format_quote Originally Posted by
noorseeker
Salam everyone, im back
Assalamualaikum, bro, welcome back.
Just need help.
Just say you made Dua to allah swt to a while for a spouse
And with my circumstances it was hard getting married , i,e debts, family probs,
But a sister is willing to over look this,
So basically everything i want is here, But after the meeting which has not taken place yet ,i were to say NO, due to not being attracted to her
Would Allah swt be angry at me, because he has opened doors for me . and ive thrown it back
Sorry to be shallow but im 60% attracted to her.
What shall i do ,
What you mean with 60% attracted? attracted by what? physical attraction?.
Like I have said in another thread, not beauty/handsomeness that make someone love another. Physical attraction can invite someone to comes, but cannot make someone stay longer because those who attracted only to physical attraction will getting bored soon. Different than character and personality that can attract someone and make this someone stay until the death comes.
Look around, you will see many married couple who are not handsome or beautiful but they love each other. You will also see couple who one is handsome/beautiful, one is not, but they love each other. Then look at another side and see, how many men who married beautiful women but they have affair with other women?.
It's okay if you want to have beautiful wife, but do not make beauty as the main factor to decide, marry or not marry her.
If you have two choices, marry beautiful woman with bad character, or marry a woman who are not physical beautiful but has a good character,..... choose the second choice. Beautiful woman with bad character will make your marriage like in hell, but women who are not beautiful but has good character, InshaAllah, will make you comfort. And if you feel comfort with her, you will love her. And if you love her, you will always attracted to her, although she is not beautiful.
About that sister. You say your attracted to her only 60%. Okay, I conclude, she is not physically beautiful. But how about her character and personality?
Try to find something beautiful in her character in personality, like modesty, her fun way to talk, her ability to cook delicious food, and others. It can make you attracted to her.
You can do Ta'aruf, a phase which a man and woman with intention to get married try to know each other before they decide to marry. Don't worry, as long as you still follow Islamic rule, Ta'aruf is halal.
But if after you did Ta'aruf you still not attracted to her, you can leave her, although if she expect you, it will break her heart.
But the thing was i got an option to marry a 35 oyear old with boys who are 15, 19 , but it would have to be a long distance one till her boys get older
and my family would be upset
Im torn between the two
If you are a 40 years old man it is no problem. But because you are still young, I am sure your parents expect you marry young girl.
Man doesn't need wali, you can marry anyone without permission from your parents. But if you marry her, it will make your relationship with your parents going bad.