I'm judgmental :(

[.iman.]

This whole idea has been bothering me for awhile now, but I realized it more once I started working. For example, at my work (which is retail) we were receiving complaints from a specific ad that was put out by a company where the Pope was show kissing Sheik Ahmed el-Tayyeb. People were giving their own opinions and one person even said "just because your religion says it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong" :raging: which of course I didn't respond - I try not to get into debates like that at work. There was also a girl next to me that has been helping me during training and I believe she is a lesbian (hair cut like a boy, wears rainbow stuff, etc) and she said that she is a huge gay rights activist, which I just replied "to each their own"

The whole point though is that I work with a lot of gay people and I realized that I am extremely judgmental towards them and I find myself not wanting to work with them or talk to them or even go near them. Before I converted, I actually had several gay friends. Now that I am a Muslim and I know it's wrong I find myself not wanting to be around them and thinking of them as sick individuals. Even though this girl was really nice and helpful and was showing me how to do my job, I found myself thinking bad thoughts about her (astagfirllah!)

I try to tell myself that it isn't MY place to judge people and that the ultimate judge is Allah and that He will decide on the Day of Judgement for everyone, and to not think bad thoughts about other people. I think that before I didn't have a problem with it because I didn't follow any specific religion and I just thought let people be people, but now that I am guided by Islam, I have realized that there are wrong things and people are wrongly guided.

I am not just talking about judgmental attitude towards gay people but others as well such as Jews, Christians, people in my family, people at work, basically people who aren't Muslims. Anyone else ever dealt with this? I feel like I am wrong to judge people like that. Any advice?

[syed1]

when you say you are being judgemental.. do you get this feeling that what there doing is wrong and you feel like there doomed or their going to burn in hell..

are your thoughts mainly of seeing what their doing, and since its bad you relate it to them being punished and so your judging them in that sense that their doing evil?

if that is the case, then do not worry you are not alone.. I too have these thoughts and I think to my self... why am I thinking this stuff about them.. am i really any better? i use to be just like them? so because I started praying now I'm better than them? I start to think that and it usually helps me stop judging them although it still occurs here n there

[Riana17]

salam ukhtee, same here, cant avoid it sometimes, dont know what to do either

[Abz2000]

The people of Lut rejected the messengers. Behold, their brother Lut said to them:
"Will ye not fear (Allah)? I am to you a messenger worthy of all trust. So fear Allah and obey me.
No reward do I ask of you for it: my reward is only from the lord of the Worlds.
Of all the creatures in the world, will ye approach males, And leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates?
Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!"They said: "If thou desist not, O Lut! thou wilt assuredly be cast out!"
He said: "I do detest your doings."

(Surat ash-Shu’ara: 160-168)

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[transition?]

The sin is wrong, but the sinner is more than the sin? I try to think of it like that. No person is without sins or faults. So I think that we can disagree with certain choices/decisions a person makes but still be respectful. Our judgment needs to be comprehensive of the good and the bad. Aware of what we might not know and what could change.

[Abz2000]

i personally believe it is good to say it in a nice way, or at least let them perceive that evil isn't good.
but encouraging evil by putting on a fake smile is complacency and can even be a form of encouragement.

remember brother Lut (pbuh) - he didn't say he hated them as people, he spoke of their dirty acts.

He said: "I do detest your doings.

[SFatima]

I think its natural to feel detest around such people, very natural as a muslim. You can try though to find a job at a place which you must pray to Allah swt, is better for you, or pray that He makes this place as such that you don't have to deal with so many gay people, or change your circumstances to a place where you can be with muslims etc, any number of possibilities. You can be nice to people who are nice to you, but don't ever really get into a discussion about gay things, gay people can also be very disturbed , depressed and vindictive, so watch out.

[syed1]

I worked with a gay dude once, I didn't find out he was gay till few months into my employment at that company.. From my expereince.. I say you just let them be, you do what you have to do to make your money and get out.. If it means being nice, putting on a smile for them or engaging into so some sort of conversation, then do it. We are living in such times we're being "narrow minded" is seen as an unattractive attribute.

[.iman.]

Thanks all for your advice. I don't really socialize a lot at work since I am on the phone all day I don't have a lot of time to talk to people. Another example is like if I have a customer call me and I see that they are Jewish (ie: one ordered a hanukkah gift card) I immediately felt a prejudice towards them and I didn't want to talk to them. I just want to rid myself of being like that because I don't like it! I think like someone said you can dislike the sin but not the person, really good advice. Especially where I live, there aren't many Muslims, my work place is decorated for christmas, and sometimes I just feel out of place with all of the things that go on in "normal" (primarily christian society) like people talking about dating, drinking, premarital sex, gay people, etc. I just feel like I am living in a such a corrupt society, it is hard to not notice. I guess I didn't realize this before because I was at home and I just stayed in my own little bubble. I just need to open my mind back up and accept that people will be misguided and of course no one is without sin.

[syed1]

I guess I didn't realize this before because I was at home and I just stayed in my own little bubble. I just need to open my mind back up and accept that people will be misguided and of course no one is without sin.

Yeah, thats exactly what you have to do.. we have to learn to accept things for the way they are when you are outside of your own home.

[Abz2000]

the prophet's were seen as "pests" and were hated - but they persisted in providin "revolutionary" points of view

[Futuwwa]

Sister, the way you recognize the problem implies that you are doing something right :)