Just so tired and need advice please

[anonymous]

I need some advice from mature members please
Im 19 and i just dont think i can no longer live with my parents
marriage is not an option right now and im just soooo tired.
My mom is not the problem at all me and her get along fine it is only when my step father is home that we have issues. He has a very bad temper and if i make the simplest of mistakes all hell breaks loose
Im just tired of him calling me stupid ( im a teen so am i not suppse to be just a bit stupid n dumb at times) and im tired of him cursing at me and tell me that I will never amount to anything and that i am a female dog (couldnt type the word)
im tired of his tantrums and im tired of him slapping me i just cant live here any longer ive been going thru this for 8 years and im just sick n tired. Life before him was sooooo much better im no angel but i know that i dont deserve to slapped about and talked to like this and if i speak out about this i only get into deeper trouble
so i want to leave but the only problem is that I have no where to go n i have no means of income. I want to research for homes that give women a safe place to stay and join jobcorps but if i leave theres no one to look after my lil bro when my mom is at work and when step father is over seas they need me.....i just dont know what to do all i know is that i just cant take it anymore im physically and emotionally tired
i dont know if it is the right decision.....should i stay n just deal with it or leave?
please help and make dua for me

[Ali Mujahidin]

:sl:

Keep on performing salah and don't lose your faith in Allah while we think of something to help you.

Ya Allah, ya Rabbi, please keep Anonymous strong and steadfast on the true path of Islam. Ameen, ameen, ya Rabbil alamin. AlhamduliLLahi Rabbil alamiin.

[anonymous]

inshallah i will keep praying
thnk u bro for duas
may Allah continue to bless you

[anonymous]

will someone pls help for the sake of Allah

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[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Assalaamu Alaaykum

I shall try..

Maybe you should try explaining to your mother and ask her to speak to your father, maybe he will understand her insha'Allaah

Unfortunately i know individuals who have to deal with such situations where they cant do much, but I also dont think leaving is a good option either, would that not distance you from your family?

Since this has been happening for 8 years, im guessing only hate has been gained over these years, I think you should try to achieve love for the next years, by trying your best in not doing that which displeases him..

When you are cursed at, try not to curse back (not saying you do) but try to remain silent, since i dont see any other option better than remaining silent when cursed at, angry, upset and intending to curse back because of anger. I feel things need to change, try to not to do that which angers him, the bond between you and your father needs to build up and yes it is hard, for this patience and strengh is required, it will take time but eventually it will work, and if not at least make your intention good and for the sake of Allaah SWT to please him.

try figure out the good reasons of your father getting angry at you and slapping you, if there is none, then be patient and know that you are not then wrong and that Allaah is with you and do not hate your father but hate his act/deed as it is wrong in the eyes of Allaah, make duaa and ask Allaah to guide your dear father , it will also help to increase in patience and trust in Allaah in dealing in a hard situation and closer to him. It is indeed difficult, but with difficulty there is surely ease and Allaah says this, this is a good reminder for myself and I need this too. If there is a situation where you feel you feel you are dealt with unjustly, then think to yourself that Allaah is watching, would this act that is done seem wrong to him? would he approve? if not then he wants you to deal with it the right way, good character, ikhlaas (sincerety), patience, trust, righteousness.. soo many options yet hard to fit them in, but ease does come.

so to your Q:

should i stay n just deal with it or leave?

Yes, deal with it but for the sake of Allaah and if there are more options members are sure to help and you are in my Du'aa.


I am not I just tried to think of the simplist solutions, i apologise if im of no help insha'Allaah someone is able to provide better advice.

And if i sound harsh I apologise as I had not intended to.

[anonymous]

wsalam,ty for replying ive tried talking to mom before n got no results i do remain silent while does this if i say something its only going to get worse im sorry but i really cant deal anymore ive reached breaking point i feel myself getting depressed again n feel the need to hurt myself n i dont want to do that anymore been there dont wanna go back sis i dont know what to do half the time bc any and everything makes him upset i just wish i was nvr born

[anonymous]

tyvm for advice though u were not harsh n didnt offend i will continue to pray n ples remember me in ur prayers dear bros n sis'
may allah bless you all

[Muhaba]

don't leave home. its not right and its not safe. you can go to a court to decide the case with your mother and step father or you can complain to other relatives so they can intervene. they can help you by telling your step father not to slap you or insult you, etc. alternately, see if you can go to a college where you can stay in a dormitory (if you live in a muslim country or muslim area) or if you can stay with relatives.

you should talk to your mother about the situation first. may be she can solve your problem. tell her what is happening and how you don't like it and it should stop. sometimes parents don't realize that there is a problem unless they are told. so talk to your mother about this.

[anonymous]

not to be rude bc i do appreciate advice i have tried all of what u suggested sis writer over the pass years
he does it in front of my mom n im sorry but if i go to court they both will prob slap me silly i mentioned it to some1 b4 they said something to mom i got in big trouble for telling family business i cant go to college right now bc i have 2 help with bro im just stuck there is no solution 4 me maybe i will just marry bc i cant be here im done here n im just tired ty 4 help anyway may allah bless u

[Ali Mujahidin]

:sl:

I feel very sad for you. Is there any welfare agency in your area that you can go to for help? In Malaysia, there are such agencies which would give shelter and assistance when needed.

[anonymous]

salams yes there are programs i can enter for help with shelter education n job i have friend who actually helps ppl enter these programs n they said they would help me the only thing is they non muslim n told me i should try to leave my situation i posted prob here to get advice from fellows muslims bc i thought i could receive better advice from my bros n sis'.

is there any hadith or fatwa for a situation like this? ples post if u find
may Allah bless you all

[Hamza Asadullah]

salams yes there are programs i can enter for help with shelter education n job i have friend who actually helps ppl enter these programs n they said they would help me the only thing is they non muslim n told me i should try to leave my situation i posted prob here to get advice from fellows muslims bc i thought i could receive better advice from my bros n sis'.

is there any hadith or fatwa for a situation like this? ples post if u find
may Allah bless you all

Asalaamu alaikum. What area are you from that we can try and put you in touch with sisters or a Muslim organisation who can help you with your situation.

[anonymous]

i live in atlanta georgia

[Asiyah3]

To the OP, make plenty of du'aa.

Our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us a du’aa’ to say at times of calamity, in which there is virtue and great reward. Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (1525) that Umm Salamah said:

I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, “There is no Muslim who is afflicted with a calamity and says that which Allaah has enjoined, Innaa lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ajurni fi museebati wakhluf li khayran minha (Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allaah, reward me for my calamity and compensate me with something better than it), but Allaah will compensate him with something better than it.” She said, When Abu Salamah died, I said, who among the Muslims is better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him)? Then I said these words, and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Source

The cause of these problems could be yourself. Work on your imaan/faith, and repent from all sins.

"So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief:
Verily, with every difficulty there is relief." (Ash-Sharh: 5-6).

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

As'Salaamu Alaaykum Wa'Rahmatullaah Wa'Barahkaatuh

wsalam,ty for replying ive tried talking to mom before n got no results i do remain silent while does this if i say something its only going to get worse im sorry but i really cant deal anymore ive reached breaking point i feel myself getting depressed again n feel the need to hurt myself n i dont want to do that anymore been there dont wanna go back sis i dont know what to do half the time bc any and everything makes him upset i just wish i was nvr born

Your welcome sis.

I guess there is a way out and Allaah always opens a path when you call out to him. Dont wish you wasnt born, Allaah created you and remember Allaah does help, you see the way you came here to ask for advice you recieved it and insha'Allaah it comes helpful so now it is your time to take the next step, share your complaints with the allmighty who asks you to remember him in needy times. Also keep in mind Allaah is just, he is not called the All watcher and judge for any reason. He will judge everyone for what they are accountable for dear sister.

tyvm for advice though u were not harsh n didnt offend i will continue to pray n ples remember me in ur prayers dear bros n sis'
may allah bless you all

You are most welcome.

You are in my Du'aas Aameen and may Allaah bless you too and grant you ease and reward you greatly for the goodness that is achieved Aameen