:sl:
I have found this. Hope it helps:
From
http://www.drhatemalhaj.com/qa/index...-old-daughter/
My 18 year old daughter and I have a bad anger problem. I have tried everything, from having her listing to lectures about respecting parents, attended lectures at the local mosque and nothing is working. She was not always like this. She is my first born and I don’t need to stress to any parent what our kids mean to us. Unfortunately, teenager these days don’t really realize what there doing to them selves in front of allah when the disrespect there parents. My questions-Is family councling permissable in islam for anger mangement with a profissional physiologist? Salam wa alikum. My allah bless all of you for the service you provide the community. I pray that allah guide me to better parent and guide my children and the muslim children.
All praise be to Allah and may His blessings and peace be on His last messenger, Muhammad,
Counseling is permissible for cure of certain mental or behavioral problems. The concern would usually come from the following angles:
- The vice of divulging one’s sins, about which there is the following hadeeth, which was reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim from Abi Hurairah (Allah be pleased with him), he said, I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him) say, “All of my ummah will be forgiven except those who divulge their sins. And part of divulgence is when a man errs at night, and after Allah conceals his sins, in the morning, he says, “I did such and such last night,” uncovering Allah’s cloak after He veiled him.”
You do notice, though, in this hadeeth and similar ones that the individual, who divulged his own sins and didn’t accept Allah’s cloak, did that to boast about his own wickedness and moral weakness.
There is no doubt that Allah likes concealment, and one of His names is as-Sitteer, which is one who conceals and cloaks. [Sunan Abi Dawood] However, it is established in the summah of the Prophet that his companions came and complained to him in seclusion, as well as in front of others about their weaknesses and transgressions. They were seeking from him to ask Allah to pardon them, or to purify them by the prescribed punishment or tell them of the necessary expiation…etc.
The difference is in the intentions and motives. Therefore, while still favoring concealment whenever possible, to tell of one’s weaknesses in pursuit of therapy and support to recover from them wouldn’t take the ruling of the divulgence mentioned in the hadeeth here above.
- The second concern would be to receive wrong counsel from a non-Muslim psychologist, or even an ill informed Muslim one. That is certainly a legitimate concern, and that is for the very simple and obvious reason that behavioral counseling has to respect the norms and value system of the recipient. I would find it hard to accept that non-Muslims in the west are well informed about our values, as well as willing to fully respect them, even as providers of mental health. Therefore, I would certainly emphasize that you look for a professional Muslim counselor and if that is not available, a learned Muslim that is respected by the community, and in case all avenues are closed, and you needed the services of a non-Muslim or ill-informed Muslim, then you may do that with much caution, and ask during the sessions that the focus be on technicalities, such as techniques to control outbursts of anger vs. delving into matters that pertain to our values.
- The last concern is about the efficacy of such measures. That is because it is important to be aware of the consequences (maalaat) of your various undertakings, and whether an action will be advisable or not will depend, to a large extent, on those consequences. The data available tends to support the benefit of counseling; given the counselor is sensitive to the value system of the ones counseled.
As for the medical treatment of severe behavioral or mental conditions, there is no harm in that. In fact the Prophet (May Allah bless him and give him peace) recommended boiled barley with honey for those who suffer from depression (al-Bukhari). This is scientifically accurate, since barley contains the precursors of serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for mood control. However, it doesn’t look like the condition of your daughter is that severe, though I can’t tell exactly from your question, whether she is simply a defiant teenager or has a diagnosable mental condition resulting in her acute behavioral changes, but I would try my best handling such conditions without chemical treatment, through prayers, moral support, quality family time, friendships with righteous individuals who can help relieve someone’s worries and concerns, recreation (halal) and keeping busy with good deeds or simply permissible ones, as well as all other halal means that you may find helpful.
May Allah protect and guide your daughter and all Muslim youth.
Allah knows best.