I still remember to a true story that I read when I was teenager. Writen by a religious sister who could not get married. She wrote "I always made du'a, but Allah never sent me a husband". Her parents asked some people to 'promote' her to the men, but no one 'promote' her. However, in another part of the story she wrote, her fiends told her, she a very 'cold', and made the men hesitate to come to her. She asked "should I become a girl who attract men with inappropriate dressing, appropriate act?. No, I don't want to lose my modesty".
Afraid to lose modesty become a problem for religious sister. But actually it's because a misconception: look "attractive" will make a woman lose her modesty. Not, true. There are some kind of "attractive", a woman who dressed modesty but look good, kind/friendly, has good manner and etiquette, has good attitude toward people, will look good in people eyes. She will look beautiful and modest. It make people sure, she can be a god wife. It will make the men come to her, and make other people promote her to the men. Imagine if this woman is very cold. It makes people think, she's arrogant. That's what happened to the religious sister in that true story.
format_quote Originally Posted by
ardianto
But in the real world?. The prince rides his car or his motorcycle, and see .....many towers with many princesses who wait for someone. It makes him cannot focus to only one princess. Of course, this prince will choose the princess who look the best in his eyes.
There are many women who are waiting for a husband. It makes the men have many choices. The men will select them before they propose marriage. Of course, they will choose the women who look good in their eyes, then they propose marriage. If a woman reject them, they would go to another woman. This is a reality.
Yes, many women do not realize it. They think they just wait and make du'a, then Allah will send them a husband.
It's based on realities that I have found. There were women who made du'a to get a husband, but they locked themselves in the room. How could the men know them?. There are women who made du'a, but they let themselves look bad with dressed badly, not friendly, etc. How could men interested to take them as wives?.
There are sisters who made du'a then get husbands. But actually it's because they look good in people eyes. It made people promote them to the men who later come to them. There's a process before, but they do not realize it. Yes, they made du'a then get husbands. But how about other women who made du'a too, but still alone?.
No, our spouses will not come from to sky after we beg Allah,
The common mistake of people when they make du'a is expect miracle. Want to get rich, tomorrow get much money from nowhere. Want to get married, tomorrow a stranger knock the door and propose marriage. But if they do not get the miracle, they complain "why Allah does not answer my du'a?".
Allah answer every du'a, but answer a du'a with miracle is only for very specific cases that rarely happen. If Allah always answer every du'a with miracle, people would be lazy. They do not need to do anything, just make du'a, and they get what they want. Imagine what would happen to people if they always get everything that they want without attempt.
Ulama say "Allah decide, but human are obligated to attempt". If we make du'a and try to do something, Allah will give us easiness. This is the power of du'a.
but Allah will help us to find our spouses if we attempt to find them.
It has explained above. But do not interpret "find" for women means women should go anywhere to find a spouse like the men. (English is not my first language. So, what I've written probably caused misunderstanding, like in this case)
A woman should try to make a man come to her, a man should dare to come to a woman. In halal manner, of course.
In one thread I wrote, sisters should not lock themselves in the room, but join with older women from their mother and auntie generation in Qur'an recitation group, cooking group, etc. It's because women in that age has a hobby, match someone with another. If a sister can make those women have image that she can be a good wife, then they will promote her to their sons or nephews. This is one of many halal manner that sister can try.
How about men?. The most important is should dare to come to a woman and propose marriage. I know some men who actually good enough and can become good husband, but they still unmarried. It's because when people around them wanted to bring them to meet a woman who was looking for a husband, they were too shy.
If I didn't care to sisters and brothers who want to get married, but they still alone, I would not make post to remind them about reality, and how to deal with this reality. I did it because I care.