Friend that is a BOY.

[Blooming.Flower]

Salam Alaikum.

Okay, I have this really close friend that is a boy, not a boyfriend, astaghfirullah. We have been friends for 2 years now and he is the only friend that is a boy that I have. I HAD NO IDEA THAT WE WEREN'T ALLOWED TO TALK TO BUYS UNTIL THIS YEAR AROUND SEPTEMBER or OCTOBER(?). This year, I have been trying to stop 2 major sins that I have been committing. ONE IS TALKING TO This FRIEND BOY and another which I have stopped, alhamdulillah. After I found that I was not supposed to talk to him, I freaked out. I told him that I can't talk because of religion and that we should stop. I repented to Allah(SWT) so many times because of this matter. He said okay and we stopped. Since he is in 2 of my classes, we started talking again. Then after a while, I told him we should stop and I asked Allah(SWT) for forgiveness. In my heart, I REALLY FEEL BAD, BELIEVE ME. So this happened more than like 4 times and each time, I repented. Last week, he was like , "Okay, I can try to not talk to you." He did that until today. We started again. I told him that we should talk a little each time we meet so that then, slowly, we will stop talking to each other. He said okay and AGREED that we will stop talking after a while.

I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BAD MUSLIM. I NEVER KNEW THIS ALL COULD LEAD TO ZINA (EVEN THOUGH WE DID NOTHING!!!). I cry my heart out to Allah(SWT). I feel like a terrible muslim and I want to stop this for good. It is just HARD TO STOP TALKING WITH SOMEONE WHO YOU HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME, so maybe that is why we kept talking to each other after 1 or 2 days. PLEASE HELP ME. Is what I am doing a major sin? I want to stop it and I will!

Jazahkallah!

p.s. I hope it is not sin that I am telling you my sin. It is because I have no on around me who can give me advice.