format_quote Originally Posted by
Sister 786
Brothers and Sisters,
Please can someone give me advice, my husband keeps swearing at me, he says very foul things, not only to me but to my parents, my whole family and today he pushed all limits and swore at my two little sisters (angels who are only 6 years old). I really love him and I know he is a good person, I forgave him many times when he has swore at me and my parents because I know he did it out of anger, because shaitaan tries to control those in anger. But all I want to know that is there any dua's or anything I can do for him to stop swearing. Sometimes it goes really beyond limits, and I dont want our relationship to break over this. Secondly, am i doing the right thing of being with him and keep on forgiving him after he has swore at me and my family so much? I am really confused because I love him and I really want it to work but the things that he has said to me is unforgiveable. But because i really love him i try to forget what he says and carry on. The things he says is soo vile and filthy that I cannot even say it on here.
Asalaamu Alaikum, jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Has he always been like this or is it after a specific event?
When he is calm and relaxed and the time is convenient then you should sit with him and in a gentle and loving manner try to get to the bottom of why he is feeling like this and why he reacts the way he does. You should ask him how does he feel about the way he behaves when he becomes like that. Ask him if he thinks it is acceptable to swear at you in such a vile way when you are his wife. Also ask him is it acceptable to swear at young children when they are at such an innocent age. Ask him about his feelings and why he reacts and behaves the way he does so that you can understand him better.
By communicating better you can both tackle any issues he has together. Be supportive towards him in that you want to help him overcome any issues he has so that he stops reacting the way he reacts and behaves when he becomes angry because obviously it is not acceptable as it may well get worse and even turn into physical voilence.
Once you have established the reasons behind why he behaves the way he does then make it clear to him that he cannot continue to behave in such a way anymore otherwise it will affect your relationship as well as your familys relationship with him. Make him realise what he will lose if he does not take action.
If after that he still does not change then the next best thing is for him to attend anger management. Make him realise that it is crucial that he takes the necessery steps to eradicate this problem because you cannot live a lifetime with him being that way towards you and your family. So enourage him to take anger management and make him realise that he cannot refuse as this may be the only way to save your marriage.
If things still persist then you must contact a scholar immediatley and discuss the next step. Continue to make sincre dua to Allah espeically in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time. Ask of Allah to help you and your husband resolve any issues you may have together and know that you can only do your best.
I pray that whatever is the best for you will happen. Ameen