He deserves better

[anonymous]

Salaam

The title refers to my hubby. We will have been married three years this August. Im an evil person. I dont mean to be but I am. My husband is a kind, religious man who keeps religion very close to his heart. But I am so bad to him. We have the most horrible arguments where I say the mosy despicable, unacceptable, horrible horrible things to him. Things I dont mean but things that I just can help but come out of my mouth.Things I cant even repeat becuase they are so bad. I throw things at him and get violent. He has hardly ever raised his hand to me apart from when I really really push him I dont know what is wrong with me. I really wish he married someone better. Someone who respected him more, someone religious,a good person. We have one baby who was born with a heart defect something which shocked the lives out of us. Did that happen because I am a bad person? He does say things which are not right too but hes nowhere near as bad as me. What can I do to be a good wife to him? I cant even cook. I work and he thinks Im arrogant because I have money. That is so not true. I only get annoyed with his lack of money becayse he has more or less thrown his down the toilet by buying a house befire we got marriued to please his parents. It was meant to be 4 us but instead it is sitting there. He has no interest in it. I havent even seen it apart from once. Thta really does get to me.

Thanks for reading, please advice.

[Salahudeen]

You're treading a very dangerous path, you must learn to control your tongue, it will take many people to hell because they didn't use it properly, don't let yourself be one of them. I believe you can control it, I think the problem is you don't have respect for him and you don't look up to him as someone worthy of respect and honour that's why you are able to say bad things to him.

When we look up to people and respect them lots we find it difficult to say bad words to them because of how much respect we have for them, Ramadhan is coming up, this is the perfect time for you to learn self control, I understand how hard it is to stop your tongue from coming out with stuff in the heat of the moment when emotions are flaring and your boiling inside, but this is the test, if you can control yourself in this moment then you've amounted to something very very beautiful and good. But if you let loose and start spurting out all viole stuff then you've got to bring yourself to account and apologise to the person you abused with your tongue and ask Allah for forgiveness.

When it happens and you feel it coming just move away from him and go to a separate room or some where you won't bump into each other, and calm down, anlyze the situation, is it really worth getting so upset and angry over? Often it's not worth getting angry and upset over, I recommend you play Qur'an in your house, play surah baqrah one every 3 days because shaytaan leaves a house where it is recited. And don't let your house become a grave yard, establish prayer in it.

If you establish prayer then I've noticed the atmosphere in the house changes to a calm serene atmosphere, I can't explain it but everyone is chilled out and people don't get angry they laugh more instead. So establish your prayer in the house. Also when you feel the anger just sit down and relax if that doesn't work then lie down and if that doesn't work then go and made wudhu with cold water.

Also remember the following hadiths and imagine the messenger of Allah saying them to you, Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak good or remain silent.''
[Muslim].

Abu Musa Al-Ash`ari (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "Who is the most excellent among the Muslims?'' He said, "One from whose tongue and hands the other Muslims are secure.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Sahl bin Sa`d (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Whosoever gives me a guarantee to safeguard what is between his jaws and what is between his legs, I shall guarantee him Jannah.

bu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I heard the Prophet (PBUH) saying, "A person utters a word thoughtlessly (i.e., without thinking about its being good or not) and, as a result of this, he will fall down into the fire of Hell deeper than the distance between the east and the west.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Abu 'Abdur-Rahman Bilal bin Al-Harith Al-Muzani (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "A man speaks a good word without knowing its worth, Allah records for him His Good Pleasure till the day he will meet Him; and a man utters an evil word without realizing its importance, Allah records for him His displeasure till the day he will meet Him.''
[Imam Malik and At-Tirmidhi].

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "He whom Allah saves from the evil of that which is between his jaws and the evil of that which is between his legs will enter Jannah.''

Uqbah bin `Amir (May Allah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), "How can salvation be achieved?'' He replied, "Control your tongue, keep to your house, and weep over your sins.''
[At-Tirmidhi].