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joyous fairy
09-14-2011, 11:06 AM
Assalam Alaykum,

I'll get straight to the issue, and then I will give a few examples of what I mean. I get really annoyed with one of my friends in particular. The problem is, she is really tight with money. She has worked most of her adult life and has earned a lot more than I have, but she will not spend it or spare it to anyone and it really bugs me!

For example, a few times Ive needed to catch the bus and didnt have the right change. I'd ask her if she had any and she did but she wouldnt give it unless I gave her the correct in return. One particular time, I didnt have the correct amount to give her back and she didnt even lend it to me, let alone give it. If it was me, I would have given it without expecting it back in return. I have done this a few times.

Another issue is her family (i.e. her siblings). Whenever I meet her in town or go to class (we do the same course), my sister usually picks me up. And whenever she does, she ends up dropping her off too, even though she lives a while away from me. Now, my friend has passed her driving, and her 3 older siblings have too, but they have NEVER dropped me off, or picked her up. I asked her why she doesnt get a lift and she said she doesnt want to disturb them :hmm: Once she phoned her sister to ask if she could get picked up, and her sister asked her 'how is **** (me) getting home, cant she drop you too?' which really upset me! Also they dont let her get insured on the family car for some reason.

Anyway, I need advice, what should I tell her? This really bugs me!

JazakAllah Khair
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Salahudeen
09-14-2011, 11:51 AM
:hmm: I don't know I just choose not to mix with such people and keep them at distance, my friends aren't like that alhamdulilah, not many people are :hmm: I would probably get anoyed and next time she grabbed a lift home, before she got in the car, I'd say "sorry but have you got many to pay for the petrol that we're gonna use to drop you off?" this might be taken as *****y though and cause an argument so I don't think you wanna do that, but it's what I'd do to get my point across. And if she says she ain't got the money then I'd say "sorry you can't come then cya" and leave her standing there. That is very mean though I guess

And when she made an issue of it, I'd say "what you on about? all's fair, remember that day you wouldn't help me out with bus fare well today I've decided to not help you out with a lift home, the price of bus fair"

But that could end your friendship I think and unless you wanna do that don't do what I said lol.
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Alpha Dude
09-14-2011, 01:57 PM
She has worked most of her adult life and has earned a lot more than I have, but she will not spend it or spare it to anyone and it really bugs me!
She may earn a lot but is she keeping that money? It could be that she gives it to family. Just a possibility to think about.

Another issue is her family (i.e. her siblings)
You shouldn't let the behaviour of her family get in the way your friendship with her. This is something she doesn't have control over. It may be that she doesn't get on well with them, thus wouldn't be in a position to ask for a lift.
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Who Am I?
09-14-2011, 04:30 PM
:sl:

I don't have this problem, but I do have the problem of my old friends wanting "the old me back." They say that they miss the old me, the one who "knew how to have a good time" as they put it. I keep telling them that I am not that guy anymore, and that is not who I am anymore, but they keep insisting that I come back to the way I was. They don't want me to become one of those "religion freaks who doesn't do anything fun."

For the most part I don't hang out with them anymore. They call every now and then and I tell them I can't make it. They drink... I don't anymore. I also try to avoid cursing and being angry like they want me to be. They think it's hilarious when I rant about how much everything sucks and how stupid everyone is. I'm trying not to do that anymore. They tell me that I can have "just one or two drinks" but I know that I can't. Once I have the first drink, I never want to stop.
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joyous fairy
09-14-2011, 10:43 PM
Originally Posted by Salahudeen
:hmm: I don't know I just choose not to mix with such people and keep them at distance, my friends aren't like that alhamdulilah, not many people are :hmm: I would probably get anoyed and next time she grabbed a lift home, before she got in the car, I'd say "sorry but have you got many to pay for the petrol that we're gonna use to drop you off?" this might be taken as *****y though and cause an argument so I don't think you wanna do that, but it's what I'd do to get my point across. And if she says she ain't got the money then I'd say "sorry you can't come then cya" and leave her standing there. That is very mean though I guess

And when she made an issue of it, I'd say "what you on about? all's fair, remember that day you wouldn't help me out with bus fare well today I've decided to not help you out with a lift home, the price of bus fair"

But that could end your friendship I think and unless you wanna do that don't do what I said lol.
Lol. That would be too mean for me to do. But if I was a guy, I would :P It does seem like the only way I can get my point across though, because its happened more than once and I have told her to ask her siblings to pick her up sometimes.

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
She may earn a lot but is she keeping that money? It could be that she gives it to family. Just a possibility to think about.


You shouldn't let the behaviour of her family get in the way your friendship with her. This is something she doesn't have control over. It may be that she doesn't get on well with them, thus wouldn't be in a position to ask for a lift.
Yeh I get what you are saying but I know she has a lot more than me, all 3 of her older siblings work, and she worked most of her independant life.

With the second point, I dont, its her that usually brings her family up. I'll give you 2 examples:

A few times we have been shopping together. Sometimes she likes something yeh, and takes a long time deciding whether she wants to actually get it. Then tried it on and if it fits, she decides to buy it right? But then she says 'oh I think im going to call my sister and ask her if I should get it'. Then she calls her sister to ask whether she should buy it. Once she realllly loved this piece of clothing in a shop, and she tried it on and everything, it was perfect and I told her to get it. Then she called her sister and her sister told her not to, even though she hadnt seen it!

Another example is sometimes when I try and arrange to meet her, she'd be like 'oh my sister wants me to do this/that whatever', and sometimes 'oh I cant cos of my family'. Which is a bit annoying especially since she sees her sisters all the time.

It sounds like they control her because shes the youngest. They are also a few years older than her so they dont give her the independance that she needs, shes in her early twenties too.
Originally Posted by King of Nines
:sl:

I don't have this problem, but I do have the problem of my old friends wanting "the old me back." They say that they miss the old me, the one who "knew how to have a good time" as they put it. I keep telling them that I am not that guy anymore, and that is not who I am anymore, but they keep insisting that I come back to the way I was. They don't want me to become one of those "religion freaks who doesn't do anything fun."

For the most part I don't hang out with them anymore. They call every now and then and I tell them I can't make it. They drink... I don't anymore. I also try to avoid cursing and being angry like they want me to be. They think it's hilarious when I rant about how much everything sucks and how stupid everyone is. I'm trying not to do that anymore. They tell me that I can have "just one or two drinks" but I know that I can't. Once I have the first drink, I never want to stop.
It is best to avoid company that will have a bad influence on you. It can be hard though, especially if its people you've spent most youre life with.
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