issues with inlaws

[honey123]

assalm alaikum brothers and sisters!!!

I have been married for 3 years now. the first year of my marriage went ok, i didnt hav any issues with my inlaws cuz i didnt know at dat time what kind of people and family they were. From these past two years I am constantly having issues with them. It's complicated to describe everything here, the thing is that my inlaws n especially my motherinlaw is kind of controlling my home n my husband( i.e. her son) and so are her siblings. My husband is very close to his mom's family n doesnt like his dad's family much cuz he says dat his dad's family isnt nice to them but i dont think he's right, his mother brainwashed him n that's why he thinks dat way.

we donot live vid our inlaws, we live in US and our inlaws r in Pakistan but still my motherinlaw is controlling everything in my house. My fatherinlaw is very rich but he earns Haram money and he' s fooling his kids by saying dat he's an honest officer. My husband has 2 other brothers, his brothers arent as successful as my husband in terms of professional life and they know their father is very rich but my husband constantly denies it and says dat his father is very honest he doesnt have so much money. My motherinlaw is very controlling, she controls her husband too. My motherinlaw has this problem dat she wants dat her siblings and parents get everything in this world n for this she takes money from her husband and her son (my husband) n spends it on her family by lying and making fake excuses. Even my fatherinlaw takes money from my husband. He takes it in a way dats hard to explain. He knows very well how his son is so what he does is dat he tells my husband his problem n complains of spendings, he knows dat his son(i.e. my husband) would offer him money and this is exactly what happens. when my husband offers him money he never says NO he always takes it. I just dont understand he's earning so much what would he do vid all this money and he isnt ashamed of even taking money from his son when he knows very well dat hes earning way more than his son and his son isnt as rich as him.

My husband earns enough to fulfill my basic needs alhamdulillah but we don't live a very luxurious life. My husband constanly complains of spendings and tells me to save money and so I do as he says. I always look for ways of saving money but when it comes to his parents n his mother's family he acts as if he's a millionaire. His mother n his younger brother always demand money n say they need it n my husband even doesn't asks them for what do they need that money and sends money to them every now and then and so does my motheinlaws sisters. they also demand money and my husband without asking sends them dat money. I have spent 1 year vid them n i have seen dat dey use all that money on buying expensive clothes and stuff. I have tried explaining this to my husband but he just gets mad at me when i say something like this. He always thinks his family is right n em wrong. I am afraid dat one day he'll sell all his properties and everything cuz of his family. My inlwas r smooth talkers, they would taunt me, harm me in a way dat i cant complain of.

If theres any shortcoming of money in my motherinlaws family my husband takes care of it by taking it out from his savings. I understand its good to help your family but my motherinlaw's family always keep their living standards high then their earnings and to keep up their living standards high my motherinlaws tricks my fatherinlaw and my husband n takes money from them. My motherinlaws siblings earn enough to fulfill their basic needs but for keeping up vid their luxurious life they always take money from us. My husband is not aware of all this stuff cuz he hasnt spend time in Pakistan with them.

My husband has a very soft corner for his family which is a good thing but his family is very selfish, they take unfair advantage of his kindness, they emotionally blackmail him for fulfilling their own unnecessary desires. I would be more than happy if my husband instead of sending this money to pakistan to fulfill his family luxuries would have given it to a poor needy muslim. I am 6 months pregnant now n em even more worried now cuz if this thing continues me n my children are gonna suffer in the long run only because of my husband's ignorance n my inlaws selfishness.

tell me is this fair that on one side my husband tells me to save money all the time and gives me very limited money even for grocery and on the other hand he's given his family an open hand? I always make dua n read 4 qul but nothing is helping me out.

Tell me brothers and sisters em I over reacting or is this a valid reason to be depressed. could it be that me n my husband are under a spell of blackmagic?? because my husband is very smart for me and da rest of the world, noone could ever fool him but when it comes to his family he's totally changed, his brain stops working and he even doesnt realize how unfair and unreasonable his family is being. He always finds them right.

Please brothers and sisters help me out!!! this thing is killing me. Tell me what to do? tell me what my husband is doin is right or wrong? em always stressed out due to these issues. how can i get peace of mind and heart? please tell me some special duas to fight this thing.
I dont want to doubt anyone but cud it be black magic? if yes what is the cure, i read 4 qul daily but it isnt helping. are there any special duas and surahs?
I dont want my husband to be against his family, i want him to love and respect them but i also want him to differentiate between fair n unfair when it comes to his family. I want him to be strong and have the guts to not let his family ruin our house and take unfair advantage of us.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS WHAT DUAS OR SURAHS CAN I RECITE TO FIGHT THIS PROBLEM AND HAVE PEACE OF MIND. WHAT STEP SHOULD I TAKE?
I KNOW THIS POST IS LONG BUT PLEASE READ IT N HELP ME OUT!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP

jAZAKALLAH

[tigerkhan]

:sl:
i feel ur pbm sister. the issue arises bcz ur husband is blindly following culture and ignoring islamic guidance. the solution to me is to seek proper islamic guidance in term of spending money. let him talk to some scholar ( preferably who is not influced of paki culture). i had read in a hadith somewhere that parent has right on the money of sons BUT they cannot take money from one son and give it to other. so solution is there in islam but we need to search it.
and i suggest if ur husband is not ready to follow islam but culture, have patience on the matter. Allah SWT will reward u forever for this little sacrifice.

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum, sister.

My brother now is in financial trouble, and I help him. My wife knows about this, but she did not mind. But of course, there is a difference between helping someone who really need help, with spoil people who just want to live in luxury.

What your husband do with spoil those who only want to live in luxury is wrong, of course. And I am sure, your husband knows what he does is wrong. But he is not dare to say "No" when they ask money to support their luxury life.

So, sister, try to remind your husband, he will have kid that need much money, need a good future. Motivate him to dare to say "No" when his family ask money only to support their luxury life, and give help only when they are really need help.

If you cannot remind him, cannot motivate him, you can seek help from trusted third party like local Islamic teacher to talk with your husband.

[honey123]

Jazakallah brothers for understanding and giving me advice, i appreciate it. How can i seek and convince my husband to talk to an islamic scholar? Cuz if I do such a thing I know he's gonna be really mad at me and there is a great possibility that he might leave me for seeking the help of islamic scholars, Pakistani culture is very cruel when it comes to wives and brothers em a very weak woman, i cannot fight for myself.

Isnt there a way dat instead of seeking help of others I seek the help of Allah, what i mean to say is dat aren't there any special duas or surahs dat i can recite to improve the situation of my home, that can give me peace of mind and make my husband realize dat what his family is doin is unfair.

please brothers and sisters if u know any special duas or surahs to recite for such a situation post them here. i would greatly appreciate ur help.
JAZAKALLAH

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[tigerkhan]

:sl:
Allah SWt ease the matter for u. u need some wisdom here to make him understand the issue. maybe discussing with some ur relative who is known to both of u will be helpful.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Jazakallah brothers for understanding and giving me advice, i appreciate it. How can i seek and convince my husband to talk to an islamic scholar? Cuz if I do such a thing I know he's gonna be really mad at me and there is a great possibility that he might leave me for seeking the help of islamic scholars, Pakistani culture is very cruel when it comes to wives and brothers em a very weak woman, i cannot fight for myself.

Isnt there a way dat instead of seeking help of others I seek the help of Allah, what i mean to say is dat aren't there any special duas or surahs dat i can recite to improve the situation of my home, that can give me peace of mind and make my husband realize dat what his family is doin is unfair.

please brothers and sisters if u know any special duas or surahs to recite for such a situation post them here. i would greatly appreciate ur help.
JAZAKALLAH

:sl:

My sister this is a very difficult issue because they are your husbands parents and he obviously feels they can do no wrong. He still feels it is his duty to take care of his family back home and that is why he does not even think but to give what he has to them. He would probably never even comprehend that his family are decieving him in such a way.

Maybe he should go backhome for a week or two just to see how his family are living over there so that he may realise the truth. Talking to him about it will only get his defences up so it is difficult for you to open up to him about this. Is there not a elder relative here whom you trust and would be able to speak to your husband about this? How about an elder relative you trust in Pakistan to call your husband and talk to him about such a situation? But they should speak to him without your husband knowing that you put them up to it otherwise he will just get angry.

My sister see this as a test for you as we are tested through family. So you should continue to be patient and ask and beg of Allah especially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time to help you and your husband and for him to realise the truth regarding his family. Ask of Allah to make your husband more sensible about this matter. Ask for peace and blessings in your home and in your relationship. Keep asking of Allah and never think that he cannot hear you because he can. He will give us what is best for us when the time is right. Not when we think is best for us or when we think the time is right.

So take this opportunity to get closer to Allah. Do not talk about his family to others, as rumours spread and things will come back to you. Rely on Allah and know that he is with you if you are patient and that you will be rewarded for your patience inshallah.

Please read the following thread:

How To Get Through Hardships & Trials in life!

http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-s...ials-life.html

May Allah do what is best for you in this situation. Ameen

[honey123]

Jazakallah brother for such a nice advice, about an elder relative talking to my husband about this matter, em afraid there isnt any, there r people in my family whom i trust and can talk to my husband but I think that's not a good idea cuz it would only add more fuel to the fire and make it worse, and regarding his family, there r people in his dad's family that could talk to him but da prob is dat he doesnt likes his dad family n doesnt trust them because of the way his mother raised him up and there'z noone in his mom's family that i could trust.

But brother i read your article and u have no idea how relieved i feel after reading it, I think I should leave this matter to Allah n be patient n make dua dat Allah makes him understand dat what his family is doin is unfair.

Jazakallah brother for sharing such a nice article, u have no idea how stressed out i was due to this matter n how relieved n light i feel now after reading ur article.
May Allah reward u for sharing such a nice article vid us in this world and hereafter.

JAZAKALLAH

[Periwinkle18]

^ sis i would suggest tht u offer 2 rakah nafl n pray alot for ur husband. sis its not just u duno y paki ppl r like tht, im not married buh i know alot ppl who hav the same kind of inlaws just pray alot for yourself and ur husband. memorise morning and evening duas and make it a habit of reciting them everyday inshaAllah Allah will help :)

[honey123]

Jazakallah khayr sis :) if u know any duas regarding my situation please post them here as i dont have much knowledge about duas.