format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
I don't even know where to start thisthread, and I apologize in advice for the length.
My family broke apart my marriage. Idon't want to go into details, but there was a horrific fight betweenour families, which caused me to leave, and I wish I never did. Thiswas also the day of my wedding, by the way. I only left to please myfamily, not because I wanted to.
I am so hurt by my family, I don't knowif these scars from them will ever heal. They freaked out when Iconverted to Islam, sending me mean e-mails and being over the top,thinking that I was turning into some sort of radical. When Idecided to get married, they also freaked out. The only person whoeven congratulated me was my father, whom I rarely speak to. Thenthey came to my wedding and ruined everything. This was supposed tobe one of the best times of my life, and all I want to do is forgetit.
It has been a miserable time for me,and finally I decided to stand up for myself, and go back to myhusband. I am angry at myself that I let them influence me so much,and I honestly can't stand my family anymore. I always thought theywere so open minded about other cultures, but what I saw in realitywas the complete opposite. The only reason I will keep contact withthem is because in Islam we are taught we have to keep family ties,otherwise, I would never speak to them again.
Of course all of these problems with myfamily has caused major problems with my husband. I don't know if hewill ever truly forgive me for what happened, regardless of how muchI try. Not only does my family not trust me to make good decisions,my husband has told me that he doesn't trust me either. All thistime we have spent away from one another we have grown apart and heis cold and short with me. Take note that he isn't completelyinnocent in this story either, he has also done some very horriblethings to me, and has not always treated me very well. I haveforgiven him for all of this and tried to move on. He has wanted meto come back for so long, and now that I am, he tells me he isn'tsure if he wants me to. I can't turn to him for support, and I can'tturn to my family. I don't know any muslims at all in my area, and Ifeel incredibly lonely and isolated.
This anguish that I have has alsobecome physical, I often get pains in my chest, I can't breathe, andthere are days I can't even manage to get out of bed.
I honestly do not know what to doanymore. I pray, make dua, and beg Allah to bring me out of thismisery, to help me find a way, day after day, every salat. I feellike I am being punished for something. My faith weakens day by dayand I become angry with Allah because He is supposed to guide me, Idon't see how He is merciful and loving when I am in so much agony. Suicide is not an option because I don't want to burn in the hellfirebut there have been times where I have just prayed for death. I hearconstantly that Allah doesn't burden us with things that we can'thandle, but this is becoming too much for me. One day I will have aglimmer of hope, and things will be OK and I feel reassured and thenext day something else happens and it all comes crashing down. Icannot deal with these constant ups and downs. I am losing mysanity, and my health, and I am slipping further and further intothis black hole. I have never experienced suchemotional/psychological pain in my life before and I just want to beerased from this dunya.
:salamext:
First you must ask yourself who put you in this situation. Did you get here yourself or were you guided to arrive to where you are now? It is Allah who has brought you where you are, so you must earnestly ask Him to show you a way out and, as the Messenger of Allah (:saws1:) said, not lose hope.
He Who created Death and Life, that He may try which of you is best in deed: and He is the Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving (Quran 67:2)
أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ الَّذِينَ خَلَوْا مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ الْبَأْسَاءُ وَالضَّرَّاءُوَزُلْزِلُوا حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا إِنَّ نَصْرَ اللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ
"Or you think that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty, ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who had faith with him said, ‘When will the Help of Allah come?’. Yes! Indeed Allah’s help is close!" (al-Baqarah 2:214)
Life is a test, and true sincerity in your faith – success – cannot be attained except without trial. And by definition a trial is supposed to be difficult; an examination is never meant to be easy. And each individual is tried according to his or her level of faith, the deeper your faith the more severe the trials. These trials can be for myriad reasons but they are for the benefit of the one being tested. How? A trial exposes a part of you that needs to be improved, a shortcoming that needs to be overcome, a deficiency that if it stays in you it will destroy you, and if it is removed it will grant you the ability to achieve the greatness that you may not have been able to achieve had this deficiency stayed in you.
So the first thing you should do is not question Allah for testing you, because He is the
all knowing and
wise and that the true beneficiary is you.
Allah says:
He cannot be questioned for His acts, but they will be questioned (for theirs) (Quran 21:23)
First of all sister, as hard as it may sound, be patient and be content with the decree of Allah, for the decree of Allah is always good. The Messenger of Allah (:saws1:) said: "How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him." (Narrated by Muslim, 2999).
Allah says:
"but give glad tidings to the patient.
Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’
They are those on whom are the who are blessed and will be forgiven from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones” [al-Baqarah 2:155-157]
Be content with what Allah has decreed for you, because He is the best of well wishers. In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated in a marfo’ report: "On the Day of Resurrection people will wish that their skins had been cut with scissors in this world, when they see the reward of those who were struck with calamity."
And He (:saws1:) said: "Paradise is surrounded with difficulties, and Hell is surrounded with desires."
You must, after changing your attitude towards Allah, strive to perfect your obligations. Pray all five prayers on time, make up for any missed fasts and do lots of recommended acts of worship such as giving in charity, invoking fervently to Allah, enjoying what's good and forbidding the evil, and hoping for a bright, positive, happy ending and never allowing your faith to waver in this, despite what your senses perceive.
If you have invoked and invoked and yet you have not seen the response, be patient. The Prophet of Allah Ayub (as) waited many years before his supplication was answered, Yaqoob, the father of Yusuf, waited decades before he was responded to and the khaleel – close and intimate friend of Allah – Ibraheem (a.s) waited 2000 years before his invocation was responded to. The point here is that Allah will respond to you when it will bring the greatest effect and only Allah knows when this time is. You cannot plan for yourself the best time and place for the acceptance and manifestation of your invocation because
the best of planners is Allah (Quran 3:54).
All what you have suffered will be forgotten about, as thought it never happened, once Allah responds to you. But you must first show a positive attitude towards Allah, fulfil your obligations perfectly and increase in your worship; in times of trial your worship should increase to show your need of Him.