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Samiun
07-16-2011, 06:43 AM
:sl: can any1 explain what it is like to have a good friend according to Islam?
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'Abd Al-Maajid
07-16-2011, 07:27 AM
All I know is friends betray...you should not trust anyone. It's better to be alone, man.
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Samiun
07-16-2011, 07:39 AM
Originally Posted by 'Abd Al-Maajid
All I know is friends betray...you should not trust anyone. It's better to be alone, man.
The problem is, you get depression and lower self esteem in exchange. Besides, prophet Muhammad s.a.w. have friends who help him spread Islam
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Ali Mujahidin
07-16-2011, 07:40 AM
Originally Posted by 'Abd Al-Maajid
All I know is friends betray...you should not trust anyone. It's better to be alone, man.

:sl:

Come now, don't give up hope so easily on mankind. If Allah had meant for man to live alone, then Allah may not have created Eve after Adam. WaLLahu aklam.
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'Abd Al-Maajid
07-16-2011, 07:42 AM
Originally Posted by Samiun
Besides, prophet Muhammad s.a.w. have friends who help him spread Islam
Yea, he had. But people now-a-days are busy following their desires and they dont care about people around them, their feelings and all...

I am taking this thread off-topic now, so I'll just stop here.
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Innocent Soul
07-16-2011, 12:15 PM
I always like making friends because if we know something good about that person we should try to be with them as we both can do good things together. I don't think that friends betray.It's true we make so many friends in our life many of them forget us even we forget our friends that something which is very common.

When people walk away from you. let them go...
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you & it doesn't mean that they are bad.

It means that their part in your story is over...

I think life goes on it doesn't mean that we stop making friends because they are going to leave them. By being someone's friends we can teach them to be good, how to help others and even they can teach us something but the people who hurt others just don't think wrong things about them if you can try to make them realize what they are dong. If they can't improve just accept it that Allah has made some people like that.
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tigerkhan
07-16-2011, 12:22 PM
^ islam is balance and true guidance according to human nature. so there are both aspects.
1. islam appreciate good and pious company and it says be friend with goods. good friend who is helpful in ur worldy and ahrra matter is true blessing of allah swt.
2. all human are selfish by nature, so islam says dont expect from ppl but rely only on allah swt. yet we will maintain good relation with ppl just for sake of allah swt. and that is what mentioned in hadith; Propphet PBUH said if ever i had a friend, that will be Abubakar RA.

btw i think now a days its most imp to be with good and pious ppl. visits ulamas and learn from them. and try to find good poius company so that practicing ur deen will bcm more easy by their support.
in one hadith prophet PBUH that the most beneficial thing that strength one deen is company of pious ppl.
hope it make some sense.
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Pure Purple
07-16-2011, 03:08 PM

:wa:We should choose the friend that believes in and abide by our religion (Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah (SWT) and Prophet Muhammad (saw) had ordered us. And we should stay away from the one who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam is about or what pleases or displeases Allah (SWT), for he will surely affect us negatively. There is no good if the companion drowns us in sins and displeasing Allah (SWT). The bases for the actions of those who follow the evil ways are corrupt; their actions are built upon misguidance and deviation.

Good friends are those who share with their companions both happiness and sadness. If we share our feelings with the wrongdoers whose actions are worthless and based on corruption, then we are following the same ways and standards as they are doing, and we will end up being as corrupt as they are, and then we are in a big trouble, how can we face Allah's (SWT) dissatisfaction and displeasure? Instead of making friends with the misguided ones we should befriend the righteous, yet treat the rest in a gracious and just manner. Staying at sufficient distance is necessary; yet treating everybody in a noble and kind manner is required.

The danger of having corrupt friends isn't confined to the worldly life. Such friendships produce repentance on the Day of Resurrection, too!

Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an: "And (remember) the day when the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! Would that I had taken a way with the Messenger! O woe is me! Would that I had not taken such a one for a friend! Certainly he led me astray from the reminder after it had come to me;" (Surah Al-Furqan, 25:27-29)

The two main regrets on the day of judgement are (1) Not following Prophet Muhammad (saw) on the path of guidance and (2) Befriending a person who diverted one from the truth.

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) has said: "The felicity of this and the next world lie in two things: firstly, keeping secrets; and secondly, friendship with the good. And the miseries of this and the next world are summed up in two things: firstly, divulging secrets; and secondly, friendship with wicked persons."

So take heed before the inevitable day of judgement comes and we are reckoned for our acts.

Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an: "Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqun (i.e. those who have Taqwa/Piety)." (Surah Az-Zukhruf, 43:67)

It is wise to choose moderation in dealing with friends. Excessive love and confidence in friends are unacceptable since it happens that a friend may change into an enemy and use the secrets that he had shown as weapons.

Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an: "And cooperate in righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression." (Surah Al-Maeda, 5:2)

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said: "When you cherish someone you should cherish him moderately for he may be your enemy someday, and when you hate someone you should hate him moderately for he may be your friend someday." Also said: "If you intend to cut yourself off from a friend, leave some scope for him from your side by which he may resume friendship if it so occurs to him some day."

Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said: "The secrets that you must show before your friends are only those through which your enemies cannot harm you, for a friend may change into an enemy."

Who should not be befriended according to the philosophy of Islam?

When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to life? Or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us Allah's (SWT) pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the Hell?

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (as) narrates from his father who said, "O my son don't befriend five types of people:

1. Don't befriend a liar (Kadhib). For a liar is like a mirage. He shows the distant as near and the near as distant. He will always deceive you and trouble you.

2. Don't befriend a transgressor (Ghasib). For he will forsake you for a paltry sum and make your sins appear very alluring to you. He will make you a victim of Allah's chastisement through his petty sins and take you farther away from His obedience and satisfaction. He will make Allah's worship appear as His disobedience, and His disobedience as His worship. He will drag you along with himself in the fire of hell.

3. Never befriend a miser (Bakheel/Kanjus). For in your time of need and distress, he will withhold his wealth from you, while he is in a position to assist you. (He values his wealth more than anything else. And to that end he is prepared to forsake even his friends)

4. Do not befriend a fool (Ahmaq). For (in his foolishness) he will harm you while he intends to help you. (That is why it is said, 'A shrewd enemy is better than a foolish friend')

5. Don't befriend the one who breaks relations (with his relatives/Khata Rahmi). For, such a person has been cursed in the Noble Qur'an in three places. He is engrossed in his own affairs with scant regard for others. (Friendship with such a person will eventually lead the individual towards sins and disobedience of Allah)"

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said: "Do not befriend a sinner (Fasiq/Fajir) because he will sell you for a morsel."

Imam Sajjad (as) said: "Do not make anyone your enemy even though you consider him harmless and do not turn down a person's friendship even if you think he will not benefit you."

The Noble Qur'an says, "The hypocritical men and the hypocritical women are all alike; they enjoin evil and forbid good and withhold their hands; they have forsaken Allah, so He has forsaken them; surely the hypocrites are the transgressors." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:67)

On the other hand, Noble Qur'an discusses the believers in the following manner, "And (as for) the believing men and the believing women, they are guardians of each other; they enjoin good and forbid evil and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, and obey Allah and His Messenger; (as for) these, Allah will show mercy to them; surely Allah is Mighty, Wise." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:71)

The two Qur'anic verses mentioned above only go to show how critical a role friendship can play in our lives. A true friend then, is the one who takes us closer to Allah's (SWT) compassion and grace.

Having deliberated at length on who should not be befriended, we shall now see what kind of people should be befriended. Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) narrates, "Friendship entails certain trusts and duties. Then the one who observes these obligations is a true friend and the one who breaches this trust is unworthy of friendship. These obligations are as follows;

1. He should be the same outside as he is inside. In other words, he should not have a dual personality. (In this age however, we often come across people who are exceptionally humble and modest on the outside, with little, if any humility, on the inside)

2. He will consider your virtues as his virtues and your misdeeds as his misdeeds. (In other words your virtues will cheer him and your faults will grieve him. God forbid, he must not feel relieved after observing some vice in you, and take solace from the fact that he himself is above that vice.)

3. If he acquires a position of power and authority, it must not bring about a drastic change in his attitude. In other words, prosperity must not transform the individual adversely. (There are some people who make the best of friends in adversity. But a positive change in their financial condition reveals a dark, hitherto unknown side of their personality. On the other hand we see some people who make good friends in prosperity, but misfortune transforms them, disclosing their fickleness.)

4. He must give his friendship (with you) priority over all his worldly possessions. In other words in times of adversity, he must be willing to give his all to redeem you.

5. He must never leave you alone in times of misfortune and distress."

There are three types of 'friends'...

Those that are necessary like nourishment and you cannot live without them; those that are like medicine and are beneficial, so you need them sometimes; and finally, those that are like a sickness and you do not need them at all!

Prophet Muhammad (saw) has said, "The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses.

Once Prophet Muhammad (saw) was asked, "What person can be the best friend?" "He who helps you remember Allah (SWT), and reminds you when you forget Him," the Prophet Muhammad (saw), counseled.

Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said: "A friend cannot be considered a friend unless he is tested on three occasions: in time of need, behind your back and after your death."

Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) also remarks, "My best friend is the one who gifts me my weaknesses and shortcomings." In other words one who brings to your notice your defects and flaws is indeed your true friend.

However, there is one very imperative point in the above-mentioned tradition of Imam Jafar Sadiq (as). When one presents an offering to a close friend, he does so with utmost care, not willing to overlook anything. He offers the gift with total respect and regard. For, even the most valuable gift if not presented with correct etiquette, can look very ordinary. While presenting the offering, the friend tries to make the most expensive gift seem very ordinary so as to not embarrass the recipient. On the other hand, the recipient of this gift tries to make even the most ordinary gift seem very precious, so as to please his friend. Similarly, when we wish to point out certain shortcomings to a friend, we must do so with a degree of respect and sincerity. Our sole intention must be to reform the friend and there should be no hint of any malice and self-righteousness. Likewise, when a friend highlights for us, our defects, we must acknowledge the same with respect and gratitude without any ill will and hostility.

Imam Hassan Askari (as) Says: "Those who advise their friend secretly are respecting them, and those who advise them openly are humiliating them."

Indeed if we establish these as the standards of friendship, the believers shall soon find themselves enveloped with friends who will take them closer to Paradise and farther away from the fire of hell.

Allah (SWT) says in the Noble Qur'an: O you who believe! Take care of your souls; he who errs cannot hurt you when you are on the right way; to Allah is your return, of all (of you), so He will inform you of what you did. (Surah Al-Maeda, 5:105)

Finally, we ask Allah (SWT) to make us of the righteous ones and give us companions that will take us away from His Wrath and lead us to His Pleasure and Paradise.
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I think everybody's thoughts are different. Everyone has different likes. We should make friends with whom we do not have anything to hide. We should talk openly.our likes and dislikes should match.Even though if it is not matching those thing should not affect our thoughts,our personality.We don't have to change our self because of her or forget about us while making friends .never change yourself in evaluating someone .If you don't find friend of your choice its better to be alone.
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greenhill
12-03-2013, 02:07 PM
Originally Posted by Innocent Soul
When people walk away from you. let them go...
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you & it doesn't mean that they are bad.

It means that their part in your story is over...
I acknowledge, but it is still heart wrenching..

Friendship to me is give and take, basic understanding and trust with some common interests, that may take time to develop. In another words, companionship, to fill your need for company.

There was a mention of 'trust'. When we test the friendship for trust, I have my levels of trust that I would consider. I would always give the person the benefit of the doubt, to begin with. If I were to have to trust the person, it would not be with things of value or sensitive information. It could be a simple thing like whether he was reliable, if he plays golf, I'd invite him for a game. It brings out the character of the person. In one game of 4-5 hours, you can get to know a person better than months of meeting. It will expose him as a cheat, if he were to cheat, or an impatient guy, or that he is very patient, and full of help or many other things that would not have had reason to come to be shown. But not everyone plays.

I can have many friends, good friends. But I have few companions, those whom I could trust with my life and wife.


Peace:shade:
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ardianto
12-04-2013, 03:08 AM
Originally Posted by greenhill



I can have many friends, good friends. But I have few companions, those whom I could trust with my life and wife.


We can have friends as much as we can, but we should be wise in choosing our companions.

I have enough much companions, but my best companion was my wife.

:)
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M.I.A.
12-04-2013, 08:28 AM
Originally Posted by Innocent Soul
I always like making friends because if we know something good about that person we should try to be with them as we both can do good things together. I don't think that friends betray.It's true we make so many friends in our life many of them forget us even we forget our friends that something which is very common.

When people walk away from you. let them go...
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you & it doesn't mean that they are bad.

It means that their part in your story is over...

I think life goes on it doesn't mean that we stop making friends because they are going to leave them. By being someone's friends we can teach them to be good, how to help others and even they can teach us something but the people who hurt others just don't think wrong things about them if you can try to make them realize what they are dong. If they can't improve just accept it that Allah has made some people like that.

what an utterly selfish way to live your life.

in fact you might have missed the point of it entirely.



...im entirely over-re-acting, but wait till you get married or have children.
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greenhill
12-04-2013, 09:01 AM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
what an utterly selfish way to live your life.

in fact you might have missed the point of it entirely.
Enlighten me with your thoughts, M.I.A.....
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M.I.A.
12-04-2013, 09:19 AM
When people walk away from you. let them go...
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you & it doesn't mean that they are bad.

It means that their part in your story is over...






self importance much.

on the other hand she may just be a realist.


allah swt knows best.



http://www.irfi.org/articles2/articl...%20manhtml.htm

(no idea of the website is legit, please check. but the story is sound)
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greenhill
12-04-2013, 09:34 AM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
self importance much.

on the other hand she may just be a realist.

Aaaaaah, ok. Thought you had some other 'philosophy' on friendship that you're not sharing.. :statisfie


But that quote reminds me of another saying that goes something like this,

'If you love somebody let him go, if he comes back he is yours and if he doesn't he never was.' It may not be absolutely the way to go, but it rings a nice tune.


Peace :shade:
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ardianto
12-05-2013, 02:47 PM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
...im entirely over-re-acting, but wait till you get married or have children.
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
on the other hand she may just be a realist.
When I was young I had many friends and I spent my time with having fun with them. I really enjoy those moments.

In that time I had knew that if I get married I would lose my freedom, but I still chose to get married. It's because I was a realist.

Okay, if I was unmarried I would still have time for having fun. But having fun with who if all of my friends were married?. So, rather than have freedom but still being alone, it's better I get married.

Realistic, bro, realistic. :D
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Ramadan90
12-05-2013, 07:06 PM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
When people walk away from you. let them go...
Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you & it doesn't mean that they are bad.

It means that their part in your story is over...




self importance much.

on the other hand she may just be a realist.


allah swt knows best.



http://www.irfi.org/articles2/articl...nd manhtml.htm

(no idea of the website is legit, please check. but the story is sound)
Uhm, what? People come and go in your life. Thats life. It doesnt have anything to do with "self importance" really.
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Ramadan90
12-05-2013, 07:10 PM
The problem is that most people tie their happiness and emotions to people. You wont really be stable if you do that. I have trained myself to not being too emotionally dependent on other people. I am still human and need interaction with other people, but if someone say/do something wrong to me, I doesnt hurt as much anymore. I just dont expect anything from anyone.

Remember that all of us are human and we have our flaws. Forgive, forgive and forgive.
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muslimah bird
12-08-2013, 04:13 AM
In the simplest terms .Friendship is 1 mind in 2 heads
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ardianto
12-09-2013, 04:43 PM
Originally Posted by muslimah bird
In the simplest terms .Friendship is 1 mind in 2 heads
It's impossible if two human have really same mind. They just can understand each other.

You cannot force your friend to always understand you, but you must try to understand her too.
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Vito
12-09-2013, 11:02 PM
Originally Posted by 'Abd Al-Maajid
All I know is friends betray...you should not trust anyone. It's better to be alone, man.
The less I have to interact with people, the happier I am :thumbs_up
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greenhill
12-10-2013, 12:55 AM
That is sad.

Even our prophet (saws) who had Allah watching over him and Gabriel beside him still needed companions. May you discover and develop good friends in the future..


Peace :shade:
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Seekingtruth
12-10-2013, 04:17 AM
So true and a great way of explaining
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Seekingtruth
12-10-2013, 04:22 AM
Is that honestly the truth maybe you haven't met the right people but these people that have hurt or wronged you just make you wiser and you will know who your real friends are, sometimes bad things happen for the better
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ardianto
12-10-2013, 03:51 PM
I have ever written that one thing that make grateful in my life was easiness that I got when I was looking for life-partner. But now I think I must add one more, easiness to get friends.

Actually I am introvert person and tend to quiet, but I could familiar immediately with someone who I just met. It made me have many friends.

How I got friends can be described like this. "A" is my friend. Then he introduce me to "B". Immediately I am being close with "B". Then "B" introduce me to "C". I am being close with "C". Then "C" introduce me to "D".

Yeah, if you expect a friend who always be with you and never leave you, indeed, I am not the right choice. :)

I have moved from one circle of friends to other circle of friends from varius background. If I felt enjoy, I could stay longer, if not, immediately move again. But I think my friends did not mind with this. They never emotionally dependant on me.
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M.I.A.
12-10-2013, 09:36 PM
sounds like heaven.




mine is just people hitting each other everytime they open there mouths.

or everytime someone tells the literal truth rather than the present truth.

and in such a place one would rather not have friends.

or maybe they have judged me on some crime i have committed.
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Ansariyah
12-10-2013, 11:15 PM
A good friend in Islam is someone who reminds you of Allah when you are with them and when you are wrong they correct you in private.

Someone who is just, gentle and knows how to listen and understand.
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ardianto
12-11-2013, 04:03 PM
Originally Posted by M.I.A.
sounds like heaven.
But that's happened on earth.

Basically, if we are able to be a friend for someone, there's must be someone who will be our friend.

mine is just people hitting each other everytime they open there mouths.

or everytime someone tells the literal truth rather than the present truth.

and in such a place one would rather not have friends.
Few of my friends were coming from environment like this, even my wife was coming from environment like this too.

But you still could choose your friends, actually.

or maybe they have judged me on some crime i have committed.
Oh, bro, there was a time when I was not good boy.

There are always people who do not mind with our past.

:)
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