Addicted to porn

[anonymous]

salam. i am a sister addicted to p o r n . i am married. advice is needed. i cry to Allah everyday and ask Allah to forgive me. i want to stop this. please help.

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

There is a lot that I want to say and I don't really know where to begin. I'm going to first address this from an Islamic perspective and then mention from a non-Islamic perspective. Inshaa'Allah at the end I'm give some advice on how to overcome this. This post may be a bit lengthy, but I do believe that a problem like this doesn't have a quick-fix solution. I will post in two different posts (as part 1 and part 2) to make it easier to read.

This post is part 1. The Islamic perspective.

Firstly sister, you may know a little bit of what Allah has said about looking at something forbidden, it is the zina of the eyes. Sins darken the heart and they cause you to loose blessings and distance you from Allah (swt), and this is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. For anything that you lose in this world, it will be replaced with something better. But whoever loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him. When Allah says to lower the gaze, it means that whatever comes after it is just as much forbidden, if not more.

Ibn Qayyim (r) says the following about lower the gaze:

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Jawaab al-Kaafi (125):

There are a number of benefits in lowering the gaze:

1 – It is obedience to the command of Allaah, which brings happiness to man in this world and in the next. There is nothing more beneficial to a person in this world and in the next than obeying the commands of his Lord, may He be blessed and exalted, and those who are happy in this world and the next can only attain that happiness by obeying His commands, and those who are doomed in this world and in the next are only doomed because they ignore His commands.

2 – It prevents the poisoned arrows (of the shaytaan), which may lead to his doom, from reaching his heart.

3 – It creates a heart that is devoted to and focused on Allaah. Letting the gaze wander distracts the heart and keeps it far from Allaah. There is nothing more harmful to a person than letting his gaze wander, as it creates alienation between a person and his Lord.

4 – It strengthens the heart and brings it peace, just as letting the gaze wander weakens it and makes it sad.

5 – It brings light to the heart, just as letting the gaze wander brings darkness to it. Hence Allaah mentioned the verse of light immediately after the command to lower the gaze, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts…”

[al-Noor 24:30]

Then straight after that He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Allaah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The parable of His Light is as (if there were) a niche and within it a lamp”

[al-Noor 24:35]

i.e., the likeness of His light in the heart of His believing slave who obeys His commands and heeds His prohibitions. If the heart is enlightened blessings will come to it from all sides, but if it is darkened, calamity and evil will come to it from all places. Whatever exists of innovation, misguidance, following whims and desires, avoiding true guidance and turning away from the means of happiness and focusing on the means that lead to doom, that will be recognizable by means of the light that is in the heart. If that light is lost then one will left like a blind man stumbling in the darkness.

6 – It generates true insight which can distinguish between truth and falsehood, sincerity and lies. Allaah rewards His slave for his good deeds with something similar and if he gives up something for the sake of Allaah, He will compensate him with something better than it. So if he lowers his gaze and refrains from looking at things that Allaah has forbidden, Allaah will compensate him with enlightenment; he will compensate him for restraining his gaze for the sake of Allaah, and will open to him the doors of knowledge, faith and true insight which he only attained by means of the light in his heart. The opposite of that is the blindness which Allaah attributed to the homosexuals, which is the opposite of insight. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, by your life (O Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), in their wild intoxication, they were wandering blindly”

[al-Hijr 15:72]

7 – It creates a heart that is steadfast, brave and strong. Allaah will give him both insight and power and strength, as it says in the report: “The one who goes against his whims and desires, the shaytaan flees from his shadow.”

On the other hand, the one who follows his whims and desires will feel a sense of humiliation, indignity, worthlessness and insignificance, which is the punishment which Allaah has decreed for those who disobey Him as al-Hasan said: “Even if they ride the finest of mounts, the effect of sin will never depart from them. Allaah insists that the one who disobeys Him will be humiliated.”

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, has connected strength to obedience to Him, and humiliation to disobedience to Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But honour, power and glory belong to Allaah, and to His Messenger (Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and to the believers”

[al-Munaafiqoon 63:8]

“So do not become weak (against your enemy), nor be sad, and you will be superior (in victory) if you are indeed (true) believers”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:139].

Faith is both words and deeds, inward and outward. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Whosoever desires honour, power and glory then to Allaah belong all honour, power and glory [and one can get honour, power and glory only by obeying and worshipping Allaah (Alone)]. To Him ascend (all) the goodly words, and the righteous deeds exalt it (i.e. the goodly words are not accepted by Allaah unless and until they are followed by good deeds)”

[Faatir 35:10]

i.e., whoever desires power, let him seek it by means of obedience to Allaah and remembrance of Him, by speaking good words and doing good deeds. In Du’aa’ al-Qunoot it says: “he is not humiliated whom You have befriended, nor is he honoured who You take as an enemy”. Whoever obeys Allaah is His friend in as much as he obeys Him, and he will have support and honour from Him commensurate with his obedience towards Him. Whoever disobeys Him is His enemy in as much as he disobeys Him, and he will have humiliation from Him commensurate with his disobedience towards Him.

8 – It blocks the shaytaan from a means of entering his heart, for he may enter with looking, and penetrate the heart faster than the wind blowing through an empty space, and he may present to him the image that he looked at and make it attractive, like an idol to which his heart becomes devoted, then he encourages him and gives him hopes, and fans the flames of desire in his heart, adding the fuel of sin which could not have reached his heart without looking at that image. So his heart becomes inflamed and surrounded with fire on all sides, resulting in infatuation and frustration, and he is in the midst of it like a lamb in the oven. Hence the punishment for those whose desires were fuelled by haraam looking is that in al-Barzakh they are placed in an oven of fire.

9 – It distracts one from thinking of what is in one’s best interests, so his affairs become neglected and he follows his whims and desires and neglects to remember his Lord. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“and let not your eyes overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world; and obey not him whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance, and who follows his own lusts, and whose affair (deeds) has been lost”

[al-Kahf 18:28]

10 – Between the eyes and the heart there is a connection which means that the one is affected by the other, and if one of them becomes good, the other will also become good, and if one becomes corrupt the other will become corrupt. If the heart becomes corrupt the gaze will become corrupt, and if the gaze become corrupt the heart will become corrupt, and similarly if one is sound the other will also be sound. End quote.

After this, it can be confidently concluded that one of the worst things we can do is to find pleasure at something that displeases Allah, things that lower and degrade us and diminish our reward in the hereafter greatly.

Zina (adultery and fornication) is a sin one of the worst sins and is hated by Allah and pornography is nothing but zina; as a praise for Yusuf (a.s) Allah swt mentions him in Qur'an for a myriad of generations to benefit from his example for abstaining from zina. I want to mention here the punishment of zina because that's all what pornography is.

First, for an unmarried person Allah (swt) has ordained execution in the most unpleasant form; it combines the physical punishment of flogging with the emotional punishment of banishment. This is in accordance to the hadeeth of the Prophet :saws1: who said that the two virgins who have committed zina are to be lashed and exiled from the land (hadeeth found in Muslim). For the one who is married he has to be stoned.

But the question arises in the minds of everyone, why such a harsh punishment? Why lash and exile? Why stoning for the married one? You must know that all the laws of Allah have a divine wisdom; one of the goals of the Islamic Law is the protection of progeny. Allah has prohibited every avenue that destroys marriage and the sanctity of a family, such as fornication and adultery and one of the most destructive things for a family is zina. Allah has blessed you with a family and it is ingratitude of His blessings to do that which displeases Him. And it is of great danger to you that Allah may cause you to lose this blessing by finding pleasure in things that Allah hates. You must show gratitude to Allah by doing all those things in marriage that will please Him, thereby showing gratitude for what He has given you of what you love.

And finally, I want to quote Ibn Qayyim (r) once again because he elaborates this beautifully.

Zina includes all kinds of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, corruption of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy. You will not find any zaani who is pious, or fulfils covenants, or is sincere in speech, or maintains friendships, or has a proper sense of protective jealousy concerning his family.

Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is watching, failure to refrain from indulging in haraam, and loss of protective jealousy are all results of zina.

Another result of zina is the wrath of the Lord due to His sacred limits being transgressed and the sanctity of the family being violated. If a man were to do that to some king, he would punish him in the worst manner.

To continue reading the result of the article, visit my blog http://portraitofatraveller.wordpres...09/10/19/zina/

Sister, a blessing is only taken away if one indulges in sin. If you love your husband a lot, and wish not to hurt him and want nothing to come in between you and him, you must make quitting pornography your priority. Focus and concentrate on your prayer because the prayer prevents one from lewd deeds. Remember Allah much, invoke him day and night with humbleness and humility and ask Him to free you from these desires. Remember Allah much day and night and spend a lot of time increasing yourself in knowledge, reciting the book of Allah and striving hard in doing good so as not to lose the blessings Allah has given you in the form of your husband, friends, family and your material possessions and all other blessings that are seen and unseen to you. And if you feel any sexual desires, be patient and satisfy yourself with your husband only. Even if the urge is strong, remind yourself that turning to your husband will make will make you and him happy and will cause the blessings and mercy of Allah to descend upon you.

Fear Allah, and know that you will once depart from this life. And do not diminish your reward, especially after Allah has given you a permissible means to vent your frustrations with which he will reward you everytime.

['Abd-al Latif]

This is part 2 of my post.

Alhumdulillah, there is a brother who recognises that brothers and sisters who view pornography are caught in a circle that they find hard to break out of. Before going further, I will have to stop abruptly as it is time for prayer so I will keep this post short and will update it later (I will highlight all updates in this very post).

In the meantime, these videos may help inshaa'Allah. This website is made by a brother who recognises that soke brothers and sisters are addicted to pornography and has dedicated it to help them to overcome it. The website is called www.purifyourgaze.com. The videos below are from that website.

Video 1

http://www.purifyyourgaze.com/funnel/video-1

Video 2

http://www.purifyyourgaze.com/funnel/video2

Video 3

http://www.purifyyourgaze.com/funnel/video-3



UPDATE



How to Quit Porn Addiction – 4 Tools to Combat the Heated Moment of Temptation!


Not knowing how to quit porn addiction can make you feel hopeless and full of guilt with fear and discouragement. These feelings can rob you of the freedom life should offer in full! Fear of getting caught or feelings of desperation in personal sin only add insult to injury. If you learn how to quit porn addiction you will empower your life as a whole. Many people feel helpless and never learn how to quit porn addiction because they are focused on their past failures.

In this article I am going to cover specific strategic steps you can personally take as an outlet when that moment of heated temptation arises! Notice I say when and not if. I know and sympathize with where you’re coming from! Sexual addiction and porn addiction are everywhere in this day of advanced technology and I realize how hard it is to quit. All those addicted to porn and trying to quit realize how daunting the task seems.

Escape #1: Change your environment!

Sitting next to a computer is the near equivalent of sitting outside a strip club for porn addicts. Get out! You can’t be trusted when the porn addiction is calling, it’s too powerful. Don’t try and be the tough one who weathers the storm. Instead, get away from the computer, magazine, television or whatever has plagued you in the past.

Escape #2: Have your emergency activity predetermined!

This step compliments the previous one. Have at least 3 emergency activities predetermined. These are usually physical in nature. They can be any activities that you personally realize are likely to distract you in a consuming way. This could be anything like shooting a basketball, engaging in another sport or going to a shop you really enjoy and often get sucked into. Again any activity that tends to hook you another way is good!

Escape #3: Call or Talk to Someone as a Social Distraction!

Once you engage in conversation you are forced to think about what that person is saying or you will lose respect with that individual. They will have things on their mind that they want to share and this is perfect! Humans are among the best distractions available. Unattractive humans that is.. lol

Escape #4: Focus and Immerse in Recovering Addict Solution Resources

Instead of indulging in porn, indulge in porn addiction solutions and expert advice. There are programs out there that you can immediately start reading, watching or listening to for strength, support and courage. Like going to the gym while combating food cravings, they’ll help you to true recovery.

At http://www.saynotoporn.info you’ll find a program specifically designed for you and this action step. This program is tailored specifically by experts to help you find strength, support and solutions to this addiction anytime you need it. Recovering from porn addiction is not something you can do alone. If you are serious about learning how to quit porn addiction, take action immediately now to help you benefit long term as well as in the future.

Article Source:http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Larry_Charlston

[Riana17]

Asalam Alaikkum

There was once an unsual event in Egyptian TV, a wife went to court and begging the judge to order her husband to marry another one. She said her husband would want to do "it" like more than one time a day and she is getting very tired.

Seeing that case, we understand that people's need are different from one another and as a married sister I know that it is very important to get "satisfaction" with your husband. Most importantly this matter must be discussed between you and your husband, there is nothing to be ashamed of between you too. You have the right to each other.

Maybe you can also get active with other activities to avoid thinking about it all the time.

May Allah bless you with peaceful and healthy marriage.Ameen

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[Salahudeen]

Get a software that blocks it, and tell your husband to password the software and not tell you the password so that you can't unblock it. If you have kids, you can say its so they don't stumble upon that stuff. If not, you can say, you get 18+ ads and pop ups displaying, and you want them blocked. But it's important you don't know the password to the software that blocks it ok.

[Abz2000]

Get a software that blocks it, and tell your husband to password the software and not tell you the password so that you can't unblock it. If you have kids, you can say its so they don't stumble upon that stuff. If not, you can say, you get 18+ ads and pop ups displaying, and you want them blocked. But it's important you don't know the password to the software that blocks it ok.

yes, that helps as it's very easy to start clicking links once a lewd ad pops up and your guard is down,
but it doesnt help much in the long run as it comes down to knowing that it's evil and hating it rather than longing for it and not being able to reach it - which can increase the desire to fall into this kufr.

i personally have noticed that anger upholds - especially when you are walking down the street with your son and you see a government approved lewd poster or a have lewd woman walking in front of me like a w*ore, i have learned to feel sorry for them in the fact that they feel they have to dress like prost*tutes in order to please increasingly bored men. and the more angry and passionate i get about real things happening in life like the injustices around the world, the further away from kufr i get, and absorbing beneficial knowledge is a passion that can't be satiated once you get into the flow.
i know it's not "legal" but getting angry and tearing down lewd posters really makes you feel good and distant from lewdness and increases the barrier between you and lewdness.
knowing how drugs and lewdness affect the brain is a huge step towards realizing where one is going wrong and rectifying it - here's a vid by a muslim who broke out of that sickening lewd circle:



here's a vid from a series that a doctor made:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxrG6QZ-G0M


and here's the link to all parts:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxrG6QZ-G0M

[ardianto]

Get a software that blocks it, and tell your husband to password the software and not tell you the password so that you can't unblock it.

Her husband will know that she is addicted to porn. It's not good for her relationship with her husband.

What this sister must do is try to control herself.

[Scimitar]

A good friend of mine made a video series on porn, and it's quite remarkable to watch if you are God fearing.

I have the playlist on my channel (you can access it by clicking my signature underneath) The playlist is called "The Danger of Pornography" I highly advise taking a look at this series, you will hate porn with a vengeance you never knew before...

Here is the intro:



Please forgive his mistake in narration where he mentions dajjal being blind in the right eye.

Scimi

[Abz2000]

here's one by an ex-fbi agent who shows us how desperate they are to lead people astray and make money off the suffering of mankind, the pleasure of satan and the wrath of Allah:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG7i6seX-7Y

Satan threatens you with poverty and bids you towards shameful deeds.
Allah promises you His forgiveness and bounties. And Allah cares for all and He knows all things.
Quran 2:268

[Salahudeen]

Her husband will know that she is addicted to porn. It's not good for her relationship with her husband.

What this sister must do is try to control herself.

That's why she could pretend she doesn't want the kids to access it if she has any, or could simply say she gets 18+ pop ups/ads that she don't like. And wants them blocked.

[CosmicPathos]

bro, I dont think linking to documentaries is all of a sudden gonna make her stop watching and seeking satisfaction from porn. You have to tackle the root and the problem invariably is her husband. He is not meeting her needs, and hence she has developed another outlet to meet them. Documentaries aint gonna give her a eureka moment.

In most cases it is the men whose needs are not met by their wives, but you also see few cases like this. Its mental anguish for everyone who goes through it.

[TrueStranger]

Salaam sister,

Addiction is a powerful word to use, and the problem today might be a mixture of psychological and biological factors, but the underlying causation could well be a matter of perspectives. I personally do believe that most people can break their addictions. I’m not saying it’s easy since I’m not aware of how long you have struggled with this addiction. However, the first step is to develop a future oriented mindset. Certain religious individuals are future oriented simply because we believe in the hereafter. This helps to structure the mechanics of our minds in a manner that closely ties future consequences with present actions. We do forget this at times, and that has to do with your environment, our own self-strength, and our ability to understand our weaknesses and adopt new methods that could reinforce our ability to regain self-control. All addictions are addictions of present self-indulgence. You simply have to remind yourself that short-lived present pleasures will not benefit you at the long run.

I’m not a fan of short-term solutions, or overlooking one’s personal problems. Our sexuality develops throughout the course of time, and our perception of time could greatly influence whether or not we indulge in present hedonism or future benefits. It will be difficult, but I honestly think that you could do it. Do not focus only on the sinistrous side of the matter, because the solution might require a long term rational strategy in which you could slowly reduce your addiction in the process of time. Remorse does help to prevent a relapse, but you have to understand and question your perceptions, your goals, your weaknesses, and where they originate from. The word “Why” could change your life. If you ask yourself why you are doing it, then the chance of you stating more than two answers is every minimum. The answer is usually “because I want it now or because I’m a sinful human”. But why do it, when the remorse you will feel in few hours is greater than the pleasure you felt few hours ago. We are humans, and it’s our nature to avoid pain and seek pleasure, however, pleasure that brings about prolong psychological suffering is not pleasure, but rather pain in disguise. Be future oriented and remind yourself the benefits and costs of what usually happens when your addictions kick in.

Your addiction didn’t take root in the course of one day, and it won’t disappear overnight. I wish everyone who is dealing with any addiction all the luck.

[Cabdullahi]

bro, I dont think linking to documentaries is all of a sudden gonna make her stop watching and seeking satisfaction from porn. You have to tackle the root and the problem invariably is her husband. He is not meeting her needs, and hence she has developed another outlet to meet them. Documentaries aint gonna give her a eureka moment.

In most cases it is the men whose needs are not met by their wives, but you also see few cases like this. Its mental anguish for everyone who goes through it.

It's not about needs being met, how do we explain those who are sexually satisfied by their partners but yet choose to view porn.

Porn is akin to drugs...it overstimulates the brain to a point where you become dependent on the chemicals that are produced when porn is viewed.

When we say ' someones needs are not being met ' we're creating an excuse for unnatural cravings people have because of the porn they've watched over the years, this rewired their brain to only accept this neosexuality whereby nothing else will do...only the novelty of flicking through images and videos will give adequate stimulation and if the person carries on this way they will have become numb and desensitized, and sex with the husband will become something that has no potency....if a person has a nice refreshing ice cream their brain will respond by producing feel good chemicals at a moderate level but if you give the person a multitude of drugs it will throw the brain out of wack and if you keep doing the latter.. the ice cream that was once refreshing will have no effect on the person....and an improved ice cream or a different tasting ice cream will not make any difference...similarly the sister will still be an addicted even if her husband was able to satisfy her needs...he can only truly satisfy her if he turned into a computer with fast internet connection....when normal sex between husband and wife is not enough but videos of every type of sexual act you can think of is performed, and is accessible at any time and viewed for however long...this is a new form of sexuality...its high tech and the brain cannot handle this and thus addiction occurs.

What the sister needs to do is to stop watching porn completely, she should stop from any sexual related activities and generally any thing that will cause arousal....and in turn she should develop alternative activities such as exercising, socializing and so on. If she does this for 90 - 120 days her brain will return to its natural self...an equilibrium. This means normal intimacy between husband and wife should be enjoyable again because the brain is operating at its normal level again the level that Allah has set and if we dont transgress the laws of Allah i.e by refraining from all types of zina, we wont fall into addictions through over-stimulation.

The way forward is a complete moratorium from porn/orgasm/masturbation.



loadsa grammatical and spelling mistakes...i can't be arsed to correct em

[جوري]

If you don't like something about yourself change it.. and it is honestly that simple with the things that you have a direct hand over and are't relegated to someone else. It is a matter of simply overcoming your qareen.. Every time you sit down to do it say a3ooth billah min ashytaan ar'rajeem and busy yourself with something useful. Bake something, do a project around the house, volunteer in a hospital or in a nursing home just stay away from the computer..

[Ghazalah]

As soon as a bad thought comes into your head recite this..

'Yaa hayyu yaa qayoomu, birahmatika astagheeth. Aslih liy sha-aniy
kulluhu wa laa takilniy ilaa nafsiy tarfata aynin.'

(Trans: On You Who is Everliving and Sustains and Protects everything, I seek assistance through the means of your mercy, correct for me all my affairs and do not entrust me to my Nafs (myself) for the moment of a blink of an eye.)'

Things need to be taken step by step. Play the game like Shaytaan. He never tell us to commit a sin straight away, he gives us steps to follow and inevitably commit the sin. Move the location of the laptop/PC, make it in a public area all the time within the household. Occupy yourself with things so you only use the laptop when its needed. Listen to lectures on the hell-fire and punishments.

Most importantly, when wanting to commit the sin, just before you do, just think to yourself, you're being watched by the Lord of the Worlds, He has the ability to take your soul at any moment, do you want to die committing such a bad sin?

Lastly, fast. Just two days a week. Not only will it help you with the urges you feel, but read up on the rewards of fasting, amazing.


WaAllahu Ta'laa Alam.

['Abd-al Latif]

Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex:
A Real Look at Pornography

Find freedom from porn addiction, see the 9 lies of pornography and how to break free.

Porn & addiction...sex out of context

On a cold, dark night, there's nothing better than a blazing fire in the fireplace. You can pile on the wood and let it burn nice and warm. It's safe, warm, relaxing and romantic. Now take that same fire out of the fireplace (which was built for it) and drop it in the middle of the living room. Suddenly it becomes destructive. It can burn down the whole house and kill everyone inside. Sex is like that fire. As long as it's expressed in the protective commitment of a marriage relationship, it's wonderful, warm and romantic. But porn takes sex outside that context.

It's a big business that makes a lot of money and doesn't care how. They'll show you whatever they think will make you come back and buy more. "There were 11,000 porn video titles last year versus 400 movie releases from Hollywood last year...[and] 70,000 pornographic web sites."¹

What Fuels Porn Addiction

One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted. The porn culture tells you that sex, love and intimacy are all the same thing. In porn, people have sex with total strangers -- people they just met. All that matters is my satisfaction. It doesn't matter whose body I'm using, as long as I get it. Porn gets you to think that sex is something you can have anytime, anywhere, with anyone, with no consequences.

The problem with porn's shallow perspective is that relationships are not built on sex, but on commitment, caring and mutual trust. In that context, like fire in the fireplace, sex is wonderful. Being with someone who loves and accepts you, someone who is committed to you for your whole lives together, someone you can give yourself completely to, that is what makes sex really great.

To Find Freedom from Porn Addiction: Recognize the Lies

You can't learn the truth about sex from pornography. It doesn't deal in truth. Pornography is not made to educate, but to sell. So, pornography will tell whatever lies attract and hold the audience. Porn thrives on lies -- lies about sex, women, marriage and a lot of other things. Let's look at some of those lies and see just how badly they can mess up your life and attitudes.

• Lie #1 - Women are less than human
  The women in Playboy magazine are called "bunnies," making them cute little animals or "playmates," making them a toy. Penthouse magazine calls them "pets." Porn often refers to women as animals, playthings, or body parts. Some pornography shows only the body or the genitals and doesn't show the face at all. The idea that women are real human beings with thoughts and emotions is played down.
• Lie #2 - Women are a "sport"
  Some sports magazines have a "swimsuit" issue. This suggests that women are just some kind of sport. Porn views sex as a game and in a game, you have to "win," "conquer," or "score." Men who buy into this view like to talk about "scoring" with women. They start judging their manhood by how many "conquests" they can make. Each woman I "score" with is another trophy on my shelf, another "notch" in my belt to validate my masculinity.
• Lie #3 - Women are property
  We've all seen the pictures of the slick car with the sexy girl draped over it. The unspoken message, "Buy one, and you get them both." Hard-core porn carries this even further. It displays women like merchandise in a catalog, exposing them as openly as possible for the customer to look at. It's not surprising that many young men think that if they have spent some money taking a girl out, they have a right to have sex with her. Porn tells us that women can be bought.
• Lie #4 - A woman's value depends on the attractiveness of her body
  Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn. They are called dogs, whales, pigs or worse, simply because they don't fit into porn's criteria of the "perfect" woman. Porn doesn't care about a woman's mind or personality, only her body.
• Lie #5 - Women like rape
  "When she says no, she means yes" is a typical porn scenario. Women are shown being raped, fighting and kicking at first, and then starting to like it. Porn teaches men to enjoying hurting and abusing women for entertainment.
• Lie #6 - Women should be degraded
  Porn is often full of hate speech against women. Women are shown being tortured and humiliated in hundreds of sick ways and begging for more. Does this kind of treatment show any respect for women? Any love? Or is it hatred and contempt that porn is promoting toward women?
• Lie #7 - Little kids should have sex
  One of the biggest sellers in pornography is imitation "child" porn. The women are "made-up" to look like little girls by wearing pony tails, little girl shoes, holding a teddy bear. The message of the pictures and cartoons is that adults having sex with kids is normal. This sets the porn user up to see children in a sexual way.
• Lie #8 - Illegal sex is fun
  Porn often has illegal or dangerous elements thrown in to make sex more "interesting." It suggests that you can't enjoy sex if it isn't weird, illegal or dangerous.
• Lie #9 - Prostitution is glamorous
  Porn paints an exciting picture of prostitution. In reality, many of the women portrayed in pornographic material are runaway girls trapped in a life of slavery. Many having been sexually abused. Some of them are infected with incurable sexually transmitted diseases that are highly contagious and often die very young. Many take drugs just to cope.

Bottom Line of Porn Addiction

Pornography makes a profit from the ruined lives of young women and entraps men who will spend lots of time AND money succumbing to their product.

We might think that the things we see and hear don't affect us. Yet we all admit that good music, good movies and good books add a lot to our lives. They can relax us, educate us, move us or inspire us. Just as uplifting media can benefit us, pornographic images can negatively affect us.
Images are not always neutral. They can persuade us. Businesses know that if they can get a persuasive image of their product in front of you during a highly emotional moment, it will sink into your subconscious mind. The advertising scientists are so good at what they do, they can predict just how much more of their product you will buy if you see their ad. Sometimes, viewers don't even see the name of the product. Reeses Pieces paid a huge price just to have their candy shown for a few seconds in the movie "ET," and sales of Reeses Pieces skyrocketed. Why? Because the emotions connected with watching that small boy reaching out to the alien were transferred to the visual image of the candy. If a split second view of a product -- even when it's not the center of attention -- can affect people's behavior, imagine the effect of a movie that keeps your attention glued to the screen for an hour and a half with sexually explicit images.

What are the effects of pornography on a man?

What kinds of ideas is porn putting into our heads? If the wrong things keep getting dumped in, your mental environment can get so polluted that your life is going to have problems. One of the most vital parts of mental environment is a healthy idea of who we are sexually. If these ideas are polluted, a critical part of who we are becomes twisted.

Porn Addiction: The Pull of Pornography

Not everyone who sees porn will become addicted. Some will just come away with toxic ideas about women, sex, marriage, and children. However, some will have some kind of emotional opening that allows the addiction to really grab hold. The porn companies don't mind at all if you become completely addicted to their product. It's great for business. Dr. Victor Cline has divided the progress of addiction into several stages; addiction, escalation, desensitization, and acting out. For porn addicts, I've found that there is another stage that comes first -- early exposure. Let's look at these stages:

EARLY EXPOSURE
Most people who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are very young and it gets its foot in the door.

PORN ADDICTION
You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked and can't quit.

ESCALATION
You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.

DESENSITIZATION
You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but you can't find it.

ACTING OUT SEXUALLY
This is the point where men make a crucial jump and start acting out the images they have seen. Some move from the paper and plastic images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.

Porn Addiction: Am I Addicted?

If you see any of these patterns in your life, you need to put the brakes on right now. Is porn becoming more and more in control of your life? Do you have trouble putting it down? Do you keep going back for more?

Porn Addiction: What Can I Do?

The first thing you've got to do is admit that you struggle with pornography. Believe me, you are not strange or unusual if you do. Millions of people are at various stages in the struggle with porn. It's really not surprising. The porn industry has spent billions of dollars trying to snare you. Is it really shocking that they have succeeded? For some of you there may also be issues in your past, such as abuse or sexual exposure, that makes porn addiction even harder to shake. There is only so much you can do in fighting addiction without help.

You need someone to help you break this addiction. Overcoming the secrecy is absolutely vital. You probably can't escape addiction without it. That doesn't mean everyone has to know you're struggling. Pick someone you can trust who counsels those who are having problems with addiction -- a righteous person, youth group leader or counselor. Someone you can completely trust, feel safe with and has experience in the area of addiction isn't going to be surprised.


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And finally, make lots of du'aa and be sincere in your prayers/salaah.

You (Alone) we worship, and You (Alone) we ask for help (for each and everything).

Guide us to the Straight Way.[Al Fatihah 1:4-5]

Invoke your Lord with humility and in secret. He likes not the aggressors. [al-A'raaf 7:55]

And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allah, so call on Him by them” [al-A'raaf 7:180]

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (r) said: "Du'aas and ta'awudhaat [prayers seeking refuge with Allah] are like a weapon, and a weapon is only as good as the person who is using it. It is not merely the matter of how sharp it is; if the weapon is perfect and free of faults and the arm of the person using it is strong and there is nothing stopping him, then he can lay waste the enemy. But if any of these three features is lacking then the effect will be lacking accordingly." (al-Daa' wa'l-Dawaa' pg. 35)