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Salahudeen
05-31-2011, 10:00 AM
How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you? I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
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Riana17
05-31-2011, 11:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you?
Salam
Inshallah I will tell you how I managed to forgive and forget. You inspired me to tell story about part of my life:statisfie
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Ansariyah
05-31-2011, 11:26 AM
Make lots of dua ask Allah to help you with this. In the meanwhile make new memories.=)
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Reflections
05-31-2011, 11:27 AM
I wish I could forget certain events in my life..but yeah as sis yanoorah said...make new ones...which are worth looking back to.
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marwen
05-31-2011, 01:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you? I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
That's a very good question. It's a problem of all of us. May be some things could help like :

- trying to not think about these memories, or to think about other things if they come to your mind.

- be patient and keep in mind that time is a very good healer. As days pass we could forget anything.

- sometimes forgetting something is not possible/easy. But I think instead of trying to forget an event because it's depressing, may be it's more useful to try to make this memry less painful and less depressing : if we change the way we look to it.
Some people have some memories of accidents or loss of people they loved. They can't erase that event because it's a part of their life. But it's better to try to look differently to that event and make it less depressing when we convince ourselves it's something from the past, and we have to go on in our life and think about the future, or may be we can make it a source of inspiration and learn from our errors or our losses.
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Alpha Dude
05-31-2011, 06:46 PM
The extent to which we remember and pay attention to bad stuff that has happened to us depends on our perspective. The best thing would be to think long term, in that we should fully appreciate that this life is very fleeting and temporary in comparison to the vastness of the hereafter. In light of which, it is not befitting to dwell too much on relatively insignificant issues.

Also, instead of thinking of our painful past experiences as freak horrible sad disgusting things to mourn about and feel depressed and pity over, it would be better if we considered them in the light of Allah having used them to build our character, as a protection from evil deeds and a means of making us more inclined toward asking him for help. With this mindset, we can apply a positive spin to our experiences. I.e. it was a necessary experience that we have overcome and grown stronger from. Without what happened to us, we'd be very different people.

There is wisdom behind everything that happens. I'd say we should submit to the wisdom of Allah and move on. Life is a journey and we go through many different phases. There will always be ups and downs. Some moments will be extremely sad whilst others joyful. Don't get stuck dwelling on either but keep the end of the journey in sight.
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Flame of Hope
05-31-2011, 07:00 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
How can you get rid of memories that you don't want anymore so they never come into your head all the time and trouble you? I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
If you were busy working toward a goal that you keenly desire, you wouldn't have time to dwell on past memories.
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Flame of Hope
05-31-2011, 08:06 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
I just wan't to forget the memories, will that ever happen?
I don't know if forgetting your memories would help you more. Often the past contains important lessons for us which we must never forget. Lessons that teach us and remind us about our weaknesses, limitations and our absolute dependence on Allah for everything.

If remembering the past is difficult for you because of the mistakes you might have made, then I do not at all recommend forgetting such memories. On the contrary, you must recall the past, think about your mistakes, feel remorse, pain and regret over it and weep, asking Allah for forgiveness! What a heart-cleanser and blessing that would be!
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Salahudeen
05-31-2011, 08:41 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Flame
:sl:



I don't know if forgetting your memories would help you more. Often the past contains important lessons for us which we must never forget. Lessons that teach us and remind us about our weaknesses, limitations and our absolute dependence on Allah for everything.

If remembering the past is difficult for you because of the mistakes you might have made, then I do not at all recommend forgetting such memories. On the contrary, you must recall the past, think about your mistakes, feel remorse, pain and regret over it and weep, asking Allah for forgiveness! What a heart-cleanser and blessing that would be!
It's more to do with choices, did I make the right choice, maybe I should have made the other choice instead of the one that I made. And every memory associated with the choice I made comes to me, and the doubt about whether or not it was the right choice keeps troubling me.
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Flame of Hope
05-31-2011, 08:51 PM
:sl:

format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
It's more to do with choices, did I make the right choice, maybe I should have made the other choice instead of the one that I made. And every memory associated with the choice I made comes to me, and the doubt about whether or not it was the right choice keeps troubling me.
It's better to have made the wrong choice than not to have made a choice at all. If the choice was right, then all is well. If it was the wrong choice, you would learn something from it and become wiser. Either way, whether right or wrong, it's good.
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Who Am I?
05-31-2011, 08:59 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
It's more to do with choices, did I make the right choice, maybe I should have made the other choice instead of the one that I made. And every memory associated with the choice I made comes to me, and the doubt about whether or not it was the right choice keeps troubling me.
Brother, I can sympathize with this one. I have spent so much time of my life living in my past, analyzing my mistakes, trying to figure out where things went horribly wrong. But I tend to think that things happen for a reason, and the choices that you make are for the most part the choices you're supposed to make. There's a reason why I am here now. I don't know what that is yet, but maybe I'll figure it out.

If you do nothing, you accomplish nothing, and you'll be left to wonder what might have been. "What if?"s can be terrible things to live with.
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Getoffmyback
05-31-2011, 09:02 PM
We will forget everything when we die . Full stop:) that's the easiest answer . I don't think that i will forget lifting chopped bodies of my friends in south lebanon when i was in the army.
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Salahudeen
05-31-2011, 09:14 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Just a Guy
Brother, I can sympathize with this one. I have spent so much time of my life living in my past, analyzing my mistakes, trying to figure out where things went horribly wrong. But I tend to think that things happen for a reason, and the choices that you make are for the most part the choices you're supposed to make. There's a reason why I am here now. I don't know what that is yet, but maybe I'll figure it out.

If you do nothing, you accomplish nothing, and you'll be left to wonder what might have been. "What if?"s can be terrible things to live with.

Yeeah, that's exactly it, what if I had made the other choice instead. and the "what if" just won't go. So you think the choices we make are the ones we're supposed to make? and they lead us to something better?
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Revert 2010
05-31-2011, 09:19 PM
Salaam, I wouldn't want to erase any memories some which have made me stronger as a person and I wouldn't exchange some of my amazing memories for anything.
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CosmicPathos
05-31-2011, 09:30 PM
Allah unfolded your past life as it turned out to be. Why do you want to forget past memories? You cant forget them. They are relics of your past existence. Yea they will continue to harbinger depression but such is the humanly life. Swarms of humanly animals walking about on Earth, a representation of an ant's nest.
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Alpha Dude
05-31-2011, 09:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
Yeeah, that's exactly it, what if I had made the other choice instead. and the "what if" just won't go. So you think the choices we make are the ones we're supposed to make? and they lead us to something better?
I once read a hadith on this issue.

"Seek the help of Allah and do not succumb to feebleness. And when an affliction strikes you, say, "Allah has decreed this, and He does as He wills.'' Do not say, "Had I done this or that, this or that would have happened, because "if'' opens the door wide for the work of Ash-Shaytan"

Don't know the references but apparently it's in Sahih Muslim. Allah knows best.
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Ğħαrєєвαħ
05-31-2011, 09:33 PM
Assalaamu Alaaykum

It is indeed a hard thing! But try keep your mind focused on other things in life, maybe those memories will go away, take yourself away from those people that make those memories come back if you havent, if possible. There are some memories I have from when i was a child and i can still remember them so i think it is a pretty difficult task but never give up! Though as times moves along, those memories will remain memories and wont bother you as much as they do now, so just continue with life and keep yourself busy with life.

Ask Allaah to help you.

Also remember Allaah often, that should help insha'Allaah

.. peace ..
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Salahudeen
05-31-2011, 09:38 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Lowlife
I once read a hadith on this issue.

"Seek the help of Allah and do not succumb to feebleness. And when an affliction strikes you, say, "Allah has decreed this, and He does as He wills.'' Do not say, "Had I done this or that, this or that would have happened, because "if'' opens the door wide for the work of Ash-Shaytan"

Don't know the references but apparently it's in Sahih Muslim. Allah knows best.

But the thing I dont understand is, I made the choice, Allah might have decreed it but he gave me the free will to make the choice so the question comes, was it the right 1. He never forced me to make the choice I made even though he knew which 1 I would make and it was in his decree. Is my understanding wrong?
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Who Am I?
05-31-2011, 09:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
Yeeah, that's exactly it, what if I had made the other choice instead. and the "what if" just won't go. So you think the choices we make are the ones we're supposed to make? and they lead us to something better?
Making mistakes in my past really used to bother me. I can't tell you how much time I've wasted worrying about what I've said and done in the past and how it could have been different.

In recent years, I have begun to think that the universe unfolds as it should, and what we do is what we're supposed to do. Allah knows why you're where you are today, just as He knows where I am and why. We can't see the future, nor do we know what Allah's plan is. Our vision is limited by our short-sightedness.

Advsersity will happen in your life, and you will make mistakes. Allah has already said this. It's not whether or not you make a mistake that makes you the man you are. It's how you deal with the mistakes you make and the adversity that comes your way.
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Alpha Dude
05-31-2011, 10:20 PM
But the thing I dont understand is, I made the choice, Allah might have decreed it but he gave me the free will to make the choice so the question comes, was it the right 1. He never forced me to make the choice I made even though he knew which 1 I would make and it was in his decree. Is my understanding wrong?
I'm not sure how to answer this bro. However, this kind of question, I never personally have cause to ask myself. Simply because I never allow myself to be in such a position.

You can do it too. Take the fact that we don't know what the future will hold for us. This means, every choice we make, ideally we should make it after having consultation with Allah via dua and istikharah. E.g. even something simple like 'Oh Allah, guide me to whichever action is good for me in the long run' will do.

Now, when we make dua, we ought to do it with full conviction, we should have trust/tawakul in Allah and fully submit our cause to him when we make our dua and accept his wisdom over us. That way, we remain content whatever happens, as we know Allah is the one who guided is in our choice (remember, full conviction, hence there is no doubt that it is Allah's guidance, even if things seem bad on the surface). So since we have sought advice from Allah (the All Wise) we never let ourselves get into a position where we need to wonder whether we made the right choice, because by default it's going to be the best one. We have to trust in Allah, of course.

Try to make it habit to ask Allah for guidance on even the smallest of matters.

The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, "Strange is the affair of the Mu'min (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mu'mmin." [Muslim]
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missy
05-31-2011, 10:56 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Salahudeen
I made the choice, Allah might have decreed it but he gave me the free will to make the choice so the question comes, was it the right 1. He never forced me to make the choice I made even though he knew which 1 I would make and it was in his decree. Is my understanding wrong?
:sl:

These thoughts are not right because it's like expressing grief at the Will of Allah SWT…
Once we make a choice and something results from it we shouldn't say like "what if I had…"…cuz afterall it happened because Allah SWT Willed…and thinking over it again and again won't benefit anyway…unless one intends to learn from his mistakes and not merely lament over it and feel regretful….it also affects the other things in life, it decreases your enthusiasm in being persistent in doing good deeds…u get depressed for nothing at all….has happened with me quite a few times…personally, I feel it's from Shaytan and it just weakens your Eeman. We should be aware of his methods of misleading us!

The right way to deal with this problem is to
1) have complete TRUST in Allah (SWT)…cuz whateva happens is by His Will…so no matter what choice you make, it happens for the best and there is some wisdom behind it, which u might not realize at that moment...
2) b4 making a decision seek the help of Allah (SWT)….and whatever your heart finds peace in, go for it…you won't regret it, if Allah Wills.
And as the brother mentioned… one should always turn back to Allah SWT in all his affairs…v shud make a habit of praying Istikhara...there can't be any better help than the Help of Allah SWT!

This Hadith is somewhat related…
According to Wabisah bin Ma'bad, radiyallahu 'anhu, who said:I came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, and he said: "You have come to ask about righteousness?" " Yes," I answered. He said: "Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels tranquil and the heart feels tranquil, and sin is what creates restlessness in the soul and moves to and fro in the breast, even though people give you their opinion (in your favor) and continue to do so."

A link which will hopefully help InshaAllah…
Ruling on using the words “if” or “if only”?

wassalaam.
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ProudMuslimSis
06-01-2011, 12:38 AM
I was just going to suggest TIME as the cure. And, to live in the present. Also, to consider that our mistakes are what make us who we are. Feel the emotions (sorrow, regret, shame, and so on,) and then let it go and move on with your life as we all know that life is short.

Please see the great link that was provided above by PeaceLover. I am very thankful for it and have included a portion of the page below.

1. To express grief for the past and distress what has been decreed. This is what is not allowed, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve (hypocrites) and who say to their brethren when they travel through the earth or go out to fight: ‘If they had stayed with us, they would not have died or been killed,’ so that Allaah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:156]
This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade when he said, “If anything happens to you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such and such, then such and such would have happened.’ Say instead, ‘Qaddar Allaah wa maa sha’a kaan (Allaah decreed and what He wills happens), for ‘If only’ opens the door to the Shaytaan”, i.e., it makes you vulnerable to grief and fear, which is harmful to you and is of no benefit. Know that whatever befalls you, you could not have avoided, and whatever does not happen to you, you could not have made it happen to you, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“No calamity befalls, but by the Leave [i.e. Decision and Qadar (Divine Preordainments)] of Allaah, and whosoever believes in Allaah, He guides his heart” [al-Taghaabun 64:11]
They said, this is a man to whom calamity happens, but he knows that it is from Allaah, so he accepts it and submits.
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Riana17
06-01-2011, 07:12 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Getoffmyback
We will forget everything when we die . Full stop:) that's the easiest answer . I don't think that i will forget lifting chopped bodies of my friends in south lebanon when i was in the army.
I am speechless brother imsadimsadimsad
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Salahudeen
06-01-2011, 10:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Lowlife
I'm not sure how to answer this bro. However, this kind of question, I never personally have cause to ask myself. Simply because I never allow myself to be in such a position.

You can do it too. Take the fact that we don't know what the future will hold for us. This means, every choice we make, ideally we should make it after having consultation with Allah via dua and istikharah. E.g. even something simple like 'Oh Allah, guide me to whichever action is good for me in the long run' will do.

Now, when we make dua, we ought to do it with full conviction, we should have trust/tawakul in Allah and fully submit our cause to him when we make our dua and accept his wisdom over us. That way, we remain content whatever happens, as we know Allah is the one who guided is in our choice (remember, full conviction, hence there is no doubt that it is Allah's guidance, even if things seem bad on the surface). So since we have sought advice from Allah (the All Wise) we never let ourselves get into a position where we need to wonder whether we made the right choice, because by default it's going to be the best one. We have to trust in Allah, of course.

Try to make it habit to ask Allah for guidance on even the smallest of matters.

The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, "Strange is the affair of the Mu'min (the believer), verily all his affairs are good for him. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient (Saabir) and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the Mu'mmin." [Muslim]

Well brother, I did not make istikhara but I did frequently make du'a to Allah saying, "If this thing is bad for my duniya and akhira then take it away from me" I would make this du'a often and after a while events happened that left me feeling really negative so I made a decision. Now I'm just wondering if it was the right thing I did.

It must be the right decision cos Allah caused events to happen that left me feeling negative so I would make the choice I made right? If he didn't want me to make the choice I made he wouldn't have caused those events to occur that left me feeling negative right? I know Allah wants the best for us so he must've led me to make the decision I made right?
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Riana17
06-02-2011, 12:21 PM
Salam to all

Personally, I find the best way to forget bad memories is to look ahead. What happened has gone and can never change.
I picture my life as a book.
You do one page at a time, accept each page as it happens, no matter how bad or good it is, then go on the next page.
My life has not been good as far as luck or circumstance goes, i had to work since 8yrs old, my father and grandmother treated me unjustly, then when i turned 16 my sister asked me to join her overseas and life becomes a nightmare for 3yrs,

my sister studied (school) islam for like 7years but never learned any of it. Allah made her totally blind.
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Who Am I?
06-02-2011, 02:15 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Riana17
Salam to all

Personally, I find the best way to forget bad memories is to look ahead. What happened has gone and can never change.
I picture my life as a book.
You do one page at a time, accept each page as it happens, no matter how bad or good it is, then go on the next page.
My life has not been good as far as luck or circumstance goes, i had to work since 8yrs old, my father and grandmother treated me unjustly, then when i turned 16 my sister asked me to join her overseas and life becomes a nightmare for 3yrs,

my sister studied (school) islam for like 7years but never learned any of it. Allah made her totally blind.
Well it's like I said earlier in the thread, I think Allah puts people in your life and puts you in a place for a reason. Your life has made you who you are today, just as mine has made me who I am.
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Precious Star
06-14-2011, 05:43 PM
The mind is a powerful organ. Human beings can train themselves to do almost anything, it just takes hard work.

If you have bad memories that are holding you back, then you can train yourself to stop thinking about them. Just put your mind to that task, and IA it will happen. If you keep holding onto bad memories, you will get "stuck" and never move forward.
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