format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
have been feeling like a dead person a lot lately, although I pray, do zikar and everything else, but i am feeling really weak in my eeman, I ve started to feel really pessimistic, things dont excite me, I feel no mercy for anyone... what is wrong with me?<br><br>I feel like I'm loosing human compassion, why, I dont know.. There is so much chaos , death and destruction around me, being a girl, I dont know how to participate in the chaos, and I dont know a person who i can relate it all with, people seem senselessly blissfull in their world, oblivious to the realities around them.. This is getting insane, I want to go to jihad , and it depresses me when i think of the life of this world.. I dont want to opt for 'this' life, and yet I am unable to break the shackles of the home life that i live, i hate being inactive, i feel weird and passive when i do jobs, 'cause it makes me feel like as if Im running away from the ummah needs? I'm not married, although i really wished to be, but i dont find 'regular' people inspirational and marriage seems like a distant unfulfilled dream now, unrealistic and judging from long lists of the choices of men these days, i refuse to accept their criteria of 'desirious women' as realistically possible, unless they get married to girls who go to great lengths of faking themselves up to please these men, religious or non religious.<br><br> Although im practising n not too unattractive ( as i like to think :p) i dont know why i m not married ... None of my admirers in uni were religious people, and am completely un interested in fake people who have a friday or eid prayer religion,which would make most men. the few religious men's proposals that I received had demands of extreme good looks and teenaged girls, which was very disappointing, but thats a reality of most of our muslim brothers who come from educated families..I have very lil cash, i like social work, I want to do something and i cant decide what..<br><br>* I fear for my eeman since I have started feeling useless now..I loved going to religious gatherings , Quran classes, and now I have kind of stopped, not because i dont want to go but because I am sick of every other person asking me if im married, and why not? worse they ask it infront of everybody, exclaim surprise, and i feel their pitiful looks on me... pathetic, but how do i blame them, if saw a girl like me un hitched, wouldn't i think the same? it makes me feel really horrible and it affetcs my concentration on the Quran, esp when there are verses about spouses, about pairs of people to have been made and i am bewildered by it all, and then of marriage and the rest and it all stirs embarrassment and self pity inside.. <br><br>i know I'm ranting here, may Allah forgive me, but i am really going down, i am loosing will power, feel dead tired, dizzy and fainty all the time, see darkness all around me, and i dont know how to rejuvenate the spirit inside of me...There is this guy who wants to marry me, who after having rejected me himself, got married to somebody, got divorced and now wants to marry me, i used to think he was a decent guy but when he rejected me i was kind of really disappointed in men who appear decent or religious ( n go marry some floozie intellectuals and then realize later ) , got over it good, and after4,5 yrs he still tries to approach via email.. he may have genuine feelings but I dont like him anymore, is that odd? he is not a bad muslim, but i fear my feelings for him may never be affectionate, or transform into love, am i wrong?I was never involved with him, nor was i ever into relationships, he contacted me from my blog article and he had one too and then, just like that..( i ve seen him, know his family, background etc)<br><br>There is one more thing, I stopped myself from growing professionally bcuz i feared that men dont desire working women, and even now I am un married, and i feel I ve lost precious time on my career.. I feel bad for the time lost as well... where have i gone wrong, i just dont know...<br> Im slowly turning into a bully : ( i m rude to my parents and siblings as if they contributed to it, off corse they havent but i just cant stop myself from being acidic in my comments all the time, it hurts my mom n i feel so bad later on but i cant seem to help it.. how to stop this cycle of negativity n my sharpening tongue astaghfirullah :(<br><br>
Asalaamu Alaikum, Life can really bring us down at times and sometimes things will be going well in our lives and other times everything piles up at once. This is the reality of life. In Jannah we will look back at our lives on Earth and think about all of the sad times and that is what will make us appreciate Jannah that much more. The fact that all of our sorrows and sadness if over for eternity. Therefore we need to keep our focus and our fous everyday should be to do our utmost to do everything to please Allah, worship and obey him and to refrain from anything which angers or displeases him.
Yes we will slip and fall, we will trip over the hurdles life throws at us but we must keep getting up and striving against ourselves. We must keep fighting the internal battle we go through in our minds everyday. We must continue to persevere for we have no choice but to. What i can say is that it will be all worth it in the end. So our focus should be with the end result. Allah promises victory to those who are patient and those who persevere through the daily struggles of life and put their trust in Allah. So focus on the hereafter and with the end result. Continue to battle and strive with your nafs and the whispers of shaythaan who are always trying to get us down. With the help of Allah and by us putting our trust in him we will NEVER be defeated.
Regarding your past and any experiences you have had of men then you must not paint everyone with the same brush. Although many you may have come across are not suitable for you it does not mean they are inheritly bad people. Remember we all have a match and when the time is right the person who is detined for us will eventually arrive into our lives. In the meantime we must make effort and dua to find the right partner in the right and correct manner within the boundaries of Islam.
The majority of the times when people get hurt it is because they gave their hurt to someone before marriage. This is always the recipe for disaster. We must safeguard our hearts and all of our limbs against anything which may anger or displease Allah. We must safeguard ourselves from falling into sin for it is for our own goods that we go about every matter in the right manner within the boundaries of Islam.
So look for a man who ONLY wants to go about marriage in the right manner. Look for a man who is God fearing and does his utmost to do everything which pleases Allah and refrains from anything which angers or displeases him. Ask of Allah sincerely to help you through these difficult times and to aide you in finding the right partner and getting married as soon as possible. Keep your focus which is to do everything to please Allah and refraining from anythig which angers or displeases him. Focus on the hereafter and the end result which will be victory for those who were patient and persevered.
Be the best towards others and do not take your anger and frustrations out on your siblings, family or anyone else. Treat them the way you want to be treated. Think to yourself that there is NO point in being down about the past as whatever has happened has happened and all that matter is the present. Focus on making the best of each second. Prioritise your life properly and concentrate on those things which are most important.
Continue to learn knowledge of Islam by going to lectures and courses and reading the deeper meanings of the Qur'an. Read and learn much about death and the hereafter for it is Knowledge which will refresh and rejuvinate your imaan. Make sincere dua to Allah espcially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud times for this is the best time to ask of Allah and to cry and beg to him. Allah tends to his slaves who cry more quicker than anyone else and surely Allah loves his slaves MUCH more than a mother loves its child.
Remember Allah much and glorify and praise him for that is what will clean and refreshen a dead and hard heart and will awaken it from its dull state. Never abandon the Qur'an and recite it as often as possible and learn and memorize as much as you can.
Hope the following will be of some help to you:
10 Ways To Overcome Sadness
1. Live for each new day:
Know that whatever you have gone through in your past ass gone and will never come back: So everyday is a new and fresh day. Yesterday is a distance memory and today is what matters.
Therefore live for today and live for each new and fresh day and do not think about yesterday as it is gone and you cannot do anything about it now. Do not think too much about tomorrow for it may never come. But copncentrate on NOW for that is what matters the most. Make the best of now and your future will be bright inshallah.
2. Each second that goes by we will never get back again:
Know that each second is a true blessing and every second that ticks by can never again be regained so why should we waste our precious time being sad when our sadness will not change anything and will not benefit us in anyway but that which will benefit us in this world and the next is our good deeds.
So Think to yourself: "Why am i wasting my precious seconds being down when i will NEVER get back these seconds again. I cannot change what has happened in the past and i do not know if i will be alive tomorrow. So there is NOpoint and NO time to for me to be down for my time is so little and it may end at any second. So let me concetrate on and make the best of NOW!"
3. Know that our life is pre-destined:
Whatever will happen will happen so there is no point being down about it. Ouur sadness will not affect the outcome of our destiny but our good actions and dua will. So let us do as much good as possible and make sincere dua so that Allah may make our future a brighter one. If we are given tests then surely tests are a blessing in disguise.
So think to yourself: "Why am i wasting this precious time being upset when everything is pre-destined so whatever will happen will happen so there is NO point me being down about it".
4. Think of your death:
Surely death wakes us up into the true reality of our life that we are living to die. Each second that goes by is closer to our death. So why should we be sad when we know our purpose in this life and so we should do EVERYTHING to fulfill that purpose and that means not waste a second on that which will not benefit us in this life or the next.
Therefore there is NO point being sad and when we are sad then we should remind ourselves of death and that we will end up in the grave with nothing but our deeds so we should do everything to please Allah and prepare for our daths for sadness will just waste our time and hold us back from fulfilling the very purpose of our life and making the best of the life we have.
5. Think of the hereafter:
Think about the time when the sun will be SO close to the Earth. When When you will stand with every creation in the universe and be ready to face Allah with your deeds. This will encourage you to get up and snap out of your sadness and depression and realise that you have to prepare for that day when you will face Allah. That day it will be just you and your deeds! So what point is there being sad? Will it help us when we face Allah on the day of judgement? NO but doing good deeds will! Will being sad affect our future? NO. But again doing good deeds and making sincere dua will.
6. Look at those who have less than you:
When you are sad then just look at those who have less than you. Look at what you have been given in comparison to them. You have food on a plate 3 times a day whereas they struggle to get a crumb of flour.
You drink out of purified tap water when they drink from dirty contaminated water full of disease. Others do not even have a drop to drink for several days.
You have shelter and heated homes whereas they live in a tent and refuge camp. They have nothing to keep them sheltered whereas you have four walls with a roof.
You have wealth that you can buy all the luxuries in the world whereas they can only dream of what you have.
So look at those with less and those who have nothing. Then know how lucky you are so should you really be sad? Instead thank Allah and spend in his path that he may give you more in this world and the hereafter.
7. Appreciate that you have been given imaan(faith)out of so many people in this world:
You could have been born in any era and in any faith or religion. You could have been of those who were misguided. You could have been of those who were not favoured by Allah but you have been given the most special gift of ALL imaan!
Therefore appreciate it and thank Allah for it night and day. Why would you be sad when you have been favoured out of countless others?
8. Make dua to Allah:
Whenever you are down then make dua to Allah. Turn to him in the latter part of the night when he will attend to you quicker. Turn to him when others are deep in their sleep. Turn to him in humility, meekness and humbleness. Turn to him knowing that he is listening. Turn to him knowing he is the closest to you. Turn to him knowing he cares and he truly loves you.
Cry to him and beg of him to forgive you. Ask of him to fulfill your needs but at the same time trust in him that he will do what is best for you. If he wants you to be patient then be patient for you will get
SO MUCH BETTER IN RETURN!
Turn to him knowing he WILL answer your prayer, if not now, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow then in the hereafter and that is when we will be rewarded most for our dua's and we would wish that NO dua was accepted so that we recieved EVERY reward for our dua in the hereafter.
9. Make pleasing Allah the source of your pleasure in this life:
If we make pleasing Allah the source of our pleasure in this life then HOW can we ever be sad? When we live each day to have a highflying career we will never be fully satisfied no matter where our career is because we always want to have a better career.
When we live for money then we will never be satisfied because we always want more and will always try new ventures and ways in order to get more and more.
When we live for other people then they will always let us down in one way or another.
But if we live to please Allah and do good deeds that will make us feel closer to him then what better pleasure is there in life.
So when you are feeling sad then think: "Let me get up and do good in order to please Allah for that is my source of true happiness in this life"
So make EVERYDAY a day when you will want to please Allah more than yesterday. When you are sad then turn to Allah and make him the source of your true happiness. Make the pleasure of pleasing him the means of you NEVER becoming sad again.
If we want something good from Allah then surely we should do that which is pleasing to Allah - Im
am Ahmed
10. RELY ON ALLAH:
Most of all rely on Allah. Know that he is there for you and closer to you than your jugular vein. Know that he knows you better than you know yourself. Know that he loves you more than any soul ever could. Know that he is there for you when others arent. Know that he will never let you down when others will. Know that whatever you go through in life.
So put your FULL trust, faith and reliance in him and know that is is ALWAYS there so trust in him.
May Allah enable us to do everything to please him and to put our full trust in him. Ameen