Do Most Men Desire Multiple Wives?

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

Do most men personally desire multiple wives?



This is not a question of whether polygamy is permissible for men or not (because it has been decreed by Allah, and it is), but rather -

Do most men remain in monogous marriages only because they are limited by finances, a 'resistant' wife, time, etc.......?

Is it possible for a man to remain satisfied with one wife, all his life?

or are the carnal desires of some so large, that a single wife can never be enough?


Hope to hear some honest views, insha Allah.


:wa:

[CosmicPathos]

I cant speak for all men. If you look at societies running on wild desires of nafs, such as the West, you do see that men are eager to spread their seed in as many places as they can, not because they care for the future progeny, but just because of the base desires of momentary satisfaction.

As for Islamic men, in an ideal world, it does seem they'd want multiple wives. But since dunya is not ideal, they stick to one, and hope for getting some hoors in afterlife.

It does not mean I subscribe to above views, I stated what I see among my friends and colleagues and society in general.

[Ramadan90]

I think reality speaks for itself. There are more muslim men who are monogamists than polygonist. To have two or more wives comes with HUGE responsibility. I cannot speak for all men, but I would say that one wife is enough. At least for me.

[CosmicPathos]

I think reality speaks for itself. There are more muslim men who are monogamists than polygonist. To have two or more wives comes with HUGE responsibility. I cannot speak for all of men, but I would say that one wife is enough. At least for me.

yup that is true, but as I've mentioned that is because dunya is not ideal, ppl have problems, financial, lack of time and what not, so they remain monogamous. It does not mean they dont wish for "multiple." I've seen brothers in masjid actually talking about their detailed plans of second marriage. And these were some very well off brothers. Perhaps they can afford 4 wives.

Social dynamics are changing, even monogamy seems "useless" and expensive today. more and more kaafir men are delaying or totally avoiding getting married. More and more women are also accepting it. More and more ppl are living as common law partners. Monogamy from that perspective seems useless in Western societies since you can get all benefits without marrying and avoid the additional cost of financial loss if you had to go through a divorce.

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[Ramadan90]

yup that is true, but as I've mentioned that is because dunya is not ideal, ppl have problems, financial, lack of time and what not, so they remain monogamous. It does not mean they wish for "multiple." I've seen brothers in masjid actually talking about their detailed plans of second marriage. And these were some very well off brothers. Perhaps they can afford 4 wives.

I agree. It is one thing to desire but we cannot neglect the responsbility that comes with it, not only financial problems and lack of time but also love them equally and be fair. Not so easy. I would love to have 4 wives if I had the energy, time and enough money to support them but I will wait for the hoors in afterlife. ;D

[~Zaria~]

JazakAllah for the above comments.


My general impression is that the majority of men who are seeking 2/3/4 wives are doing so to fulfill lustful desires......rather than having a charitable intention of wanting to assist a widow/ divorcee with kids.

I have been told that the sexual desires of (most?) men are much greater than that of women - and hence the reason that polygamy is permitted in Islam.

I am battling to accept/ understand this......

If this were to be true, then:

- why did Allah (subhanawataála) create only Hawa as a partner for Adam (alaihi salam)? (and not multiple women)

- Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) remained in a monogous marriage for over 20 years. And when he did marry many women, it stemmed from noble reasons such as - caring for older divorcees/ widows, strengthening ties between rival groups.....and to teach his ummah different lessons from each marriage.

- Why did the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) deny Ali (ra) permission to marry again (whilst in marriage to his daughter Fathimah (ra))?
We know that he feared that Fathimah (ra) may be hurt by this......and this was reason enough to request that Ali (ra) remain monogomous.


However, many polygamous marriages of today seem to stem from an unquenched physical desire......with the reasoning that 'man has been created this way'.

Has he really been created this way.....or is this a modern day reason for polygamy?




:wa:

[جوري]

I think it is a biological thing according to atheist studies anyway men aren't monogamists by virtue of their genetics. I think in fact the Islamic rule on the matter may eliminate the problem of lust in that it comes with financial responsibility amongst other things.
If you look at the life of someone like Micheal Gambon who has had two illegitimate children with his mistress with his wife's approval and knowledge it (western style affairs) unfortunately are very hypocritical. He neither gives identity to his children in a legal manner, the laws of inheritance are left to whimsey and it is disrespectful to both women. They get to have their cake and eat it too but then what's the point of having a cake without eating it sorry about that digression :p

Anyhow I see the wisdom in Islamic style polygamy, I don't think it is for everyone though and I think many Muslim men forget that it is a privilege not an injunction. I don't see myself accepting that arrangement under any circumstance but I accept the divine rule of it and I think it is a good solution for many people.. It is better to have things out in the open than live under pretenses, sowing a few wild oats and not taking responsibility for any of it before God or any of the involved parties..

:w:

[Perseveranze]

Ok, let's not get in denial now.

Yes, men have desires and in the sexual department, it's alot stronger than the female desire. The reason most men today are in Monog marraiges is due to finance, responsibility and the fear of not being able to treat wives equally. In the western world, it may be something looked down upon, due to the whole feminist thing, and so that may also have an effect.

Otherwise if we're talking strictly desire here, then I am pretty sure (regardless of who tries to deny it) that men would be happy to marry more than 1 woman if it didn't come with so many strings attached.

I'm just being honest. Even the men who marry in polygamy, say a poor or infertile woman as a good means of seeking reward, still likely have a desire.

Also, studies time and time again have proven men have a stronger sexual desire -

Birds do it, bees do it, and men do it any old time. But women will only do it if the candles are scented just right -- and their partner has done the dishes first. A stereotype, sure, but is it true? Do men really have stronger sex drives than women?
Well, yes, they do. Study after study illustrates that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much more difficult to pin down.
It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. But women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well.
"Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context," says Edward O. Laumann, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and lead author of a major survey of sexual practices, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.
Here are seven patterns of men's and women's sex drives that researchers have found. Bear in mind that individuals may vary from these norms.
13 Common Sex Drive Killers


1. Men think more about sex.

The majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, reports Laumann. Only about one-quarter of women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often.
In a comprehensive survey of studies comparing male and female sex drives, Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies.
2. Men seek sex more avidly.

"Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it," Baumeister concludes after reviewing several surveys of men and women. This isn't just true of heterosexuals, he reports: gay men also have higher frequency of sex than lesbians at all stages of the relationship. Men also say they want more sex partners in their lifetime, and are more interested in casual sex.
Men are more likely to seek sex even when it is frowned upon or even outlawed:

• About two-thirds say they masturbate, even though about half also say they feel guilty about it, Laumann says. By contrast, about 40% of women say they masturbate, and the frequency of masturbation is smaller among women.
• Prostitution is still mostly a phenomenon of men seeking sex with women, rather than the other way around.
• Nuns do a better job of fulfilling their vows of chastity than priests. Baumeister cites a survey of several hundred clergy by Sheila Murphy in which 62% of priests admitted to sexual activity, compared to 49% of nuns. The men reported more partners on average than the women.

http://www.webmd.com/sex/features/se...-women-compare

Why Polygamy is allowed in Islam is something only Allah knows. The wisdom could be many, for example; times in history when there are more women than men, sexual desire, and so on.

Though it's important to say that there are many strings attached in Islam when it comes to getting into polygamy, so it's not like it's necassarily encouraged. The Qur'an also says it's better to marry 1, though if you can do justice, you can marry upto 4.

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum.

There are three reasons why I will never have more than one wife.

Without intention to show off, I was a "lucky guy" who didn't have a problem to get someone. Even I didn't need to approach a girl, but the girls approached me. Frankly, I was familiar with moments when a girl felt disappointed, and even broken heart because I gave sign "No!, I don't want to choose you".

"Luck" that I had brought me to situation that becomes a dream of many men, expected, and even be loved by more than one girls at the same time.

What was the lesson that I got from my life as a "lucky guy"?. Basically, women are not willing if the man who she loves, loves another woman too. Also women are not willing if another woman loves the who she loves. Only "The Special Man" who can handle this situation, and I am not the special man. I could not handle situation when a girl so jealous because she knew other girls expect me too.

Another lesson?. Every woman has a different style of jealousy. :D

This is the first reason why I don't want to have a wife more than one.

The second reason?. When I was young, finally I chose a girl. Frankly, one factor that made me chose her was her beauty. She accepted me in our second meeting, and it made other men who expected her felt disappointed. But I could not marry her immediately because I must finish my study and get job.

However, later her beauty became a problem in our relationship. Like we know, men are attracted to beauty, and other men were still trying to get the girl who I intend to marry. It made me worry she would 'move to another heart'. Actually she was worry too because she knew, there were other girls who tried to approach me too.

Finally, she decide to end our relationship. She said she was worry I would not marry her, or if I marry her, later I would have other wives.

It broke my heart But, ..... less than two weeks later, I made a promise with a girl who now becomes my wife. Without intention to despise my first girl, the girl who now becomes my wife is more beautiful, and she had more admirers.

Same like with the first girl, I could not marry her immediately too because I must finish my study and get a job. And same situation happened again, even worse. I was so sick because many other were trying to get her too. I could not count how much of them because they were too much. Yes, my wife was a favorite woman who expected by many men.

And I began to understand, what a woman feel when she worry the man who she loves will 'move to the another heart'. This is the second reason why I don't want to marry another wife. I can understand what my wife would feel if I marry again.

And the third reason. I have been married for almost 18 years. There were many moments that I experience with my wife. And it makes me realize, my wife always loves me. She always try to becomes a good wife for me. So, why should I hurt her by marrying another woman?. No! I will never marry another woman, and I will always love my wife.

Yes, I am still a lucky guy. I have a beautiful wife who always loves me. And I am happy. Alhamdulillah.

:)

[Insanely.Krazii]

And I began to understand, what a woman feel when she worry the man who she loves will 'move to the another heart'. This is the second reason why I don't want to marry another wife. I can understand what my wife would feel if I marry again.
And the third reason. I have been married for almost 18 years. There were many moments that I experience with my wife. And it makes me realize, my wife always loves me. She always try to becomes a good wife for me. So, why should I hurt her by marrying another woman?. No! I will never marry another woman, and I will always love my wife.
Yes, I am still a lucky guy. I have a beautiful wife who always loves me. And I am happy. Alhamdulillah.

Mashallah! :D Yes you're lucky, and she is as well! Too bad all men aren't like you lol.

I think majority of the men nowadays marry again just for the "fun" of having another new woman in their life. It's purely for their desires alone. Almost all men who marry again, chose a girl younger than their first wife... And that's not how polygamy is supposed to be at all. They just abuse the religion that way. The main and utmost purpose of polygamy is so the man can help and support other women (mainly widows..etc..) and because there are more women than men. Instead of going for the divorced or poor women, they go for the young pretty girls. And then, of course, they forget all about the first wife. In these times, it's very difficult for a man to be just and fair.

Not only that, but many women don't prefer polygamy, though some enjoy the free time they get away from their husband, lol. But I've seen so many lives get shattered, so many families get torn apart, because of polygamy. Men should always remind themselves that this dunya is nothing but a road. You don't settle here, you just keep moving on until you reach the aakhira where you will finally rest in peace.

Not only men, but women also. If your husband is able to be just and support another woman, you can't stop him. Just make sure he's marrying for the right reasons. And wait for your reward in the hereafter. I know it sounds hard and all... And don't get me wrong, lol, when I get married and my husband even thinks about getting another wife, I'll most likely kill him in his sleep.

So thats why... marry a guy who's not that rich ;D

[Cabdullahi]

I think a good experiment would be if you were able to live as a man for just one day, on a hot summers day, in the middle of the city centre.

The above is the only remedy for your skepticism.

Check this out

In a world without pornography, where a man's wife is the only woman he would typically see in sexual situations, this process of conditioning would probably serve to make him more turned on by her particular features and habits, thus strengthening his attraction to her even as her body changes with age. In our highly sexualized western culture where a man sees many sexualized images of other women, sexual cues are created that have little or nothing to do with a man's wife, and are more likely to detract from the marriage relationship.

It maybe that, those who want to have a second wife aren't really conditioning themselves to be aroused by their wife...there's a poor psychological bond and some men apply the wrong treatment. i.e going for another wife, thinking that it will provide respite from the bombardment on their brain, when the solution lies in going back to the wife and conditioning the brain to be aroused by her features and personality.

Q. Why was hawa enough for adam?

A. The place was deserted....so his bond with her was very strong



What do i prefer? i prefer to focus on keeping my mind pure and then after that...just one wife is enough insha'Allah

[CosmicPathos]

JazakAllah for the above comments.


My general impression is that the majority of men who are seeking 2/3/4 wives are doing so to fulfill lustful desires......rather than having a charitable intention of wanting to assist a widow/ divorcee with kids.

I have been told that the sexual desires of (most?) men are much greater than that of women - and hence the reason that polygamy is permitted in Islam.

I am battling to accept/ understand this......

If this were to be true, then:

- why did Allah (subhanawataála) create only Hawa as a partner for Adam (alaihi salam)? (and not multiple women)

- Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) remained in a monogous marriage for over 20 years. And when he did marry many women, it stemmed from noble reasons such as - caring for older divorcees/ widows, strengthening ties between rival groups.....and to teach his ummah different lessons from each marriage.

- Why did the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) deny Ali (ra) permission to marry again (whilst in marriage to his daughter Fathimah (ra))?
We know that he feared that Fathimah (ra) may be hurt by this......and this was reason enough to request that Ali (ra) remain monogomous.


However, many polygamous marriages of today seem to stem from an unquenched physical desire......with the reasoning that 'man has been created this way'.

Has he really been created this way.....or is this a modern day reason for polygamy?




:wa:

Is not that the point of the first marriage as well? Who marries first spouse as charity to the "widows or divorcee with kids"? Prophet pbuh hadith is clear on this "marry young women." It is proven by biology as well. Allah swt says in Quran that one of the dearest things to humans is theri progeny and their wealth. How do you reckon men can have a large progeny if they married older women? Fatima (ra) and Ali (ra) example is an exception. On the very other hand Umar (ra)h ad a number of wives. Umar (ra) was also the second caliph, while Ali (ra) the 4th. So it probably has more to do than "hurting" Fatima (ra). Someone with more knowledge on this can shed more light.

But it is also commendable and a good deed if someone wants to have a divorcee with kids as his first wife. I know that I do not. Different strokes for different blokes.

And sorry if I came across as angry in this post, I just got a traffic ticket for not wearing seat belt just right outside my parking lot.

[Muezzin]

A marriage based solely on lust will not work.

If certain men want to marry other women simultaneously and will treat them equally as is their wives' rights, and if the first wife is happy with it, go for it.

Trouble is, it's difficult enough to provide for one wife, let alone three more plus the army of offspring sure to result.

Choose your battles, chaps.

And to answer the question, I personally do not wish to have more than one wife simultaneously. Just, no.

[Cabdullahi]

Competing sexual associations.
Sexy images of women are frequently used in product advertisements. For example, many beer commercials exhibit scantily clad flirting women. The advertisers hope that the particular brand of beer will be perceived as "sexy" and desirable by its association with such images.

Just as sexy pictures can influence how you feel about different brands of beer, they can also influence how you feel about different features or behaviors of women. Just as a brand of beer can come to seem sexy to you because of its association with sexual images, female features or behaviors depicted in the same advertisement may also begin to seem sexy. For example, suppose you see a beer commercial in which an overtly sexy woman with green eyes and braided hair, wearing a lacy white top and sitting on a buckskin horse, blows a kiss at a man holding a can of Brand X beer. The advertiser hopes that Brand X beer will now seem sexy to you by association with this sexual image. What may actually happen, however, is that lacy white tops, braided hair, blown kisses, or even buckskin horses may suddenly seem more desirable to you. You may wish your wife had green eyes, or that she would wear such clothing, blow kisses at you or get into riding horses, etc. Since she does not, you feel frustrated with her.

Some more info...to help remedy your skepticism.

[CosmicPathos]

The War of the Genders is more deadly than The War of the Worlds. ;D

['Abd Al-Maajid]

I desire multiple wives. :statisfie May Allah make this small wish of mine come true. Everyone say Aameen. :p

[CosmicPathos]

I desire multiple wives. :statisfie May Allah make this small wish of mine come true. Everyone say Aameen. :p

awww.

AMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

.. when you get married to first one, do let us know

[~Zaria~]

^^ Why bro? Whyyyy??


Lol


(P.s. I know quite a few young widowed and divorced women with kids, who are looking to settle down......heres a chance to marry multiple, and for a good cause! : ) )

['Abd Al-Maajid]

^^ Why bro? Whyyyy??


Lol


(P.s. I know quite a few young widowed and divorced women with kids, who are looking to settle down......heres a chance to marry multiple, and for a good cause! : ) )

For the same reason Allah promised us many hoors in the hereafter. Allah knows best what a man desires...so he made hoors for the men who make it to the Jannah.

[GuestFellow]

I desire multiple wives. :statisfie May Allah make this small wish of mine come true. Everyone say Aameen. :p

Salaam,

Small? How is that a small wish? :skeleton:

Ameen!

[Endymion]

I think most men have this desire to marry more than one women but thanks to inflation,this desire is not "affordable" :p :hiding:

[FS123]

One is enough.

[Banu_Hashim]

To purely fulfil carnal desires? Yeah sure, who wouldn't.

But to have more than one wife. I think the definition of "wife" needs to be re-examined. This is someone who is not only the mother of my children, but my confidant, my closest friend, the person I share my most intimate feelings with, the person I make life decisions with and so much more. All these roles can't be split! There will be fitnah no doubt. In my humble opinion. For me, not realistic.

Edit: Though, it depends on the situation. There are extreme cases (a helpless single mother/widow) where I may consider. But then again the responsibility is huge and I don't want to present myself on the Day of Judgement and confess I did not treat my wive(s) equally. And it's too weird. waAllahu 'Alam.

[Banu_Hashim]

Just a side note: Our mother 'Aisha (radhiAlllahu 'anha) got jealous. Of Khadijah (radhiAllahu 'anha). After she passed away! And she was one of the most righteous, scholarly women of our Ummah!

[CosmicPathos]

my confidant, my closest friend, the person I share my most intimate feelings with, the person I make life decisions with and so much more.

That should be Allah swt, and He is not a person. You can get good advice from all sorts of humans. Sometimes well wishing strangers, sometimes wife.

[aadil77]

I think majority of the men nowadays marry again just for the "fun" of having another new woman in their life. It's purely for their desires alone. Almost all men who marry again, chose a girl younger than their first wife... And that's not how polygamy is supposed to be at all. They just abuse the religion that way. The main and utmost purpose of polygamy is so the man can help and support other women (mainly widows..etc..) and because there are more women than men. Instead of going for the divorced or poor women, they go for the young pretty girls. And then, of course, they forget all about the first wife. In these times, it's very difficult for a man to be just and fair.

I've heard this before and doubt its true, have you got any proof for this statement?

[Banu_Hashim]

That should be Allah swt, and He is not a person. You can get good advice from all sorts of humans. Sometimes well wishing strangers, sometimes wife.

Well, I'm talking about a person.

Allah (swt)'s guidance is in the Qur'an; "Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think." [30:21]

[Scimitar]

New Zealand wants to know what you think of its brand new hijaab ban...

59% of the international community think its a good idea... where are our voices?

VOTE NO NOW...

http://yhoo.it/9vvJNA

Scimi

[Banu_Hashim]

Al-Nabi ﷺ said, "Four (things) are from happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious house, a good neighbour and an easy ride."

[CosmicPathos]

Well, I'm talking about a person.

Allah (swt)'s guidance is in the Qur'an; "Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think." [30:21]

That verse is very beautiful. But is it absolute? Allah swt certainly cannot be wrong because we know from extensive evidence that sometimes (make it many times) spouses do not have love and care for each others in their hearts and they want divorce. So certainly Allah swt is not talking about absolutes.

Yes, if you are lucky, you can find a spouse in whom you can confide and derive tranquility from without being emotionally abused or blackmailed. I do pray you find such a spouse.

[CosmicPathos]

I've heard this before and doubt its true, have you got any proof for this statement?

Yes, there is no evidence for that from Sunnah. On the contrary, the evidence suggests believers to marry young maidens. Is there any hadith which specifically suggests to marry old women? Although it is a very commendable and noteworthy act if someone does that by marrying older or infertile young women out of seeking pleasure for Allah. respect.

[جوري]

This above statement is interesting it places no value on a woman as an individual or a human being .. Do you findthe value in a Muslim woman her youth and ovaries otherwise she's an act of charity to some poor sap?

[CosmicPathos]

No, someone can find value in them as a human being, and I said respect for them. Actually, it is some sisters here on the forum who were saying that polygamy is supposed to be charity for "widows and divorcees with children," and that you cannot genuinely find 2 different people interesting at the same time.

[Abz2000]

well, sometimes they fall in love with or take a liking to another woman, and the kaafirs just chop and change - or commit adultery and keep them as mistresses while betraying their wives and living a lie.
the Muslim man may feel bad about divorcing a woman and leaving her stranded despite flaws or previous bad feelings, or he may keep her if only for the benefit of the children - so he can give his wife the option of staying on, which i see as better than just dumping her.

with men however, it is different - the term used for a man taking more than one wife is polygyny,
polygamy is a broad term which covers both - and i believe we should avoid it in order to avoid confusion.

the Prophet pbuh was going to divorce sauda (RA) but she gave up her night to Aisha (RA) so as to stay his wife.
And he (pbuh) kept her as a wife. The situation is not always black and white and out of a desire to keep loads,
it's sometimes for the benefit of the previous wife and/or children, and this is not always shown in the western lamestream media.
rather, complex situations are twisted out of context to show a greedy man wanting a harem when it is often really far from it.

i myself have seen people who have come to dislike aspects of their previous spouse, and have married, but not divorced their previous wife outright but left them the option of staying because they don't want to cause harm or stress, and also because they know it is better for the children to have both parents.

[CosmicPathos]

show a greedy man wanting a harem when it is often really far from it.

and despite that they remain greedy, in the form of Tom Cruise or James Bond and Bond girls and that is actually rather acceptable and "normal."

[Beardo]

Personally, I think one is plenty. Good and plenty.

[Cabdullahi]

Personally, I think one is plenty. Good and plenty.

Yeah i agree!.... One with a waist as thin as a pencil and hips as protruding and wide as a pumpkin!

[TrueStranger]

Jabir ibnu abdillah reported that once he was on an expedition with the prophet , and when they were close to the city of madinah, he sped on his mount. The prophet (PBUH) asked him why he was in such a hurry to return home. Jabir replied, "I am recently married!"

The prophet (PBUH) asked, "to an older lady or a younger one?" (the arabic could also read: "to a widow or a virgin?"), to which he replied, "a widow."
The prophet (PBUH) said, "but why didn't you marry a younger girl, so that you could play with her, and she could play with you, and you could make her laugh, and she could make you laugh?"

He said, "O messenger of allah! My father died a martyr at uhud, leaving behind daughters, so I did not wish to marry a young girl like them, but rather an older one who could take care of them and look after them."

The prophet(PBUH) replied, "You have made the correct choice"...

----- People completely neglect or ignore the last part of the Hadith.

It all comes down to the individual's circumstance and situation. If we really look at this hadith, the Prophet (PBUH) acknowledges both parties and does not only focus on the man's desires. At the end he tell's Jabir that he has made the correct choice. And IF that does not illustrate the Prophet (PBUH) approval of Jabir's decision to marry a widow, then I don't know what will. And isn't the Prophet's (Actions), such as marrying widows part of his Sunnah?

Mutual interest and compatibility are the key factors to marriage. But people will always take matters such as age, ethnicity, language, status etc... into consideration.

I truly do think that there are some sisters who would love to get married again. May Allah make it easy for them.

[Abz2000]

I personally know a brother who was having serious problems in his marriage and almost divorced quite a few times, and his wife would fix up and apologise every time so he just carried on for the sake of not complicating life especially for his son.
Then he met a sister who's faith and passion really attracted him to her and she also claimed to like him.
His wife found out and he made no attempt to hide it and made it clear that he liked the other sister who was older than himself, he didn't like her for supermodel looks or youth, but for what he perceived of her character and zeal to understand and defend Islam, something he didn't see in his wife.

As things progressed his wife began to lose her mind and neglect the kids, and he began to feel bad and reflected on the situation of the kids etc, so he decided to not dump her but the other sister who hadnt been married before wasn't ready to share a husband, so they decided to not break up the kids and he didn't get a divorce.

But the first wife noticed he was online with her a lot and didnt want him just upping and going so she eventually offered to be content if he remarried provided he didn't treat her like unwanted garbage while he gave all his attention to the other.
It was an awkward situation for the other sister so they decided to continue without proceeding towards a divorce or shared marriage, though he still liked her and she claimed to like him.
So It's not always a case of just wanting loads of women, rather the man knew it wouldn't be easy but was willing to do so just to avoid a complicated breakup due to kids being involved in the equation. and his wife now respects his wishes and doesn't pis* him off so much.
No two situations in life are the same so painting it with the same brush is not always the wise thing to do.

[ardianto]

When I was teenager I got a new friend, he is the oldest kid in family. We became close immediately. I often visit his home, and he introduced me to his family.

One day when I was in his home, he asked me to drive him to an address. I drove him with my car. On the way I asked him:
"Who you will meet in this address?"
"My mother"
"Your mother?. But, I saw your mother in the house"
Then he laughed "Hey, hey, I have two mothers".

We arrived in a house and meet a woman who older than his true mother. I also meet a guy who older than my friend. Later sometime I visited my friend in that house because he stayed there.

This is an example of good polygamy. The father has a family with more than one wife although they are living in different houses. Relationship between a wife and other wife/wives is good. The kids from a mother also become kids of other mother(s), the father other wife/wives, also become mother of other wife/wives kids.

Unfortunately, mostly of polygamy that I have seen in my place are not good. Relationship between a wife and other wives are bad. They jealous each other. They urge the husband give attention and money more than that the husband gives to another wife. This situation make the husband and the wives feel uncomfortable.

Basically, men have desire to have multiple wives, but not every man able to manage polygamy marriage. Only Special Men like my friend father who are able to build good polygamy marriage.

[tigerkhan]

well i think it depend from person to person. most of time men desire multiple wives bcz of sexual satisfaction.
personally i think i never want to be a man with more than one wife. one reason maybe i think i cant divide my heart, love, care or feeling into two or more parts. secandaly i dont have much sexual desire rather i sometime think i can marry to divorce if i find her appealing.
so i think its possible for men to be content with one wife for whole life.
also Islam is blessing whether its polygamy or else. we cant understand wisdom of GOD b4 every commandment and permission.

[CosmicPathos]

secandaly i dont have much sexual desire

come on, you are a tiger. :p

[marwen]

Again, we always see things from our side.
- For men : fulfill our desires (which,for some reason, seem to go out of control) ==> we need too many women.
- For women : it's pathetic charity + we are very jealous ==> no way ! (translation : on my dead body).

But let's see it from a social point of view : The prophet PBUH wanted to build a whole ummah, and a strong unified state of islam. Te first muslim ummah, or at least the first nucleus of ummah was formed from the family of the prophet PBUH and the close sahaba : Ali, Abu Bakr, Umar, Othmen, etc.
The prophet nearly had family relationship with all of them, by making marriages between these families. The prophet aso encouraged sahaba to make marriages, and every widow or divorced woman does not stay too much before getting married again. I don't think sahaba or the prophet PBUH or sahabyiat (female sahaba) were only thinking about fulfilling their desires or about pathetic charity.
Polygamy once made the ummah, a one strong ummah :
- less fighting and separation inside the ummah : because of familial relationships.
- decrease of the number of unmarried men and women : decrease of obscenity and prostitution in the society.
- less differences between social classes : no more rich families VS poor families.
- ease of marriage for teenagers : so they marry very soon, to concentrate more on other beneficial issues like 'Ilm, prayer, and jihad.
- increase of the number of muslims because of too much marriages.

This also works for our ummah today, if we want to become strong again.

I also remember Sheikh Ahmad Deedat (rahimahu Allah) spoke in one of his talks about these last times, the number of women increases and exceeds the number of men, and he said that in these times, polygamy is the only right solution to the problem.




(funny videos, no ? :p)

There is a hadeeth about this phenomenon, I can't recall it now. May be another brother or sister can post it.

[جوري]

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/261848...57571#44857571

By Vidya Rao TODAY.com


http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/448642.../#.T4ul3NlXGnU

Not advocating not getting married.. but there's no reason for you not to be happy as a single person..

[ardianto]

Brother : O, Ardianto, how many wives do you have?
Ardianto : I have only one wife.
Brother : Only one? you should marry the second, the third, and the fourth wives!
Ardianto : Why?
Brother : Because you are a man! Men cannot be satisfied with only one wife!
Ardianto : Okay, okay. But, how many wives do you have?
Brother : No one. I am still unmarried.
Ardianto : Why?
Brother : All women who I wanted to marry reject my marriage proposals.
:p

[~Zaria~]

Assalamu-alaikum,

Its actually comforting to know that are so many brothers who are quite satisfied to have one wife.

And I think that this, in itself kinda answers my original question.....

And it also answers the question:

Are men naturally more desirous of multiple partners - from a biological point of view?

--> Despite the articles that have been quoted in this thread - I dont think this serves to prove much.

As I have mentioned:

- Why did Allah (subhanawataála) create only Hawa as a partner for Adam (alaihi salam)? (and not multiple women)

- Muhammed (sallalahu alaihi wasalam) remained in a monogous marriage for over 20 years.
And when he did marry many women, it stemmed from noble reasons such as - caring for older divorcees/ widows, strengthening ties between rival groups.....and to teach his ummah different lessons from each marriage.

Although the Quraan/ Hadith do not stipulate reasons for men engaging in polygamy (so it really has been left open to the individual) i think we should bear the following in mind:

Polygamy should not be seen as a license for men to satisfy lust.

Consider how often we are reminded against following base desires and lust:

"Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire?

Then would you be responsible for him?Or do you think that most of them hear or reason? They are not except like livestock. Rather, they are [even] more astray in [their] way." (Al-Quraan 25: 43-44)

And there are many more ayats that warn us in a similiar manner......



We should bear in mind that we are living in an over-sexualised world - and this has not only affected men.....but also women, and children.

By the constant barage of images that are intended to heighten sexuality, we are now in a situation where KIDS are engaging in sexual acts, there are decreasing levels of satisfaction within marriages, and a state of being 'aroused' more often...... (considering its often not even safe to drive down the freeway without seeing blown-up, photo-shopped under-wear clad models peering longingly at you......)


The remedy for the above fitnah-filled enviroment is:


- Lower our gaze - for both men and women
- Avoid inter-mingling between the sexes.

- There is a hadith that mentions the course of action for the man who is tempted by women (other than his wife) - that he should hurry to his wife - for with her, it would be the same as with the other one.

Notice that the remedy for such temptations was not - 'Marry another woman and perhaps you will now be satisfied'.

Unfortunately (I feel), polygamy is/ has become the 'solution' to tackling the above-mentioned temptations and challenges.

I personally know a brother who was having serious problems in his marriage and almost divorced quite a few times, and his wife would fix up and apologise every time so he just carried on for the sake of not complicating life especially for his son.
Then he met a sister who's faith and passion really attracted him to her and she also claimed to like him.
His wife found out and he made no attempt to hide it and made it clear that he liked the other sister who was older than himself, he didn't like her for supermodel looks or youth, but for what he perceived of her character and zeal to understand and defend Islam, something he didn't see in his wife.

As things progressed his wife began to lose her mind and neglect the kids, and he began to feel bad and reflected on the situation of the kids etc, so he decided to not dump her but the other sister who hadnt been married before wasn't ready to share a husband, so they decided to not break up the kids and he didn't get a divorce.

But the first wife noticed he was online with her a lot and didnt want him just upping and going so she eventually offered to be content if he remarried provided he didn't treat her like unwanted garbage while he gave all his attention to the other.
It was an awkward situation for the other sister so they decided to continue without proceeding towards a divorce or shared marriage, though he still liked her and she claimed to like him.
So It's not always a case of just wanting loads of women, rather the man knew it wouldn't be easy but was willing to do so just to avoid a complicated breakup due to kids being involved in the equation. and his wife now respects his wishes and doesn't pis* him off so much.
No two situations in life are the same so painting it with the same brush is not always the wise thing to do.

JazakAllah for sharing the above story Akhee.

Im not in the postion to comment on this story itself, but I think it highlights an important issue when men decide to take on another wife:

Ensuring that it is done correctly.
In other words, the process of attaining the other wife should not be by means of adultery/ affairs/ inappropiate contact, etc.

If a man is intends on approaching another woman for marriage - then he should do so......Directly and to the point.
If he is rejected, or the arrangement does seem possible - then he walks away.

On-going chats, illicit meetings - is nothing more than a display of infidelity.

How is a wife expected to feel, when she realises that this has been going on behind the scenes?


Just something to think about.


:wa:

['Abd-al Latif]

Assalamu-alaikum,

Do most men personally desire multiple wives?



This is not a question of whether polygamy is permissible for men or not (because it has been decreed by Allah, and it is), but rather -

Do most men remain in monogous marriages only because they are limited by finances, a 'resistant' wife, time, etc.......?

Is it possible for a man to remain satisfied with one wife, all his life?

or are the carnal desires of some so large, that a single wife can never be enough?


Hope to hear some honest views, insha Allah.


:wa:

:shade:

On a serious note, it was an exception among the sahaba to have only one wife. Most of the sahaba had at least 2 wives. The sincere brothers today who actually marry more than one wife understand polygamy as a sunnah and a responsibility rather than a fulfilment of desires. Sure polygamy has its benefits but anyone who is married (or has been) knows that marriage is far more than satisfying desires. It's a commitment, it's raising a family and it's the way of coming closer to Allah by following the sunnah of His Messenger. Most sisters who reject polygamy reflects the reality of their iman.

['Abd Al-Maajid]

^ If a marries a virgin and then thinks of marrying again to help a widow or a divorcée with children, will he be able to divide his love equally between the two wives?

[biz]

youtube.com/watch?v=K15ZEODDRxk

Polygami by Ahmed Deedat.. nice retoric:)

[~Zaria~]

On a serious note, it was an exception among the sahaba to have only one wife. Most of the sahaba had at least 2 wives. The brothers today who actually marry more than one wife understand polygamy as a sunnah and a responsibility rather than a fulfilment of desires. Sure polygamy has its benefits but anyone who is married (or has been) knows that marriage is far more than satisfying desires. It's a commitment, it's raising a family and it's the way of coming closer to Allah by following the sunnah of His Messenger. Most sisters who reject polygamy shows in reality a reflection of their iman.

I do agree Akhee.

I dont think we can remove from the fact that polygamy serves a role - looking at it from a social point of view.

There is wisdom behind all of Allahs decrees, and we the actual act of polygamy is not being challenged.

Rather, its a question of whether polygamy stems from a 'biological need' for men to have multiple partners......as I have heard of many occasions.

In this case, it would imply that it is not possible for men to remain satisfied in a monogomous relationship......and that the only reason we are seeing fewer polygamous marriages stem from financial and other social stressors.


(Ps. Im having problems accessing pages 3/4 of this thread - I can only read the comments by scrolling down the 'advanced post' page.
Is anyone else having this problem?.....any solutions insha Allah?)

:wa:

['Abd-al Latif]

^ If a marries a virgin and then thinks of marrying again to help a widow or a divorcée with children, will he be able to divide his love equally between the two wives?

Love cannot be divided equally but treating them equally and justly can be. This is proven by the hadeeth of the Messenger :saws1: when he made du'aa to Allah saying "Oh Allah do not hold be accountable for what I am not in control of". He made this du'aa when he was distributing the war booty between his wives (as this could be distributed justly) and said this in reference to the love he has for 'Aisha as she was the most beloved to him. This shows that the love one has for his wives is in the hands of Allah and cannot be controlled, but one's actions and just treatment can be controlled.

In truth, a man will love all of his wives whether she was previously married or not or has children or not.

[purple]

Most sisters who reject polygamy reflects the reality of their iman.

Men now are not sahabas. Who are you to say these women have low iman which is what you are implying? So female members who have commented thus far have low iman? Or Perhaps they don’t trust men to treat them equally?

I dont care about polygamy as long as all agree and are happy with it. All sisters dont have to accept it, some will and some wont.

['Abd-al Latif]

Men now are not sahabas. Who are you to say these women have low iman which is what you are implying? So female members who have commented thus far have low iman? Or Perhaps they don’t trust men to treat them equally?

I dont care about polygamy as long as all agree and are happy with it. All sisters dont have to accept it, some will and some wont.

It's why I said 'most' sisters. I didn't imply each and every single one nor did I single a sister out. For the one who rejects, she has to ask this question to herself and only she can answer this question for herself in truth. I don't know the reality of anyone's heart.

[purple]

It's why I said 'most' sisters. I didn't imply each and every single one nor did I single a sister out. For the one who rejects, she has to ask this question to herself and only she can answer this question in truth.

But who are to even say most? I don’t agree with Zaria when she says most men go into polygamy for their lust. We don’t have the authority or power to know ‘most’ people intentions.

[~Zaria~]

^ I think we should not forget that being in a polygamous marriage is not the easiest of things for a woman.....even one with the strongest of imaans.

This was a trial for the wives of the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) themselves.

So, for the women who is able to gladly accept a polygamous marriage - Alhamdulillah.

But for the one who finds herself in heart-ache, feelings of jealousy, etc.......this does not lessen her imaan, but rather these are aspects that both herself, and her husband can work on to, insha Allah, diminish them.

['Abd-al Latif]

I do agree Akhee.

I dont think we can remove from the fact that polygamy serves a role - looking at it from a social point of view.

There is wisdom behind all of Allahs decrees, and we the actual act of polygamy is not being challenged.

Rather, its a question of whether polygamy stems from a 'biological need' for men to have multiple partners......as I have heard of many occasions.

In this case, it would imply that it is not possible for men to remain satisfied in a monogomous relationship......and that the only reason we are seeing fewer polygamous marriages stem from financial and other social stressors.


(Ps. Im having problems accessing pages 3/4 of this thread - I can only read the comments by scrolling down the 'advanced post' page.
Is anyone else having this problem?.....any solutions insha Allah?)

:wa:

Close your browser and open it again. It should solve the problem.

For a man to be satisfied with one wife is subjective. One man may only want to commit to one wife while another (for various reasons) may want or even need more than one. The fact that Allah has allowed men to marry just one wife shows that it is possible for one to live happily and contentedly with just one wife. But to generalise either is an assumption and a mistake.

[~Zaria~]

But who are to even say most? I don’t agree with Zaria when she says most men go into polygamy for their lust. We don’t have the authority or power to know ‘most’ people intentions.

I have not stated that 'most men go into polygamy for their lust'. (please re-read my posts).

I have instead asked if most men desire multiple wives.

In fact, I dont believe that lust should be the reason driving one towards polygamy at all.


:wa:

['Abd-al Latif]

But who are to even say most? I don’t agree with Zaria when she says most men go into polygamy for their lust. We don’t have the authority or power to know ‘most’ people intentions.

I will judge according to what Abu Bakr said, "When the Messenger was with us we would know the reality of people's hearts through revelation. But now that the Messenger is not with us, we will judge you by your actions and speech." Without having to derail this thread, I can tell you that experience with how a lot of women have treated polygamy in their marriage has shown the reality of their stance towards polygamy. You can defend it as much as you like but the fact that women force their husbands to divorce them because of another wife, leave them (for silly reasons) or create a lot of problems because of it reflects really their iman. The facts speak louder then your defence. Perhaps I seem a tad bit judgemental but knowledge and experience has formed my views. If I am wrong, I hope for Allah to correct me and set me straight.

This is the last post I will have regarding this and I will not allow any further discussion regarding it on this thread. Create a separate thread if you want to discuss it further.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

If Polygamy has been approved by Allah and made possible, why the need to discuss it often? Each person is responsible for their own actions and instead of trying to scold men, which is what is happening here, point out how they should, why they should or should not have more than one wife is none of anybody's concern except the man who is going to be taking on a second wife.

Biologically, a man is fertile 24-7 a woman is only fertile once a month. Her drive rises the week following menses (due to ovulation) and a couple of days before menses(due to the hormonal shift occuring that brings on menses), that's it. She is only fertile in that week after menses, so how can then women be comparing themselves to men on this subject?? Women are jealous by nature and that's not going to go away, I find this to always be a hot topic among women, where they take an opportunity to complain (many times subtly such as this thread for example) about why they don't want a co-wife and why they find polygamy unfair, even though Allah has made it halaal.

The Ayat used here is referring to mankind putting their desires before Allah, this isn't just sexual desires, all of them, even eating, internet use, u name it. This is for all of mankind, not men, and again it speaks not of sexual desires exclusively, so it's not a valid quote to use, especially with no tafsir.

"Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire?

Then would you be responsible for him?Or do you think that most of them hear or reason? They are not except like livestock. Rather, they are [even] more astray in [their] way." (Al-Quraan 25: 43-44)

- Why did the prophet (sallahu alaihi wasalam) deny Ali (ra) permission to marry again (whilst in marriage to his daughter Fathimah (ra))?
We know that he feared that Fathimah (ra) may be hurt by this......and this was reason enough to request that Ali (ra) remain monogomous.

As far as the prophet not allowing Ali a second wife it had not to do with fatimah herself,it was about Abu Jahl. He was the enemy of Allah and our prophet (saw) would not have his daughter and the daughter of the enemy of Allah be co-wives. See how different it is from the version you suggested? That he thought his daughter would be too hurt to have a co-wife? Not true at all.

Here is one translation of the hadith.

"I heard Allah's Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, 'Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don't give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me.'" (Bukhari, No. 4887)

Narrated by Ali ibn al-Husayn:

"Ali demanded the hand of the daughter of Abu Jahl. Fatimah heard of this and went to Allah's Messenger saying, 'Your people think that you do not become angry for the sake of your daughters as `Ali now is going to marry the daughter of Abu Jahl.'

On that, the Messenger got up and after his recitation of Tashahhud (witnessing the oneness of the Creator and the prophethood of His Final Messenger) I heard him saying, 'I married one of my daughters (Zainab) to Abu Al-`Aas ibn Ar-Rabi` before Islam and he proved truthful in whatever he said to me. No doubt Fatimah is part of me; I hate to see her troubled. By Allah, the daughter of Allah's Messenger and the daughter of Allah's enemy cannot be the wives of one man.'" (Bukhari, No. 2900)

The hadith appears in reliable works and appears to be probable.
We understand that it is not a legal prohibition but expression of love of a father for his daughter especially when the son in law is pondering over marrying into the family which has caused the concerned father great harm. The Qur'an clearly allows adult male and female believers to marry persons of their choice. It also does not prohibit second marriage. Therefore, we cannot take it as a religious or legal ruling.

http://www.al-mawrid.org/pages/quest...id=887&cid=168

Polygamy is discouraged because of the responsibility it requires, and the care that must be taken to be fair to all of the wives, but a pius man can do it. Besides the first wife has the option to leave if she doesn't like it right? Although it would not be a valid reason.

Financially it would not be so hard if sisters were not so demanding, If you live a very modest life financially, with minimal things, it is very possible to have more than one wife financially speaking. Sisters also claim now that the first wife MUST know, it's not a requirement, a great gesture on the brother's behalf, but not a requirement. Unfair? well not if she has a good relationship with the husband, as a woman one can make themselves part of that decision and help find a good fit for the family, because she will be part of the family as her children will be sibling to the other wive's..... The inability to accept polygamy for women comes in this whole idea that marriage is based on love, when in reality marriage is a partnership and the goal is Jannah. yes you develop love for your spouse but not Hollywood love, also selfishness whatever happened to wanting for your sister what u want for yourself? That's what I ask women. It seems that now a days, a woman must walk the shoes of a divorcee with children or a widow to understand this fully and mature up about it.

As far as the above story is concerned, well it's obvious the brother went about it the wrong way. He began an affair on the side outside of marriage. I'm glad to see that in the end they stayed together, it's still not acceptable, and sadly a growing trend. Let's not be unfair though, what drives a man to that state? Not desires, exclusively. A wife that isn't well behaved can send a man out the door any day, coming home to bickering and complaining... who wants that? Just sayin, always two sides to the coin.

-Nusaybah

[ardianto]

if most men desire multiple wives.

Totally is not most, but many. It's means the number of men who desire multiple wives is not so big like your assumption.

But if you ask about percentage of men who desire multiple wives, it's depend on cultures. There are cultures that have high percentage, there are cultures that have lower percentage.

[~Zaria~]

If Polygamy has been approved by Allah and made possible, why the need to discuss it often?

As per my opening post, I have clearly mentioned that this thread

"is not a question of whether polygamy is permissible for men or not (because it has been decreed by Allah, and it is)...."

Please re-read my initial post to insha Allah, understand the basis for this thread.

I, as well as many here, accept the wisdom of polygamy set by Allah.....so I assure it is not necessary to try to convince us of this : )
(JazakAllah for the time and trouble taken) in this regard.

As far as the prophet not allowing Ali a second wife it had not to do with fatimah herself,it was about Abu Jahl. He was the enemy of Allah and our prophet (saw) would not have his daughter and the daughter of the enemy of Allah be co-wives. See how different it is from the version you suggested? That he thought his daughter would be too hurt to have a co-wife? Not true at all.

JazakAllah for the above.....

I have, however, heard scholars themselves use the situation between Ali (ra) and Fathimah (as) as a reason for women being allowed to stipulate their wishes regarding polygamy in the nikkah contract (which btw are the interpretations of the Hanbali and Hanafee schools of thought).


:wa:

[Jedi_Mindset]

Well, if i become more pious and can support it financially, i might consider to do polygamy. Ofcourse first wive can talk with husband who he considers, but its not the matter of the first wive to prevent polygamy, only the husband can choose for that. But women these days, seems to be jealous at each other when they marry the same guy, just act nice to each other and share knowledge, isn't that hard. a pious women won't mind... Insha'Allah

[purple]

Currently I live with minimal things actually. So yes it's quite easy with minimal things to be honest, life is much less stressful. A woman should be satisfied with what her husband can provide, it is the man's issue providing separate accommodations, not the woman's.

Sis, we are going back and forth. "Minimal things" include rent, water, shelter etc. Now a man in polygamy marriage has to pay twice for rent, water, shelter. Plus he also has to pay children from both wives too. I mentioned separate accommodations because according to you, it is fairly easy to do so in polygamy marriage for a man not woman.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

I just wish to reply to the above, before we insha Allah can close here - and remain back on topic:

Hereunder are the views of the four Madhaahib to your queries pertaining to putting conditions in a Nikah:

a) Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbaliy (RA) ? If the wife puts conditions in the Nikah, the husband must fulfil them, otherwise the wife has a right to divorce herself if the husband goes against those conditions. (Dars Taqreer Tirmidhi vol.3 pg.412)

b) Imaam Maalik (RA) ? the conditions will not be effective and it is Makrooh to make such a conditions. (Ibid)

c) Imaam Shaafi?ee (RA) ? The Nikah will be valid but the condition will be invalid. (Fiqh alaa Madhaahib arbaa vol.4 pg.85)

d) Imaam Abu Hanifa (RA) ? it is compulsory upon the husband to fulfil the conditions.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

It is not up to us to be passing our own judgements in these cases.

If there is any doubt - please refer to a scholar who will be able to provide the necessary rulings on these matters, based on the interpretations of those who are far, far more learned than us.

JazakAllah khair.


:wa:

Polygamy is not in any of what u just posted here sister. yes both parties can write what they want on the marriage contract. If the first wife wants divorce and she wrote it on the contract that there was to be no polygamy then yes she has this right to leave based on that reason . However, for a woman who has NOT written this in her contract it is not a valid reason. Re-read my post. Personally, i find it selfish to put such thing in a marriage contract, it shows how rotten people are now a days. That is an opinion of mine, i never claimed it to be a judgement or a ruling.

-cOsMiC

[ardianto]

bro its up to you who decides, you may can choose and talk about it with your wife, but family hasn't much right to prevent polygamy for you.

No one can prevent me to do polygamy if I want. I am an independent man. But my love to them prevent me to do it.

[marwen]

No one can prevent me to do polygamy if I want. I am an independent man. But my love to them prevent me to do it.

them ? who ? do you have multiple wives :confused:

[tango92]

i used to think having two wives would be harder than just 1 because of more responsibilities and the equality ruling etc.
but some brothers in the mosque told me your life will actually get easier because they will compete for your attention.

the future is bright :)

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Sis, we are going back and forth. "Minimal things" include rent, water, shelter etc. Now a man in polygamy marriage has to pay twice for rent, water, shelter. Plus he also has to pay children from both wives too. I mentioned separate accommodations because according to you, it is fairly easy to do so in polygamy marriage for a man not woman.

you make no sense. Again it's a man's issue, not a woman's. she should be happy with what she has. I never said it was easy, but hardship is much better experienced in dunya than in the akhira. If there is polygamy obviously accommodations are not going to be extravagant or luxurious now are they, especially in these times. You have to share what u have, even if its a slice of bread.

- cOsMiC

[~Zaria~]

Polygamy is not in any of what u just posted here sister.

Perhaps I should have included the question that was posed to Mufti Desai, where basically a sister is asking whether it is permissible to add a clause in the nikkah contract regarding polygamy.

Personally, i find it selfish to put such thing in a marriage contract, it shows how rotten people are now a days. That is an opinion of mine, i never claimed it to be a judgement or a ruling.

I think it is probably best not to be passing judgements of others as to who is 'rotten' or who has less imaan, etc in cases such as these.

The women in such a situation is only really interested in the particular rulings on such a matter.

:wa:

[purple]

you make no sense. Again it's a man's issue, not a woman's. she should be happy with what she has. I never said it was easy, but hardship is much better experienced in dunya than in the akhira. If there is polygamy obviously accommodations are not going to be extravagant or luxurious now are they, especially in these times. You have to share what u have, even if its a slice of bread.

- cOsMiC

Even if the accommodations are not extravagant, it is very hard for most men to afford polygamy. Do people live in extravagant homes now? So it is practically okay to make your current family suffer to create another family?

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

As per my opening post, I have clearly mentioned that this thread

"is not a question of whether polygamy is permissible for men or not (because it has been decreed by Allah, and it is)...."

Please re-read my initial post to insha Allah, understand the basis for this thread.

I, as well as many here, accept the wisdom of polygamy set by Allah.....so I assure it is not necessary to try to convince us of this : )
(JazakAllah for the time and trouble taken) in this regard.



JazakAllah for the above.....

I have, however, heard scholars themselves use the situation between Ali (ra) and Fathimah (as) as a reason for women being allowed to stipulate their wishes regarding polygamy in the nikkah contract (which btw are the interpretations of the Hanbali and Hanafee schools of thought).


:wa:

I never said it was a question sister, this is what I said:

If Polygamy has been approved by Allah and made possible, why the need to discuss it often? Each person is responsible for their own actions and instead of trying to scold men, which is what is happening here, point out how they should, why they should or should not have more than one wife is none of anybody's concern except the man who is going to be taking on a second wife.

the question was, why the need to discuss it? This thred is about why and how men should take on more wives if the choose to. In any discussion about polygamy, u will find people saying they agree or don't agree with it, if they would do it or not do it, and that is what i was adressing with the very first portion of my statement. I was replying to your post #46 anyhow, not the original post.

-cOsMiC

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Even if the accommodations are not extravagant, it is very hard for most men to afford polygamy. Do people live in extravagant homes now? So it is practically okay to make your current family suffer to create another family?

again you are seeing it from your perspective only. A family can really benefit from polygamy. If there's a second wife that leaves time for either of the women to pitch in financially if they wish to, or gives them time to learn Islam more, teach each other, teach their children together. Even if they live in a shack, the benefits are huge fr the families and community. But you don't see it that way, u see it from "well i have to give up the little that I have just so my husband can get his jollies, that's so unfair" at least, that's what i'm seeing. I could be totally wrong, and forgive me if I am. Personally, I don't see it as making another family suffer, it all depends on the imaan of both parties.

-cOsMiC

[ardianto]

but some brothers in the mosque told me your life will actually get easier because they will compete for your attention.

;D ;D ;D

Let me laugh. When I was young two beautiful girls were compete for my attention. They really hate each other. Then what I did in this situation?. Dating with the third beautiful girl who they never heard before.

I totally disagree that your life would easier if two or more women compete for your attention. But you will get headache because they will always jealous, then angry and interrogate you.

I was familiar with situation when girls compete for me. This is why I do not want to be competed by the women again.

[Jedi_Mindset]

Polygamy is very usefull, for the husband but also for the wives, their families can provide either. Why make such a trouble about it? If my wife thinks she doesn't want me to do polygamy, then she says it to me, but i won't agree without valid reason. I may get a bunch of feminazis reply to me soon, but this is the truth. We men, don't want women anymore who take their own role and don't listen to their husbands anymore. Period.

[cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn]

Perhaps I should have included the question that was posed to Mufti Desai, where basically a sister is asking whether it is permissible to add a clause in the nikkah contract regarding polygamy.



I think it is probably best not to be passing judgements of others as to who is 'rotten' or who has less imaan, etc in cases such as these.

The women in such a situation is only really interested in the particular rulings on such a matter.

:wa:

I stand by what I said (keep in mind I did not single out anyone), women making these decisions reflect the state of the Ummah, it is selfish and rotten to prevent other sisters from marrying, and by preventing polygamy in a marriage contract, she IS preventing it. Because she opts out of the marriage if husband decides to marry again, destroying an entire family unit because she can't accept polygamy. So naturally her husband wont be so enthusiastic about a second wife knowing what will happen if he does do it, it's a threat basically. Polygamy is for WOMEN not for men, it has benefits for both, but mainly for women. That is what is not entering in the minds of most women!



- cOsMiC

[~Zaria~]

the question was, why the need to discuss it? This thred is about why and how men should take on more wives if the choose to. In any discussion about polygamy, u will find people saying they agree or don't agree with it, if they would do it or not do it, and that is what i was adressing with the very first portion of my statement. I was replying to your post #46 anyhow, not the original post.

I dont think anyone has 'scolded' any men here (so far, lol) about their right to take on multiple wives.

The basis of my questions is the presumption that men have a 'biological need' to be satisfied - that can not be achieved by one wife......and that the only reason men are now limiting themselves, (in this modern day), has stemmed from the lack of financial means and other social stressors.


Its actually a pretty simple 'yes/ no' question that has been answered directly by the some of the brothers in the earlier posts.

Im not sure why the sisters are dragging other issues into it, considering the question in the topic can really, only be answered by the brothers.


:wa:

[Jedi_Mindset]

I stand by what I said, women making these decisions reflect the state of the Ummah, it is selfish and rotten to prevent other sisters from marrying, and by preventing polygamy in a marriage contract, she IS preventing it. Because she opts out of the marriage if husband decides to marry again, destroying an entire family unit because she can't accept polygamy. So naturally her husband wont be so enthusiastic about a second wife knowing what will happen if he does do it, it's a threat basically. Polygamy is for WOMEN not for men, it has benefits for both, but mainly for women. That is what is not entering in the minds of most women!

*vid*

- cOsMiC

Oh he totally rocks and is soooo right :shade:
May Allah bless him and his efforts. Ameen

[purple]

again you are seeing it from your perspective only. A family can really benefit from polygamy. If there's a second wife that leaves time for either of the women to pitch in financially if they wish to, or gives them time to learn Islam more, teach each other, teach their children together. Even if they live in a shack, the benefits are huge fr the families and community. But you don't see it that way, u see it from "well i have to give up the little that I have just so my husband can get his jollies, that's so unfair" at least, that's what i'm seeing. I could be totally wrong, and forgive me if I am. Personally, I don't see it as making another family suffer, it all depends on the imaan of both parties.

-cOsMiC

If a husband is not able to fulfill his obligations towards both women including separate accommodations, he shouldn’t take a second wife. This is what most scholars say, period. So if he is living in shack and is suffering to provide his first wife and her children, he should not get married to another at all. He should not be able to get married to second wife, if his current family is going to suffer. This isn’t from my perspective at all.

And if we be honest with ourselves? Early you said you are living on “minimal things”; you wouldn’t be on the computer using the internet. Internet and computer is fairly extravagant and luxury thing to have. So, no I don’t consider you to be the type of person that lives on minimal things. To me, minimal things mean necessities like food, water and shelter. A lot of people tend to excuse women of stereotypical things like extravagance but fail to consider internet as pretty gaudy. And if we are going to be stereotypical, technology is mainly enjoyed by men and, so men are pretty extravagant. I challenged your thoughts because you are speaking in black and white terms rather than recognising life itself is complex. The statement that all women must accept polygamy otherwise they are selfish and lack iman to me is black and white thinking. Then when you think in such a way, we display ourselves to be hypocrites. Oh polygamy wouldn’t so hard if these women were to accept minimal things whilst saying this over the internet and then afterwards head to our playstation 3 or drive to our next location.

[White Rose]

:sl:
Polygamy is a good idea if the husband is righteous and righteous people are rare in this world. Many men in Islamic countries use polygamy in Islam to fulfill their needs. So obviously, women have grown up to not trust their husband in a polygamous marriage. Furthermore, a man has to respect his wife's decision as well. If she is not happy, he needs to consider that. Not everyone woman likes to be in a polygamous marriage and we all need to respect that.

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

Off topic posts have been removed. I mentioned in an earlier post that anything outside of the current topic, including marriage contracts, basic rights of the spouses and other similar topics, are to be discussed in new threads. Further off topic posts will be removed to avoid derailing this thread.

[Jedi_Mindset]

:sl:
Polygamy is a good idea if the husband is righteous and righteous people are rare in this world. Many men in Islamic countries use polygamy in Islam to fulfill their needs. So obviously, women have grown up to not trust their husband in a polygamous marriage. Furthermore, a man has to respect his wife's decision as well. If she is not happy, he needs to consider that. Not everyone woman likes to be in a polygamous marriage and we all need to respect that.

To fullfill our needs, ofcourse, we men have desires 24/7. Otherwise we will fall into zina. But ofcourse we need to be pious too. A women has only these desires once a month...just the truth

[purple]

:salamext:

Off topic posts have been removed. I mentioned in an earlier post that anything outside of the current topic, including marriage contracts, basic rights of the spouses and other similar topics, are to be discussed in new threads. Further off topic posts will be removed to avoid derailing this thread.

cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn off topic posts has not be removed that includes her first one. At least be fair on this issue.

[White Rose]

To fullfill our needs, ofcourse, we men have desires 24/7. Otherwise we will fall into zina. But ofcourse we need to be pious too. A women has only these desires once a month...just the truth

What I mean is they do not take care of their multiple wives and do not treat them fairly.

[purple]

To fullfill our needs, ofcourse, we men have desires 24/7. Otherwise we will fall into zina. But ofcourse we need to be pious too. A women has only these desires once a month...just the truth

huh?????

['Abd-al Latif]

cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn off topic posts has not be removed that includes her first one. At least be fair on this issue.

I've only left the very first post and a couple or so others because they were in line with the topic title: polygamy from a woman's point of view. All women may not agree with her but in fairness she has made some good points. It's very rare to hear a sister speaking for it and I believe there is benefit in it.

[purple]

I've only left the very first post and a couple or so others because they were in line with the topic title: polygamy from a woman's point of view. All women may not agree with her but in fairness she has made some good points.

No it isn’t on topic at all. Oh Of course, that why you are not deleting her post because she has "some good points". Right on, now I am starting to get what this forum is about. Any opinions you have liking towards wont be deleted. I get it. Dont expect to participate in such a forum. bye

[Jedi_Mindset]

What I mean is they do not take care of their multiple wives and do not treat them fairly.

Aha ok, then your right.

['Abd-al Latif]

No it isn’t on topic at all. Oh Of course, that why you are not deleting her post because she has "some good points". Right on, now I am starting to get what this forum is about. Any opinions you have liking towards wont be deleted. I get it. Dont expect to participate in such a forum. bye

If that was the case then I would have allowed the argument to carry on because there is more fun in the drama. I don't have any personal liking towards anyone's posts except for those which I have clicked 'like' on. I am looking at the posts from the concept of benefit. I cannot genuinely claim to like any of the posts unless I have learned something new Islamically.

[ardianto]

The basis of my questions is the presumption that men have a 'biological need' to be satisfied - that can not be achieved by one wife......and that the only reason men are now limiting themselves, (in this modern day), has stemmed from the lack of financial means and other social stressors.

If a man married multiple wives, actually this is not because 'biological need', but 'emotional need'. If only for biological, one wife is enough. Men's durability is not unlimited, while woman have better endurance. Women are still able when their spouses have run out the power. Yes, women have "off days", but not long, and men actually can wait.

As a woman who ever got married I think you understand what I mean.

So, why men married multiple wives?. Because every woman is different. They have different character, personalities, and different ways to treat the men. Those men want to feel this difference. This is what I mean with "emotional need".

[purple]

If that was the case then I would have allowed the argument to carry on because there is more fun in the drama. I don't have any personal liking towards anyone's posts except for those which I have clicked 'like' on. I am looking at the posts from the concept of benefit. I cannot genuinely claim to like any of the posts unless I have learned something new Islamically.

Even the person who created the posts said her posts were off topic. Sure, you are looking at these posts from benefits perspective. Are there any benefits in calling sisters selfish? What do I know? This is last time you will be hearing from me. I don’t intend to support forum that is so clearly biased. So have a nice life I guess and I wont bother you or other fellow members anymore. :wa:

['Abd-al Latif]

Even the person who created the posts said her posts were off topic. Sure, you are looking at these posts from benefits perspective. Are there any benefits in calling sisters selfish? What do I know? This is last time you will be hearing from me. I don’t intend to support forum that is so clearly biased. So have a nice life I guess and I wont bother you or other fellow members anymore. :wa:

Dear sis, can we discuss this on PM's?

[Jedi_Mindset]

huh?????

This is a sensitive subject though, if you want to need know more study Hormones and fertility more. Women ovulate once a month, and during this period they are fertile, and this is where a women has more desire. With Men its different, they are fertile 24/7, and they do not have the same hormonal fluctuations as women do. So naturally men have more desire, and polygamy is the halal way of fullfilling it, if one wife indeed is not enough. I am not saying that this is the only reason but if a man can't control hmiself with one wife then there is an option for another.

[biz]

Polygamy is good also for this ummah.. it is preferable to have many kids, teach Islam and spread around the world :)

[ardianto]

I will not prevent brothers here to do polygamy. But to those who want to marry multiple wives, at first look at yourself, have you married?

If you are still not able to get a wife, do not talk about want to have multiple wives.

[~Zaria~]

If you are still not able to get a wife, do not talk about want to have multiple wives.

Lol!

SubhanAllah brother,

Indeed, first be able to treat one wife well and complete your duties with one family (how often is this achieved today?), before even considering taking on 2/3/4.

[جوري]

they are fertile 24/7,

That too is affected by a number of factors psychological, physiological and even genetics.. Perhaps when you're a teenager and what you've said rings true from your experience but men too are affected by hormones, sports like cycling even a computer on your lap or simply feeling sad.

That aside.. I think the topic has been chewed multiple times and regurgitated and re-chewed... So glory to those who do and those who don't.. but not those who say they do and decide they won't.. It is a mutual decision between the parties involved not a show of machismo.. and I agree with the post that Sr. Zaria made about it being a test to the woman too. We're human beings with feelings, intelligence, desires etc.

The way some people here talk is as if we're some sort of inferior quality ornament for acquisition.
There can only be one queen bee.. if you're going to have more than one it is best to give each one her own hive.. not because of jealousy or so they wouldn't both be fighting for your wallet (please don't flatter yourselves).

I believe in this day and age women earn equally if not Superior to men at least that's what the consensus say so have a look at them because that applies especially so to Muslim women. Have a look at England as an example where Muslim women generally have higher education even compared to their atheist & Christian counterparts which isn't the case for Muslim men (I had posted an article on the matter a response to 'Thinker' before-- be that as it may they need their separate place of residents because the natural order of things is that too many adults in one household will have a clash of opinion it is a natural law, it applies to men too..

A ship can't have more than one skipper, nor can more than one man lead in battle it isn't an exclusive condition of women alone-- so it is something to think about before you congratulate yourself on how righteous you're for self-immolating by taking in the strays, widows & spinsters.

:w:

[Jedi_Mindset]

That too is affected by a number of factors psychological, physiological and even genetics.. Perhaps when you're a teenager and what you've rings true from experience but men too are affected by hormones, sports like cycling even a computer on your lap or simply feeling sad.

Nope, its purely our desires, nothing to do about it but to supress it until we men marry, its part of our nature.
Its our nafs, our dear Prophet Muhammed(Saw) mentioned that we have to marry young is because of this reason.

[~Zaria~]

^ Akhee, what sister لميس is saying, is that there are different medical reasons that can affect a mans fertility and his ability to procreate.

We can add to the list diabetes, just for example.




:wa:

[جوري]

Nope, its purely our desires, nothing to do about it but to supress it until we men marry, its part of our nature.

Exactly what are you saying NO about? Certainly you're not a spokesperson for all men? There would otherwise be no need for Nocturnal tumescence tests, Yohimbine, testosterone patches or blue pills..

:w:

[Scimitar]

No it isn’t on topic at all. Oh Of course, that why you are not deleting her post because she has "some good points". Right on, now I am starting to get what this forum is about. Any opinions you have liking towards wont be deleted. I get it. Dont expect to participate in such a forum. bye

Bye,

Polygamy... Would I? Uhm... Not in my present state. Nah, no way.

But if I had the not only the correct understanding of polygamy in Islam, coupled with a stricter practice of deen, then why not?

Before people start considering polygamy as an option, maybe they should take a good long hard look, within. In modern times, it's hard enough juggling home life with work and other commitments... Imagine juggling two home lives with the rest (facepalm).

Besides, most of us live in the west... polygamy is not tolerated and is even a crime in most (if not all) western countries. Wanna get married to two wives? maybe go to the third world and consider your options there. That's what I think...

In the west, one is enough!!!!!!

Scimi

[Jedi_Mindset]

^ Akhee, what sister لميس is saying, is that there are different medical reasons that can affect a mans fertility and his ability to procreate.

We can add to the list diabetes, just for example.

Exactly what are you saying NO about? Certainly you're not a spokesperson for all men? There would otherwise be no need for Nocturnal tumescence tests, Yohimbine, testosterone patches or blue pills..

:w:

Ok sorry, language barrier is very difficult in some situations like this... *facepalm*

[جوري]

No problem akhi.. your temperate responses should be introjected by most..

:w:

[~Zaria~]

In the west, one is enough!!!!!!

Scimi

Im not sure I would say one is enough for everyone in the west.......but I do fear that the manner in which polygamy is being adopted in todays times, is giving this permissible act a bad name.

Which is indeed unfortunate.

Also, I dont think its necessary to marry 'legally' (what does this piece of paper mean in any case?).

All that is required is a nikkah contract between the 2 parties......which would mean, that technically even this marriage is not recognised in the west.
So, this in itself should not be a limiting factor to polygamy.

[Cabdullahi]

I will not prevent brothers here to do polygamy. But to those who want to marry multiple wives, at first look at yourself, have you married?

If you are still not able to get a wife, do not talk about want to have multiple wives.

The above brother is a genius mashaAllah.


Those who seek a second wife or maybe more, wow the sisters by sounding diplomatic and extra sensitive. That is their technique, its awkward. Maybe its a preparatory stage before breaking the news to the wife to yield a calm response.

''I dont need a second wife, it's a crazy idea can you imagine a guy with two wives?'' = ''can you imagine having two wives masha'Allah!...its a serious thing, seriously sensational''

''If you are still not able to get a wife, do not talk about want to have multiple wives!'' = Young brothers multiple wives are for married men, professionals! Amateurs can drink their horlicks, ovaltine or nesquick and be tucked into bed by their mothers!

''i love my wife'' = But i have big heart to share my love with 3 more women.

Ardianto wants a second wife

[Jedi_Mindset]

No problem akhi.. your temperate responses should be introjected by most..

:w:

Hope that isn't sarcasm ;D I doubt myself sometimes, if i say things right.

[Scimitar]

Im not sure I would say one is enough for everyone in the west.......but I do fear that the manner in which polygamy is being adopted in todays times, is giving this permissible act a bad name.

Which is indeed unfortunate.

Also, I dont think its necessary to marry 'legally' (what does this piece of paper mean in any case?).

All that is required is a nikkah contract between the 2 parties......which would mean, that technically even this marriage is not recognised in the west.
So, this in itself should not be a limiting factor to polygamy.

I'd really like to see this practice be accepted in the west by Muslims. Unfortunately, being an optimist in this situation helps no one - being real about it however, and keeping faith in Allah is always the best option in matters of doubt.

As far as marriages being technically accepted in the west (yup, that marriage certificate from the authorites) and promoting ways to bypass that by just not ever admitting that you are married to more than one woman... messes with my taqwa. I know that Muslims in the west must adhere to the laws of that country, unless they contradict ones Islam. This ruling is in matters fard durties. Last I checked, polygamy was nafl... has anything changed?

We cannot break the law in western countries so we can have more than one wife... end of.

Scimi

[جوري]

Hope that isn't sarcasm ;D I doubt myself sometimes, if i say things right.

It wasn't sarcasm I was being genuine.. It is a good way to diffuse simply looking at a situation from someone else' point of view and ...

Fussilat (Explained in Detail) [41:34]

[RECITE]

[top] [next match]

Wala tastawee alhasanatu wala alssayyiatu idfaAA biallatee hiya ahsanu faitha allathee baynaka wabaynahu AAadawatun kaannahu waliyyun hameemun

41:34 Nor can goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: Then will he between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy friend and intimate!

:w:

['Abd-al Latif]

Nope, its purely our desires, nothing to do about it but to supress it until we men marry, its part of our nature.
Its our nafs, our dear Prophet Muhammed(Saw) mentioned that we have to marry young is because of this reason.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. A man's desires aren't so strong that he can't control it, that's the confession of one who is a slave to his desires. One doesn't 'suppress' his desires but controls it and keeps it in check. Imam Ahmed got married at the age of 40, Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman to be with her and the sahaba faced temptations while on long expeditions. Did they commit zina?

Men and women are similar in their desires and a woman's nature does not make her much different from a man. She has to restrain herself for a few days a month but she feels the same as a man. Unless you can prove from hadeeth otherwise?

[Jedi_Mindset]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. A man's desires aren't so strong that he can't control it, that's the confession of one who is a slave to his desires. One doesn't 'suppress' his desires but controls it and keeps it in check. Imam Ahmed got married at the age of 40, Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman to be with her and the sahaba faced temptations while on long expeditions. Did they commit zina?

But the difference is that those times were different then now, i agree that it isn't impossible to tame then, but its a very hard struggle(And lifelong) and not easy, so you may slip sometimes. Now here living in the west, its more and more harder to struggle with your lusts, but not impossible indeed, just get married at a younger age, how earlier how better, especially for teenagers like me. The only thing i want a job is because of this. Insha'Allah. And Prophet Yusuf(As) had the imaan and taqwa to struggle it, so we can't really compare ourselves to the prophets(Peace be upon them) eh..

Men and women are similar in their desires and a woman's nature does not make her much different from a man. She has to restrain herself for a few days a month but she feels the same as a man. Unless you can prove from hadeeth otherwise?

Agreed.

[Cabdullahi]

Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman.

12:24
She verily desired him, and he would have desired her if it had not been that he saw the argument of his Lord. Thus it was, that We might ward off from him evil and lewdness. Lo! he was of Our chosen slaves.

['Abd-al Latif]

But the difference is that those times were different then now, i agree that it isn't impossible to tame then, but its a very hard struggle(And lifelong) and not easy, so you may slip sometimes. Now here living in the west, its more and more harder to struggle with your lusts, but not impossible indeed, just get married at a younger age, how earlier how better, especially for teenagers like me. The only thing i want a job is because of this. Insha'Allah. And Prophet Yusuf(As) had the imaan and taqwa to struggle it, so we can't really compare ourselves to the prophets(Peace be upon them) eh..

The difference is you're making excuses and they didn't; I can even prove this from the sayings of the salaf. You need to see what they did right and what you are doing wrong.

Allah mentioned Prophet Yusuf because he is an example we can follow in every aspect. Allah isn't going to mention distant and impossible examples that we can't relate to. The stories in Qur'an are guidance.

[Cabdullahi]

Point taken - Inappropriate advertising images removed

It's a lot worse and posting the extreme ones would be a stupid thing to do.

The funny thing is, sisters see adverts similar to these and say 'oh thats a trendy bag' and when brothers come across these adverts they say 'What the hell is that? why is everything sexual?''

Sexual cues are interpreted by a man (at least subconsciously) as an invitation to sexual intimacy, with all of it pleasures. This invitation makes us feel desired and desirable, and causes us to anticipate the pleasures of a sexual relationship. No wonder we like to look. Some sexual cues are probably naturally programmed into a man's brain. These include such things as

very smooth skin with uniform tone as is typical of glamour photography;
a flirtatious look or facial expression, such as parted lips or a longing gaze;
flirtatious body language, such as cocked hips or thrust out chest;
partially or barely hidden parts of the body that are not normally seen (e.g. cleavage, very short skirt, etc.)

Men are generally more responsive to visual sexual stimuli (cues) than are women ("Men and women differ in amygdala response to visual sexual stimuli." Nature Neuroscience 7:411-416 [2004]), and natural sexual cues have a beneficial function in a healthy marriage: to turn a man on at a time that is convenient for his wife.

Its becoming more difficult there is no doubt about it but its managable....and only a handful of men can achieve total purity.

[CosmicPathos]

I would be totally happy without being married provided zina was not declared haraam, it would be better, you wont have to stick to one person. Call it my depraved lust or whatever, it is my biological need as a Homo sapien, I cant divorce myself from it, and Allah put that in me. So if you want to blame men's sexuality, you should blame Allah, not us, or just shut up and accept the way things are. And Allah swt allowed only one solution and that is marriage, so have to get married (good thing is that marriage can bring other benefits in addition as well such as the possibility of having a sincere person in your life aside from family but even this is doubtful in 21st century).

Yup, it is true, you dont need to be married to be happy as a man, as I've mentioned above. As long as you fulfill your desires (sexual as well), among others such as wearing nice clothes, looking nice, having a nice car, having a nice job and what not, one should be happy. But since Islam declares zina as abominable, we have no solution but to either castrate ourselves or to get married.

Kaafir men neither castrate themselves nor get married in their 20s usually. Guess what they do? Go figure.

[TrueStranger]

What has happened to this thread? :hmm:

Subhan'Allah, May Allah provide a spouse (ASAP) to all who are currently in need of it. Ameen Thumma Ameen

Some people are running away from relationships, and others are running towards it. What a wonderful world we live in.

[~Zaria~]

I'm sorry but I have to disagree. A man's desires aren't so strong that he can't control it, that's the confession of one who is a slave to his desires. One doesn't 'suppress' his desires but controls it and keeps it in check. Imam Ahmed got married at the age of 40, Yusuf was almost forced by an extremely beautiful and attractive woman to be with her and the sahaba faced temptations while on long expeditions. Did they commit zina?

Men and women are similar in their desires and a woman's nature does not make her much different from a man. She has to restrain herself for a few days a month but she feels the same as a man. Unless you can prove from hadeeth otherwise?

MashaAllah,

I think few realise that WE have control over our desires.
Yes, it is a struggle between shaytaan and our nafs - but how beloved is the one who is able to overcome this, for the pleasure of Allah.

And indeed - a womans desire is very similiar to that of a man.
Sometimes, a young womans desire may even exceed that of her husband.

But few even consider this - perhaps because women are too shy to mention this.......

A married woman, who does not have the option of marrying another - has to be able to control her desires - if they are unmet within the marriage.

If this is possible for a woman, then why is it frequently the complaint of men?

Have men and women not been created with equal abilities to ward off temptation?
And while I do agree that women are a greater test for men (than men for women) - have we not been given clear guidance on how to address this?

By:

- lowering our gazes,
- staying away from meetings and places where there is inter-mingling between sexes,
- remembering that in the company of the opposite gender - the 3rd party is shaytaan,
- by switching off those zina-promoting TV sets

Yes, it is becoming more and more difficult to protect ourselves (both men and women) from the fitnahs of this dunya.

But it is not impossible.

We cannot continue drowning ourselves in sin - and then complaining about how hard it is to control our desires.

And, in my opinion - polygamy is not the solution in these types of scenarios.

[CosmicPathos]

I think few realise that WE have control over our desires.

If those who are claiming they have control over their desires, then can you ask them if they are married? or do they plan to get married? Or did they ever masturbate? No one would unveil their sins. When Yusuf (as) could not control his desires save by special intervention of Allah swt (as the verse clearly states), who are these men to proclaim that they have more control over themselves than Prophets? Bull.

[White Rose]

If those who are claiming they have control over their desires, then can you ask them if they are married? or do they plan to get married? Or did they ever masturbate? No one would unveil their sins. When Yusuf (as) could not control his desires save by special intervention of Allah swt (as the verse clearly states), who are these men to proclaim that they have more control over themselves than Prophets? Bull.

Actually brother, sister Zaria is right. There are people who have control over their desires. SubhanAllah.
It may seem unreal to you but they are out here.

['Abd-al Latif]

So can we conclude from the discussion in the last few pages that 99% of men in the west desperately need four wives otherwise all hell will break lose?

Pity. The noblemen who once ruled the earth and are forever written in the pages of history will never be taken as examples because of the sheer impatience of man today.

[CosmicPathos]

So can we conclude from the discussion in the last few pages that 99% of men in the west desperately need four wives otherwise all hell will break lose?

Pity. The noblemen who once ruled the earth and are forever written in the pages of history will never be taken as examples because of the sheer impatience of man today.

I've been happily unmarried for more than 23 years of my life and I can keep on doing so till death. But I can also keep on living without ever stepping outside of my house. Living unnaturally is not called being a superman.

I am also not a zaani allhamdulillah. Just because I have some strong views on something, it does not mean I am not as pious as you are just because you have magical power of killing that which Allah put into you.

[CosmicPathos]

Actually brother, sister Zaria is right. There are people who have control over their desires. SubhanAllah.
It may seem unreal to you but they are out here.

we can only be sure of that once these men die as elderly without ever getting married and without ever masturbating and without ever looking at a woman (provided they were always healthy and not xyy).

If yes, mashAllah, amazing supernatural superhuman self-control.

w salam

[Scimitar]

I don't desire multiple wives... not yet. But Insha-Allah, I will... In 5 yrs. When I move to a third world country to save my imaan.

And sister CosmicIntuition doesn't mind that, she will even help to pick my second wife insha-Allah. Keep us in your duas.

Scimi

[CosmicPathos]

I don't desire multiple wives... not yet. But Insha-Allah, I will... In 5 yrs. When I move to a third world country to save my imaan.

And sister CosmicIntuition doesn't mind that, she will even help to pick my second wife insha-Allah. Keep us in your duas.

Scimi

sorry for going off topic, bro did you finish that documentary on saudi materialism and hedonism in makkah? can you provide me the link.

[Scimitar]

Salaam bro, Your VMs are working (mod please delete)

If it's the one on Feminism, then no - that one will get a release in the Summer (many episodes at once) ... if it is the Sacrifices Series, part two uploads this week - this series deals specifically with the eschatological analysis of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Tough cookie to crack... But I cracked it, finally. Will jupdate you as soon as it is up bro.

Thank you for the interest akhi :)

Scimi

[tango92]

;D ;D ;D

Let me laugh. When I was young two beautiful girls were compete for my attention. They really hate each other. Then what I did in this situation?. Dating with the third beautiful girl who they never heard before.

I totally disagree that your life would easier if two or more women compete for your attention. But you will get headache because they will always jealous, then angry and interrogate you.

I was familiar with situation when girls compete for me. This is why I do not want to be competed by the women again.

uncle, i figure if theyre busy competing with each other you can very easily keep control over the whole house

one day, tell wife one she is beautiful and tell wife 2 nothing
the next day she will try really hard to dress up pretty. if you ask her why she did that she will tell you "no reason / i dont know what youre talking about"
then you can casually comment about how wife 1 doesnt look as pretty as wife 2 that day. etc etc

and so the tables have been turned. with our rationality and sense of balance, man can easily influence his control over the people of the house and keep life balanced for every1

I don't desire multiple wives... not yet. But Insha-Allah, I will... In 5 yrs. When I move to a third world country to save my imaan.

Scimi

lol

[TrueStranger]

uncle, i figure if theyre busy competing with each other you can very easily keep control over the whole house

one day, tell wife one she is beautiful and tell wife 2 nothing
the next day she will try really hard to dress up pretty. if you ask her why she did that she will tell you "no reason / i dont know what youre talking about"
then you can casually comment about how wife 1 doesnt look as pretty as wife 2 that day. etc etc

and so the tables have been turned. with our rationality and sense of balance, man can easily influence his control over the people of the house and keep life balanced for every1

That is a childish mentality.....

[tango92]

That is a childish mentality.....

to each their own

[Hamza Asadullah]

If the woman wants to avoid ever being in a polygamous marriage due to the fact that she will not be able to accept it and will be greatly grieved and affected by it then she has the right to enter such an agreement in her Nikah agreement whereby if broken then she does not have to tolerate it. No one has the right to put down a woman who makes such a clause in her Nikah agreement for it is her right to do so and scholars have accepted that she has such a right.

And Allah knows best in all matters