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~Zaria~
02-19-2012, 10:03 AM
You are Single Not Dead









Being single does not mean that you are weak, it's mean you are strong enough to wait for what you really deserve. If you are happy and confident, you are more likely to attract the right person into your life in the first place. And most importantly when Allah (God) knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He will reveal the right person under the right circumstances. You are not going to displease Allah if you’re single (by Qadar). But you may displease Allah by your lack of thankfulness and weakness in your reliance (tawakul) in Him and giving up on life altogether. Wait patiently and be optimistic.











Some people are single but they are mentally committed to someone. That’s not very healthy for your faith.
It’s all upto Allah. The All-Wise, The Master who knows the secrets of your hearts even if you don’t mention them, The One who knows his weaknesses and your weaknesses and how this combination would destroy your and his life, He wouldn't let us suffer like that. You need to be patient and have faith that He will provide for you. He will give you better. He will make you happy again. He will do that because He is so Merciful. You need to trust Him.













You need to put your faith in the One who created you. Don’t waste your time searching and wishing. One day someone's gonna walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else! Grow, be patient and be ready, you’ll see Allah will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of.







Single and upset?
You might be not married to any man, like Maryam [Mary] (Allah Be Pleased With Her) and Allah can make your rank higher than any women on the Earth. Know your priorities. Love and trust is with Allah first.




Yes it is fact that there are many advantages to being in a relationship or marriage, but do not worry or fret if you are still single. Not everything is within our control and sometimes we do have to accept fate. So, why worry unnecessarily over something that we do not have control over?

Do not let being single thought traped you, make you a slave to the idea of finding someone, deprive you of your ability to enjoy life and cause desperation, depression, and fear. Don’t forget that your life does not end if certain things don’t come your way. Did Allah say anywhere in the Quran and Sunnah that you are worthless if you don’t get married? Being single is not a death sentence, it has own charm you enjoy life in your own way, you get more time to be with yourself, to do a variety of things, indeed you have relationship with freedom. You have lots to do, you have yourself, your friends, your family, and you have Allah. Get out of your mental cage, make your life’s vehicle move on.








You are still single because it’s all up to Allah (God), our future partners have or have not been already determined 50,000 years ago before this world existed. It’s because of His wisdom that you’re still single. So don’t think you care for yourself more than Allah cares for you! Appreciate His wisdom.

Don’t worry too much, to have a positive attitude and enjoy your single life. Whether you are in a relationship or not, you want to be happy. If you aren't happy single, then you won't be happy taken. Happiness comes from within not from anybody else. Research shows that the number one ingredient for happiness, by far, is optimism, so change your approach learn to have more fun be happy and enjoy your life either your are single or not.



http://assmkhan.blogspot.com/



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Periwinkle18
02-19-2012, 04:51 PM
OMG this is so good jazakAllah for sharing

format_quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~
So don’t think you care for yourself more than Allah cares for you!
i never thought abt it this way. thanks alot :) will share it with my frnds too :)
Reply

Haya emaan
02-21-2012, 06:45 PM
MashaAllah. this is very very beneficial article. some thing today's youth should really think of..
JazakAllah sister for sharing it

i see girls around whose life is only centered around 'finding or waiting for their prince'. it seems like this is the only goal they are for this world and their life will end with marriage. Subhanallah! there is so much more to do in this short life.
and the most sad part is sometimes there failure in 'finding their dream prince' leads them to wrong pathsimsad
Reply

Who Am I?
02-21-2012, 10:02 PM
Must... not... comment...
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Karimah
02-21-2012, 11:36 PM
Very awesome article. Something to definitely keep in mind. I saw a little picture just the other day talking about how Allah (swt) already has written the names of our spouse and we should worry instead more about our relationship with Allah (swt). Thank you for sharing.
Reply

~Zaria~
02-22-2012, 08:34 PM

Assalamu-alaikum everyone,

I think that too many of us have fallen in the trap of the Age of 'Romantiscm'.

We have been fed on fairytales of princes and princesses, illicit loves, 'unrequited' love, love that is 'worth dying for'.......from as far as we can remember.

Re-inforced over and over again by Hollywood/ Bollywood, novelists such as Shakespear, Thomas Hardy, Jane Austen, etc.

And we WANT what we see in the movies, and read in these books.

Often, the institution of marriage is not even half as appealing......as is the psychological 'Bed of Roses' that we have created for ourselves.


And thus, we find lyrics such as these so appealing:

"I'd catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on a blade for you
I'd jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you
I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same......"

Bruno Mars: Grenade

"And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

.........

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you....."

Bon Jovi: Always


Do you see how unhealthy and unrealistic such love is?

This is not the type of love that we should be seeking.
But the love of Allah (subhanawata'ala) and His rasul (sallahu alaihi wasalam).......BEFORE anything else.

What sukoon/ peace and tranquility settles in the heart of the one who has made ALLAH his BELOVED.

Chase the beautiful faces of this world, and the temporary ecstasy of forbidden and illicit love......It can never compare to that which is felt by an Aashiq of Allah.



To my brothers and sisters, who are despairing from finding their marriage partners and completing half their deen:

Be patient.
And place your complete trust in Allah.
His plan for you is the BEST plan......dont ever doubt that.
That which is with-held from you now......is in your own interest......perhaps He is warding you from a greater harm (e.g marriage to the wrong person, that may weaken your imaan).

And if you are never to find that special someone - fret not in these few years on this dunya.
What about all that you HAVE been blessed with?.....we cannot even enumerate these! Alhamdulillah.

Do not resort to haraam means in seeking marriage.....no good can come of that which has its foundations in the displeasure of Allah.


And constantly make duaa:
Attachment 4658




Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the life to come and keep us safe from the torment of the Fire (2:201)



Attachment 4659



Our Lord! In You we have placed our trust, and to You do we turn in repentance, for unto You is the end of all journeys. (60:4)



Ameen.


Salaam
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ardianto
02-24-2012, 12:06 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by muslima haya
i see girls around whose life is only centered around 'finding or waiting for their prince'.
Do not expect a prince, but create a king.

Assalamualaikum.

One factor that made women not able to get married is because they expect a prince. And they stuck in this expectation. It will make them refuse every ordinary man who propose a marriage, just because this ordinary man didn't meet criteria of their expected prince.

Maybe not every woman realize, open the heart for future husband is different than open a job opportunity. If a company open a job opportunity and announce special criteria like graduated from top universities, has 5 years work experience, etc, it will make job seekers who meet this criteria come to this company.

But if a woman open the heart for future husband, but she announce a high criteria of expected husband like handsome, tall, rich, it will make man who meet this criteria doubt to propose a marriage because he afraid this woman will reject or leave him if she meet another man who better than him.

Men know they are not perfect, and they expect women can accept their imperfection.

Men love if their wives accept them as ordinary persons who have their own advantages and disadvantages. And uniquely, men also love if their wives treat them like a king. If a woman treat her husband as a king, Inshaallah, her husband will treat her as a queen.

So, do not expect a prince, but accept an ordinary man as your husband, and make him as your king.

:)
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SeekingJoy
02-24-2012, 01:27 PM
Hey,

Let me to ask a few questions.

Humans are born/created with feelings, that they are able to control
as they will. They have the right to feel their feelings to anyone, for
example: hate, love, happiness, suffering.

Why would God tell you what to feel, and what not? Why would he tell
you who to choose? Didn't he created you to his own face? If he did,
then why can't/don't you know what's right and what's not? Why couldn't
you live as the same life with one man like with another one?

I'm looking forward to hearing from you,
SeekingJoy
Reply

Silent Peace
02-27-2012, 07:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
One factor that made women not able to get married is because they expect a prince. And they stuck in this expectation. It will make them refuse every ordinary man who propose a marriage, just because this ordinary man didn't meet criteria of their expected prince.
Well Said Bro.
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CosmicPathos
02-27-2012, 08:26 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
One factor that made women not able to get married is because they expect a prince. And they stuck in this expectation. It will make them refuse every ordinary man who propose a marriage, just because this ordinary man didn't meet criteria of their expected prince.
Wah bro. I am a Prince and I am still single. I think my shining armor is too shiny for the princesses' eyes, and hence they cant see my face.
Reply

cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn
02-27-2012, 08:37 PM
You need to put your faith in the One who created you. Don’t waste your time searching and wishing. One day someone's gonna walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else! Grow, be patient and be ready, you’ll see Allah will give you a love story far better than you could ever dream of.
100% Agree with u on this part :statisfie
Reply

cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn
02-27-2012, 08:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Silent Blade
Well Said Bro.
^^ Agreed.

format_quote Originally Posted by SeekingJoy
Hey,

Let me to ask a few questions.

Humans are born/created with feelings, that they are able to control
as they will. They have the right to feel their feelings to anyone, for
example: hate, love, happiness, suffering.

Why would God tell you what to feel, and what not? Why would he tell
you who to choose? Didn't he created you to his own face? If he did,
then why can't/don't you know what's right and what's not? Why couldn't
you live as the same life with one man like with another one?

I'm looking forward to hearing from you,
SeekingJoy


First, he didn't create man in his own face or image. He created man in his image, which is in HIS imagination, HIS vision, that is why we are HIS creation.

Second, he doesn't tell you what to feel or towards whom, you choose this, and your choice will reflect the state of your heart and where your heart is. We are the progeny of Adam, and only Adam was given the capability of choosing and sacrificing for the sake of Allah. So when your heart is with HIM, you choose based on what you know brings him pleasure, because that is what you ultimately desire. That is how you properly choose a spouse. Marriage is about completing half of your deen, this person will support you and you will support them through this journey and inshaAllah, you will have a pleasant time in the Akhira.

If you don't lose sight of the akhira (the hereafter) and your goal and focus is there, That is where/how you find true love. Find the person whom's heart is where yours is and you will see fireworks :) There's this saying I really like " A woman's heart should be so lost in Allah, that a man has to seek HIM to find her."

-cOsMiC
Reply

ardianto
02-28-2012, 12:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by CosmicPathos
Wah bro. I am a Prince and I am still single. I think my shining armor is too shiny for the princesses' eyes, and hence they cant see my face.
And I married a princess because I was not a prince with shining armor, but just an ordinary man who could love my wife, not only love her beauty.

There were many men who tried to get her as wife, from company president until taxi driver. Some of them were more handsome than me, and rich. They acted like a prince, praised her, ranted what they had and what they could give to her. But she could feel, those men only love her beauty.

Women want to look beautiful, but they do not want men treat them like pretty doll that could be left after those men start to getting bored.

Women are fascinated by the handsome prince with shining armor. Some women expect to have a prince like this that will make them proud. But mostly women prefer to have an ordinary man who could be a prince only for themselves, not for all women. Have a prince that fascinating all women will make a woman feel "insecure", she afraid another woman will grab her prince.

So, do not feel inferior if you are not a prince with shining armor, do not lose your hope to get a wife who could love you. As long as you are able to love someone, someone will love you too.
Reply

Who Am I?
02-28-2012, 04:11 PM
My armor is rusty and my sword is dull.

I think my horse ran off with my dog.
Reply

TrueStranger
03-04-2012, 05:37 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Who Am I?
My armor is rusty and my sword is dull.

I think my horse ran off with my dog.
LOL!

I just don't understand how anyone could worry about being single when we have 7 billion people living on earth. Not to forget how easy it is to know someone these days. The options are endless and the opportunities are much better than those one had half a century ago.

But, at the end of the day, one gets married when Allah wills. So till then eat, drink, and go to school or get a job.
Reply

CosmicPathos
03-04-2012, 06:19 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Who Am I?
My armor is rusty and my sword is dull.

I think my horse ran off with my dog.
and my castle is my parents' basement.
Reply

real islam
03-04-2012, 10:05 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Karimah
Very awesome article. Something to definitely keep in mind. I saw a little picture just the other day talking about how Allah (swt) already has written the names of our spouse and we should worry instead more about our relationship with Allah (swt). Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the song of Bon Jube.I like his song.
Oo ho Is singing haram in Islam?
Reply

truthseeker63
03-04-2012, 10:12 AM
Im a Young Man/Male and Im single and I love Women I hate being single this is why Im trying to take better care of myself Im on a diet now.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_(love
Reply

tigerkhan
03-04-2012, 12:40 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
Assalamualaikum.

One factor that made women not able to get married is because they expect a prince. And they stuck in this expectation. It will make them refuse every ordinary man who propose a marriage, just because this ordinary man didn't meet criteria of their expected prince.

Maybe not every woman realize, open the heart for future husband is different than open a job opportunity. If a company open a job opportunity and announce special criteria like graduated from top universities, has 5 years work experience, etc, it will make job seekers who meet this criteria come to this company.

But if a woman open the heart for future husband, but she announce a high criteria of expected husband like handsome, tall, rich, it will make man who meet this criteria doubt to propose a marriage because he afraid this woman will reject or leave him if she meet another man who better than him.

Men know they are not perfect, and they expect women can accept their imperfection.

Men love if their wives accept them as ordinary persons who have their own advantages and disadvantages. And uniquely, men also love if their wives treat them like a king. If a woman treat her husband as a king, Inshaallah, her husband will treat her as a queen.

So, do not expect a prince, but accept an ordinary man as your husband, and make him as your king.
:sl:
i think its not only women but men also bcm idealistic most of time. its all bcz of weakness of iman that we prefer worldly things much while searching for partner. i see many boys refusing proposal bcz girl is not attractive. same is case on other side, girls refuses mostly bcz boy is not well paid or not so dashing.
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Who Am I?
03-04-2012, 07:09 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by CosmicPathos
and my castle is my parents' basement.
Well, it used to be. :p
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جوري
03-04-2012, 07:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by tigerkhan
i think its not only women but men also bcm idealistic most of time. its all bcz of weakness of iman that we prefer worldly things much while searching for partner. i see many boys refusing proposal bcz girl is not attractive. same is case on other side, girls refuses mostly bcz boy is not well paid or not so dashing.
Maybe when you're a teenager? As an adult you have different needs from your partner-- attractiveness is important yes but that's subjective? personality and character make a person attractive or horribly ugly even though from the outside they're pleasing to look at.
People are single for many different reasons and too numerous to count or sum up under one heading..

and Allah swt knows best,
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tigerkhan
03-05-2012, 03:09 AM
^ i agree but thats what i experienced when i registered on a purematrimony. on site u cant see someone character or personality but ppl here are always running for job, beauty etc.
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Amat Allah
03-05-2012, 03:44 AM
When its time for ya to have your other part then you will no matter what reasons kept ya single till that moment...we don`t know what best for us but Allah knows laa ilaha illa Allah...

May Allah make ya all happy and grant ya the best in this dunya and in Al Akhirah too Ameeen
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ardianto
03-06-2012, 09:49 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by tigerkhan
^ i agree but thats what i experienced when i registered on a purematrimony. on site u cant see someone character or personality but ppl here are always running for job, beauty etc
Matrimonial sites are full of people like that, although not all.

Try to find a wife through the better way. Tell people around you that you are looking for a wife. Tell them to introduce you to a girl who is looking for a husband. Don't be ashamed, this is not a shameful thing. Many people in my place got married through this way.

And avoid exchange picture. This is not a good thing because we cannot see character and personality through picture. And also, actually picture can 'deceive' us. Just meet her if you want to know about her.
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Muhaba
03-06-2012, 01:17 PM
Great article and a great reminder of the fact that Allah is the best to decide when one should get married. it's normal to feel sad about being single but its best to make the best of one's time and to always remain hopeful.
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tigerkhan
03-06-2012, 11:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
Try to find a wife through the better way. Tell people around you that you are looking for a wife. Tell them to introduce you to a girl who is looking for a husband. Don't be ashamed, this is not a shameful thing. Many people in my place got married through this way.
brother i wish it could be possible..lol. actually i am cuurently in Australia. and i dont know much muslims here. the nearist masjid to me is a Turkish Masjid and they are all turkish ppl. anyway i wish that some miracle does happen.lol
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transition?
03-06-2012, 11:18 PM
It's Natural to yearn for your significant other. Patience is waiting proactively. Put the effort to get married and leave the results up to Allah (swt). If you want a good wife, work on getting closer to Allah (swt).
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ardianto
03-07-2012, 08:40 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by tigerkhan
actually i am cuurently in Australia.
tigerkhan
IB Oldtimer
Join Date : Dec 2009
Location : Pakistan
Gender : Male

:hmm:

------

Just Kidding. :)

How about tell your family in Pakistan to find a girl there?. In this case you cannot avoid look at picture before meet. But at least they can find a realistic girl.
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Samiun
03-07-2012, 01:00 PM
:sl: I'm still a teenager, can I marry now?
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ardianto
03-07-2012, 01:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Samiun
:sl: I'm still a teenager, can I marry now?
:wa:

Do you know how heavy the responsibility in marriage that you must bear?
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real islam
03-11-2012, 05:53 AM
7 billion people but no one is near to you.
When you are out of your house you are alone.
There is none to look at you.They have no time
to see what is happening beside
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ardianto
03-11-2012, 01:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by real islam
7 billion people but no one is near to you.
When you are out of your house you are alone.
There is none to look at you.They have no time
to see what is happening beside
People always have time to look around, they always look at us, even pay attention to us. But we would not realize it if we always look at other direction.

What people see on us determine what people's view on us, and the most important, it determines how people would treat us.

If we could accept other people, other people would accept us. If we could not accept other people, ..... we would be alone.

:)
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~Zaria~
03-16-2012, 02:58 PM
''You might be married to the worst man ever, like Asyah was married to Pharaoh - but it didn’t change her and her loyalty and love to Allaah.

You might be married to the best of men, like Prophet of God, and still not enter Heaven - like the wife of Nabi Lut a.s.

You might not get married to any man, like Maryam (alaiha salam), and Allaah can make your rank higher than any woman on Earth.

Strive in the way of Allah, don't worry about your marriage - that matter has already been decreed for you''

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tigerkhan
03-17-2012, 02:25 PM
^
:sl:
well i heard from some ulama/ scholars it obligatory (wajib) to marry to complete ur eman.
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ardianto
03-17-2012, 02:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by tigerkhan
^
:sl:
well i heard from some ulama/ scholars it obligatory (wajib) to marry to complete ur eman.
:sl:

Excuse me, my brother. Did you listen to ulama carefully?.

Nikah (marry) is wajib (obligatory) only for those who able to get married. Not every Muslim is able to get married although they want. Marriage is a bond of two persons with intention to build a family. If someone wants to get married but no one wants to marry him/her, is it means he/she fall into sin?.

Definition of wajib is: if we do it, we get reward, if we leave it, we get sin.
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tigerkhan
03-18-2012, 11:21 AM
:sl:
ya i understand.
and u blv its difficult to define if anyone is "able" to marriage or not. eg im engineer, doing full time job since 4 years but my family thinks i am still not eligible for marriage financially....lol
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ardianto
03-18-2012, 11:44 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by tigerkhan
ya i understand.
and u blv its difficult to define if anyone is "able" to marriage or not. eg im engineer, doing full time job since 4 years but my family thinks i am still not eligible for marriage financially....lol
:sl:

Brother, not only you, not only me, but mostly of young men who want to get married get question from their families "are you sure you are able to fulfill your wife needs?". :D

They just want to remind us that marriage need financial responsibility beside other responsibilities. But actually, who determine you are financially able or not able to get married is your future wife. If she does not mind with your financial condition today, ... what are you waiting for?.

Mostly of women do not look at what you have today, but they look at your level of responsibility, or in another word, look at your prospect for the future. Many rich husbands today got married when their income was not so high like now.
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tigerkhan
03-18-2012, 11:52 AM
:sl:
JazakAllah O kair for ur concern and advise, i really appreciate it. insh i will do it soon, may Allah SWT ease the matter for me.
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~ Sabr ~
06-01-2012, 06:33 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ~Zaria~
Single and upset?
You might be not married to any man, like Maryam [Mary] (Allah Be Pleased With Her) and Allah can make your rank higher than any women on the Earth. Know your priorities. Love and trust is with Allah first.
SubhaanAllaah!
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Predator
06-01-2012, 01:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
:sl:

Brother, not only you, not only me, but mostly of young men who want to get married get question from their families "are you sure you are able to fulfill your wife needs?". :D

They just want to remind us that marriage need financial responsibility beside other responsibilities. But actually, who determine you are financially able or not able to get married is your future wife. If she does not mind with your financial condition today, ... what are you waiting for?.

Mostly of women do not look at what you have today, but they look at your level of responsibility, or in another word, look at your prospect for the future. Many rich husbands today got married when their income was not so high like now.
Tigerkhan is right , women and especially their parents are concerned about financially wellbeing of their daughter and are thus very materialistic and make marriage difficult for young people by making excessive demands of dower, housing and furniture

These should always be of reasonable standard so that they do not discourage young people from marriage and cause a general delay in the marriage age in society.

This is unfortunately the case in some Muslim countries, where you find most people unable to get married before they reach their late twenties or early thirties. In some
cases, people reach 40 years of age before they have a realistic chance of being married. That is a situation, which leads to much corruption.
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Who Am I?
06-01-2012, 03:30 PM
:sl:

I think that if you wait until you're financially able to marry, you probably won't ever get married. Such is the cost of living these days...
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Predator
06-01-2012, 04:01 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Who Am I?


I think that if you wait until you're financially able to marry, you probably won't ever get married. Such is the cost of living these days...

Exactly, inflation has eaten into the chances of ever getting married . the financial target would just keep rising and even if you achieve it by that time you will be considered too old for marriage .


Its actually one of coming of endtimes where it is mentioned


1. Wealth will increase so much so that if a man were given 10,000, he would not be content with it (Ahmad & Bukhari) -True what you could buy for 10000 earlier ,you cannot buy now

2. Trade will become so widespread that a woman will be forced to help her husband in business (Ahmad) - This is true again inflation is too high that both partners will have to work together to make ends meet

3 There will be many women of child bearing age who will no longer give birth ( where will the children come from when there is no marriage or not enough money to support a child his education fees etc )

4. When women with children come displeased on account of them bearing offspring, and barren women remain happy on account of having no responsibility of offspring
( Children itself will become a burden and people will be happy not having the responsibility of bringing up a child )
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Who Am I?
06-01-2012, 04:39 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Predator
Exactly, inflation has eaten into the chances of ever getting married . the financial target would just keep rising and even if you achieve it by that time you will be considered too old for marriage .


Its actually one of coming of endtimes where it is mentioned


1. Wealth will increase so much so that if a man were given 10,000, he would not be content with it (Ahmad & Bukhari) -True what you could buy for 10000 earlier ,you cannot buy now

2. Trade will become so widespread that a woman will be forced to help her husband in business (Ahmad) - This is true again inflation is too high that both partners will have to work together to make ends meet

3 There will be many women of child bearing age who will no longer give birth ( where will the children come from when there is no marriage or not enough money to support a child his education fees etc )

4. When women with children come displeased on account of them bearing offspring, and barren women remain happy on account of having no responsibility of offspring
( Children itself will become a burden and people will be happy not having the responsibility of bringing up a child )
There is another (non-Muslim) forum in which I sometimes lurk, and there is a thread that talks about the economy, and about how costs have risen exponentially, while paychecks have not risen to compensate for those costs. As a result, most single people just out of college working an entry-level job won't make enough to make ends meet. 8 bucks an hour just won't cut it anymore, whereas 20 years ago, it would have. So for married couples, both spouses have to work just to make ends meet.

Rising costs plus debt means that you will be working your whole life just to pay those debts off, and what you make most of the time won't even pay for those debts. Even my own parents, both of whom are almost retirement age (64), acknowledge that they will never be able to afford true retirement. Inflation, debts, rising costs, and irresponsible government spending have destroyed the future of successive generations. So there will be no retirement. You will work until you die.

Such is the way of life now. The era of the one-income family, where the mom stays home and takes care of the kids while the dad works to support the family is over... :hmm:
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patientgrace
06-25-2012, 03:03 PM
I agree 100% with this thread and I really enjoyed reading it!


I have been divorced for 6 years now. I will be the first to admit that being single is not the easiest thing to overcome after being married to someone for almost 20 years. Once my ex-husband remarried shortly after our divorce, I realized that I was now "free" to be my own person, do what I wanted when I wanted, and could really enjoy myself the older I got. To celebrate my 1st anniversary of being single, I treated myself to a cruise to the Caribbean and to Europe! I sat and thought to myself what places had I always wanted to go to and just did it! I did not have to worry about pleasing someone else or doing things that bored me... that trip was entirely about me and I was happy the entire time!


So I will agree with this thread and will say in time a person can learn to feel whole and happy within themselves as a single person and there is absolutely no shame in it.
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ardianto
07-02-2012, 04:23 PM


I just realize why the article writer displayed picture of Rapunzel. This is not just a decoration, but a hidden message. She wanted to say, there are women who do not realize that fairy tales is different than the real life.

In fairy tale, the princess just wait in the tower, then the prince comes, see her, and marry her. In fairy tale, the prince rides his horse, see a tower with a beautiful princess in it.

But in the real world?. The prince rides his car or his motorcycle, and see .....many towers with many princesses who wait for someone. It makes him cannot focus to only one princess. Of course, this prince will choose the princess who look the best in his eyes.

Yes, many women do not realize it. They think they just wait and make du'a, the Allah will send them a husband. No, our spouses will not come from to sky after we beg Allah, but Allah will help us to find our spouses if we attempt to find them.

A woman should try to make a man come to her, a man should dare to come to a woman. In halal manner, of course.
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جوري
07-02-2012, 04:38 PM
Repunzel didn't wait around, she sent down her hair until the prince de-scalped her from the roots with all that hair pulling.
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ardianto
07-02-2012, 04:44 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by منوة الخيال
Repunzel didn't wait around, she sent down her hair until the prince de-scalped her from the roots with all that hair pulling.
I know. But that picture is symbolization of women who cannot distinguish reality and fairy tales.

Frankly I made that posts after I realize, there are people who think, just make du'a, the spouses will come.
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جوري
07-02-2012, 04:51 PM
You can.. I made du3a and a spouse did come but I didn't think we'd be a good fit.. it happened in the most spontaneous way just because I made du3a.. so sob7an Allah.. the power of du3a is a powerful thing .. just depends on how badly you want it and how much sincerity in the du3a ...
I had just bought an Islamic book from a Turkish Muslim author and some hijabs from her store when we got to talking and she said I have someone in mind for you after asking me whether I was married or not.. so it doesn't have to be some pretty complex affair..

:w:
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ardianto
07-02-2012, 05:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by منوة الخيال
You can.. I made du3a and a spouse did come
Really come, or just look, and go again?.

Getting a spouse is different than buy something. If we buy something, we just select, pay, and get. But if we want to have a spouses, we need to be 'selected'. We need to make ourselves 'valuable'. And actually, the main factor that make us 'valuable' is not physical beauty. Unfortunately, women usually do not realize it. If they think they are not beautiful, they lose their confident. It gives bad effect to their attitude, and it makes them 'not valuable'.

We cannot just make du'a but do not try to make us 'valuable'. It's same like we make du'a to get a job, but we just sit at home without do anything other than wait a company offer job to us.
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جوري
07-02-2012, 05:22 PM
Sorry you lost me there.. I didn't expound on traits beyond that I didn't think we would be a good fit. He's actually very handsome if that were all I required-- so I am not sure if this whole selection of physical beauty or whatever is directed at me, I am not that shallow, and I think you speak from a Guy's perspective here, as I don't think you have a clue what sisters are looking for..

:w:
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ardianto
07-02-2012, 06:02 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by منوة الخيال
Sorry you lost me there.. I didn't expound on traits beyond that I didn't think we would be a good fit. He's actually very handsome if that were all I required-- so I am not sure if this whole selection of physical beauty or whatever is directed at me, I am not that shallow, and I think you speak from a Guy's perspective here, as I don't think you have a clue what sisters are looking for..
I am sorry. I forgot to mention that I did not talk about you, but about male and female in general.

Yes, I don't have clue what sisters are looking for. It's still a mystery. I was familiar with moments when women stared at me. Then? .... after they felt 'satisfied', they looked at other direction again, and ignored me. :D

This was one of some experience made me understand that physical attraction is not the factor that make someone love another.
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~Zaria~
07-02-2012, 06:47 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by منوة الخيال
Repunzel didn't wait around, she sent down her hair until the prince de-scalped her from the roots with all that hair pulling.
LOL!
Very funny ukthi!!


I think it requires both.....lots of duaa, and some effort.

The one cannot exist without the other.

And also remembering that after duaa comes tafweez - resigning yourself completely to the will of Allah.
Very often we make the right effort, we make duaa - and nothing happens.

Its very easy to fall into depression.....unless we have implicit trust in Allah (subhanawataála)s plans for us - and believing that behind each and every decision made by Allah Ta'ala, there is goodness and wisdom.

No matter how much we may desire something (it may not just be about marriage - perhaps children, employment, health etc) - Allah (subhananwataála) knows better.
HE knows what is best for us.

"But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.
And Allah Knows, while you know not." (2:216)



When it comes to making an 'effort' when it comes to marriage, I often wonder what this really means......from an islamic point of view.

Apart from letting others know that you are seeking marriage, what else does one actually do?

Join a marriage site? (If both parties are conscious of Allah at all times, and have sincere intentions - this can work for some individuals).

Even though options in making a halaal effort are relatively limited......dont forget - there is nothing more powerful than duaa.

"If Allah helps you none can overcome you: if He forsakes you who is there after that that can help you?
In Allah then let believers put their trust.
"(3:160)

It is Allah that is the guardian and protector of all creatures of this world......who is it that feeds the birds in your garden? Where does their sustenance come from every day?
As well as every other living creature......

Then surely, there is no difficulty in Him sending you, just the right person.......at just the right time......when you least expect it.
SubhanAllah.


Dont ever lose trust in Allah and His plans for your life.

He is aware of everything.

The deficiency lies within us - in lacking sabr, trust in His Qoedrat and expecting our lives to follow our short-sighted plans.


:wa:
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Haya emaan
07-02-2012, 06:48 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
Yes, many women do not realize it. They think they just wait and make du'a, the Allah will send them a husband. No, our spouses will not come from to sky after we beg Allah, but Allah will help us to find our spouses if we attempt to find them.
what type of attempt are you indicating... may be its because of cultural difference i m unable to get the point.

i believe that its the only dua we women can do to Allah (SWT) to send the right man on the right time..


doesn't this depends on the culture...? In my society its only the man or his family who has to do the job of searching for a spouse.. women just say yes or no to the one who comes to his house... she don't have to do the finding...
here our spouse really comes from the 'sky' so we have to pray Allah (SWT) to do what is best for us...
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tigerkhan
07-03-2012, 06:39 AM
:sl:
personally i am of opinion that if u like someone and u think that it compatible, just let her/him know. i see there is no bad in it whether u r male or women. and also if someone got a proposal, i think he/she need to be very thankful that other person consider him/her for that and then in gentle way accept or reject it.
some time i think cultural things make it difficult but we have to follow islam and we should remember that its half our deen.
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Endymion
07-03-2012, 08:48 AM
If we just have a look at the life storis of two Ummahatul Momineens (Mothers of the believers) we will become clear that our spouses do come down on earth from sky.

Safiyah RA came to muslims as a war booty.Wahya Kalbi RA came to Prophet Muhammad SAW and asked for a slave girl.Muhammad SAW allowed him to pick a slave for him and he RA choose Safiyah RA.When he was gone took Safiyah RA along him,another companion of the Prophet SAW told him that Safiyah RA is the daughter of leaders of her tribe and you gave her to Wahya Kalbi.She deserves a man like You.Muhammad SAW sent someone to brought them back,married Safiyah RA himseld and she became Ummul Momineen.

What Wahya Kalbi RA did,was effort but what Muhammad SAW did,was the will of Allah SWT.And surely,efforts meet success only by the will of Allah SWT.

Another story is of Zeynab Binte Hajash RA.And this is mentioned in Quran chapter 33 Al-Ahzab.She was married to Zaid RA,the freed slave of Muhammad SAW and his adopted son as well.After sometime,Zaid RA divorced her and Muhammad SAW married her and Muhammad SAW knew that Zaid will divorce her and the she will become Ummul Momineen.Why Allah SWT made her marry Zaid in the first place is to show the people of Arab that your adopted sons are not like your real sons and you can marry their divorced wives and it was written like that.

(33:37) (O Prophet),67 call to mind when you said to him whom Allah had favoured and you had favoured: “Cleave to your wife and fear Allah,” and you concealed within yourself for fear of people what Allah was to reveal, although Allah has greater right that you fear Him. So when Zayd had accomplished what he would of her, We gave her in marriage to you so that there should not be any constraint for the believers regarding the wives of their adopted sons after they had accomplished whatever they would of them. And Allah's command was bound to be accomplished.



To me,no matter you make any effort in this regard or not,your spouse will come to you in a fixed time and no matter you want them or not,Allah's command will accomplish so why do we waste time finding the right person for us and we don't know who is suitable for us no matter how much we know them.Thats the perfect idea for me to ask Allah SWT for whatever i want and only He SWT knows what we have in our hearts.And He swt will surely sent someone down from the skies.
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ardianto
07-03-2012, 09:42 AM
I still remember to a true story that I read when I was teenager. Writen by a religious sister who could not get married. She wrote "I always made du'a, but Allah never sent me a husband". Her parents asked some people to 'promote' her to the men, but no one 'promote' her. However, in another part of the story she wrote, her fiends told her, she a very 'cold', and made the men hesitate to come to her. She asked "should I become a girl who attract men with inappropriate dressing, appropriate act?. No, I don't want to lose my modesty".

Afraid to lose modesty become a problem for religious sister. But actually it's because a misconception: look "attractive" will make a woman lose her modesty. Not, true. There are some kind of "attractive", a woman who dressed modesty but look good, kind/friendly, has good manner and etiquette, has good attitude toward people, will look good in people eyes. She will look beautiful and modest. It make people sure, she can be a god wife. It will make the men come to her, and make other people promote her to the men. Imagine if this woman is very cold. It makes people think, she's arrogant. That's what happened to the religious sister in that true story.

format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
But in the real world?. The prince rides his car or his motorcycle, and see .....many towers with many princesses who wait for someone. It makes him cannot focus to only one princess. Of course, this prince will choose the princess who look the best in his eyes.
There are many women who are waiting for a husband. It makes the men have many choices. The men will select them before they propose marriage. Of course, they will choose the women who look good in their eyes, then they propose marriage. If a woman reject them, they would go to another woman. This is a reality.

Yes, many women do not realize it. They think they just wait and make du'a, then Allah will send them a husband.
It's based on realities that I have found. There were women who made du'a to get a husband, but they locked themselves in the room. How could the men know them?. There are women who made du'a, but they let themselves look bad with dressed badly, not friendly, etc. How could men interested to take them as wives?.

There are sisters who made du'a then get husbands. But actually it's because they look good in people eyes. It made people promote them to the men who later come to them. There's a process before, but they do not realize it. Yes, they made du'a then get husbands. But how about other women who made du'a too, but still alone?.

No, our spouses will not come from to sky after we beg Allah,
The common mistake of people when they make du'a is expect miracle. Want to get rich, tomorrow get much money from nowhere. Want to get married, tomorrow a stranger knock the door and propose marriage. But if they do not get the miracle, they complain "why Allah does not answer my du'a?".

Allah answer every du'a, but answer a du'a with miracle is only for very specific cases that rarely happen. If Allah always answer every du'a with miracle, people would be lazy. They do not need to do anything, just make du'a, and they get what they want. Imagine what would happen to people if they always get everything that they want without attempt.

Ulama say "Allah decide, but human are obligated to attempt". If we make du'a and try to do something, Allah will give us easiness. This is the power of du'a.

but Allah will help us to find our spouses if we attempt to find them.
It has explained above. But do not interpret "find" for women means women should go anywhere to find a spouse like the men. (English is not my first language. So, what I've written probably caused misunderstanding, like in this case)

A woman should try to make a man come to her, a man should dare to come to a woman. In halal manner, of course.
In one thread I wrote, sisters should not lock themselves in the room, but join with older women from their mother and auntie generation in Qur'an recitation group, cooking group, etc. It's because women in that age has a hobby, match someone with another. If a sister can make those women have image that she can be a good wife, then they will promote her to their sons or nephews. This is one of many halal manner that sister can try.

How about men?. The most important is should dare to come to a woman and propose marriage. I know some men who actually good enough and can become good husband, but they still unmarried. It's because when people around them wanted to bring them to meet a woman who was looking for a husband, they were too shy.


If I didn't care to sisters and brothers who want to get married, but they still alone, I would not make post to remind them about reality, and how to deal with this reality. I did it because I care.
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Huma*
07-03-2012, 10:51 AM
Assalamalykum!

Your post is very beautiful and meaningful. Thank you for posting sister!
I'd like to share it with my friends.
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PurpleCup
09-24-2012, 10:19 PM
The one part I do not agree with is not to take the attempt to search. Many would never marry if they never took the time to search. If you live in the West the best means is using online Muslim Matrimonials, where the site is regulated in a very strict means. Meaning not allowing everyone to join, being really selective with the profile that are approved. (I could go on here.)

The point is sitting at home and making no effort to search for your spouse may be the worst advise. Sorry to say, especially if you are a convert.
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~Zaria~
09-25-2012, 11:09 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by PurpleCup
The one part I do not agree with is not to take the attempt to search. Many would never marry if they never took the time to search. If you live in the West the best means is using online Muslim Matrimonials, where the site is regulated in a very strict means. Meaning not allowing everyone to join, being really selective with the profile that are approved. (I could go on here.)

The point is sitting at home and making no effort to search for your spouse may be the worst advise. Sorry to say, especially if you are a convert.

Assalamu-alaikum ukthi,

I do agree with the above.

There are some muslim matrimonial sites that make the effort to keep the process as 'islamic' as possible - e.g. Pure Matrimony (all emails are monitored, women are strongly encouraged to involve their wallis, pictures are kept hidden from the general public, etc).

However, the vast majority of 'muslim' matrimonial sites could not care less and their sites are run in similiar fashions to those of non-muslim dating sites (including the access of inappropiate female pics, and 'chat' options).

I think one needs to be cautious when approaching on-line sites - esp. if contact is made with members who are not from your own country.
e.g. How does one know how many other men/ women a person is simultaneously in contact with?

How does one make reference checks on someone who is not from your community/ country?

Having said this, I think that it is possible to meet someone via these means, by the will of Allah.

esp if 2 individuals are sincere in their search and are making the effort to meet people in a manner that is halaal, without engaging in prolonged and inappropiate communication, involving parents/ wallis from early on.......
and most importantly reading istikharah - and pleading to Allah Taa'la to guide you onto a path that would be good for you and that would lead you towards Him, and to save you from those who are harmful to you and your imaan.

In these cases, the most blessed marriages are possible, by His decree.

May Allah (subhanawataála) grant righteous, loving and compatible spouses to all those who are sincerely seeking marriage.
Ameen.

:wa:
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