Originally Posted by anonymous
Asalaamu Alaikum, My brother this is an issue for many of us. Even those with the strongest imaan struggle with us all of the time so you are not alone in this. We can do many things to prevent ourselves from gazing upon that which is not good for our imaan. Indeed we should lower our gaze for this is commanded upon us by Allah:
"Say to the believing, men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty .O you believers! Turn you all together towards Allah that you may attain success" (24:30-31)
Allah has created us and therefore knows what is best for us. When we gaze upon that which we should not gaze upon then our brain stores those images and at certain times particularly when were alone or at night before sleep etc our desires (nafs) accesses these stored images and reflects upon them causing a stiring of our carnal desires. Therefore the best thing we can do to avoid this happening is to keep ur gaze low as much as possible when we are out and about.
Here are some tips to help us lower your gaze at all times:
1. When you first gaze upon a woman then know that the first gaze is yours and you will not be sinful for it but if you look again then that is from shaythan and you will be sinful for the second gaze.
2. Avoid going to the mall and high streets as much as possible because those are the areas of shaythan where much free mixing takes place and are places most hated by Allah and most loved by Allah are the Masjids. So visit the mall or the high street only when absolutely necessery.
3. When you do have to visit the mall or high street then remember Allah for the best remembrance and glorification of Allah are the places where Allah is remembered the least like Malls and High streets etc. So put some ear phones in and listen to some Qur'an or listen to a lecture. Remember that Allah is watching you no matter where you are or what you are doing.
4. Imagine the rewards you will get everytime you see a woman but you look away. Imagine Allah being pleased with you for controlling your eyes.
5. Lowering the gaze is NOT restricted to outside of your home. We must be more careful to lower our gaze when watching the TV or a movie. Try to plan ahead what you are going to watch. If you know there will be many women in the programme or movie etc then it is best to avoid it as it is not practical to keep looking away everytime a women comes into the scene. It is far better for our imaan that we avoid watching that which will harm and corrupt our hearts.
Anime is no exception as they are quite raunchy and include very life like images of women indulging in sexual acts. Much of the anime that young people watch have a lot of adult content. So one should keep away from anime.
6. At work or school we should only converse with the opposite sex when it is necessery. When we are conversing with the opposite sex then we should not necesserily maintain eye contact all the way throughout. Same way we should not shake the hands of a member of the opposite sex. Are we worried about embarressing another human? Surely the fear of Allah and wanting to gain his pleasure in whatever we do should be our number one priority. So keep your gaze low when conversing with the opposite sex and only do so when necessery and avoid shaking or hugging a non mahram member of the opposite sex at all times.
7. If one is conducting a group project or working closely with a member of the opposite sex then keep it professional at all times. Remember Allah and the fact that he is watching you. Shaythan will always try to corrupt our mind and hearts but we must be firm.
8. Controlling desires and lowering the gaze does not stop with the eyes for it is important to control the amount we eat and what we eat. Do not eat big meals as they are not only harmful for our health but also harmful for the heart for it increases desire. Avoid eating too much red meat, nuts and spicy food etc. The main thing is to eat smaller portions.
9. Avoid bad company. This is an important one because we are who our friends are. If we keep bad company then they will make us do bad things, watch bad things and spend time in bad areas. Overall having bad company is very harmful for our imaan and hearts. Therefore we should choose our friends very carefully and if we notice we have friends who talk too much about the opposite sex and about their desires then inevitably that will also influence us in a negative manner. Therefore we should not keep such company but keep good and pious friends or at least those who do not talk about such things or involve themselves in haraam activities etc.
10. Most of all be punctual in Salaah join some local Islamic courses. Learn knowledge of Islam as much as you can and act upon what you learn. Read the meanings of the Qur'an and the seerah (life of the Prophet) and always read and learn about death and the hereafter. We are so lucky nowadays that we have so much Islamic activities going on in our localities. So keep a good connection with your local Masjid and join local classes and courses.
Immerse yourself in good activities and you will have less time to be distracted by your carnal desires. Focus on your studies and making the best out of your education.
Take tajweed, hifz and Arabic classes to perfect the recitation of the Qur'an, memorize it and learn the language of the Qur'an as the younger you start the easier it will be to learn and memorize.
Try to remember Allah as much as possible all of the time as the more you remember Allah the more he will remember you. The more you train your mind to remember Allah then the more you wil remember him when you are tempted by shaythan and your desires.
Remember death and the hereafter as much as possible and keep reminding yourself as to the purpose of our lives and our temporary existence on this Earth. Know that whatever we do Allah is watching us. Focus on making the best of your education to try and get a job etc so you will be in the position to marry as soon as possible.
A key advice for a male is:
KEEP A BEARD. Keeping a beard will help you immensly to lower your gaze as the beard makes one much more humble. It does not make one "perfect" but it certainly helps considerably.
Always ask of Allah to help you to lower your gaze and control your desires. Ask of him to make you a good slave of his.
May Allah help us to lower our gazes, control our desires and keep every part of our body away from that which is harmful for us. Ameen