with the sexual instinct. It allows the sexual appetite to be satisfied, provides man with progeny and encourages him to strive on behalf of his family. Every aspect of the human self is taken into account and the result is a pure fruit whose fragrance permeates all parts of Muslim society Muslims are encouraged to satisfy their sexual instinct and by doing so achieve good in this world and the Next. This made the leaders among the Companions and the Followers eager to marry as they were to please Allah and His Messenger. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I force myself to have sexual intercourse hoping that Allah will bring forth by means of it another human being to glorify and remember Him.”

Ibn Mas’u d, may Allah be pleased with said, “Even if only ten days of my life remained, I would still get married because I would not like to meet Allah unmarried.” He also said, Seek wealth through marriage in conformity with the words of Allah, ‘If they are poor Allah will enrich them from His overflowing favour’ (Surah an Noor: Ayah 32)”.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said, “Anyone who calls on you not to marry has called you to do something other than Islam.”He, May Allah have mercy on him, married two days after the death of his wife and said, “I do not want to spend a night as an unmarried man.”

(Dealing with Lust and Greed according to Islam, Shaykh ‘Abd al Hamid Kishk)



2. More benefits of marriage include:


Children

* The love of Allah is sought in seeking to have children. Allah has decreed this as the means by which mankind generally and this Ummah specifically will continue to exist. Allah said:

البقرة

{وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا لَا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ لَهُ بِوَلَدِهِ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَنْ تَرَاضٍ مِنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا وَإِنْ أَرَدْتُمْ أَنْ تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُمْ مَا ءَاتَيْتُمْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ(233)}

{Mothers nurse their babies two whole years for those who wish to complete their nursing. Upon the one for whom the baby was born is her food and her clothing in equitable and proper terms. No soul will be emburdened beyond its ability. No mother may be harmed on account of her child nor any father by his child and the heir is chargeable in the same way. If the two [parents] decide on weaning by mutual agreement and consultation, there is no blame on them. And if you decide on a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you provided you pay what you offered equitably and properly. And fear Allah and know that Allah sees well all that you do.} Al-Baqarah:233

* The love of Allah's Messenger (sas) is also sought in seeking to have children because he (sas) said:

أبو داود

تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَدُودَ الْوَلُودَ فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ الْأُمَمَ

"Marry the loving and the fertile for I will out do the nations with you[r numbers]. (In another version: "...for I will outdo the prophets with you[r numbers] on Qiyama.")

With seeking children is also the seeking of the great blessing of a righteous offspring who makes du'a for you after your death or the intercession of a child who dies before reaching adulthood.

مسلم

إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ إِلَّا مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ

"When a person dies, his works come to an end (are cut off) except from three sources: except from an ongoing charity which he established or knowledge from which benefit is taken or a righteous offspring who makes du'a for him."

البخاري

عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ أَنَّ النِّسَاءَ قُلْنَ لِلنَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ اجْعَلْ لَنَا يَوْمًا فَوَعَظَهُنَّ وَقَالَ أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ مَاتَ لَهَا ثَلَاثَةٌ مِنْ الْوَلَدِ كَانُوا حِجَابًا مِنْ النَّارِ قَالَتْ امْرَأَةٌ وَاثْنَانِ قَالَ وَاثْنَانِ .

From Abi Saeed (ra) that the women said to the Prophet (sas), "Reserve for us a day." So he (sas) preached to them and said, "Any woman who had three children die will find them to be a protection for them from the fire." One woman asked, "And two?" He (sas) said, "And two [as well]."

Other Benefits of Marriage

* Protecting oneself from Shaitaan by satisfying one's desires and giving oneself rest and relief from the world by the two spouses enjoying each other's company.

* Division of labor. When one lives alone, much of his time will be taken up by cooking and tending to his domicle and will not be able to dedicate time to knowledge and other good deeds. A righteous wife is an aid to her husband in this regard. She is primarily responsible for the keeping of the house and children while he is responsible for supplying their needs. In addition to going out to seek their sustenance, he should fulfill his duties in the area of da'wah, enjoining right and forbidding wrong, jihad, etc.

* Practice of self-discipline and combatting the nafs training it in responsibility and custody by fulfilling all obligations toward one's family, being patient and forbearing with their character and putting up with their annoyances. In addition to this, the Muslim man must struggle and strive for their improvement in Islam and guiding them to the straight path of the deen. He must struggle to earn from the lawful for their sake and to participate in the raising of the children on the best of character. These are acts of very high status and of very high reward from Allah. The Prophet (sas) said:

أحمد

إِنَّكَ مَهْمَا أَنْفَقْتَ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ مِنْ نَفَقَةٍ فَإِنَّكَ تُؤْجَرُ فِيهَا حَتَّى اللُّقْمَةَ تَرْفَعُهَا إِلَى فِي امْرَأَتِكَ

"Anything you spend on your family will be a source of reward [from Allah], even a morsel of food which you raise to your wife's mouth."

مسلم

دِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَدِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ فِي رَقَبَةٍ وَدِينَارٌ تَصَدَّقْتَ بِهِ عَلَى مِسْكِينٍ وَدِينَارٌ أَنْفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ أَعْظَمُهَا أَجْرًا الَّذِي أَنْفَقْتَهُ عَلَى أَهْلِكَ

"A dinar you spent in Allah's path, a dinar you spent in freeing a slave, a dinar which you gave in charity to a needy person and a dinar which you spent on your family. The greatest of them in reward is the one you spent on your family."



3. 14 Benefits of Marriage in Islam


Marital love in Islam inculcates the following:


1. Faith: The love Muslim spouses have for each other is for the sake of Allah that is to gain His pleasure. It is from Allah that we claim our mutual rights (Quran 4:1) and it is to Allah that we are accountable for our behavior as husbands and wives.

2. It sustains: Love is not to consume but to sustain. Allah expresses His love for us by providing sustenance. To love in Islam is to sustain our loved one physically, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually, to the best of our ability (to sustain materially is the husbands duty, however if the wife wishes she can also contribute)

3. Accepts: To love someone is to accept them for who they are. It is selfishness to try and mould someone as we wish them to be. True love does not attempt to crush individuality or control personal differences, but is magnanimous and secure to accommodate differences.

4. Challenges: Love challenges us to be all we can, it encourages us to tap into our talents and takes pride in our achievements. To enable our loved one to realize their potential is the most rewarding experience.

5. Merciful: Mercy compels us to love and love compels us to have mercy. In the Islamic context the two are synonymous. The attribute Allah chose to be the supreme for Himself is that He is the most Merciful. This attribute of Rehman (the Merciful) is mentioned 170 times in the Quran, bringing home the significance for believers to be merciful. Mercy in practical application means to have and show compassion and to be charitable.

6. Forgiving: Love is never too proud to seek forgiveness or too stingy to forgive. It is willing to let go of hurt and letdowns. Forgiveness allows us the opportunity to improve and correct our selves.

7. Respect: To love is to respect and value the person their contributions and their opinions. Respect does not allow us to take for granted our loved ones or to ignore their input. How we interact with our spouses reflects whether we respect them or not.

8. Confidentiality: Trust is the most essential ingredient of love. When trust is betrayed and confidentiality compromised, love loses its soul.

9. Caring: Love fosters a deep fondness that dictates caring and sharing in all that we do. The needs of our loved ones take precedence over our own.

10. Kindness: The Seerah (biography) of our beloved Prophet is rich with examples of acts of kindness, he showed towards his family and particularly his wives. Even when his patience was tried, he was never unkind in word or deed. To love is to be kind.

11. Grows: Marital love is not static it grows and flourishes with each day of marital life. It requires work and commitment, and is nourished through faith when we are thankful and appreciative of Allah blessings.

12. Enhances: Love enhances our image and beautifies our world. It provides emotional security and physical well being.

13. Selflessness: Love gives unconditionally and protects dutifully.

14. Truthful: Love is honesty without cruelty and loyalty without compromise.


Taken from:

http://www.java-man.com/Pages/Minhaj/Marriage2.html

http://www.zawaj.com/14-benefits-of-marriage-in-islam/

(Dealing with Lust and Greed according to Islam, Shaykh ‘Abd al Hamid Kishk)
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