Ask how not why - Dealing with Depression

[سيف الله]

Salaam

An engaging article, thought I'd share

Ask how not why

Gail is no stranger to depression, so she finds the psychiatrist’s advice puzzling. He suggests that instead of wondering why she feels powerless and sad, she concentrate on how she experiences these feelings.

She casts her mind back to her last bout of depression, when she spent an entire Sunday sitting at home, unable to get off the sofa. All the time, she was over-whelmed by self-criticism. ‘The reason I’m feeling so awful is because I’ve made so many bad choices in my life. I shouldn’t have gone into sales, I’m not cut out for it. And that’s how I met that guy who dumped me. And now it’s too late to have a child…’

Anxious to avoid another bout of depression, Gail’s come to listen to a therapist from the psychology department of Louvain University in Belgium. He suggests a new approach: to avoid both dark thoughts and temporary distractions, neither confront the feelings nor avoid them.

His instructions are simple: ‘Sit on the edge of a chair with your back straight and your hands resting on your thighs. Fix your attention on the physical sensations of your body and on finding an image or word that best describes the nature of those feelings. If thoughts come into your mind unbidden, observe them and let them fade. Then look out for the next thought or image that follows on, but don’t judge it as good or bad, simply note it.

‘If you become aware you’ve let yourself be drawn into a chain of thought, bring your attention back to your breathing and observe what new flow of thoughts is taking the place of the last. It’s all about learning to be conscious of what’s happening here and now. Don’t worry about why you feel what you feel, or why you think what you think, concentrate on how.’

Gail notes that when she focuses her attention on the physical symptoms of depression, or observes an anxious thought without letting it take hold, the depression gradually lifts. She understands that she is not her depression, but her depression is only one part of her. In the same way, the Navajo Indians don’t say ‘I am depressed’, but ‘My spirit is accompanied by sorrow’. Ask how instead of why – so simple, and yet so important.

That little word ‘how’ is like a kind gesture that opens the door to deeper understanding. At Cambridge University, professor John D Teasdale showed that patients who had suffered several episodes of depression could learn to develop this kind of trust and understanding of themselves. He showed it was possible to reduce the rate of relapse by more than 50 per cent – a success rate comparable to antidepressants. We all need to develop this depth of understanding, of ourselves and others. All we have to do is avoid the intimidating ‘why?’ and offer our trust with the kindly enquiry, ‘how?’

http://www.psychologies.co.uk/self/ask-how-not-why/

[Who Am I?]

I may have to try this as I suffer from bouts of depression fairly regularly. Usually I just get drunk, have a good cry, and I'm done.

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Just a Guy,

I may have to try this as I suffer from bouts of depression fairly regularly. Usually I just get drunk, have a good cry, and I'm done.

My dad might only have a single drink at Christmas or on a birthday until the age of about 50 when my mum was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Gradually my mum lost the use of her legs, then her hands, dad could not seem to cope with this and started drinking more, it took about five years for my dad to die an alcholic.

Sadly alchohole is a depressant, if you drink when you are depressed and feel unable to cope, you might be feeding a downward spiral.

Just a suggestion, when you are feeling depressed next time, strive to give up the need of having a drink.

In the spirit of striving for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

[Who Am I?]

Greetings and peace be with you Just a Guy,



My dad might only have a single drink at Christmas or on a birthday until the age of about 50 when my mum was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Gradually my mum lost the use of her legs, then her hands, dad could not seem to cope with this and started drinking more, it took about five years for my dad to die an alcholic.

Sadly alchohole is a depressant, if you drink when you are depressed and feel unable to cope, you might be feeding a downward spiral.

Just a suggestion, when you are feeling depressed next time, strive to give up the need of having a drink.

In the spirit of striving for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding

Eric

I won't lie; this is one of my big issues that I continue to struggle with. I've tried to quit drinking several times but have not been successful. I have managed to cut back a fair bit, but sometimes when I get angry or depressed, my first reaction is to grab a bottle or can of something. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and some nights it's all I can do not to have a drink or two.

I also hang around a lot of people who do drink, so I think maybe I need to remove myself from the temptation. I have been thinking about that one for a while.

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[Salahudeen]

I won't lie; this is one of my big issues that I continue to struggle with. I've tried to quit drinking several times but have not been successful. I have managed to cut back a fair bit, but sometimes when I get angry or depressed, my first reaction is to grab a bottle or can of something. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and some nights it's all I can do not to have a drink or two.

I also hang around a lot of people who do drink, so I think maybe I need to remove myself from the temptation. I have been thinking about that one for a while.

If you're friends are doing it you will never leave it no matter how hard you struggle against it you will eventually fall back into it. Try to avoide socialising with them at times they'd normally be drinking so you don't get tempted to have one.

[Riana17]

I may have to try this as I suffer from bouts of depression fairly regularly. Usually I just get drunk, have a good cry, and I'm done.

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:haha:Its good to know that men are same as women brother...
I too cry alot during depression (before)

the thread is always down and most of my posts has to be reviewed by moderators

[al yunan]

Originally Posted by Just a Guy I may have to try this as I suffer from bouts of depression fairly regularly. Usually I just get drunk, have a good cry, and I'm done. \

Where is the joke ?

[Trumble]

Anxious to avoid another bout of depression, Gail’s come to listen to a therapist from the psychology department of Louvain University in Belgium. He suggests a new approach: to avoid both dark thoughts and temporary distractions, neither confront the feelings nor avoid them.

His instructions are simple: ‘Sit on the edge of a chair with your back straight and your hands resting on your thighs. Fix your attention on the physical sensations of your body and on finding an image or word that best describes the nature of those feelings. If thoughts come into your mind unbidden, observe them and let them fade. Then look out for the next thought or image that follows on, but don’t judge it as good or bad, simply note it.

‘If you become aware you’ve let yourself be drawn into a chain of thought, bring your attention back to your breathing and observe what new flow of thoughts is taking the place of the last. It’s all about learning to be conscious of what’s happening here and now. Don’t worry about why you feel what you feel, or why you think what you think, concentrate on how.’

LOL... the Buddha was advocating that "new approach" 2,500 years ago, and it wasn't original to him!

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Just a Guy;

sometimes when I get angry or depressed, my first reaction is to grab a bottle or can of something. I'm going through a lot of crap right now and some nights it's all I can do not to have a drink or two.

Drinking is not the real problem, the real problem is overcomming your anger, either with yourself or others.

A few years ago a woman was telling me about the severe headaches; she was suffering with most nights. I asked her if it was just pain she was suffering with, or did she have any troubling thoughts as well. She said she had troubling thoughts too, I asked if these were recent thoughts, or did they go back a long time.

It turned out they went back thirty years, when she was abused as a young girl, the man concerned was never brought to trial for the things he did to her, and she has not seen him since. This answered the ‘why’ she is depressed and angry.

I am not a physiatrist in any way, but I often met this woman over a period of a year or so, and she was still angry. I asked her what pictures did she see in her mind when she was angry at night time? She said it was the same most nights, the door bell rung, her abuser was standing at the door, she threw a knife at him and slammed the door. This might explain the ‘how’ she was feeling

The man who abused this girl still controls her even though she has not seen him since. The reason I say this is because every night she goes to bed her thoughts will turn to the abuser. She will feel anger at the injustice, and she is still an angry woman thirty years on, she takes her anger out frequently on other vulnerable people by throwing things, shouting and slamming doors.

Because she has such anger against the abuser, she thinks about him constantly; and plans what she would like to do to him. She is left frustrated because she knows justice will never happen, and he still control her mind. He was in control at the time of the abuse; but does she want this lowlife to continue to devastate her mind for the rest of her life.

If she can; the first step might be to use her anger in a positive way. She can learn to be angry with herself for being so weak; and allowing the abuser to control her mind after the event. She cannot change the past, but she can influence the present, she is the only one who should be in control of her own mind.

Because she has carried this anger for so long, she seems to be suffering depression, and possibly some kind of mental problems too. I have talked about forgiveness with her, for about a year now, but she cannot seem to let go, anger burns away inside, and the person who suffers the most, is the one who is angry.

The hardest person to forgive is yourself.

In the spirit of praying for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding.

Eric

[Salahudeen]

^That really is sad :( however there is many people who have been abused as children and are in exactly the same predicament, not just abused children even rape victims. I find the way to deal with such injustices is to tell myself that I will receive justice in the next life.

[Who Am I?]

Riana17, I will tell you the three times it is ok for men to cry:

1. When your dog dies
2. When your woman leaves (and those might be tears of joy)
3. Your team loses the championship


Back on topic, I think it is clear what I must do.
It's going to be sad getting rid of all that beer in my refrigerator though... imsad

[DippedinJannah]

Brothers and sisters,

One of the most effective treatments for depression is exercise. It doesn't matter your weight or conditioning - get out and exercise. Good cardio (even walking) lifts your mood. Treadmill, biking, swimming, hiking, running - it doesn't matter, but do something to break a sweat. You will feel much better about life.

[Who Am I?]

Brothers and sisters,

One of the most effective treatments for depression is exercise. It doesn't matter your weight or conditioning - get out and exercise. Good cardio (even walking) lifts your mood. Treadmill, biking, swimming, hiking, running - it doesn't matter, but do something to break a sweat. You will feel much better about life.

I may have to disagree with that. I exercised a lot as a teenager and I was very unhappy. Maybe that was due to my age though, I will admit.

Now I don't exercise at all and I am content and more at peace with life than I ever have been before.

[DippedinJannah]

I may have to disagree with that. I exercised a lot as a teenager and I was very unhappy. Maybe that was due to my age though, I will admit.

Now I don't exercise at all and I am content and more at peace with life than I ever have been before.

Of course, it is not a cure-all. But I think in general we are happier when we are healthier. I personally know that my mood is much better when I exercise regularly - it burns away stress and keeps the the dopamine flowing in my brain.

[Who Am I?]

Of course, it is not a cure-all. But I think in general we are happier when we are healthier. I personally know that my mood is much better when I exercise regularly - it burns away stress and keeps the the dopamine flowing in my brain.

Well in your defense, a lot of my depression has been because of my personality. I tend to have a dim view of most things, especially so when I was in my teens and 20's. These days things are a little less dark.

[GuestFellow]

Salaam,

It may be helpful to sit down and write everything you have done in your life, including your achievements and bad decisions you have made. You may discover events that you completely have forgotten. Using materials such as a photo album or national record of achievement folder can be very helpful to learn about your past.

Once you have written as much as you can about your past, you should try to aim not to repeat a particular mistake and understand that there have been many people who have made these errors in their life and have become successful.

As for your achievements, it does not have to be something amazing, like, stopping the Bush Administration from blowing up the moon in order to liberate it. It can be something simple like volunteering.

Set some objectives that you want to achieve in your life. For example, making preparations to go to Hajj or study for a degree or start exercising.