format_quote Originally Posted by
anonymous
Hello
I decided to come on here because I really don't know what else to do at this point. This is the story of my sinful, miserable life. It's truly pathetic like myself.
I am a 19 year old "muslim" man. I put quotation marks around this in no means of disrespect at all, but in disgust that I still consider myself a muslim after the wrong decisions I've made in my life which clearly are against Allah and prophet Muhammad's teachings. I don't deserve to be a muslim.
I grew up with two caring and god fearing parents (well, my mom I can truly say is both) and a big family with 4 brothers and sisters. My oldest sister and father are really the only ones in my family who don't practice Islam thoroughly. I guess you can say my dad tries, but he really can't be taken seriously. During my youth I was always very sad and cried a lot. I really didn't find anything that made me happy, but I hid it well with smiles and laughter. I guess you can say part of the reason is my older brother would never really let me be his friend. Another part would be a sense of sadness that always lied inside me. I can't really explain it. I'd always got into fights with my oldest brother, it got to the point where we stopped speaking when I was about 12 years old and he was 15. I always regretted letting it get that far, because I was the one who stopped speaking with him and he just went along with it. 7 years later, it's still like we're complete strangers at times. Imagine that, your own brother, not talking to him for weeks at a time but he lives in the same house as you. The same thing happened with my dad after we got into a big argument about a year ago which got violent. I stopped speaking with him as well and we now have an awkward relationship. To pile on to this, my oldest sister and I have stopped speaking, I don't remember why. So out of my 7 family members, I only have a relationship with 3 members. It doesn't get better, this is just some context.
In my formative years I always considered myself as an American first. I never really took Islam seriously. As a young kid I was always envious of my friends during christmas time, and I was jealous that they had girlfriends and other american things. I never really understood why Islam was so strict, and I started to become embarrassed when people asked me if I was Muslim. From my appearance alone you could never tell. I have very white skin and brown hair, I even looked the part of a good looking young American. This would all change soon.
When I was 12 years old I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I didn't understand it at the time, nor was I really fully aware of it. This disease would morph into a major part of my depression, as it truly changed the outcome of my life as I learned to realize just recently. Allah had struck down the first major curse on my young life at a very delicate age. I didn't know how to handle it, I cried for hours and hours when the doctors told me how my life would be from now on. In the beginning it wasn't too bad. I learned how to manage my disease well and I was content for 1-2 years. All the while my anger was building up.
As the years passed I started to ignore my diabetes and tried to live a normal life, all the while ignoring my religion as well. I didn't pray, I couldn't fast, I wasn't taking school seriously and hanging out with troublesome friends and doing troublesome things. I was truly the definition of a Muslim by name. The spiritual emptiness of my life had accumulated fast. On top of this I developed very bad skin acne and it would go on to scar and riddle my face, as if Allah was punishing me yet again for ignoring my duties. My depression had rose to its all time high, because not only was my spirit ugly and empty, but now my face matched it too a tee. I found it quite ironic, as if Allah was giving me a sign.
As I sit and type this right now I guess you can say I've hit rock-bottom. I get straight A's in college and I have many friends but I couldn't care less. Allah has struck me with these tests of life and I have failed every one. Now all that's left is a numb man who is surely going to hell. I've come to realize that I don't really have a future in this world. No woman will marry me and I don't blame them, I am just as ugly physically as I am on the inside. I am diseased and will probably die or go blind from my diabetes one day, I have no relationship with half of my family and I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety almost my whole life. I've tried to pray but it doesn't really help me. I also listen to the Quran and it's so beautiful that it makes me cry. My favorite surah is "Qaf" but when the verse about the shayton pleading his case with allah (26. Who has set up any other God with Allah so you twain cast him into the severe torment. 27. His associate devil said, 'Our Lord,' I did not make him contumacious, yes, he was himself in a tar off error'.) i feel like I am who they are talking about and i always cry.
I don't know what to do anymore. I guess your responses won't really help me much but I just wanted to get this all out. I've come to the point where I don't care if i die. In fact, I usually wake up in the mornings very grumpy and angry, probably because I didn't die in my sleep. I wish something could grab me from this depression but I don't think anyone can help me anymore. Every time I look in the mirror I'm disgusted and reminded by my facial scars all the mistakes of my life. I just can't help but to feel angry and wonder why Allah has sent me all these problems because I am truly too weak to handle any of them. I guess if it was all a test then Allah won, I lost. I don't wish the sadness of my life on anyone.
Salam
Asalaamu Alaikum,
My brother do not think in such a way. The way to get through the hardships and difficult tests we are going through is to firstly internalise in our minds that this life is a test ground and we are in an examination but we do not know when this examination will end but whilst the examination is taking place we are being rigorously tested and at times we are tested until breaking piont just to see whether or not we will turn towards Allah or go away from him.
We must also internalise that Allah ONLY tests those who he wants close to him. Therefore the tests that we go through in our lives clearly show Allah is wanting us to turn towards him and be closer to him. This is in fact a great privelage. The greater the tests we go through the more Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hereafter.
Therefore if we really want to know the best way to approach huge trials and tests then we should simply realise that the bigger the tests we are going through then the higher Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hererafter. Trials are a truly blessing in disguise. All Allah wants from us is for us to turn towards him in meekness and humbleness and for us to be patient and to turn to him in prayer and dua. Picture that fact that Allah loves it when his servant is in desperate need, crying to him for help for Allah tends to those who cry and sob to him immediatley just as a mother tends to its baby promptly when it is crying.
We should also internalise the fact that tests actually differentiate us believers from one another in terms of ranking in the eyes of Allah and therefore we should know that those who are tested and are patient are forgiven of their sins as sins falls off a person who is patient through trials just. Therefore we should realise that us being tested with trials and tests will NEVER go unrewarded for Allah rewards how much he wants to those who are patient through trials and those who turn towards him in humility and meekness.
It may be that a person who has experienced great trials in the world faces Allah on the day of judgement with little or no sins. So tests are a way of Allah forgiving a person of their sins so that on the day of judgement they have a much lighter load. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has called the day of judgement a
"terrible" day and surely on this terrible day we would want as less sins as possible in our accounts if we are to be successful. Therefore these trials and tests are very important for us because they enable us to be forgiven for countless sins that would be a huge burden on us if it were in our accounts but due to the huge tests we faced with patience turning to Allah then it may be that we have very little or no sins at all on that day. The greater the trial the more sins fall off us. So know that even a prick of a thorn expiates ones sins.
We should also approach hardships and tests as in that it is the decree of Allah so we should NEVER ask Allah "Why" has he given us such trials? For questioning Allah why he has decreed something will mean that not only have we gone through so much grief and torment from these trials but that we have actually added to our sins by questioning Allah and we will be accountable for that.
Patience is one of the greatest attributes a person can acquire and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for Patience is Paradise!
If one is patient, and is among the ones described in the following manner in the Qur’an
(Baqarah, 2: 256)
Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-
Then here are the rewards Allah will give that person
(2:157):
The Rewards of Patience are the folowing:
1. Blessings from Allah: The patient person is blessed by Allah.
2. Mercy of Allah: When Allah gives someone His Mercy, He will let him enter paradise with His Mercy.
3. Guidance of Allah: A patient person will be guided by Allah in this world until he meets Him on the Day of Judgment.
Referring to those who are tested and endure with Sabr or patience all of the above three rewards are mentioned by Allah Himself in the Qur’an in
Surah Baqarah (2: 157):
“They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.”
In Surah Hud (11:11), Allah (S.W.T.) again promises to reward those who are patient in adversity.
Therefore let us realise that patience is the main thing Allah is looking for in us when we are going through trials and tests.
Here are two wonderful examples of patience through trials in the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) :
‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?”I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.”
[Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]
Story of ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair
‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair had an operation, and the doctor amputated his leg. One friend came to visit him. ‘Urwah thought that the fried came to pacify him for the loss of his leg. So ‘Urwah told the visitor: If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss. The guest told him, I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animals stepped over him, and he died one hour ago. ‘Urwah said: O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health. You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.
We should also approach tests as in we should look at those who have less than us. We have clean tap water and food on our plates everyday. We have clean clothes washed regularly and shelter from the harsh weather. Whereas there are those who walk miles just for a sip of water and even then it is dirty. There are those who have the same clothes for years and cannot even wash them. There are those who go days without proper food and even then they have scraps and end up being malnourished. There are those like in the flood disaster recently who have no shelter and are exposed to terrible diseases. Those who have little or no money to buy even basic things aswell as medication for their sick family members. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) always told us to look at those who have less than us.
Sometims when we go through great trials we get decieved into thinking that other people that we see around us must be living a life happy and content. We are wrong to think in this way for we do not know what goes on in peoples lives. There are many examples of those who seemed as though they have SO much and seemed so happy but when certain things were revealed then it was clear that those people were living miserable lives full of torment! We may look at a person with a smile on his face but he may be going through trials we can never imagine.
Therefore when we are going through difficult times and trials then we should not look at others and think they are happy and living fulfilled lives for we do not know what any person on the street is going through on a day to day basis.
Therefore whenever we are going through difficult times and trials then we should put our full trust, hopes, faith and reliance in Allah for he will NEVER let us down but is only testing us because he wants us to turn towards him in humility, humbleness and meekness and he wants us to get much closer to him. He tests a person because he wants good for them and wants to forgive them and raise their ranks in the hereafter.
In reality how lucky is a person who is being tested greatly and is still patient and turning towards Allah night and day. How hig must Allah be raising his ranks and forgiving his sins on a daily basis until he is like a new born baby who has little or no sins on him at all. So the way to approach this is to realise that a person who is being tested greatly is in fact lucky but shaythan is wanting one to think opposite.
Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and ONLY wants us to lose hope and faith and to go away from Allah. He wants us tobecome disillusioned and lose all hope so that we go away from Alah and our deen. But we should reject our enemy who only wants our destruction. We should disregard his evil whispers and know that they are only lies and deceit.
Shaythan will try to make us think that there is no way out of this and this is because he wants us to give in and lose hope. But we must realise that if we continuously strive and keep turning towards Allah and be patient then the final victory WILL be ours! We will taste the sweetness of victory but in order to taste this victory we need to fight and strive through the tests and trials that life throws at us!
If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humblenes then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable. On the day of judgement once we see the reward of being patient through great trials turning towards Allah in humility then we would want Allah to have tested us even more so that we could have wreaped the rewards of being patient and turning towards Allah through trials and hardships. It is only on the day of judgement will we truly realise how much we have missed out on and how much more we wished we were tested by Allah so that our ranks were even higher.
The Reward of going through terrible trials and hardships immense!
Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah Allah's Messenger (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, "On the Day of Resurrection, when people who have suffered affliction are given their reward, those who are healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors when they were in the world."
(Al-Tirmidhi #1570)
Therefore let us realsie that the bigger trials and hardships we go through then the more rewards we will gain in the hereafter as long as we are patient and are constantly turning towards Allah.
In the hereafter when we see the rewards of going through trials and hardships then we will all wish that we wen through the WORST trials possible for the longest amount of time!
How can we not appreciate what we have after watching this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkEBUC0APMg
Here are some very beneficial lectures which you should listen to, to increase your imaan and fear of Allah:
From Death into the HereAfter pt 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK0LtyENEmU
From Death into the HereAfter pt 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk-ggSJbxNM
Angel of Death!!! - Sheikh Ahmed Ali
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUzRJXlB2uA
HARD HITTING Lecture on HELLFIRE & the Day of JUDGEMENT! يوم القيامة والجحيم
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O6L_fBk7VM
Tour of Jannah - listen to all 7 parts
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrspS1pgAOY
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 1/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWTehIeCOUU
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 2/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXTtk7rWx_U
Sheikh Ahmad Ali - Hellfire Talk Part 3/3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmiD86w9fBc
Islam - Punishment of the Grave by Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWb-hYIm2WE
Death and the Grave by Murtaza Khan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7r2nzJVecqo