marriage problems

[anonymous]

salaam alaykum


I am having a really really hard timein my marriage and I don't know what to do I am basically at my wit'send. It has been 4 months since we have been separated and thedistance does not make the situation much better. I feel like we aretrying to climb a mountain and once we reach a good spot, we stay fora few days, but then before continuing we fall back even further fromwhere we started. This has been going on for months and everyday isan emotional rollercoaster for me, I am so worn out emotionally. Ihave gone through a period of severe depression, which was hard formy husband since we are not together, but now I am trying to remainoptimistic, but it is so hard. We have not been married one year yetwe have so many problems. I am just as guilty as he is for causingthese problems. Right now he isn't speaking with me, and I have beenwriting him everyday, several times a day asking for him to pleasegive us another chance. At first I wanted the divorce, but afterbeing separated, we tried to work through those issues, and I wasready to go back, we even came up with a plan, I was going to buy myplane ticket, but then it became him that wanted the divorce, andthen we tried to work through those issues. We were fine for about aweek, and then he is angry with me again, and won't return my emails.


I pray and pray and pray that Allahwill help us get back together, that Allah will help us live in arespectful manner towards each other and that we will have a goodlife together, but sometimes I just get so desparate because here weare 4 months later still separated, not going anywhere.


I don't really know what to do- I can'ttalk to my family because my mother dislikes my husband and she wantsus to divorce. I only have a few close friends, but they aren'tmuslim, and they aren't married so it is hard to take their advice.


Please help whether it is advice,du3as, anything... I am trying so hard to be patient but I am on thepoint of giving up.

[Snowflake]

:sl: Ukhti,

May Allah grant you what's best for you in both worlds. Ameen. I know it's easier said than done, but when done, there's nothing but good and reward in it. That is Patience dear ukhti. No one here can tell you more than that without knowing both sides of the story as well as being able to advise your hubby at the same time. We can only remind you of what Allah has told you, which is to be patient in hardship.


The Noble Qur'an - 2:155
And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sâbirin (the patient ones, etc.).

The Noble Qur'an - 29:64
And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew.


Keep trying to persuade your husband to give the marriage another chance. Remind him that divorce is a hateful thing in the sight of Allah and he should exhaust all possibilities of saving the marriage before he considers divorce. People give up so easily on marriage nowadays. But whatever happens you must be patient sis. Remember our goal is not to seek happiness in this duniya, but to prepare for the here-after. Personal desires are nothing. They come and go, and damage us when we let ourselves become slaves to them. Seek only the pleasure of Allah sis, and that is the way you will find peace and happiness in this life, and the next. I pray Allah gives you the best in both worlds. Ameen.


:wa:

[Hamza Asadullah]

salaam alaykum


I am having a really really hard timein my marriage and I don't know what to do I am basically at my wit'send. It has been 4 months since we have been separated and thedistance does not make the situation much better. I feel like we aretrying to climb a mountain and once we reach a good spot, we stay fora few days, but then before continuing we fall back even further fromwhere we started. This has been going on for months and everyday isan emotional rollercoaster for me, I am so worn out emotionally. Ihave gone through a period of severe depression, which was hard formy husband since we are not together, but now I am trying to remainoptimistic, but it is so hard. We have not been married one year yetwe have so many problems. I am just as guilty as he is for causingthese problems. Right now he isn't speaking with me, and I have beenwriting him everyday, several times a day asking for him to pleasegive us another chance. At first I wanted the divorce, but afterbeing separated, we tried to work through those issues, and I wasready to go back, we even came up with a plan, I was going to buy myplane ticket, but then it became him that wanted the divorce, andthen we tried to work through those issues. We were fine for about aweek, and then he is angry with me again, and won't return my emails.


I pray and pray and pray that Allahwill help us get back together, that Allah will help us live in arespectful manner towards each other and that we will have a goodlife together, but sometimes I just get so desparate because here weare 4 months later still separated, not going anywhere.


I don't really know what to do- I can'ttalk to my family because my mother dislikes my husband and she wantsus to divorce. I only have a few close friends, but they aren'tmuslim, and they aren't married so it is hard to take their advice.


Please help whether it is advice,du3as, anything... I am trying so hard to be patient but I am on thepoint of giving up.

:sl:

I think the best thing for the both of you is to get a mediator immediately like a marriage counsellor. They can really help in getting to the underlying issues that the both of you have that is causing this rift.

One should not feel ashamed of getting a mediator involved as sometimes it really does help. This could be your best hope so it really is worth a try.

Also make much dua to Allah to do what is best for you. Divorce is the worst of the permissable acts but sometimes it is necessery. After getting a mediator involved if things still do not improve the it is best to consult a learned and reliable scholar to give you both the next best course of action.

I pray whatever is best for the both of you. Ameen