IS IT WORTH to have a child?

[Riana17]

Salam to all

I know my husband since 5yrs
We've been married for a year now, I am in mid 20's and he is on his 30
the thing is that I fear bearing a child (I know it's all in the hands of Allah)
I am working and I am afraid that I cannot give up my work (its so good to have one).
I am also worried that the child will not be a good servant to Allah & so on.
I never really experience the mother&daughter thing so that's addition to worries.

My husband is just too kind, he know that its not easy to have a child & he understands my fears, so he is not in hurry but sometimes I feel he is looking forward to have a tiny one in the house.

My question is, IS IT WORTH to have a child?imsad

[May Ayob]

Salaam sister Riana17
My advice to you would be to Do Istikhara Prayer and ask Allah swt to guide you in your issue.
Children can be a beautifull thing but everyone worries about their childs future and how/ what will he.she end up in this world, nobody wants misguidance to their children , but everything happens for a reason.
If you have the time and capability to raise children with firm faith and good behavior then i'll say Go ahead and May Allh bless it for you.

Salaam
Peace be to you.

[al yunan]

Walaikum Assalam sister,

Nobody knows what kind of parent they will be until they are one.
I realise you are new in Islam and thus mention certain unusual things, so you need to understand and learn more about Islamic concepts of being a wife, mother and a Muslimah.
Confidence comes only from firm knowledge and understanding or "Yakin Mutmainna"
Right now you might think that love alone is the strength of your marriage but with out Islamic core values what else can you fall back on if need be.
One needs to follow Allah S.W.T's way shown to us first before we are able to place our Trust or Tawakal Allah.
You need guidance as to your priorities before you're tested.
Find a good female religious teacher preferably old and make time to learn.
Then should you still be uncertain do as sister May Ayob suggested, Salatul Istikhara and ask Allah S.W.T for answers and guidance.
As for income or Riziq each child born brings its own, I'm a father of six daughters and a son plus four grandsons so I have a bit of experience as do others on this forum like two I know one with 10 children and another with 54 grandchildren / great grand children.
No theories sister facts and only facts and first hand.
Take the opportunities Allah S.W.T gives you while you are young and able for where you are now so where we who are now in their 50s, 6os and for one of us 70s.

May Allah S.W.T make you firm in Iman.
Masalam

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa Alaaykum As'salaam

Yes, i believe it is worth it!

Although im not sure myself what its like having a child, but i think kids are awesome, i believe having a child is a blessing and its a good feeling.

Maybe those who have children will give you awesome answers insha'Allaah..

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[yas2010]

Salaam Sister

I have children and i truly believe that they are a blessing from Allah (swt). I work too and before the arrival of my first child work was very important (being a graduate wanting to prove myself to my employers). But my children have truly brought through the mercy of Allah (swt) everything into perspective. I reduced my working hours and actually prefer being at home with my children. I work hard in my job and ensure my tasks are complete but my family and children are more important to me.

Dont get me wrong children are hard work. Children need love, time and guidance from you as parents. Not expensive material items. Through you they will learn the love for Allah (swt), the Prophets (pbu them) and Salah. Just imagine the beauty of your amazing faith you will pass on to them. As your parents did. :)

InshAllah when you are blessed with children and they say "mama i love you" and melt your heart you know it will have been worth it.

Waslaam

[Who Am I?]

Children are fine, as long as they are someone else's. ;D

[MustafaMc]

I think it best to skip having children and go straight to having grand-children. :statisfie

[Cabdullahi]

I think it best to skip having children and go straight to having grand-children. :statisfie

how the flip do you do that Mr daffodil

[Riana17]

Salaam sister Riana17 My advice to you would be to Do Istikhara Prayer and ask Allah swt to guide you in your issue. Children can be a beautifull thing but everyone worries about their childs future and how/ what will he.she end up in this world, nobody wants misguidance to their children , but everything happens for a reason. If you have the time and capability to raise children with firm faith and good behavior then i'll say Go ahead and May Allh bless it for you. Salaam Peace be to you.

Wa Alaaykum As'salaam

Yes, i believe it is worth it!

Although im not sure myself what its like having a child, but i think kids are awesome, i believe having a child is a blessing and its a good feeling.

Maybe those who have children will give you awesome answers insha'Allaah..

Walaikum Assalam sister,

Nobody knows what kind of parent they will be until they are one.
I realise you are new in Islam and thus mention certain unusual things, so you need to understand and learn more about Islamic concepts of being a wife, mother and a Muslimah.
Confidence comes only from firm knowledge and understanding or "Yakin Mutmainna"
Right now you might think that love alone is the strength of your marriage but with out Islamic core values what else can you fall back on if need be.
One needs to follow Allah S.W.T's way shown to us first before we are able to place our Trust or Tawakal Allah.
You need guidance as to your priorities before you're tested.
Find a good female religious teacher preferably old and make time to learn.
Then should you still be uncertain do as sister May Ayob suggested, Salatul Istikhara and ask Allah S.W.T for answers and guidance.
As for income or Riziq each child born brings its own, I'm a father of six daughters and a son plus four grandsons so I have a bit of experience as do others on this forum like two I know one with 10 children and another with 54 grandchildren / great grand children.
No theories sister facts and only facts and first hand.
Take the opportunities Allah S.W.T gives you while you are young and able for where you are now so where we who are now in their 50s, 6os and for one of us 70s.

May Allah S.W.T make you firm in Iman.
Masalam

Salam Alaikkum

Thank you for all your input, i cannot agree more with your comments
Istikhara Prayer would guide me inshallah


for the meantime, I guess I should stop thinking about it. Let the time comes (if its meant for us) and If not, I guess it wont make a big difference, bcoz a child will not complete our life. I came from family with almost dozen children and its not worth it, when there is not enough food on the table or proper caring.
salam

[Riana17]

Children are fine, as long as they are someone else's. ;D

I think it best to skip having children and go straight to having grand-children. :statisfie

:exhausted:exhausted:exhausted

lol

[MustafaMc]

My perspective is that raising children is a huge responsibility. If your child turns out to be rebellious and turns away from Islam, there will be the question in your mind, "What did I do wrong in raising him that caused him to be rebellious?" There is also a joy of being with children, but the responsibility of being a parent far outweighs the joy.

[Ansariyah]

I come from a big family so theres a new baby in our family almost every year lol. MashaAllah.

One of my Sista in particular who is a lawyer, before she got married she would tell us 'Babies are cute n all but I dont know''

Now she has the most beautiful 4 children MashaAllah.=)

Sista dont worry so much. Is it really necessary? Your fate is already written, trust that Allah knows whats best for you.

You asked if its worth to have a child. My question for you is, were you worth being born?

[ardianto]

:sl:

People in my place say "life is like a cart wheel, sometime we are on the top, sometime we are on the bottom".

There was a time when I was in the bottom. I didn't have a job, but I had a little son. One day my son need milk, but didn't have money. So, I went to used phone shop. Sold my only cellphone and bought milk. Then I tried to make money with do anything that I could do. I leaved my home in the morning, back in the afternoon. But I always visited a small shop near my home, bought one or two small bottle of milk. I visited that shop almost everyday.

One day the shopkeeper asked me "Sir, why don't you buy milk in box size that contains 24 bottles, actually that's cheaper". I just smile, I didn't tell her if I couldn't afford to buy milk in box size. My income was daily, and small, of course, but i always wanted to buy milk for my son.

Now although I am not on the top, I am not on the bottom again. And now I have two sons. I know, raising children is not easy, and absolutely not cheap. But it's ok, I don't have any objection to work hard for my family. For my wife and for my sons.

I love my children. they are the gift from Allah. And I'm always hoping, I can see them grow and follow the person who has a name that same like a name that I given to my sons, ....... Muhammad.

[ProudMuslimSis]

You asked if its worth to have a child. My question for you is, were you worth being born?

It is clear that children are worth it or none of us would be here.

But, please make sure that you enter this obligation with the full commitment that is necessary so that your offsprings are not second to your career or other things.

Having kids should not just be something to check off of list but a commitment for life through the ups and downs. Family first, right?

[Riana17]

:sl:

People in my place say "life is like a cart wheel, sometime we are on the top, sometime we are on the bottom".

There was a time when I was in the bottom. I didn't have a job, but I had a little son. One day my son need milk, but didn't have money. So, I went to used phone shop. Sold my only cellphone and bought milk. Then I tried to make money with do anything that I could do. I leaved my home in the morning, back in the afternoon. But I always visited a small shop near my home, bought one or two small bottle of milk. I visited that shop almost everyday.

One day the shopkeeper asked me "Sir, why don't you buy milk in box size that contains 24 bottles, actually that's cheaper". I just smile, I didn't tell her if I couldn't afford to buy milk in box size. My income was daily, and small, of course, but i always wanted to buy milk for my son.

Now although I am not on the top, I am not on the bottom again. And now I have two sons. I know, raising children is not easy, and absolutely not cheap. But it's ok, I don't have any objection to work hard for my family. For my wife and for my sons.

I love my children. they are the gift from Allah. And I'm always hoping, I can see them grow and follow the person who has a name that same like a name that I given to my sons, ....... Muhammad.

SALAM ALAIKKUM

Thank you for sharing you story, they are so lucky to have you. You are definitely far from father, he used to leave my mother whenever she is pregnant

i am scared to have a child bcoz i dont like him / her to face what i've been through before
on top of that, i am scared i wont be a good parent
but ms yanoorah is right about fate

for now i feel better, i think i must improve myself inshallah before the times comes
my husband used to tell me i am good heart but i have very less patience
i guess if i dont have good patience i wont be a good parent

so inshallah before the time comes, i am better person, so i can offer something to my child - inshallah

[Riana17]

:sl:

People in my place say "life is like a cart wheel, sometime we are on the top, sometime we are on the bottom".

There was a time when I was in the bottom. I didn't have a job, but I had a little son. One day my son need milk, but didn't have money. So, I went to used phone shop. Sold my only cellphone and bought milk. Then I tried to make money with do anything that I could do. I leaved my home in the morning, back in the afternoon. But I always visited a small shop near my home, bought one or two small bottle of milk. I visited that shop almost everyday.

One day the shopkeeper asked me "Sir, why don't you buy milk in box size that contains 24 bottles, actually that's cheaper". I just smile, I didn't tell her if I couldn't afford to buy milk in box size. My income was daily, and small, of course, but i always wanted to buy milk for my son.

Now although I am not on the top, I am not on the bottom again. And now I have two sons. I know, raising children is not easy, and absolutely not cheap. But it's ok, I don't have any objection to work hard for my family. For my wife and for my sons.

I love my children. they are the gift from Allah. And I'm always hoping, I can see them grow and follow the person who has a name that same like a name that I given to my sons, ....... Muhammad.

Salam Brother
thank you for sharing your very touching story, your family is very lucky to have you. You are definitely very far from my father who used to leave my mother whenever she is pregnant
sister yanoorah is right, we have written fate

I guess what scares me most are things I cant offer my child
also i have to work on many areas like my patience, otherwise i wont be a good parent at all

inshallah before the time comes (if it wills) i am a better person

salam

[tigerkhan]

i had wish for daughters....lol

[DippedinJannah]

Yes.

It is worth it. I didn't have a child until I was over 40 and I can tell you it is worth every day. When I had my daughter I thought "well, let's get past the first couple years of boring baby stuff and to the part where she can talk more and it will be more fun." But I was so wrong! The first couple years have been a lot of fun!

Yes, there are some long nights the first couple months. Yes, it does change your life. I'm glad I didn't have a child at 18 - I wasn't ready.

But yes, absolutely, it is wonderful. I look at my daughter and think "I have so much love for her" and I begin to perceive (only a little of course) how much love Allah has for us.

I of course do not know your personal situation, but by cutting back on some non-essentials and truly budgeting well, we've been able to keep my wife at home while I work full time. I wouldn't rule that out just because it looks difficult at first glance.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Riana17;


I remember giving my parents a hard time as I was growing up, it seems to be the job of a child. When I had children, they repaid me for what I had done to my parents, they gave me a hard time too. Now I have grandchildren, and I see them give my daughter a hard time.


So like MustafaMc said skip the children and just have grandchildren, because you can always give grandchildren back at the end of the day.



My daughter always wanted to be a midwife, she had three children whilst she was doing her nursing training. After she had her children she somehow managed to combine, work, studying, and raising a family to get her degree, and become a midwife.


You have one advantage my daughter does not have, you have a faith and trust in God.


Blessings and peace be with you


Eric

[Riana17]

Salam, thank you so much for all your replies, I highly appreciate them. May Allah reward you all for your good intentions

[SFatima]

Maybe at this point they seem like a hassle to you, but in reality if one is physically fit enough, they should have children, as soon as they can, because of sooo many reasons, recuperating fast as a mother( healthwise) being one of them. I think having children can teach you so much about Allah swt, marvelously increases your patience, makes you a better person. Besides who would want to miss out on having jannah at their feet by being a mother :D . I guess one may need to make their mind up about them, it is also the sunnah of the prophet to have children.

There is a hadith that goes something like " dont stop having children, or kill them for the fear of not being able to provide for them, for it is Allah who feeds all his creations and every time you have a child, your sustenance will increase. Every child brings his own fate to this world."

I find this to be really true, no doubt. Parents sometimes just over worry about sustenance , where-as Allah swt says that "I have promised you your Rizk ( sustenance, what you eat, live by) and I have not promised you jannah, why is it then you worry so much about where the next meal is going to come from, and little about whether you will go to jannah?

There was a re-search sometime ago comparing the immunity systems of children of poverty stricken areas( dirt infested) and those of very clean areas, ( urban class, privileged) and the astounding result was that children from poor areas had much better, healthier, stronger immune systems than those of urban areas. So, one must have faith in Allah swt, our Prophet was orphaned around the age of 6, was he( nauzubillah) any less of a proper human being? No he had a good upbringing, and had good sustenance SubhanAllah.

I know people who have waited too long to build their careers in order to increase their income, and then when they wanted children, they could not have them despite trying so hard.

Only Allah swt knows best though. Pray for Him to make your heart like children more and not fear them so much, well I say that because of experience , i didn't like children so much either but when my own sister had them, I could not believe what it makes you feel to have been blessed with a child in your family, it is a very blissful feeling subhanAllah, it just changes you. I loved taking care of them, and I was able to learn so much around them, since you have to watch your actions all the time infront of kids hehe so it was a really good experience Alhamdulilah. ( esp when a lil boy of 3 tells you innocently but resolutely, (insert name) " you cant do this khala you know Allah swt does not like it, He will be angry with you and punish you! ( i wasn't giving him the cookies : p ) "

Coming from a kids mouth, they are very powerful words, definitely work for me! :)

Peace and blessings upon you sister, may you be blessed in what ever is the best for you. If incase one prays for the children, one must never forget to pray with the qualities they desire in their children ( i want obedient, pious ,healthy , normal cute kids lol (the cute was optional )and lastly we would lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve to see such a beautiful person's kids :D

[Riana17]

Sister Fatima

I am speechless, you made a very good explanation, wow I am impressed and alhamdollelah not worried now...

[SFatima]

JazakAllah shukran shukran habibite :D

[Beardo]

After babysitting ten kids during a family party, my answer would be doubtful.

After babysitting two or three kids during a family party, my answer is HECK YES! :D

[Ali Mujahidin]

After babysitting ten kids during a family party, my answer would be doubtful.

:sl:

After bringing up ten kids of my own, I still say that it is worth it. I would like to have some more if someone would volunteer to give a hand.

[SFatima]

:sl:

After bringing up ten kids of my own, I still say that it is worth it. I would like to have some more if someone would volunteer to give a hand.

wow mashAllah MashAllah thats impressive! with one wife though?:embarrass I'm sorry thats a personal question to ask, feel free not to respond, I just asked cuz my friend was having a debate with me that one or two kids are more than enough and I was like huhhh? thats so boring :p

but wait, what do you mean by volunteer to give a hand? (scratches head) you mean baby sitting?

[SFatima]

After babysitting ten kids during a family party, my answer would be doubtful.

After babysitting two or three kids during a family party, my answer is HECK YES! :D

It all depends on the number of wives you have : p. if you've got 4, then 10 is not a big number . But with one, it is quite an ordeal in this day.

[Ali Mujahidin]

but wait, what do you mean by volunteer to give a hand? (scratches head) you mean baby sitting?

:sl:

Currently ThisOldMan is in the blissful state (some people say) of wifelessness. So it is going to be a problem having more children without a wife. So ... I think you get the idea what kind of help I will be needing.

[Riana17]

wow mashAllah MashAllah thats impressive! with one wife though?:embarrass I'm sorry thats a personal question to ask, feel free not to respond, I just asked cuz my friend was having a debate with me that one or two kids are more than enough and I was like huhhh? thats so boring :p

but wait, what do you mean by volunteer to give a hand? (scratches head) you mean baby sitting?

Hahaha, wow I think 2 is too much nowadays

[SFatima]

:sl:

Currently ThisOldMan is in the blissful state (some people say) of wifelessness. So it is going to be a problem having more children without a wife. So ... I think you get the idea what kind of help I will be needing.

No but, you said you have 10 children, that must've happened somehow ??:hiding:

I mean you did have a wife before who bore so many of them, ( never heard of english women being so... fond of....so many kids hmmm, unless she was from suburb or some village, maybe I was wrong : ) )

[SFatima]

( I don't like this hammer smiley, its so stressful :P we need more creative smileys for hiding and more : ) )

[Ali Mujahidin]

No but, you said you have 10 children, that must've happened somehow ??

:sl:

Only way that could have have happened is by having a wife, of course. Being presently wifeless does not necessarily mean that I never had a wife. Just curious. Why wouldn't English women want to have so many kids?

[SFatima]

I don't know, it kind of always seems that they are a stressful society and since both parents have to work to make ends meet, they opt for lesser number of children, in order to manage them well, unless they are living in a big house somewhere. Kind of a lifestyle option for them? ( offcorse there must be those who are ok with children, there are no fixed generalizations : ) )

[Who Am I?]

:sl:

As I said, kids are fine as long as they are someone else's. That way I can teach them all kinds of things and not worry about the consequences. Let their parents deal with that.

;D

[SFatima]

:sl:


;D

this smiley is really evil * (i know off topic, but what can i say, i am a child :D)

[Who Am I?]

this smiley is really evil * (i know off topic, but what can i say, i am a child :D)

:sl:

Nothing wrong with that. Being an adult with adult problems sucks, so I avoid it whenever I can.

[Riana17]

Salam Alaikkum to all,
Alhamdollellah for all the blessings, for the good day, for good health, good job, good family, for the total peace.Alhamdollellah, cant count them.

So I am back, of course nothing is in our hands, only Allah swt can give and take anything in life.

So today we feel like we are praying for a child, inshallah :)

I just turned 26!!! finally I could admit I'm 26 & a bit scary, I thought if I really want a child why soo much delay it... so we are hoping inshallah we will have one, in time. Since we got married, this is the first time we will try :)

I remember when I was so young I prayed to Allah not to have a child until I reach 25. Alhamdollellah, Allah is so good. I am not a teenage mom. Alhamdollellah rabbil Alameen

Brothers & Sisters, please spare your time and pray for us. May Allah bless us with a healthy & a true Muslim child/children only. May we be blessed with a child that will stregthen our family. May we as future parents inshallah live long & healthy enough to raise our future child/children and most importantly, really most importantly, may we all die as real Muslims. Amen

Thank you (still scary tho, but not as much back May 2011 :) )

[esperanza]

dear sister.. having a child is blessing from Allah
yes it is hard work ,yes its a big responsibility,you have sleepless nights,and when they grow up ,they live their own lives often away from you ...but they are a part of you like not even a husband or wife can be ..they belong to you


some people want to wait think its not the right time..yet others are crying because they cant have children

we worry too much about will we have enough money ,willl he be a good muslim ,will they have a good life...yet this is all in gods hands

do the pooor people in syria and palestine think well maybe this child will be killed ,will they have food and clothes, no to them hildren are a blessing

this decision to have children or not ,is part of the modern ,western mentality ,where if oyu cant provide everything your not a good parent

do children need most expensice clothes,all modern technology ,private schools ..no they need love ,a good upbringing and caring parents


may Allah bless oyu wiht healthy children

[esperanza]

i have an amerian friend a muslim revert,who has nine children and already 8 grandchildren ,and in her 40s...mashallah
life has been hard at time ,but now she has all these grown up chikdren to care for her and will never be alone in this world

[Riana17]

Salam Ukhtee, thank you for your email, really appreciated.

You bring a very good point there about Palestine children, may Allah help us all,Amen